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Eat my Lycra bike shorts...which I have the sense not to wear near a photographer

As you may have heard, Secretary of State John Kerry broke his right femur in a bicycle accident Sunday, and had to stay in a hospital overnight. Ah, but that accident happened in the snotty French country of France, while Kerry was riding a portion of the fancy la-dee-dah French Tour de France route in the Alps, where only rich snobs ride bikes. And it wasn’t just any hospital, it was a hospital in Geneva, Switzerland, which is where rich Eurotrash go when they fall off their elitist skis, too. This is obviously worth some bigtime Think Piecing, which is why Politico treated us Monday to a whole long analysis piece of how John Kerry’s career has been “marked by physical and political mishaps.” Or, in tl;dr form: Guy crashes bike, what a snob! Still, Politico sure has some damning evidence that John Kerry is America’s Greatest Wealthy Fuckup:

There was the time he was caught lounging on his yacht amid a coup in Egypt. A snowboarding crash in Idaho before a pack of reporters. And, of course, the infamous 2004 windsurfing outing that became a devastating George W. Bush campaign ad.

Whether he’s hitting the slopes, captaining a ship or strumming his classical guitar, John Kerry has always had one of Washington’s most colorful and adventurous lifestyles, one enabled by his rare surplus of both money and stamina.

Damn, that guy is just a walking disaster area, isn’t he? At least when he’s not in a wheelchair after his latest rich-guy accident, or being on a boat when a crisis breaks out, and then getting off the boat like some ritzy guy with a boat.

Can we really risk having a wealthy globetrotting playboy in an important job like Secretary of State? Why, his broken leg may affect his ability to go toe-to-toe in nuclear negotiations with Iran, if only because his toes are undiplomatically sticking out of a cast. Politico bravely explains the Bigger Picture here:

While the implications for Iran and other diplomatic priorities are unclear, Kerry’s biking accident spotlights two long-defining qualities: One is an aristocratic taste that has provided countless punch lines for his critics; the other is an outdoorsman’s spirit that, even at age 71, still burns strong.

Ah, yes, bicycles, the traditional conveyance of the aristocrat! Politico even found a Real Expert to confirm that Kerry is Not One of Us:

“It’s part of being John Kerry. The guy is irrepressible,” says Scott Ferson, a former aide to the late Sen. Ted Kennedy and now a Boston political consultant. But it comes with a public-relations downside, he added: “He didn’t injure himself bowling. He picks elite, expensive sports.”

To be fair, we may actually need to thank Mr. Ferson for that observation. If Kid Zoom ever complains that he has to get around Boise on two wheels like some kind of commoner, we can point out to him that his mandatory mode of transport is actually quite aristocratic, easily the equivalent of a chauffeured Bentley. Still, doesn’t John Kerry understand that bicycles can kill you just as surely as guns, only guns are more safer?

Also, too, fitness expert Rush Limbaugh had some thoughts on whether an ancient old guy of 71 should even be allowed to take to two wheels:

Do you know how old John Kerry is? It’s tough, you know. You can’t tell a horse’s age when you look it, and since Kerry looks like a horse, it’s tough. But he’s 71 years old. Now, would somebody tell me something? What is a 71-year-old man, secretary of state, doing riding a bicycle — or, alternatively, windsurfing off Nantucket? Why is somebody riding a bicycle while in the midst of sensitive negotiations and attempting to secure nuclear weapons for Iran? Exercise? BS.

Stupid old horse-faced man, “exercising” when he should be working to give Iran a nuclear bomb. It’s all just bullshit. You’d never see an elderly Republican getting “exercise,” or doing something dangerous for “fun.”

All the Republicans just got wood

And you definitely wouldn’t see a Republican doing elitist bicycle things in FRANCE, oh hi, Mitt Romney Riding Bike In France:

mittromneyhappybike

And sure, maybe George W. Bush fell off his bicycle that one time, but that just proved what a regular guy he was, because his mountain bike crash happened on his nice middle-class private ranch in Crawford, Texas, the sort of 1,583 acre spread that Joe Sixpack has, if Joe Sixpack had $1.3 million in 1999 dollars. That’s why America loved Shrub — he was just like us.

[Politico / HuffPo / WaPo]

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  • Nounverb911

    Or windsurfing….

  • Nounverb911

    You forgot Gerry Ford skiing and chew gum at the same time…

  • Nounverb911

    You forgot Gerry Ford skiing and chewing gum at the same time…

  • Metadude

    I’d like to see Rush on a bike! On second thought…

  • SnarkOff

    The bike’s name is Rafalca. It can dance, if asked.

  • cousin itt

    I hear mouth v pretzel is a contact sport.

  • weejee

    Gee 71 isn’t that far away. Should I stop skiing Mr. Limpblow? Or at least move from the ♦♦ runs to the blue cruisers? Or is that just the Oxycontin™ talkin’?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      If you’re 60 and still doing double diamond runs, you’re a better man than I, weejee.

      [/blown ACL]

    • Gleem-McShinez

      I thought “Blue cruisers” are what Rush calls those pills tucked in his carry-on when he heads to the Dominican Republic.

    • Biff52

      I was prescribed Oxycontin last week, boy was I disappointed.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I’m 60+, and I’ll ski ’em as long as I can. Hell, I’ve only just gotten used to having my daughter fly past me when I’m halfway down. At least she still waits up at the bottom.

  • JohnBull

    See that, libs? REAL Mericuns don’t do no girly bikin’. They spend 3 hours a day at IHOP, slowly working to close off the blood flow to their legs.

  • Left Coast Tom

    I’ve never bicycled in France, but I have skied there. Awesome skiing.

    What was Politico’s “point”?

    • Callyson

      “It’s a slow news day! Quick, somebody trump something up so we can post some click-bait!!!”

      – Politico

      • mailman27

        “Tiger Beat on the Potomac”
        –Charles R Pierce

    • Shalimar

      .15? .22? I’m not sure exactly, but they’re clearly way past the legal limit.

  • Callyson

    If Rushbo wants to be a lazy pig and pass on the health benefits of exercise, more power to him…

    Oh, and as long as we’re talking about that asshole:

  • marxalot

    Triple-salted-Oxy-chocolate fatling says what?

    • AnOuthouse

      I think he reads Wonkette. I made almost the same comment when the story was first reported. I figured Obama really reamed him a new one for crashing in the midst of nuclear negotiations.

  • LarryHoudini

    Can people tell the age of an oxycontin-addled hippo?

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    “his rare surplus of… money.”
    How many ex-Senators are millionaires, again? I don’t think it’s so rare.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Nothing says patrician elitist like needing an elevator for your cars. . . in your beach mansion.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I do not begrudge, but do envy, John Kerry’s stable of beautiful, titanium-framed, custom Serottas.

    Those bikes are way near the top of my wish list. The man has good taste.

    • chiefkurtz

      And how tall is he? That looks like a 63 or 64cm frame.

      • AnOuthouse

        ooo- Mr Metric system, likes to show off.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I think he’s 6’5″. I don’t know if he prefers a compact frame but his bikes look pretty small for him. I’m six foot nothin’ and I ride a 62/63. Maybe they’re just off-the-rack Serottas, size “XL.”

        • mtn_philosoph

          It’s probably his crit bike.

    • OneYieldRegular

      In terms of taste, Kerry gets extra props for not dressing up in one of those skin-tight lycra suits covered in advertising just to go for a bloody bike ride.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        In most of his biking pics, he is in lycra. I don’t wear it myself, but I’m probably not a s fast as he is, either.

        • mtn_philosoph

          I can’t imagine wearing anything else when biking. Looser clothing has folds and creases, (even if it doesn’t have raised seams) which are great if you want to get saddle sores.

    • Bob@Bob.com

      Carbon fiber makes me jealous so they must be elitist…right?

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    It’s elitist because some of those bicycles can be quite expensive, approaching the cost of a used bass boat with Evinrude outboard and trolling motor! Real Americans get their exercise with less expensive sports equipment, like jet skis, NASCAR, or machine guns.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Say…. You know who ELSE rode a bicycle and suffered a great fall?

    • JoeChristmas

      Lance Armstrong?

    • AnOuthouse

      Wile E. Coyote?

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      This guy:

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Just about every triathlete ever?

    • WagMoreBarkLess

      This guy?

    • mtn_philosoph

      Me, more than once (and I have the scars to prove it). Never broke any bones though, or whacked my hea — Hey, squirrel!

  • Tallmutha

    George H. W. Bush took a skydive on his 90th birthday, which may have been the only sort-of-cool thing he ever did.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      I dunno, dogfighting in the south pacific was pretty badass.

      Also, declining to invade Iraq.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    You know what? I’m out of fucks to give about this. Again. Dammit.

  • JMPesq

    “There was the time he was caught lounging on his yacht amid a coup in Egypt. A snowboarding crash in Idaho before a pack of reporters. And, of course, the infamous 2004 windsurfing outing that became a devastating George W. Bush campaign ad.”

    Yes, we remember; John Kerry has a long history of engaging in ordinary behavior that the mainstream media has twisted into completely ridiculous attacks on him, because they hate the guy for the crime of being a Democrat.

    Just like Al Gore, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and every single other major Democratic figure in Washington.

    • mtn_philosoph

      A ton of upvotes for this.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “…he was caught lounging on his yacht amid a coup in Egypt”

    Amid?

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      in the temporal sense . . .

      • Bob@Bob.com

        No, I’m pretty sure Mr. Clumsy crashed his boat into a pyramid.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          Then he looked down at the dead and injured protesters and said, “You scratched my anchor!”

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      “If you’re going out to storm the Presidential Palace anyway, can you fetch me another pitcher of Margaritas?”

    • Vecciojohn

      And then he shot an elephant in his pajamas.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        And how the how the elephant got into his pajamas, he’ll never know.

  • say wha

    “Fuck it, Dude. Let’s go bowling”

    • WagMoreBarkLess

      “Or a walk on the beach in my non-elitist shoes and suit.”

  • AnOuthouse

    George W. Bush fell off his bicycle that one time? George Bush fell off a Sega! Although he has an excuse after all the years of coked up drunkenness.

    • OzoneTom

      Dubya fell off a video game?

      • Objectifer

        He was doing it wrong.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          “Hey Dick, what was that cheat code for Contra agin?”
          “Pardon Caspar Weinberger.”
          “Whut?? Na, yah bigh dummy! Its like Up-down-up-down-clicky-clickyclickclick. Wherz Condi at? I bet she knows.”

      • AnOuthouse

        Yes! (ok it was a Segway – I got the first letter right)

        • nmmagyar

          Those fuckers are hard to learn

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Like that couch he fell off of; also hard to learn.

          • nmmagyar

            He wouldn’t have fallen off the couch if that pretzel hadn’t choked him out

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Pretzels: hard to learn.

        • mtn_philosoph

          To his credit, though, he hasn’t fallen off the wagon.

    • Tony Alexander

      i wish he had fallen of the presidency!

  • Treg Brown

    The elitism of riding a bike is the ONLY reason I ride a bike. It’s not like it’s fun or freeing, and who doesn’t enjoy friendly suggestions and good natured ribbing from passing motorists!

    • Bob@Bob.com

      I prefer the cigarette butts flicked at me.

    • Objectifer

      Or the can of tobacco spit lovingly tossed your way. True story bro.

    • JMPesq

      I thought people road bikes because then they don’t have to obey any traffic laws, but can just zoom through red lights while trying their best to mow down and kill as many pedestrians crossing with the light as they can!

      At least, that seems to be what the vast majority of bike riders think is the case.

      • Treg Brown

        #NotAllBikers?

      • Whale Chowder

        Yup, I’m a regular bike commuter and I fucking hate bicyclists.

      • TootsStansbury

        In my city they can also ride on the goddamn sidewalk!

      • mtn_philosoph

        Where I ride there are no red lights and very little motor traffic, just two-lane roads with narrow shoulders. The main thing I have to watch out for is deer, which actually can be a hazard. (Oh, and cars with boat trailers too. And the occasional dog.) I can’t even imagine riding in an urban area anymore, and I grew up in a city.

    • nmmagyar

      Where I live you only ride a bike for two reasons: you’re at UNM (which has 2,000 parking spaces for 40,000 students) or you just caught a DWI.

      • Biff52

        When I was young, you could be fairly certain that anyone riding a bicycle was too young to have a driver license, which saved time when seeking dating opportunities.

        • mtn_philosoph

          I was 23 and married when I got my drivers license. In New York you have to be 18 to get a license (even back then), so no one in high school drove. At college everything was within walking distance so a car wasn’t necessary, and having one on campus involved some inconvenient hassles. For the first few years after college I (we) were too poor for one. We used some of the money we got at our wedding to buy our first (cheap, used) car (price: $200).

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Yes! I love it when they simultaneously “roll coal,” run you into the ditch and wing a half-empty beer bottle at you. And yes, they always seem to shouting some good-natured encouragement your way, but who can hear it over the diesel roar? Good times!

  • AnOuthouse

    You know Kerry is the kind of snob that has someone drive him to the top of the Alps so he just has to go down hill.

  • JMPesq

    “He didn’t injure himself bowling. He picks elite, expensive sports.”

    Bicycling is an “elite, expensive sport”? Really? REALLY?!!? What the fuck? Try looking at the people biking around your city – most are not exactly the super-wealthy, at all.

    And yeah, what the hell is the US Secretary of State doing visiting France, America’s oldest ally, anyway?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      From the looks of this college town, students must be rolling in the dough!

      • JMPesq

        Immigrants must be super rich, also too.

    • AnOuthouse

      Somebody doesn’t go bowling much. Last I checked biking was free.

  • JoeChristmas

    Socialist Cycler!!1!

    • OrdinaryJoe

      He deserves it for riding around on Eurotrashy race courses wearing a sissy lid.

  • Greg Fuderer

    ranch? ranch? fucking ranch? a has-no-livestock(skeered a horses!)-or-crops-on-it-ranch? that ranch?

    • JMPesq

      The ranch he brought just as he started running for President, and abandoned for a regular (luxury) house in Dallas just before leaving office – that ranch.

      • dslindc

        Well he did win the global war on brush, so Mission Accomplished!™

    • mailman27

      There are ranch houses on sale in the Hague, I understand. Lives aren’t as cheap there as they were in Iraq, but you can get a steal on lodgings.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    You know what’s really elitist? Barfing on the Japanese Prime Minister.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Very few men can engage in that sport.

  • BloviateMe

    Bicycle is too close to bisexual, that’s the problem.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      I guess I need to come out of the closet. I own two bikes. Does that make be bibicycual?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Bicycle, bicycle,I like to ride my bicycle

    • TootsStansbury

      BICYCLES!!!1!1!!!!!! Agenda 21BIKE TRAILS INSTEAD OF GOLFS!!!!1!11!!!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …how dare John Kerry maintain a healthy and active lifestyle. The only physical activity “Real” Americans need is exercising their TRIGGER FINGER!!! Just look at this healthy specimen of a GOP voter!!!

    • chicken thief

      Except Josh Duggar. He uses the middle one.

      • dslindc

        It’s obviously too soon to discuss guns or sexual abuse. How dare you!

    • toomanyrappers
      • bobbert

        That is delightful.

      • cbts

        I love it. The timing is fantastic.

  • marxalot

    Bicycling is “elite” now? That’s news to me, the Mexican pedal-cart ice cream vendor, and the inhabitants of dense urban ares. We’re moving on up!

    • Blank Ron

      That at least explains the $5 Nutty Buddy I had last summer.

  • FWIW, he also played hockey at Yale; I hope there’s footage of him beating the crap out of someone, causing a bench-clearing brawl.

  • JustPixelz

    “Do you know how old John Kerry is? It’s tough, you know. You can’t tell a horse’s age when you look it, and since Kerry looks like a horse, it’s tough.”

    Also hard to tell how old a fat pig is.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      If he hasn’t died of congestive heart failure yet, we can safely guess he’s a lot younger than 71.

      • Dee Andee

        According to google, he’s 64.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Hanging out with young Dominican lads keeps his feeling young (and it’s excellent cardio as well, too, also.)

        • BackDoorMan

          …well then, the answer to the question in that Beatles song is… NO.

          • Dee Andee

            Obviously someone’s still feeding it though…

    • mailman27

      The emotional age is pretty obvious.

  • chicken thief

    Jesus, what a lame article. No link back to when he was fucking Jane Fonda while she was handing US military sekkrits to Hanoi and stomping on McCain’s broken arms?

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I bet he has one of those lah-de-dah bicycle stands, rather than a good old blue-collar car elevator. And his bicycle is too damned stuck-up to prance in Schwinn-dressage events.

  • Electric Ukelele Land

    Looks like someone just pulled some copy from 2004, did a few edits can called it a day so they could go hit the fairway.

  • dslindc

    I’m so glad Politico exists to cover this news with such hard-hitting journalism, said nobody, ever.

  • PubOption

    Mittens is different. Mormons are issued bikes.

  • Ricky Gay

    they just poke in a finger and vomit out these stories now

    • marxalot

      “now?”

  • dslindc

    I rode Capital Bikeshare a couple of weeks ago to get to and from a 10k race benefitting a school, so I apologize for being such a grotesque example of the 1%.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Well, there you go, liberal elites trying to raise money for “education.” How are schools going to learn to fund themselves with their bootstraps if you just go handing them free money?

  • Angry_Cop

    I was a cyclist for many years, before I had one too many accidents. Plenty of olds do it, great leg exercise without the impact that destroys joints and that kind of stuff.

    Also, I know bikes, and that’s a nice one Kerry’s got, but hardly “elitist” or top of the line.

    Rush Limbaugh wouldn’t know anything about it, that shitpile would break the frame of a nice bike just by sitting on it (yes, they can break under too much weight and/or stress).

    • Mehmeisterjr

      He could break a good-sized backhoe.

      • Beaumarchais?

        Is that what they’re calling Dominican rent-boys these days?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Yes. One of them wrote him a John Deere letter.

          • Beaumarchais?

            Who’s driving the seed-spreader?

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Dennis Hastert?

      • Doug Langley

        Alright, people, enough of the fat jokes. You know perfectly well someone wouldn’t break something just by sitting on – oh, wait.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxMsNhTJ1D0

    • OrdinaryJoe

      That’s not what would break after he spent 20 minutes with a bicycle saddle poked up between his thighs.

  • Kakkeltje

    “He didn’t injure himself bowling. He picks elite, expensive sports.”

    Ah, yes, the common bowling injury! Now, that sure is a sport for the fit and the risk takers.

  • Belasaurius

    expensive? you can get an excellent bike for less than a thousand bucks, on in Limbaugh terms, less than 20 teenage Dominican whores

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Was he riding around on that nifty red All American Serotta or did he fall off his orange Chinese import Specialized? It’s important. Forget the mad mullahs and their nukes, what is his position on Obummer’s trade policy?

  • MrBlobfish

    Republicans’ favorite sport is the 200m Defend the Indefensible relay.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Oooooo! Lookit the fancy hyooman. I bet he eats FOOD, and has STUFF!

  • MrBlobfish

    Whom amongst us hasn’t been caught lounging on his yacht amid a coup in Egypt or crashing snowboard in Idaho before a pack of reporters, and, of course, the infamous 2004 windsurfing outing that became a devastating George W. Bush campaign ad?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    It’s automatically either elitist or slumming, depending on the context, if a Democrat does it.

  • viva_democracy

    Let’s also not forget the time in January 2002 when GW choked on a pretzel while watching the Super Bowl. This was a mere 4 months after 9/11 and a little more than a year before going into Iraq, so this was the time they were busy lying us into a war. I think this took some of the focus off that war thingy.

    • Anarchy Pony

      War on pretzels!

      • BackDoorMan

        … especially the ones that make you thirsty. They’re the worstest.

  • Mr Corrections

    I am continually surprised by Politico (mostly that it is still in business).

  • viva_democracy

    Politico tried to go on a middle-of-the-political-road trip (somewhat like CNN) for a bit but when that didn’t work out, they went right back to this type of BS.

  • Brother Yam
    • mailman27

      Needz moar robots

  • Biff52

    You know what other USAmerican rode a bicycle in France?

    That’s right, Lance Armstrong.

    • Enfant Terrible

      One of my cycling buddies did a riding tour in France last year. Climbed Mt. Ventoux, the animal.

  • Paperless Tiger

    The sheepfuckers put lanolin on his brakes. You heard it here.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Well I’m impressed by anyone who can get out of the hospital that fast after a broken femer. Those big thigh muscles can spasm like crazy and athletic types with strong muscles? Ow.

  • guppy06

    John Kerry has always had one of Washington’s most colorful and adventurous lifestyles

    Who does he think he is, Aaron Schock?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      You almost have to feel bad for Washington’s elite if the most colorful and adventurous is riding a bike

      • mailman27

        Then it’s home for the dilettante nirvana of solving the “crossword” puzzle.

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    I don’t get the “elitist” claim about bicycles. Around here, every redneck has a dozen motorized toys (dirt bikes, quads, snowmobiles, etc), each of which costs more than an excellent bicycle.

    • Anarchy Pony

      A lot more.

    • Yeah, but bikes = EXERCISE = elitist. Real Mericans are FAT SLOBS and proud.

  • Chick_Tract_Fil_A

    My first thought: hmmph, nice bike, man.

  • Chick_Tract_Fil_A

    My first thought: hmmph, nice bike, man. How can it not be?

  • jmk

    Gee! Politico is so right – falling off your bike in France and breaking your femur is far snobbier than owning a dancing horse, and far klutzier than…say… choking nearly to death on snack food, or vomiting on foreign officials, or shooting a friend in the face.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Or not a real snob until you talk about a book other than the bible.

    • frambley1

      ‘or shooting a friend in the face’
      At a place where they corral the animals that only want to be shot by the richest of snobs.

  • Pootay

    Since the author, Michael Crowley, also went to Yale, he probably has knows a patrician when he sees one.

  • elpinche

    Politico’s just pandering to the multi-chin Americans.

  • CognizantImpiety

    So George the Shrub riding bikes and playing golf was what?

    • Whale Chowder

      Why, that was hobnobbin’ with the common folk, the ones who say “nukular.”

  • Zhu Bajie

    I thought they liked rich playboys.

  • cessnadriver

    They forgot about Shrubbie’s bike accidents. Yes, Kerry is older but Chimpy is far supider.

    They never think.

  • JohnR

    Rush rode a bike once, they never got the seat back. Didn’t Pres. GWB run over a Scottish police man whilst riding his mountain bike? Just got back from a ride myself, now I’m enjoying caviar on the veranda, while my servants toil in the fields.

    • cessnadriver

      Chimpy also fell off a Segue, which is kinda impossible to achieve.

      • Doug Langley

        Not for him.

        • cessnadriver

          He’s crafty!

      • Enfant Terrible

        Make something idiot-proof and God makes a bigger idiot.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Queen rented a bunch of bikes and staged an all-female nude bicycle event for a photo shoot for the album art on an album. When they returned the bikes, the company wouldn’t accept the seats because they were “soiled”. They took the seats on tour with them and let radio stations use them as prizes in radio contests related to the concert tour.

      • Knew a dude once whose mother WAS one of the Fat Bottomed Girls in the Bicycle Race.

      • geoffalnutt

        I actually thought (at first) you were speaking about the Queen Of England. She might look ravishing, though, all nude…on a bike. Um…maybe not.

        • Playonwords

          What she does in the privacy of her own palace …

    • Enfant Terrible

      GWB run over a Scottish police man whilst riding his mountain bike?

      Indeed he did. He lost control of his bike coming down a steep hill and crashed into the one solid object anywhere near the bike bath – the Scottish cop. Apologized profusely, but still…

  • TootsStansbury

    Fat Capitalist Pig says what now? He’s really ragging on someone with a healthy, athletic lifestyle? He’s got nothing. He’s done.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    My father to a curve too fast on a Kwasaki and went over the handlebars into the ditch. Broke his collarbone and three ribs and punctured a lung. Every medical person who walked into his hospital room said, “What the hell is an eight-three year old doing on a bike?”

    He was in the hospital three days.

  • D_C_Wilson
  • last week i got thrown off my bike on foster in rush hour traffic but it was my own fault b/c i hadn’t done any maintenance all winter and rode all winter except that one nasty week in february and my bike cost $300 and i don’t quite make 45k so it’s good to know i am A Elite.

    also, i have a nasty fucking bruise on my knee.

    also, the more you ride the less ass you have rushbo.

  • Beowoof14

    Clearly the problem that makes him elitist is that he doesn’t have that fancy bicycle bell that W had.

  • Elder God’s Minion

    So since I decided to buy a bike rather than a car makes me an aristocrat or elitist?
    Sure feels like I’m still poor as fuck though….

  • YEVGENYTHERASKOLNIK

    My grandfather biked until a stroke took his ability to move his legs, and he was pushing 90. He was definitely a 1%er, and he also had a photo of Obama on his dartboard and only watched Fox News. We blame my step-grandmother.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Limbaugh the Hutt was really making fun of someone else’s face?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And ability to exercise anything other than his mouth?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “While the implications for Iran and other diplomatic priorities are unclear…”

    Translation: “While there’s not one fucking thing of any importance that we can think of to justify this story…”

  • Enfant Terrible

    Elite cycling…

  • Enfant Terrible

    True story – last summer, I was toiling up Rockpile Road near Healdsburg CA (18 miles, avg. grade: 6%, max. grade: 12%) and I caught up to a 70-something man doing the same thing. He was glad of the company and so we talked. Turned out that he was in some discomfort because he injured himself the previous day while helping his son move. Bruised ribs, maybe even a cracked rib. It hurt to breathe.

    After saying all this, he dropped me.

  • fish

    Much less elite when you ride your bike in a coat and tie just like the plebes.

  • Lord-Nash

    Sky Friend-dammit, I hate everything about these assholes. As a guy who loves bikes I can honestly say I’d love the chance to go riding on some of the roads covered by the Tour. Good for Kerry to get the chance. And at his age anyone would have to genuinely worry about that injury permanently limiting their mobility and maybe their independence. But fuck Politico’s ‘journalism’ of the event and fuck Limbaugh’s shart that he attempts to disguise as commentary of the event.

    What will make all of these jerks feel a lot better? A long bike ride and a beer. I have vast amounts of empirical evidence proving that point, and I might add to it tonight.

  • To be honest, when I first saw Kerry’s pic in his rad bike helmet I couldn’t help singing quietly to myself:
    “I’m Mister Heat Miser, I’m Mister Sun . . .”

    • Cowpocalypse_Now

      Looks just like a supervillian in a movie. Case closed. Full stop!

  • Cowpocalypse_Now

    Today I learned that riding a bike is an “elite, expensive sport”.

  • ascpgh

    Sometimes it’s the things that demonstrate the intent. Every piece of Kerry’s cycling kit and his ride locations are superlatives, some paid for by convenience of his current role permitting him to travel to these places under the guise of his “job”, the rest paid for by the family money of his wife Theresa, who is hidden away someplace very unpublicized, recovering from her stroke or neurological event while he goofs off with the public dime. He dodge taxes on all that bike stuff like he did his yacht?

    Two difference between Kerry and myself: I ride my bike to and from work and I don’t fall down as much as he does.

    Okay, three differences, I don’t require multiple aviation assets and international medical evacuation when I do go down. Sorry John, despite your adherence to the dogmas of your youth, you got old. Bad.

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