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Is $10 million enough, though?

Great American Patriot Jon Ritzheimer has had a wonderful and terrible week. He’s the nice fellow with the “Fuck Islam!” t-shirt who organized that big “Free Speech (and Hate Islam) Rally” at the Islamic Community Center of Phoenix last Friday, where armed idiots showed up to exercise their sacred right to be dicks, and to prove that Islam is very scary. Happily, the rally came off without anyone getting shot, thanks to a huge police presence. Oh, but Mr. Ritzheimer is now in fear for his life, because some idiots on Twitter threatened him, and now he needs to go into hiding to save his family, so would you all please donate to his GoFundMe? He figures $10 million should be enough to tide him over.

Now, let’s be very clear: death threats are not cool, and neither is publishing someone’s address on Twitter and encouraging people to go pay an unfriendly visit. Before the rally, several threatening messages against Ritzheimer and anyone attending the rally were posted to Twitter, and the accounts were suspended. They had the usual overheated rhetoric of radical Islamic threats, promising that blood would flow and that heads would be lopped off, that sort of thing. As we’ve noted before, death threats on Twitter are pretty much just another form of punctuation, so it’s difficult to say whether those were actual threats. As further evidence, in an interview with Phoenix station KSAZ during the rally, Ritzheimer claimed that Muslims were doing tyranny to him (the audio is terrible; skip to about 1:40)

After complimenting the Phoenix police for the fine job they were doing keeping order, Ritzheimer said that the First Amendment was under attack, and that “This is tyranny, right here. This is tyranny at its finest” — pointing to the mosque or the counter-demonstrators, we’re not sure. Asked what exactly the tyranny was, he explained:

I’m having to sell my house, my family’s been threatened, so they’re in hiding right now. I’m having to go into hiding after this because they’re calling for lone wolves to come and behead me. That’s all in their book as it’s written, and that’s tyranny. That’s terrorism, right here in America.

Now, are those real threats? Thanks to the Supreme Court, there’s just no telling! Oh, you’re not a woman being threatened by her ex? Then yeah, they’re probably real threats.

But Jon Ritzheimer, proud Marine vet and enemy of Islam, knew exactly what he needed to do: Ask for money. Sadly, GoFundMe has already deleted his appeal, but Talking Points Memo grabbed a screenshot of Ritzheimer’s Sunday announcement (also deleted now) of the campaign:

ritzheimer gofundme

Phoenix TV reporter Brahm Resnik linked to the now-dead campaign, and noted that Ritzheimer wanted $10 million, although he wasn’t quite sure what the best use of it would be:

resnick tweet

That’s the spirit! Either build a bunker, go into hiding for your own safety, or defeat John McCain — they’re all worthy goals, and you may as well make sure you have enough scratch to be flexible. Might be able to get some more patriotic tattoos as well. Mediaite notes that in the first six hours of the campaign, Ritzheimer had raised only $300, which is not exactly an anti-gay-pizzeria level of performance.

ritzheimer gofundme 2

And then by Monday night, the campaign was gone, baby, gone, undoubtedly because GoFundMe has been blinded by the lies of taqiyya, just like Yr Dok Zoom. Ritzheimer posted a Facebook message (also gone now) saying that he was sure his campaign was OK under GoFundMe’s terms of service, but as of yet, the campaign is still no longer active — there’s a dead link for you.

But is Jon Ritzheimer down? Is Jon Ritzheimer’s campaign for freedom of speech, a Sharia-free America, and ten million smackeroos over? Don’t be silly! Was it over when Washington lost at Waterloo? Was it over when the Japanese bombed Benghazi? Hell no! Jon Ritzheimer’s just getting started, as this Facebook post from Saturday proves: He’s not hiding after all, he’s going to “keep his protection close and near” — both of those! He’s headed for his fighting hole, man! He’d also like to tell you all about these cool new PEACEFUL ideas that he’d like to act on:

jon ritzheimer desert

Or maybe not. His most recent Facebook update, now that he’s been cheated out of his $10 million, is a bit more downbeat:

I’ve had enough media BS for the day. Hackers have now stolen my identity. Not one news out let will interview me. I just want my life back. I just want me and my family to disappear.

Hang in there, Mr. Ritzheimer. We’re sure you’ll find a way to get some media attention again, somehow, despite your fears of all the murderous Islams out there. You seem pretty adept at bringing attention to yourself, and we believe in you.

[TPM / Mediaite / Jon Ritzheimer on Facebook]

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  • Nounverb911

    When do the Phoenix police bill him for their protection services?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    He tattoos his chest with a line from Annie: The Musical?

  • PubOption

    Live free and/or die. Sounds like he’s moving to New Hampshire.

    • borninatrailer

      FUCK YOU

    • marxalot

      Someone warn them!

    • RevZafod

      It’s a great place to hide when you’re on the run.

    • Lizzietish81

      New Hampshire is crazy, but it ain’t that crazy.

      He’ll never make it through the Vermont/Massachusetts buffer.

    • JohnBull

      Or Florida.

  • Lizzietish81

    Is there any actual proof of these threats?

    I mean maybe I’m cynical but it seems that this douchenozzle purposefully made an ass of himself so he could claim persecution and grift some money from the usual mouth breathers.

    • Nounverb911

      Only in his mind.

      • data_ninja

        That’s kind of what I’m thinking. If this guy is so tweaked to think that danger lurks around every corner, he’s probably perceiving most of his surrounding environment as “out to get him”. On one hand, he probably needs some help of the mental health variety, and hopefully will get it soon; his twitchiness will likely get him in trouble, or even worse, someone killed. On the other hand, if he’s making up all of this stuff for the purpose of grifting, then he’s just a plain old asshole.

    • Dee Andee

      The only problem is, is these idiots are finding out that in the America that GWB and his cronies created, their fellow deluded wingnuts are as broke as they are. There are only so many bigots they can contribute to, and they ran out of $$$ after the Indiana pizza bigots.

    • borninatrailer

      Yeah, but this is small batch, artisanal, fear-mongering grift. Not that mass produced stuff you usually find.

      If Tea Party hipsters exist, they should love this.

      • FlownOver

        I’m seeing “Tea Party hipster” as kind of a matter-antimatter thing.

        • Whale Chowder

          Great band name though. Has sort of an Appalachian shoegaze vibe.

          • Amy!

            Now I wanna start an Appalachian bluegrass-shoegaze band. Mandolins and mumbles, banjos and bashfulness.

          • Whale Chowder

            Great, I’ll take bass duties.

          • BackDoorMan

            … I’m available if you need more cowbell (there’s always a need for more cowbell).

    • That occurred to me, too…

  • Nounverb911

    “GoFundMe has been blinded by the lies of taqiyya,”
    It’s spelled Tequila, and don’t eat the worm.

    • marxalot

      Oh, how often have I been deceived by those very lies…

      • Lot_49

        But: in vino, veritas.

  • Me not sure

    Dude, High School English Comp. was there for a reason.

  • marxalot

    Is “too bad, so sad” still something the Youths say? Or is the modern idiom “bye, Felipe”? Because I seriously don’t care what part of the desert this guy crawls off into.

  • JoeChristmas

    John “the dumber” Ritzheimer

  • Oblios_Cap

    He’s not going to be found in a hole like Saddam, but he’s heading for his fighting hole?

    Lone Wolf Ritzheimer.

    • Nounverb911

      Is he Wolf Blitzer’s brother?

    • Me not sure

      That’s a hole-y different matter.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Call me crazy, but if there’s one movement that seems utterly lacking in “lone wolves,” it’s extremist Islamic fundamentalism. There’s more conformity there than in a high school cheerleading camp.

  • Chick_Tract_Fil_A

    Thank Zod, donations are closed. I couldn’t possibly donate any less fucks to this guy.

    I assume this must’ve already been said.

    • LesBontemps

      “Fewer.”

  • AngryBlakGuy

    ….yeah, I got a donation for you:

  • borninatrailer

    It’s Taqiyya Tuesday, everyone!

  • exinkwretch

    Maybe hold your breath until you turn blue? Lay down on the floor and kick your legs and scream? Those are are some typical two-year-old attention getting tactics.

  • JMPesq

    You know what’s terrorism right in America? Encouraging a bunch of bigoted lunatics to show up fucking armed to threaten innocent people just for being part of a minority religion – and trying and hoping to inspire one of them to massacre a whole bunch of them, which we all know is what you were trying to do, you awful monster.

    • Lizzietish81

      But he’s white!

      • LesBontemps

        Also red, blue and black, too, if that photo is accurate.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I especially liked his assertion that if the group’s first amendment rights were attacked they’d move onto their second amendment rights, as though the Bill of Rights was a series of steps like AA.

      • Haribo Lector

        Except the 16th, obviously, which doesn’t exist.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          After these lackwits are done using the 2nd, and we’ve used the 4th and 5th on their ignorant, sorry asses, there’s not much call for the rest.

        • Bubble Genius

          I think they can only count up to two.

      • Santana999

        They only say that because in their world liberals are a bunch of grass munching pansies who don’t know which end of a gun is the dangerous part. Clearly, they have and I have never met.

  • Treg Brown

    WHY AM I BOTHERING TO GO TO SCHOOL??!!

    • janecita

      I don’t know, I “Truley” don’t know!

      • Redgyal

        If only someone would create a thing that could check your spelling for you when you type stuff on the computer machine.

        • janecita

          Wake up sheeple! Only liberals and terrorists (but I repeat myself) use spell check. Real Americans wing it!

      • mtn_philosoph

        Hey, you misspelled “turly” there. Better check your spellcheck settings and make sure that you have the Wingnut module installed.

    • Angry_Cop

      So you won’t sound like quite so much of a fucking moron, or make as many spelling mistakes, as this tool does.

      Other than that, I got nothin’.

    • Gristle McThornbody

      JUST TO PISS OFF THE FUCKING REPUBLICANS! Repeat that mantra to yourself as often as necessary. They want everyone uneducated.

      • YourMom

        I see a bumper sticker: PIss off a Republican. Get an education.

        • Gristle McThornbody

          I’ve always been partial to this meme, too:

    • mtn_philosoph

      Why stay in college? Why go to night school? Gonna be different this time. Can’t write a letter, can’t send a postcard, I can’t write nothing at all.

  • jesuswasablack

    Nice chesty flag tattoo, “Patriotism the last bastion of a scoundrel”

  • Donna Rail

    Do his peaceful ideas that he wants to take place across America, include brandishing guns against more people he doesn’t even know?

    • JMPesq

      Yeah, I don’t know how the fuck he could have the gall to call his threatening display “peaceful” when he encouraged everyone to fucking openly carry guns while there.

    • Relativicus

      That, and sporting “Fuck [Whomever]” t-shirts. “Fuck [Whomever]” t-shirts are the language of peace.

    • Kakkeltje

      It does seem to include killing innocent people by car accidents because he is writing in a notebook while driving.

  • JohnBull

    Just as well. Because Obama would just send the IRS to confiscate all that $10 million anyway, after he hauls him and his patriot family off to the ISIS detention camp in Tempe.

    • dslindc

      Finally! Something in Tempe worth seeing! ;-)

  • dslindc

    I would vote him upside the head so hard. Is there a GoFuckYourself page in place of the GoFundMe yet?

    • Angry_Cop

      There really needs to be.

      • data_ninja

        If no one’s got a trademark on it, I’ll try and have one setup in about a month or so. We’ll definitely need one before the campaign season really picks up.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Finally, a place where all the fucks we don’t have to give can be given.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    “You will not find me in hole like Saddam Hussein . . . I am a Marine, we don’t run and we don’t hide. We hunker down in our fighting hole . . .”
    Call me crazy but hunkering down in your fighting hole sounds a whole lot like hiding in a hole.

    • Lizzietish81

      Well also the whole running and hiding thing…

    • Skwerl King

      It’s not the same thing because he’s not hiding; he’s fighting while totally camouflaging himself and cutting himself off from all human contact.

      • Sephia8

        While posting on FB and Twitter about it (probably with his GPS tracking on) and begging for media attention so he can get “his side” out.

        The logic of the right!

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      No, duh! Obviously one is a ‘hidey’ hole and one is a ‘fighting’ hole! Super big difference. In the fighting hole you got guns and an American flag. The hidey hole only has cheap toilet paper and a copy of ’50 Shades of Grey’.

    • YayConspiracy

      He his a very restrictive rule for ‘and’: It connects opposites or synonyms. His world seems black and white.

    • Santana999

      No, hunkering is nothing like hiding. Hunkering means that the stuff in your pants is solid.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    “…and it is truley sad that any American..”

    I had no idea there was an e in the word truly. I’m honestly not sure what these people hate more: Islam or the English language.

    • marxalot

      Grammar is the tool of creeping Sharia.

      • CripesAmighty

        ..and spelling is a communist plot.

  • Joshua Norton

    Drama queens gotta drama!

    • Hence the ‘ANNIE’ lyric tattooed on his chest.

      • FauxAntocles

        The sun will come out tomorrow!

        • Jus_Wonderin

          That’s probs the tat over his butt.

          • nmmagyar

            “Bet your Bottom Dollar” would make a nice tramp stamp on him

          • YourMom

            No, no…that’s the moon.

      • I’ll have to ask my Marine friends how having a quote from a musical tattooed across one’s chest goes over when you’re in the Corps. I’m thinking, not well.

        • Doug Langley

          “I’m joining the Corp tomorrow, so I want the tattoo to read ‘Let It Go!'”

        • dshwa

          Is it the secret signal the gays use to find each other, figuring a straight probably won’t know it’s from a musical? Like how military spouses use “Do you read Newsweek?” as code for “Are you a liberal?”

  • chicken thief

    He’s not in a hole but he’s digging into his fighting hole. He’s not hiding but just wants to disappear.

    WTF, dude?!!!!

  • Lizzietish81

    So, has anyone looked into his military career?

    • RevZafod

      The few, the cowed, the Marines.

  • YayConspiracy

    he needs a chill pill, a hot bath, a nice cup of tea and a pat on the head. There, there now.

    • Relativicus

      Or, at the least, a nice cup of pee and a tat on his head.

  • FNMA

    He wrote that he just wants to disappear. Well, go right ahead, please.

    • Smibo

      Yeah, funny thing; non-wingnuts just wish he would disappear, too. Finally, some common ground!

      Is he gone yet?

  • Callyson

    Shorter Ritzheimer: “Pay attention to MEEEEEE!!!”

    • chicken thief

      You saying he’s the Bobby Jindal of the double wide crowd?

      • Relativicus

        Isn’t Bobby Jindal the “Bobby Jindal of the double-wide crowd”?

        • data_ninja

          I thought it was the double-white crowd.

          • chicken thief

            Trick question – Bobby has no crowd.

  • Angry_Cop

    He sure as shit didn’t have that white power spiderweb elbow tat when (if) he was (maybe) in the Marines (unlikely at best).

    • Haribo Lector

      To be honest, when I hear that someone was in the marines, I just think “okay, so you can carry a heavy pack, shoot a rifle, and do exactly as you’re told without question or independent thought. Great.” It’s not a claim that I find especially impressive.

  • janecita

    It’s their time to go to the mattresses. Maybe he shouldn’t announce it so much though. Btw, that tattoo is painful to look at.

    • Lizzietish81

      I just took another look. Annie quote? Ok, American flag. Sure.

      Then I saw his nipples and started giggling.

      • Me not sure

        “The dumb will come up tomorrow
        Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow
        There’ll be dumb.”
        If not, this place will be out of business.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    I just checked. My US flag doesn’t have nipples at the bottom, only yellow fringe. Did I get cheated or something?

    “Hey, Betsy! You left something off.”

    • Skwerl King

      If it has a yellow fringe, you are under control of the lizard people!

    • Broken_Finger

      Basil Marceaux would like a word with you about your yellow fringe.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hvaeHllwtw

      • Haribo Lector

        Wait, his actual name is “Basil Marceaux.com”.

        • bobbert

          Maybe…

    • Bob@Bob.com

      You probably bought the inferior Chinese version

    • Doug Langley

      Clearly, you forgot to ask for the Wet Nurse version.

  • dogscantlookup

    Brave, Brave, Brave Brave Sir Robin!

    • CripesAmighty

      That’s enough for now, lads.

  • Chick_Tract_Fil_A

    HOORAY! You just bilked 300 Washingtons from your slack-jaw followers. Now, lose those cheap-ass convenience store sunglasses and go get some real Oakleys, FFS!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    So, is GoFundMe getting worried about becoming the “crowdfunding for America’s worst people” site. Are they trying to nip that in the bud?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      they are nippleing that in the flag

  • Me not sure

    OK, I know what the stars and stripes stand for, but what are the nipples? Puerto Rico And Guam?

    • nmmagyar

      I think you win the thread

  • AlanInSF

    I would definitely support a Constitutional amendment against having nipples on your American flag tattoo.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Proper flag display etiquette requires keeping armpit hair shaved.

    • OneYieldRegular

      50 Nipples of Red, White and Blue.

  • Can you even imagine the comments this is generating from the wingnut trolls that Doktor Zoom has to weed out? God bless you, good Doktor, for your bravery to this noble cause!

  • Relativicus

    Bravely Hiding: Standing Tall, in Fear, Against Islam, Boldly
    The Jon Reitzheimer Story

  • Spotts1701

    What this walking Flag Code violation seems to miss is that you don’t get to play the wounded gazelle gambit when you’re the one provoking the lion.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      What, tattoo flag bra no good?

  • chicken thief

    We’ll also too refuse to deliver pizzas to anyone convicted of lopping off Jon Ritzheimer’s head! Please donate again!!!!

    ~ Memories Pizza

  • chazmanr
    • Rachel Book Harlot

      This is great.

  • Bob@Bob.com

    He should be seeking tattoo removal donations.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    I don’t wanna hide like a coward in a hole, but I am going to get into my hole and fight. It makes perfect sense!
    I am suspecting the lack of backing on this one was because of the 10 mil. Even wingnuts have to stop and wonder wtf you need 10 mil for man? BOOTSTRAPS

    • Beaumarchais?

      Apparently, there are different kinds of holes.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        ISWYD

  • Virginia Dreaming

    When I first looked at the this picture, the tattoo looked sort of like a flag bra, so I thought, “You know, Caitlyn’s photo shoot was much classier.”

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      The flag bra was my first thought too. Ex Marine who thinks it is ok to have a tattoo’d flag bra, Ok then!

    • drbloor

      I’m trying to figure out which state capitol his left nipple is supposed to be.

    • frrolfe

      Maybe I’m totally off-track here. Isn’t “A hard knock life” a song about adorable ginger orphans from “Annie” and not about life as a super-duper macho Marine?

      • Tony Alexander

        you misspelled moron!

  • Brewerofbeers

    He threatened people at their place of worship to prove that the peaceful worshippers were terrorists, and now he plays the victim for bringing this attention to himself. Here is your conservative idea of persoanl responsibility at play!

  • I want to be sad for him, but – wait, no I don’t. Reap what you sow, as I am wont to say.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Only 300? Looks like the tap is running dry at GoFuckThee.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Future grifters, take note. You can certainly grift people using tried and true methods but you can’t work the exact same grift. First grifter gets the dough. An exact copy, not so much. For instance, you can run a Ponzi scheme. Just don’t try it with international reply coupons.

      Similarly, gaming GoFundMe worked for awhile but it’s getting stale fast. You’ve got to think creatively. Good luck and dogspeed separating fools from their money.

    • JoyP

      I think even the rubes are catching on to the grift. After all, there is at least one “my rights are being trampled, thanks Obama!” appeal on these sites a day.

  • CripesAmighty

    Whoops. Looks like taking a dump on the doorstep of middle eastern crazies to kick off your Grievance Grift racket is a little hairier than dumping-for-dollars at your local bakery.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I think he should have aimed this at gay Muslims. Might have worked better.

      • CripesAmighty

        Suicide glitter-bomb.

        • Kat Anyperson

          Where the craft herpes is so strong, you choke to death upon delivery?

    • laineypc

      Grievance Grift Racket. Thank god for the internet which makes new things possible.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    “I just want me and my family to disappear”. It’s always nice when we can find common ground with those with whom we disagree.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    It’s not even remotely possible that the death threats were part of an attempted $10M scam is it?

    • Tony Alexander

      nah!

    • OneYieldRegular

      Subscribe now to The Ritzheimer Channel: two 3-minute videos a week for only $9.95!

  • frrolfe

    Dok, This guy was an innocent bystander but somehow he got stuck between a rock and now he’s down on his luck.

    He deserves our help. I have got Orly Taitz and Larry Klayman to act for him pro-bono. Neither of these legal eagles asked what “pro-bono” meant so I didn’t push the issue.

    • Relativicus

      That’s an anti-Cher outfit, right?

    • Haribo Lector

      Orly Taitz? Is he in need of a dentist all of a sudden?

  • That_got_me_thinking

    LOL!!! Too much funny. From the world’s dumbest tat on down.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    But if I walk around the South wearing my FUCK CHRISTIANITY t-shirt, I’ll be perfectly safe, right?

    • CripesAmighty

      These guys tried something like that–with interesting results:
      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pKcJ-0bAHB4

      • YourMom

        BEST episode ever. Trust me. If anyone reading this hasn’t watched this episode, they should. It illustrates why, even if you don’t have your car decorated like this, you should feel a bit uneasy in the deep south.

        • CripesAmighty

          Heh. It’s pervasive. You should see the hostility when I dust loud, shiny Camaros in my clapped-out Jag.

        • jviscont1

          now I see why Chris Rock declined that cameo role.

    • Solipsister

      Wear it on alternate days with the one that says “Robert E. Lee was a traitor”

      • YourMom

        Are you referring to his decision to lead the Army of VA and not the Union Army…or when he ignored Jefferson Davis and decided to surrender at Appomattox Courthouse thereby clearing the way for other Confederate generals to do the same? The deep, true believing neo confederates aren’t all that happy with Robert E. Lee.

        • Solipsister

          Tru Dat. Shoulda said Jackson. Or suggested a “Sherman: Don’t Make Me Come Down There Again” shirt.

          • YourMom

            The Sherman one…for sure.

      • jmk

        Better still, the one that says “Hi, I’m an Atheist.”

  • nightmoth

    10 million! The first law of grifting is to be humble in what you ask for, as in, “whatever you can spare” or “I hate to ask, but”. Better yet, take a page from tv evangelicals and ask for a “love offering.”

    • YourMom

      A little more humility and groveling might have helped him. He just couldn’t pull of victim very well….not as masterfully as the pizza grifters.

  • drbloor

    He should pretend to be a freedumb-loving plumber rather than a freedumb-loving Marine. There’s more money in it.

  • chicken thief

    If only John Holmes had kept his protection close and near….

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Time to throw down the gauntlet and challenge more giant douchebags from the other 49 states to ratchet up their game to achieve Wonkette infamy. I’m starting to get a complex here….

  • Bubble Genius

    Welp, there’s a video on his FB page now, which I refuse to watch, reason being I don’t feel like dropping IQ points before lunch. And his acolytes are now urging him to talk to Alex Jones, so I expect Dok Zoom will be supplied with ample material for the next mockfest.

    • harryeagar

      Maybe this is a clever campaign for him to be picked for vice president on the Republican ticket

      • YourMom

        There’s that.

    • YourMom

      At some point, I begin to wonder if this guy has mental health issues.

      • jmk

        Which point was that? At the word go?

  • Kelly Hamilton

    I love the fact that he has lyrics from “Annie” tattooed on his chest.

    • Doug Langley

      The gun’ll come out
      Tomorrow
      Bet your bottom dollar
      That tomorrow
      I’ll have gun!

  • malsperanza

    I’ve just realized that those Nazis who marched in Skokie made a huge PR mistake – if they wanted to be popular, they really should have brought automatic weapons.

    • YourMom

      NRA advertising on the march…you’re right about that.

  • Lizzietish81
  • Anarchy Pony

    10 million? Just go off the grid you rugged individualist, you.

    • YourMom

      He needs to read up on John Galt…only I think that’s more of an urban moronic redneck thing.

      • jmk

        Read??? Ha ha ha!!

  • Tony Alexander

    i tell ya, this country is really good at producing some absolutely, positively full-of-shit individuals.

    if only we could come up with a way to use them for fuel.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Giant hampster wheel?

      • Tony Alexander

        or we could just bury them all the let the folk a few million years down the road put them to use.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          The fact that it’s wiser to leave carbon in the ground might have caught on by then.

        • Kat Anyperson

          Archaeologists learn much from studying petrified turds.

    • Hardly Ideal
  • Nick

    Isn’t this where the right would say “If you don’t like Americuh then leave”?

  • OneYieldRegular

    Every decent human being should be absolutely 100% opposed to anyone even thinking of removing Mr. Ritzheimer’s head. It would be an act of inexcusable barbarism and redundancy.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      THIS.

  • Beowoof14

    Dude, I believe you should get your gun out and go bad assing all over your yard, when the
    Muslims see this they will run away in fear of your studlyness.

    • jviscont1

      only if he takes his shirt off first.

  • malsperanza

    Dear Mr. Patriotic Ex Marine, even the NY Post, a rag that usually makes Fox look fair and balanced, thinks harassing the Muslins is counterproductive. You might want to dial down your freedom-of-expressioning a notch. There really are people out there who will not take kindly to footage of Americans harassing and intimidating their own fellow citizens for their religion.

    Shorter NY Post: Actions have consequences, even in America.

    http://nypost.com/2015/05/30/how-the-us-created-the-camp-where-isis-was-born/

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    A nice, hot cup of Creeping Sharia tea should get him right back on his feed.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      How do I get Creeping Sharia out of my lawn?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Messy. It involves a lot of lopping.

  • Kat Anyperson

    It’s not the lyrics being from Annie that gets me so much as they are meant to inspire instant sympathy by making people think “oh, he must have had a rough life, poor thing”.

    This dude is a professional victim and too stupid to pull off the grift.

  • LesBontemps

    Which hole is the “fighting hole”? Asking for a friend who has a date tonight.

    • Malaclypse

      “…like the back of a Volkswagon?”

  • Paperless Tiger

    It’s hard to sympathize with a provocateur. I mean, if you keep throwing shit, some of it is liable to hit the fan.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    As much as I despise the censorious and bloodthirsty elements of Islam – and I really do – this guy is clearly an idiot, and I feel very sorry for his children. They’re the ones that need a GoFundMe, so they can afford to go live with a sane relative.

  • JoyP

    You know it’s got to be pitiful when the Queen of Rage, i.e., Pam Geller, doesn’t acknowledge you. Not to worry though. I’m sure Caribou Barbie will have something to post on FB in his support and perhaps at that moment he will realized that he jumped the shark.

    • CripesAmighty

      Nah. Pam’s pissed that he’s horning in on her racket.

    • Jared James

      The Demiguv will only jump in if it means she gets a cut. (And all of the credit.)

  • Boscoe

    He should team up with George Zimmerman! Think of the buddy film they could make!

    • proudgrampa

      “Dumb and Dumber”?

      • SK

        No “Stop, or George will shoot you!”

    • AnOuthouse

      Thelma and Louise with guys! ok, lets start with the last scene first.

  • VandeGraf

    The dude should disappear into the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, where he and his family can hole up with other like minded marmots.

    • PirateCafe

      I think you misspelled varmints.

      /s

  • chascates

    If Jon Ritzheimer had any cojones he would go over there, to Islam Muslim Land, and draw his Mohammed cartoons. If we don’t draw them over there we’ll have to draw them . . . whatever.

    • Jared James

      I regret only that I have but one fist with which to up.

  • Nicola Andrews

    Damn! You mean to say the whole anyone can be a bigot and make big $$$, as a money making scheme is already over?

    • Kat Anyperson

      No, he just went to obvious with it like Creflo Dollar and his magical expensive plane that will carry him to Jesus or some other bullshit.

  • March Hare

    First, he says he’s not getting in a hole, then says he’s going to get in his ‘fighting hole’, and stick it out… which is it, Bro?

    • Bureaucrap

      I believe it’s called the a**hole.

    • AnOuthouse

      Give me 10 million big ones and I’ll stay out of the hole!

    • jmk

      It’s both or neither… or whatever…just like he wants to disappear and is pissed no media “out lets” will interview him.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    OK I got it. We start a new campaign to give this guy money to go around to every major church in the Bible Belt on Sunday mornings wearing a FUCK CHRISTIANITY t-shirt. I think that display of freedom is worth something.

    You’re welcome, America.

    • harryeagar

      Do you have a GoFuckYou fund I can contribute to?

    • Scott Richmond

      Or instead of a “Draw Mohammed” festival, we could merely suggest a “Step on the U.S. Flag” festival and watch the death threats pour in. We wouldn’t even have to follow through on it to bring out their utter hypocrisy regarding free speech rights.

  • Slithytoves

    In his latest video (2 hrs ago) he says he’s extremely malnutritioned. And again, he’s taking a break from social media…in just a minute!

    • andrea

      Really how did he get to starving to death already? It’s been like what a couple of weeks since his drama queen stunt? What’s the matter didn’t the local Christian community come together to house and feed him?

  • Bitter Scribe

    “I just want me and my family to disappear.”

    That’s all we want too.

    • PirateCafe

      From his fingertips to Dog’s ears!

  • grumblestiltskin

    He has tittified the flag. And not in the good way.

    • cessnadriver

      Flag as body art violates the Flag Code.

      Republicans hate America and it’s laws.

  • jviscont1

    certainly there is a generous Saudi prince out there with a sense of irony if not humor, to help out.

    • PirateCafe

      LOL

  • Noxious1

    He’s gonna “hunker down in his fighting hole”? Is that what the kids are calling buttsecks now?
    If not, it soon will be!

  • PirateCafe

    Wah! Poor little feller needs to be medicated, it seems.

  • SK

    Wait, what happened to defending the First Amendment by using the Second Amendment? If he won’t do it, then all we have is Pamela Geller.

    • andrea

      Yea apparently his Second Amendment is not so tough after all if he needs $10 million to bolster it.
      He’s a very very sad hack it sounds like.

  • harryeagar

    Who the hell would want his identity?

    • SK

      Josh Duggar.

  • starfanglednut

    He looks just like my ex-boss. That guy was a douche too, though not to such an extreme degree. What is it about douches that makes them shave their heads, grow little goatees, and wear wrap-around sunglasses?

    Of course, the American flag t-shirt tattoo takes it to a new level.

    • MrBlobfish

      I blame watching too much pro wrestling as a child, young adult and adult.

    • Bad Granny

      I have a pair of wrap-around sunglasses I wear when I go paddling. I call them my douche glasses.

  • MrBlobfish

    $5 sez he winds up at the Bundy ranch.

    • jviscont1

      I hear the nanny goats are exceptionally friendly this time of year.

    • Tansy Geek

      $10 says he ends up like Ted Nugent. With shit in his pants and and continued attempts to get attention by acting like a racist dickbag.

      • MrBlobfish

        So, mission accomplished?

  • bumfug

    This guy could always pick some extra money booking himself stock-photo modeling gigs as “Generic Moron”.

    • Whale Chowder

      I wonder if he could get a sculptor to take him as the Platonic ideal of the right wing wackaloon?

      • david green

        Maybe he could get Zimmerman to paint him, and they could split the profits.

        • Whale Chowder

          Do they have paint-by-numbers wackaloon pictures?

  • Kyara Peacock

    I doubt seriously that any radical faction would want to waste the airfare/gasoline/ammunition on him and his ilk.

    • jmk

      My immediate reaction was that he wrote those “threats” himself.

      • andrea

        Yea he’s a great big drama queen it sounds like.

  • Tansy Geek

    My apologized to whomever already mentioned it: His tattoo is a quote from “Annie” ?! BWAHAHAHA! I got to find a link to that part in Austin Powers. After I’m done wiping the tears to mirth from my eyes. Douchnoozle is douchy.

  • YourMom

    I absolutely had to laugh at his lament that not one news outlet would interview him and then in the next sentence he wants his life back. This guy lacks critical thinking skills. Big time.

    • Portia Elm

      his brain must be one mish-mosh of tag-lines, you know, like those word magnets all over the fridge…

  • cessnadriver

    You fight people. People fight back. Too complicated for the repig “mind”.

  • jviscont1

    if hunkering down in your fighting hole doesn’t work out, I am afraid we will find your ass in a hole after all.

  • ButchWagstaff

    I knew there was a reason I always hated Annie.

    • Grokenstein

      I don’t get i–OH MY GOD

    • dshwa

      It’s a shitty show with crap music, although Carol Burnett’s performance of “Little Girls” in the movie was excellent.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDkEXszYtdo

  • Santana999

    People like that are always down for picking a fight until someone brings the fight to them, then, like most bullies they start sniffling and whining about the injustice of it all. Maybe he and Sarah Gellar can get together and have a pity party.

    And I guess the Corp has really had to lower their standards to let this piece of trash wear the uniform. I remember when they only took in men, not tattooed manlings who pick a fight then cry when their victim fights back.

    • YourMom

      “People like that are always down for picking a fight until someone brings the fight to them, then, like most bullies they start sniffling and whining about the injustice of it all.” A perfect summary.

    • andrea

      BTW, spot on except it’s Pamela Gellar . . . Sarah (Michelle) Gellar is Buffy the Vampire Slayer who is way more courageous and cool.

      • Santana999

        Lol, I wish I could blame auto correct…

  • GDleftyPart2

    Just think, if he would have kept his hate to himself, he’d be just another anonymous gunfondler in Maricopa County with a very odd taste in tattoos.
    Now he’s just another armed, cowering chowderhead that didn’t fully think his actions through before lighting the fire.

    I’m sure his family is just thrilled with Lil’Jon now.
    Way to go dipshit.

    On a good note, his rally did give PPD and some other gubment initials like FBI & ATF some very useful recon on some folks that were also underground…until they weren’t.
    Good job dumbshits, don’t be surprised when the warrant serving armored vehicle shows up on your lawn in the early morning hours…..

  • emw12

    I think he belongs in a mental institution.

    • texasace00

      wasted effort, they cant cure stupid yet

      • dshwa

        No, but we can sedate it.

  • AnOuthouse

    He sure likes having his picture taken in manly, on a mission, poses.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Charity toward the less fortunate is one of the pillars of Islam. So he will be just fine after sharia law comes to Arizona.

    • “Here’s five silver dinars, infidel, go buy a shirt to cover up that tattoo.”

  • Haribo Lector

    You won’t find me in a hole! You’ll find me in my fighting hole, which is a much better, nobler type of hole. But it’s the PEACEFUL sort of fighting.

    I just wish I could have my life back and be left alone, but none of the media will give me any attention!

    • texasace00

      This weekend you can find him in his weekend hole

  • Sephia8

    “I just want my life back . . .” *Please put me on the news and media blitz me, because that was my life before all of this. I am going to go into hiding so I can be famous for my hateful bigotry!*

    Famous people know how to hide and avoid the big and little screen. Maybe find one of them and learn how to do it. Begging for media attention and posting about hiding is NOT really the way one hides. Just ask Waldo!

  • Capt.Jim

    Whaaa my pussy hurts

    • texasace00

      No, it’s his fighting hole that hurts…no wait, it’s just a normal hole that hurts but he is going to move to his fighting hole which also hurts, but, no, it’s his fight, oh fuck it

  • texasace00

    I have to admit, these Gofundme grifters are getting more cleverer and cleverer

  • Skippy2000

    Moran says what?

  • Grokenstein

    “You won’t find ME hiding in a hole! Now, if you want me, I’ll be hiding in a hole! The media won’t talk to me so I’m demanding privacy! Simper fee!”

    Yeah, I’m kinda sure this guy’s final “note,” found out in the desert, is going to read “this is all your fault because you dint give me ten million dollars but at least i die a free warrior, unafraid.” Hopefully, he’ll go alone.

  • Sitara Williamson

    Is it just me or is this guy fantasizing about being Sarah Conner and driving off into the desert at the end of The Terminator?

  • dshwa

    When your tattoo is also a showtune (and from a terrible show like Annie) I just can’t buy your tough guy street cred.

    That being said, this guy seems like one more vet who isn’t getting the proper therapy after serving, (or while serving, for that matter) so I’m not going to snark on him anymore.

  • Bob Harrow

    Repulsive little prick needs lead poisoning not cash…

  • chief_warrant

    free speech doesn’t mean free from the results of that speech

  • PigDootsMolloy

    …We’re stickin’ it out for Old Glory, at the Fighting Hole, one dollar vinegar and water shots 6 pm ’til last call….

  • Chest tattoo anagram

    Chafe Dork Link

  • JAWs

    Hey y’all! Did you know that when you act like a huge jerk and go out of your way to antagonize people, people might be a wee bit miffed at you? Who knew?

  • Johnny

    I suppose a tiny penis made him so angry?

  • Lizernst

    OK, so I held this thing with guns and Muslims, and reporters asked me questions, so now I must be famous. I am sure people either want to be me or kill me. I’ll have to go into hiding before I say something that proves how completely stupid I am, keep a low profile. I will find a way to communicate with the press from my hidey hole. If I hide right now, I can unseat John McCain from my hidey hole too. But I’ll need money. Maybe, $5,000, $10,000 tops. So I’ll tell them I’m going into hiding to protect my family, and I’ll hole up in my fighting hole (thank god for different holes) and google everything I need to know about senatoring. So I’ll set up a Gofund me account and, let’s face it, I put my life on the line with those Muslims today, so I’ll ask for $50,000. That’ll do it. But now that I’m home from the rally, I’d better fix myself some porkchops and get on the computer and–oh yeah! set up Gofundme! What the hell, I can’t hide or run for senate with less then, let’s see–$10 million! Yeah, that’s fair. People will think that’s reasonable. Truley.

  • LesBontemps

    I see where he went wrong: he said “Draw Mohammed” when what he meant was “Draw, Mohammed!”
    Punctuation truly is a life-or-death decision.

  • Wildeye

    If you’re going to poke a beehive full of crazy with your crazy stick, don’t whine about getting stung.

  • Patricia

    I think this asshole needs to put down the crack pipe. What a loser.

  • Kgprophet

    Jon the Hate Monger joins Joe the Plumber in Hall of Idiocy

  • D_C_Wilson

    It’s hard to take his tough guy act seriously when he has the title of a song from the musical Annie tattooed on his chest.

  • D Johnson

    Another friggin’ grifter. Likely graduate of the Sarah Palin School for the Talentless and Tasteless.

  • fish

    You won’t find me in a hole like Saddam. I will hunker down in my hole. It is like he doesn’t even hear his own words.

  • Rick Hill

    Is it a deliberate campaign by the right to attract such whiney ass, cowardly douchenozzles?(Spell check is totally onboard with that being the correct spelling of douchenozzle. I wonder if that was a new word introduced to Webster’s or if it’s been around a while)

  • Rick Gardner

    He’s gonna hunker down and fight his own hole ? What’s he got against his own hole , and what if his ass secedes from the rest of him ? He’s inciting a riot .

    • andrea

      He’s gonna go fuck himself . . . apparently!

  • andrea

    He wants his LIFE back? Gee, Ritzheimer, you should have thought for TWO SECONDS before turning yourself into a pathetic, hate-spewing spectacle that by the way was asking for a cool $10 mil. One thing you aren’t is smart, your effort to turn yourself into a cash cow by making an ass of yourself and putting a LOT of other people in danger has merely made you a poster-boy for everything that is wrong with this country . . . pompous, self-righteous, self-defeating jackasses!

    Also “the media won’t talk to him!!!” LOL @ the sense of entitlement OMG!

  • Jason M

    10 MILLION??? Where the fuck does he want to move, Pluto?? Christ, gimme $300,000 and me and my kids could live like kings for at least the next decade in Venezuela.

  • Mistress Thing

    I am a gay man, and I support Jon fully. When are we going to wake up and realize these people are going to be throwing us off buildings before we know it? Americans truly be idiots.

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