By now, we all know that Josh Duggar molested some of his sisters, and we also know that — because of the Duggar family’s gross, Quiverfull, patriarchal, Christian fundamentalist, Father-Knows-Best lifestyle — if you are a girl and you are molested or raped, you probably share some of the blame. Because you have the audacity to be a girl in the first place, and the fact that you even HAVE that vagina and those breasts is just a bridge too far. How can you expect menfolk to abide by simple rules like “look don’t touch?”
Boing Boing posted a page from the Duggars’ 2011 book A Love That Multiplies: An Up-Close View Of How They Make It Work, which shows just how much we are not kidding about how, in the Duggar worldview, you ladies really need to stop tempting the men to diddle you, by merely existing:
Ladies, you are DEFRAUDING yourselves when you dress in any way that a Duggar might find “immodest” or whore-tastic. As we learned recently from the teaching materials of Bill Gothard, the cultish fundamentalist homeschooling guru the Duggars just LOVE, even tiny little girl children are guilty of being Jezebel temptresses, running around naked and like, such as:
But it can be so hard to figure out what you can and cannot wear, so here are some clothing items you should probably stay away from, if you are Duggar-adjacent in any way:
- As we see above, diapers. But if you are a little girl and insist on wearing them, you should never, EVER need your diaper changed when there is a boy around.
- Your birthday suit, when you are bathing. Good girls wear full body suits, LOOSE ONES, when it is bath time.
- Yoga pants, DUH.
- Bathing suits.
- Ugg Boots. These will not arouse any men, but they are ugly.
- Prom dresses, because you will give the homeschool dads chaperoning the dance uncomfortable boners. You shouldn’t be dancing anyway, slut.
- Really, dresses of any kind. Because dudes know you’re harboring women-parts under there.
- Anything that shows the following parts of your body: ALL THE BODY PARTS, KATIE.
- In fact, would you mind leaving your breasteses at home when you go out in public?
- But don’t leave them anywhere Josh Duggar might find them! Put them in a safe.
- Colorful socks, because we all know that lady feet are an upward slippery slope to girl parts.
- Fuck it, just wear a burqa.
And probably many other things! Let us know what other things we should avoid wearing, to make sure we don’t tempt any Duggar boys, in the comments below, which do not exist and are not allowed.