Excellent News! John McCain Might Get His Butt Kicked, By A Girl

The crusty old crankypants senior senator from Arizona -- who will never give up! never surrender! never stop being SO GODDAMNED BITTER about that time he didn't get to be president, and then thatothertime he didn't get to be president -- has a problem, and that problem is that nobody likes him at all. (Except for his bastard son Sen. Lindsey Graham, but he doesn't count, because no one likes him either.) But for reals, pretty much everyone hates John McCain. Democrats, obviously, but even in McCain's blood red home state, he is WAY unpopular, as a recent poll shows:  71 percent of "very conservative" conservatives think he is sucking at his job like a porn star, but not in a good way. So it's EXCELLENT NEWS for people who are not John McCain that Democratic Rep. Ann Kirkpatrickhas announced she will save you, Arizona, from another six years of John McCain sucking on your behalf:

Kirkpatrick is a native Arizonan, a small business owner, a wearer of cowgirl boots, a three-term congresslady, and, as The Hill notes, she managed to keep her seat in a red district in the 2014 midterms, when pretty much every single Democrat in America was defeated. So, you know, not exactly a lightweight. Also too, she likes Obamacare a whole real lot, and at a time when Arizona Republicans are trying like hell to get rid of Obamacarefor their state, to extra fuck the poors, because Republicans, one might think the candidate who likes Obamacare and wants to preserve and protect it might be more appealing to voters than that temper tantrum throwing bastard from the party that wants to kill your healthcare, because screw you, you shoulda married yourself a rich beer heiress if you wanted to afford stuff like not dying. (One would probably be right about that too!)

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But McCain probably has nothing to worry about. Arizona loves him, except for not, and his own party loves him, except for not that either, since the True Conservatives are plotting and scheming about how to primary his ancient buttocks out of the Senate, since the former Republican presidential nominee is not Republican enough for today's Republicans. And if that happens, he'll have to protect himself from the left and the right, fun! Factor in that even his own family members openly defy him and say he is wrong about things, like The Gays, and it sure must be real lonely to be John McCain right now.

[ PPP / The Hill ]