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Greetings, grifters! It’s time again for the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly installment of the latest and greatest in quantum woo woo and pseudoscience. This week we have a return guest! Our favorite Oprah-approved king of quackery. No, not that one. The other one. No, not the guy with the muppet mustache. The OTHER other one. Yeah, Deepak Chopra! That “wholeness regulates dimensional reality” asshole. He has some thinking thoughts for all you naysayers who say he’s full of … nay, and he’s going to blast those Deep Thoughts right atcha. Let’s cascade our potentiality into this pile of conscious awareness.

Deepak Chopra has some quantum consciousness to think at you scientists

Everyone’s favorite guru of gobshit has a mad, you guys. A super big mad.

About a week back pesky scientist type person Steve Newton submitted a piece on Chopra to Valerie Strauss for the WaPo’s blog, detailing the latest of Deepak’s bullshit bonanza:

Chopra says he believes that there is some “consciousness” that flows through the universe—an energy field created by all living things, surrounding us and penetrating us, binding the galaxy together…no, wait, that’s the Force I’m thinking of. Chopra’s notion of consciousness has more in common with that book The Secret, which says if you just think really hard you can change reality. (A lot of children engage in this magical thinking, but as they mature they outgrow it—apparently with some exceptions.)

Chopra has argued that this universal magic is the driving force behind evolution, not that silly natural selection claptrap. How “thinking” is capable of causing a genetic response to shifting environmental stimuli is a mystery, but what is consciousness if not literally anything Chopra wants it to mean?

Chopra promises proof for his outlandish claims that Darwin was wrong and that consciousness drives evolution, but I’m not going to hold my breath. Holding my breath would lead to low oxygen saturation in the blood and a slightly delusional state, which might make me susceptible to hearing incoherent babbling strewn with scientific terms—quantum! electro-chemical! wave-particle duality!—and mistaking it for meaningful statements. Chopra’s misappropriation of scientific terms in the service of his nonsense mirrors the way Scientology operates, and likely for the same reason: to make a buck from the gullible.

Oof, save some jugular for the rest of us, Steve.

Chopra didn’t take kindly to this slight against his quantum grift, so he took to the internutz to respond. He sent a response to Strauss in which he detailed why he’s so controversial among people with grey matter. Throughout his response, Chopra does not seem to realize that Valerie Strauss is not Steve Newton, the scientist who originally wrote the piece, so if the accusations he makes seem a bit odd, just remember that Chopra is so conscious of the universe that he couldn’t be arsed to read beyond the first by-line:

[I]n a recent blog, Valerie Strauss goes beyond catcalls, accusing me of being an evolution denier, which is absolutely false. I work and write with high-level scientists, including physicists, geneticists, and others who believe, as I do, that mainstream science, like mainstream medicine, has a lot to gain from keeping the flow of ideas moving.

Deepak, you work with scientists in the same way Emilia Clarke “works” with dragons, and that’s a Targaryen burn.

As far as evolution is concerned, there’s a cadre of strict Darwinists who will push back against any encroachment into their field, but neo-Darwinism, which tries to address glaring gaps in Darwin’s original theory (after all, he knew nothing of DNA, genes, and the chemical basis of mutations) is a respected field, too. I often think that my interest in genetics, which has led to a book being published this fall, arouses vehement objections because scientists want to protect their turf, and seeing an interested amateur write about troubling issues they haven’t resolved causes them to cry, “How dare he?”

Plug that book, Deepak. Your publisher salutes you.

Something you’ll notice in a lot of evolution deniers is this insistence on attacking Darwin specifically, rather than modern evolutionary science in total, because one dead guy is a pretty easy target. However, the tactic ignores that modern evolutionary theory doesn’t have a whole lot to do with Darwin’s original thesis. Fundamentalists pull that shit because they base their beliefs on the infallible word of prophets, and therefore Darwin must be the evolutionist prophet rather than just a guy who showed people there was a new way of looking at taxonomy and inheritance. It’s very telling when a person claims to not deny evolution and then only focuses on the dead Santa beard guy.

Chopra makes a list of what he sees as the issues evolution must grapple with, and if you thought any one of them made sense, you are far too optimistic to follow this blog. Deepak weaves a web of bullshit like a artist paints with oils – he is truly in his element when he spouts nonsense. We won’t go through each one because that would be boring, and also we would like to go through our day with a minimum of aneurysms, but let’s just say that every one of his points could be answered with the simple question: “What does that even MEAN?” Not once does Chopra define his terms (consciousness, mind, thought structure, and other assorted gobbledigook) and he asserts as a given that there is something so super dooper special about human brains that he honestly claims that humans are no longer subject to evolution. Deepak apparently remembers a day when humans were suddenly rendered immune to disease and climate. Coming from a guy who doesn’t believe that HIV causes AIDs, we’re hardly surprised.

Chopra flogs his consciousness a bit more, still not defining it, still using it as a catch-all for whatever he wants, all the while claiming that he infuriates the scientists so because he dares to be an amateur who has trod upon their hallowed grounds of knowledge. Wait, amateur? Didn’t he say at the beginning that he works with geneticists and scientists all the time? Is this like when a producer slaps the “amateur” label on a Ron Jeremy film?

Fortunately a much smarter person than we has decided to take Chopra to task for his obscene woogasm. That person just so happens to be Steve Newton, the scientist from the original snark piece:

Not surprisingly, [Dr. Chopra’s] claims about the role of “consciousness” in evolution do not hold up to even cursory scrutiny. What Dr. Chopra seems to mean by his usage of “consciousness” is very broad and difficult to pin down. The word is used as if its meaning was plain, its implications undeniable, and its existence unchallengeable…. Indeed, the idea of a unique human “consciousness” echoes 19th century misunderstandings, both the debunked notion of vitalism and the vision of biology which placed human beings at the apex of a single ladder of progress. The idea of a supernatural “consciousness” directing evolution would find a home among advocates of intelligent design creationism, for whom the “intelligent designer” creates the “information” of biologic systems, with humans occupying a special, privileged status among other animals.

Oooh! Anthropocentrism slam! Chopra follows a very common huckster technique of playing to what his audience wants to hear. It pleases humans to hear that we are special, and Chopra plays into that by pretending that there is something so unique about human minds that we exist on a completely different plane from other living creatures. Deepak, c’mon. Even the Pope says pets go to heaven.

Newton continues on to pick apart Chopra’s ridiculous claim that human evolution isn’t a thing anymore, noting that things like adult tolerance of lactose are a very recent evolutionary development only possible through our use of technology (i.e. the raising of livestock). He even calls out Chopra for pulling his talking points straight out of Ken Ham’s “were you there?” playbook:

We don’t need to experiment directly on our 350 million-year-old ancestors to inform and advance modern evolutionary biology. Dr. Chopra’s assertion that evolution is somehow deficient because its claims cannot all be tested in the laboratory is a staple of creationist writings, and not one which scientists or philosophers of science who study the matter would endorse.

See this, Deepak? This is some quantum consciousness raising. Listen to some actual scientists talk about science. They went to school for this shit. A big Twitter following and the praise of Our Lady of Daytime do not a scientist make. Stick to what you know (scamming your way into our hippie uncle’s Amazon cart) and let the scientists stick to science.

Flotsam, Jetsam, and Hokum

As always, we wrap up our slow descent into madness with a breakdown of the best in phooey from your favorite source of news, opinion, and delicious pie recipes, Your Wonkette!

[Washington Post / Washington Post / Wisdom of Chopra]

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  • Nounverb911

    My local Indian restaurant had Deepak Okra on the menu, is that any relation?

  • whatwhomever

    But he’s a celebrity and seems like a nice guy, so I should probably believe him when he talks about things he has no clue about.

  • Nounverb911

    “give you the boob cancer?”
    I thought someone gets boob cancer from eating too much Chik-Fil-A.

    • Billy Rubin

      You’re thinking of da ‘diabeetus.

  • memzilla

    Deepak Chopra “raises consciousness” the same way a pickpocket “raises equity.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Oh. Nail. Hammer. Hit.

  • SK

    Say, has Michael Jackson’s personal anesthesiologist been released from the slammer? We need him more than ever. Chopra needs to be woken up.

  • Fly

    Is this the same consciousness that flows through Sarah Palin’s mouth?

    • Portia Elm

      no. please, don’t drag us all down there

  • Me not sure

    If I understand correctly, the secret to universal understanding of everything is to talk slowly in a deep monotone with a Hindu accent. Then open a bank account and scam like mad for sucker-money.

    • Nounverb911

      Just like Bobby Jindal and Nikki Haley?

      • Me not sure

        …and the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and of course Daj Ram Ghaga.

        • Nounverb911

          Wasn’t he number 8 for the Yankees?

          • Me not sure

            That was his brother Hemi.

          • bozilingus

            I can not Berra these comments (if they were allowed).

        • Villago Delenda Est

          The mantle of legitimacy has been passed on to a new generation!

        • Querolous

          …and Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh!

          • H0mer0

            that was my nickname in college! Both “Bhagwan” and “Rajneesh” (of course, badly pronounced.)
            How is his Cadillac collection doing BTW?

            PS: I was going to correct Me not sure’s use of Hindu instead of Hindi to describe Dr Chopra’s accent, but the subsequent list of salesman of oils of Hindu snakes made me let the comment stand as is.

          • Querolous
          • Mehmeisterjr

            Cadillacs are so déclassé.

            Did the Rajneesh also collected car elevators?

        • mtn_philosoph

          Back in the ’60s one of my favorite groups was The Mantras and The Chakras.

          • Me not sure

            They say karma’s a bitch, but also too is a ham sandwich.

  • Anarchy Pony

    “Deepak, you work with scientists in the same way Emilia Clarke “works” with dragons, and that’s a Targaryen burn”
    God I love this place.

    • me

      wonkette claims what is hers with fire and blood

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I am afraid, that as a trained Jedi Knight, I observe that Deepak clearly has a low midiclorian count and should be relegated to /handwave serving drinks at some bar on Coruscant.

  • cousin itt

    When will Chopra become Bobby Jindal’s science advisor?

    • Me not sure

      When this guy quits.

      • 01Jack

        Is that a fruit crate label?

        • brian_x

          Actually, from what I’ve heard, “The Love Guru” was just a big sloppy Chopra blow job. (Which is ironic, because it seems like it should be perfect for skewering him to the wall.)

        • Me not sure

          For all anyone knows, yes.

  • ManchuCandidate

    “Deepak, I am your father.”
    -Darth Vader

  • Callyson

    This fucking guy is back in the news, eh?

    • Ricky Gay

      “you lucky I only use one finger instead of whole fist. namaste!”

  • Lot_49

    When it comes to Oprah-endorsed holy men, Eckhard Tolle says, “Don’t forget about me!”

    But it’s too late, everybody did. The power of then, apparently.

    • Portia Elm

      Aww, now, he is completely harmless. It’s the people who smarm around him–them you have to watch out for, brrrr…

    • jmk

      I read one of his books… it did seem pretty harmless, although to this day, I can’t tell you what he said. I was impressed by my self-discipline, though…so that’s something.

  • Jared James

    Boy is he going to be mad when they let Kent Hovind out and there’s competition for the easier marks again.

  • Lot_49

    Human beings might no longer be subject to evolution if we end it by making the planet uninhabitable with global warming or nuclear war. So, Deep-pockets Chopra has a point, sort of! Don’t be so closed-minded!

    • zerosumgame0005

      no one of will be around to welcome our new Cockroach Overlords! makes me sad…Oh, wait we do have (such a)Dick Cheney!

  • Treg Brown

    So this guy is actually real?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      If you think good thoughts really hard, he is.

      • shastakoala

        Clap three times and say that you believe!

        • Ulricii

          Be careful. Do that with your eyes closed and you wind up back in Kansas.

  • frrolfe

    Hey everyone, it is a truth universally acknowledged that when the moon is in the 7th house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets, and love will steer the stars.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      That was at the dawning of the Age of Aquarius. Now, it’s just the Age of My Weary Ass.

    • Virginia Dreaming

      That song sounds much better than Chopra’s bs.

    • mtn_philosoph

      Mystic quest for revelation.

  • shastakoala

    How serendipitous to create delusional controversy right bofore your book comes out.

    • Ulricii

      No need to cite serendipitous. Plain old dipshitous will do.

  • VirginiaLady

    So and yea verily, if humans have risen to the pinnacle where further evolution is no longer possible, the future holds only a long slide back into the ooze from which man originally slithered.
    Prithee harkenest thou to We Are DEVO.

  • Blank Ron

    Hang on a sec, Deepy, if humans are no longer subject to climate how come I had to put on shorts today?

    • zerosumgame0005

      but please not the Black Socks of Old Guys!

      • riledupone

        Or hiking the waistband up to your pits.

        • Ulricii

          And enough of the overcomb too, also.

      • Blank Ron

        Of course not. They’d look silly with my sandals.

    • sw19womble

      Hey man, you didn’t, like, have to!

  • H0mer0

    Fare, voi seppellirmi?
    Ebbene, mi priva
    Dei cari sogni che mi tengan viva!

    (apologies to the poet and to any Italians offended by my misremembrance of the poem, but my point stands and res ipsi loquitor)

  • Tansy Geek

    Take away point#1: Deepak Chopra is to spirituality what Bob Ross was to oil painting. Discuss.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Let’s put some *happy* chokras there…

    • brian_x

      Deepak Chopra will never give the world anything as interesting as ASMR.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      Bob Ross made ( makes) a lot of people happy, without harming anyone (well, other than the recipients of his acolytes output). Bad art is better than no art.

      • Tansy Geek

        I always found Bob Ross harmlessly creepy myself. At least he illustrated the mechanics of painting better than Chopra does metaphysics.

        • me

          and there was almost something remarkably soothing about listening to him talk… “Now just a little alizarin crimson… perfect… trees are so happy… no one to hurt you, just a world you yourself created…” I could go to sleep listening to that :)

        • malsperanza

          He was kind to squirrels.

      • Callyson

        Bad art is better than no art.

        MOBA agrees.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Be nice. Bob could paint some trees. Happy trees. Who have friends.

      • Lot_49

        So true…Ross wasn’t much of an artist, but what an amazing technician!

    • guppy06

      Less Bob Ross, more Thomas Kincade.

      • Billy Rubin

        Thomas Kincade was the Deepak Chopra of bad art

  • Tansy Geek

    Say, you know who else was an interested amateur who just wanted to contribute to science?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Tom Swift?

    • Virginia Dreaming

      Jim Inhofe?

    • Enfant Terrible

      Charles Darwin?

    • SK

      Why do Wonketteers ask these non-rhetorical questions and NEVER ANSWER THEM, knowing fully well that it’ll drive me insane for the rest of the hour.

      • cousin itt

        Say, you know who else was driven insane for the rest of the hour?

        • sw19womble

          A client of the worst prostitute in the world?

          • Zippy

            or the best

        • Amy!

          Buffy, during season two?

      • Tansy Geek

        Cuz the answer is almost always Hilter.

      • Ulricii

        ISWYDT ;^0

      • Doug Langley

        You just answered your own question.

      • guppy06

        The answer is Hitler. The answer is always Hitler. It’s a trick the Commentariat picked up from Glenn Beck (much to the chagrin of the Editrix [PBUH]).

    • janecita

      Dr. Mengele?

    • sw19womble

      Dr Frankenstein?

      • Zippy

        Dr Doolittle?

    • sw19womble

      The Human Centipede guy?

    • guppy06
    • Billy Rubin

      Jeffrey Dahmer?

  • Tansy Geek

    M. la Volpe, you need a permanent link to Random Deepak Chopra Quote Generator – Wisdom of Chopra http://www.wisdomofchopra.com

    • Ellis_Weiner

      Sorry, I didn’t see this post. I recommended the same thing, above.

    • laineypc

      I would like one of those for my own random wisdom generation. Then my kids can use it and laugh at me. “If good choices want me to nag you then it’s a school night so why aren’t you ready I gave you a 5 minute warning!”

  • Virginia Dreaming

    One of the classic stories of evolution is the peppered moth. It is a mostly white moth with some darker spots. During the industrial revolution, the peppered moth changed from mostly white to mostly dark as its environment was polluted, then changed back to mostly white after the factories converted to cleaner forms of energy and the pollution waned. This is an example of micro-evolution (and natural selection via predation) rather than speciation. But what kind of a cosmic consciousness would decide to change the colour of a moth in one area of Britain, then change it back a few years later. Maybe a comic consciousness would do that, but no rational consciousness would be so capricious. Of course, rationality is not something Deepak Chopra is not overly concerned with.

    • just_jim

      Oh Chopra is very concerned with rationality, if it spread it would put the hurt on his scam.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Consider this, Oprah endorses Chopra and Dr. Phil, but refuses to endorse the Duggars. How shitty must they be?

    • SK

      ..and that Dr. Oz. Never forget Mehmet!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I am thinking the O people need to be blaming for everything isn’t the one in the white house.
      PLEASE MIGHTY O, stop inflicting these nut cases on us, pleeassseee

  • Poly_Ester

    All you need to know about Dr. Chopra is that his doctorate is in chiropractic.

    • Ulricii

      You josh. You AREN’T joshing? Wow.
      Like Li’l Liza, he is making his way through life jumping from one ice floe of idiocy to the next.

  • Enfant Terrible

    “Even the Pope says pets go to heaven.”

    Dogs *automatically* go to heaven. Cats, on the other hand, are iffy.

    • SadDemInTex

      Cat libel!!!!!

    • just_jim

      Cats go where they want. And if St Peter decides differently, so much the worse for him.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Shorter Deepak: “My word salad trumps your research paper.”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      As long as it’s peer-reviewed word salad, it’s OK.

      • Land Shark

        A new Snowbilly grift …. thanks!

  • sw19womble

    I agree with Moby that “we are all made of stars”. But I don’t consider him a prophet.

    I’ll buy his new album tho. :)

    • Zippy

      We are stardust, we are golden, we are billion year old carbon

      Joni beat him to it by a few decades

      • sw19womble

        There we go then! Corroborating evidence from two separate studies! :)

        • cousin itt

          But, she was off by a few billion years, at least.

          • sw19womble

            How do you know what happened 1.5 billion years ago?

            WHERE YOU THERE?????

          • cousin itt

            OK, ok, I have it on Betamax. I am olds, satisfied?

          • Zippy

            proof that evolution isn’t always linear- VHS WTF?

          • sw19womble

            laserdisc libels!!!!!!!

          • bozilingus

            Billo was, though.

          • Beaumarchais?

            Apparently, we all were!

  • OooShiny

    Chopra is a woo-whore.

  • Skwerl King

    Wonkette writes a bog about Chopra and suddenly the page fills with banner ads for Scientology.

    • Skwerl King

      I clicked on them to give you money.

      • sw19womble

        I hereby pronounce you clear.

        *offers 20% discount voucher for first seminar at Operating Thetan level*

        • cousin itt

          How much does it cost to operate at other Greek letter levels?

          • sw19womble

            How much have you got? ;p

          • cousin itt

            I’ll have my Hollwood accountant talk to my manager who will reach out to Elron’s Cayman Islands bank.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    This argument that the mind is some mysterious entity separate from our physical reality drives me batshit. The mind is what our brains DO. Like respiration is what lungs and circulatory systems do. And don’t get me started on the ” some things are unknowable” horseshit. Also Aaaaahhhhgh!

    • sw19womble

      For the last 25 years or so, I’ve been working on the theory that you, along with everything else in the universe, are all figments of my imagination.
      This also includes the Giants winning the World Series in 2010, 2012 and 2014, so don’t think I’m picking and choosing what I consider “real”.

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        Sounds as though you have found a pleasant place to live. Though of course this also makes you responsible for the Duggars, ick.

        • sw19womble

          Hey, I can’t be expected to keep an eye on every single thing! What do your think I am, omnipotent or something? :/

          • Doug Langley

            Well, if you dreamed up my life, I have a few complaints . . .

          • sw19womble

            Join the back of the queue, sweetheart! :)

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Nonsense. The Mariners won the World Series in those years. And Carrol called a run play on the goal line in this year’s Superbowl and the Seahawks beat the Patsies!

        Yeah, that’s the ticket!

        • Zippy

          and the Cubs won the World Series last year- in fact EVERY year. Just ask my wife, Morgan Fairchild!

      • Querolous

        So you are responsible for that Nigerian prince who did not send me all his moniez?

        • sw19womble

          *mumbles awkwardly*

    • SK

      Actually, that horseshit is what needs to be heaped on Chopra when he claims that.

      Like if some things are unknowable, how does he know about this external entity not connected to our physical reality in any way.

      It’s almost like the penis growing from his forehead. Sure, he cannot see it, but then he does not know everything.

  • Ellis_Weiner

    For a good time follow @WisdomOfChopra, which tweets profound-ish silliness via a random Chopra generator, e.g., “Information imparts reality to precious boundaries.” What–are you going to tell me that information DOESN’T impart reality to precious boundaries? Of course not.

    • cousin itt

      Like this?

      “Death is entangled in infinite brains”

      I feel 50% dumber already!

      • sw19womble

        mmmm….. BRAAAAAIIIIINNNNSSS!!!!!!

        • cousin itt

          I knew there was something creepy about that guy.

      • H0mer0

        Oh, I thought it was “Death is absorbed in victory” (1 Cor 15:54)

  • SadDemInTex

    “The unpredictable grows through exponential potentiality” from WisdomOfChopra random generator…..

    • Shoto

      Wait: Does that mean I might get a boil on my ass?

      • Ulricii

        No. It means that Deepak is a boil on our collective cosmic ass.

        • H0mer0

          shake your cosmic thing!

    • alnnc

      I got a quote that said “The Higgs boson comprehends a symphony of creativity”. Can anyone explain the connection between a purported sub-sub atomic particle and creativity? And I’d prefer it come from someone not tripping. If people other than Chopra stll do that.

    • Tansy Geek

      I thought that was what Uncle Ben said to Peter Parker in The Amazing Spider-Man.

  • Zippy

    Who you jiving with that cosmik debris?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp6LT2MdaPI

    • Shoto

      Frank! With Jean-Luc Ponty, Ralph Humphrey, Ruth Underwood, George Duke, etal. Great band.

    • Rotisserie Teal

      So very tasty Zippy. And oh so appropriate to the discussion.
      Thank for sharing.

      • Zippy

        hard to go wrong with FZ

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Don’t read his biography.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    There is sort of such a thing as “Neo-Darwinians” since the Neo-Darwinian synthesis was the combination of population genetics with Darwin’s ideas on natural selection back in the early to mid 20th century — but it’s easier to just refer to them as biologists. And like people who actually do science for a living, they are among Chopra’s many critics; he is not on their side.

    I do think, shockingly, Chopra is missing out on any opportunity to monetize one of his hare-brained ideas. If evolution can be driven by an organism “quantum wishing” to be better adapted to its environment, maybe the environment can be changed by a more inflexible organism wishing for a better environment instead.

    Maybe black peppered moths needing a place to hide caused the the darkened trees they preferred, instead of pollution from coal?

    Maybe global warming is caused by tropical organisms greedily wishing for more habitat? Heck, under this Chopra-esque theory, cutting down the rain forests is just a defensive measure. Besides, once the rain forests are gone, we can just “quantum wish” them back again, right Deepak?

    Surely the potential appeal of this line of thinking to the fossil fuel industry can only be measured in bales of cash.

    • Tansy Geek

      Shush,don’t let the cats hear you. We will all be forced to learn hilly billy hand fishing and grow organic catnip to keep the hipster felines from devouring us.

  • Bruce Norbeck

    Consciousness is entanglement in the universal collective diaspora, & only by re-imagining ourselves can we remove the net.

    Is that Chopra enough?

  • Enfant Terrible

    This little ditty from a beloved Disney movie makes about as much sense:

    Salagadoola mechicka boola,
    Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo,
    Put ’em together and what have you got?
    Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!

    Salagadoola mechicka boola,
    Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo,
    It’ll do magic believe it or not,
    Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!

    Salagadoolaree means
    Mechicka boolaroo,
    But the thingmabob that does the job is
    Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo.

    Salagadoola mechicka boola,
    Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo,
    Put ’em together and what have you got?
    Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!

  • Callyson

    pesky scientist type person Steve Newton submitted a piece on Chopra to Valerie Strauss for the WaPo’s blog, detailing the latest of Deepak’s bullshit bonanza

    OK, I have more time now and this should be entertaining:

    I’ve never done anything to Deepak Chopra. At least, not in this lifetime. Perhaps I’ve mocked his surrealistically bizarre anti-science pronouncements among my friends a few times, or a few thousand times. How could I not when he tweeted that his personal meditation caused an earthquakeor claimed that the moon doesn’t exist unless someone sees it?

  • deanbooth

    Humans are different from animals; they have money!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      And Beyonce! <3 Even if Hukky has a problem with her.

    • guppy06

      Trouble Helmsley libel!

    • SomeOtherDude

      …and bowling balls, microwave ovens,…

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Ok, so, using fake science to foster religious ideas is annoying even when the perpetrator is a new ager. Now I know

  • Callyson

    Chopra didn’t take kindly to this slight against his quantum grift, so he took to the internutz to respond. He sent a response

    I can’t wait to read this:

    In my mind, speculative science marks a path to the future, while insights from the path define our humanity.I don’t care if a band of vocal scoffers makes catcalls from the sidelines.

    Who needs evidence or peer review when we’ve got speculation and “insights”?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Who needs evidence or peer review when we’ve got speculation and “insights”?

      That is epic. And needs to be a bumper sticker :D

  • Callyson

    If Ms. Strauss or any other skeptic believes that these issues are woo or the fantasies of a self-aggrandizing guru—a title I’ve rejected for thirty years—they are victims of psychological projection.

    Yoo hoo, Deepak: if you’ve been hearing that title for thirty years, those who are calling you out might not all just be projecting…

  • Fly

    It would be interesting to see Chopra and Palin combine their efforts in order to create a word salad singularity.

  • btwbfdimho

    Keep in mind that the brain is the most important human organ. According to the brain.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Mah dick has a different perspective.

  • Rotisserie Teal

    A great article and I thoroughly applaud the take down of this douchebag huckster. However I must make one correction:
    “and that’s a Targaryen burn.”

    True Targaryen’s don’t burn!

    Valar Margholis

  • Grokenstein

    Chopra’s the reason I cannot love Tree Hugger as much as I truly want to. (If you haven’t seen the episode, this is a bit of a SPOILER) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9boINyjJTFY

  • btwbfdimho

    Speaking of evolution, I remember when Fare la Volpe was a commentator.

    • guppy06

      He was pronounced “cleared” by a Kindle Reader and ascended.

    • Steverino247

      Jiminy Cricket showed him how to become a Real Writer.

    • proudgrampa

      Well, that was when they let us make comments.

  • btwbfdimho

    Too bad this book will never reach its final destination: Bin Laden’s bookshelf. Thanks Obama.

  • VandeGraf

    Snake oil is, like, so deep man. It’s, like, way out there. It’s so fucking intelligent that it takes a really big brain to, like, even begin to understand it. Deepak is, man, like way deep, because, like. they got them some primo snake oil in India, man.

  • Msgr_Moment

    …susceptible to hearing incoherent babbling strewn with scientific terms—quantum! electro-chemical! wave-particle duality!

    If we put Deepak Chopra in a closed box with a radioactive ion that randomly triggers a vial of votes, and we don’t peek inside the box……

    Oh, fuckit. Let’s just leave him inside the box and forget about him, because who really gives a rat’s ass about the duality of that muthafucka’s consciousness.

  • guppy06

    That “wholeness regulates dimensional reality” asshole.

    I thought it was whole grains that regulated the dimensional reality of assholes.

  • Steverino247

    Yes, and if a puppet quantum wishes hard enough, lets his conscience be his guide and follows the Path of the Cricket, he can one day be a real boy.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Ah, la Volpe, perhaps you dismiss all of this too easily. Deepak may be on to something here. I’m not talking about all of the universal consciousness bullshit, but consider, the average Fox viewer has managed to change their own reality simply with the power of thought.

    Right now, thanks to the Fox thought collective, nearly one half of this nation lives in a socialist country, ruled by a terribly weak, but powerful Muslim dictator, which is not experiencing the effects of man-made climate change because every aspect of our lives is guided by the hand of an omnipotent invisible man.

    Now that is some powerful thought manipulation. SHAZAM!

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Chopra says he believes that there is some “consciousness” that flows through the universe

    That thought doesn’t particularly affect me, mostly because a “consciousness” of that order would almost certainly be unknowable to us–and possibly also we to it–so why worry about it? What does affect me is these idiots that purport to be “attuned” to it, and converse with it, and pass on “revealed wisdom” from it. And what it does, mainly, is make me laugh, so thanks for that, guys. Show me some winning lottery numbers, and I’ll take you seriously. How many? “All of ’em, Katie”. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof, amirite?

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Fare la Volpe,

    So Deepak Chopra has joined the ranks of Kent Hovind and Ken Ham, and has decided to argue against Darwin, without understanding Darwin? Not surprised, like those two, he’s definitely known for magical thinking.

  • Joseph

    Does this mean that Depakity is now banned form Wonkete like CC JOnson was banned from Twitter. Please.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “if you just think really hard you can change reality.”

    I’m conflicted about this. On one hand, this explains the Right in pithy detail. On the other hand, I cannot tell you how many snow days I had as a kid just by concentrating on making the snow fall the night before.

  • Magic Juan

    “Something you’ll notice in a lot of evolution deniers is this insistence on attacking Darwin specifically….”

    They probably do this a lot because dead guys don’t fight back.

  • Steven Dutch

    Darwin doesn’t have a lot to do with modern evolution the way Copernicus doesn’t have much to do with NASA or Leeuwenhoek with modern microscopes. There’s so much built on their achievements that their role today is mostly historical. That’s good. Would you still want to be using Edison’s light bulbs or Marconi’s radio? Think how hard it would be to view internet porn using Babbage’s computer.

    If consciousness shapes reality, then all you’d have to do to eliminate poverty is construct your own reality where these is no poverty. Ta-Daaa!

    • Mintie

      If we were using Edison’s light bulbs, our electricity bills would be higher. Go alternating current!

    • DutchS

      When I wrote that last paragraph I meant it to be a reductio ad absurdum, something meant to show the sheer ridiculousness of an idea. Instead, it seems to be the GOP platform for social programs.

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