Rand Paul Thinks States Should Regulate Your Vag, Except For When He Wants To

The "libertarian" senator from Kentucky doesnotwant to talk about abortion, m'kay? Bitcoins and drones and how we should go back to the 1800s except for that slavery stuff, maybe, and Bill Clinton's blowjob (totally Hillary's fault) -- that's all good. Rand Paul loves that stuff. He will trip over his own tongue ALL DAY on that nonsense. But little babbies and whether he wants to save them or kill them dead, in your womb? Nah, man, that's not why he's been a senator for .37 seconds and is already ready to pretend he's ready to be president:

“I didn’t run for office because of this issue. It wasn’t what got me to leave my practice. And I ran for office mainly because I became concerned that we’re going to destroy the country with debt. That we would borrow so much money that we would just destroy the currency.”

Paul, during the discussion, was also asked whether he believes the issue of abortion is best handled by the states, or by the federal government under the 14th Amendment.

“I think best by the states,” Paul replied.

You guys wanna be dicks and check the Google to see how true that is? Yeah, you know you want to. And oh hey, look at this. It's Senate Bill 583, the Life at Conception Act, introduced by none other than Sen. States' Rights himself, Rand Paul:

Declares that the right to life guaranteed by the Constitution is vested in each human being beginning at the moment of fertilization, cloning, or other moment at which an individual comes into being. Prohibits construing this Act to require the prosecution of any woman for the death of her unborn child.

You know what that bill does? Or would do, if the Republicans who keep introducing it ever succeeded? IT BANS ALL ABORTIONS. Oh, and some types of contraception too. At the federal level, for every woman, in every state, in all cases, no exceptions, no exemptions, no nothin.' You may know this legislation as "personhood" or "the Every Sperm Is Sacred Act." 

Oh,that'swhat that is? Yes. That's what that is. And while "pro-life" Republicans sometimes claim such bills are empty sentiments that wouldn't actuallydoanything (because that's better and a great use of their time) -- like Iowa Sen. Joni Ernst (R-Pig Balls), who insisted during her race in 2014 that the personhood bill she introduced in the Iowa senate was "simply a statement" of her beliefs -- most Americans are not quite as stupid as Republicans like to think they are. Which is why even in uber-lifey states, like Mississippi, voters have rejected personhood bills that define "life" according to the first time you had a naughty thought and went blind, in your dirty hairy sexytime palm.

You'd think that kind of sweeping legislation, which Dr. Rand Paul introduced, might be better left up to the states, since they should make the decisions about how much liberty your vagina ought to have. Or at least it would say 14TH AMENDMENT!!!!! in it, somewhere. You know, if Paul really and truly in his libertarian heart believed all that abortion stuff was not of federal concern and not why he got into government in the first place.

Has he also supported all the other bills to restrict abortion, birth control, and healthcare for women in general? You bet your menstrual cycle he has. Duh and of course. Look, here's the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act of 2013, which he co-sponsored, to ban abortions at 20 weeks, at the federal (not the states' rights) level. Because as the bill states, unborned babies can feel pain at 20 weeks and all those other doctors who say nuh uh are just wrong, and also, plenty of science fiction speculates that they can survive just fine even if they're missing chunks of their brain, so "sorry, ma'am, but your unborned baby will be born without a brain" is NOT a good reason let a lady decide to have an abortion. That's not only good libertarian legislatin', it's terrific doctorin' too!

You get the idea, right? Right. Dr. Rand Paul is a dumb doctor, a bad senator, a pretend libertarian, and a ridiculous person. And he will still never be president.

[ Daily Caller ]