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Jeb frowns at the troops.

Sorry to interrupt your day with yet another reminder, but reminder: Jeb Bush is not going to be president.

Monday:

MEGYN KELLY: Knowing what we know now, would you have authorized the invasion [of Iraq]?

JEB BUSH: I would’ve, and so would’ve Hillary Clinton, just to remind everybody, and so would have almost everybody that was confronted with the intelligence they got.

Tuesday:

“I interpreted the question wrong, I guess. I was talking about given what people knew then, would you have done it? Rather than knowing what we know now. And knowing what we know now, clearly there were mistakes as it related to faulty intelligence in the lead up to the war and the lack of focus on security,” Bush told Hannity. “My brother’s admitted this. And we have to learn from that.”

Wednesday:

When I was governor, I got to, I felt it a duty … to call all of the family members of people who lost their lives … And I felt a duty to do that because I admired the sacrifice of their families, and I admired the men and women, mostly men, who made the ultimate sacrifice. So, going back in time and talking about hypothetical “what would have happened, what could have happened?”, I think, does a disservice for them. What we oughta be focusing on is, what are the lessons learned?

Thursday:

Screen Shot 2015-05-14 at 10.40.05 AM

Guess it’s time to burn all of our Jeb Bush CDs. Can’t wait to find out how Jeb proves just how much a Bush he is on Friday. And to think, he hasn’t even announced he’s running for president yet. At least, not on purpose.

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  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Sorry, Wonkette, I don’t comment on hypotheticals, if comments were hypothetically allowed.

  • Ergoetal

    The smart one. The smart one. The smart one. The sma

  • 24601

    If the White House phone rings at 3am you better let it go to the answering machine, Jeb. Give yourself time to come up with a good answer.

    • That hypothetical is unfair to the phone and the answering machine!

  • JVisconti

    Jeb is a large guy, guessing a size 12 flip flop.

  • ArgieBargie

    He’s clearly in it to win it, people.

  • Me not sure

    “I would have gone straight into Iran.”

  • JMPesq

    Knowing what you know now, would you have conspired to fix Florida’s Presidential election in favor of your brother in 2000?

    • kindness

      “Let’s not talk about hypothetical”. Jebby would say. And in this instance he’d also be wrong because there is nothing hypothetical about Jebby fixing the elections in Florida so that W won. It’s a fact.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        There is a reason that Mary Matalin, the Bellatrix Lestrange of the GOP, on election night, 2000, said on the air with alarm when NBC reported Florida going for Gore, “That can’t be right!”

    • Tallmutha

      A lot of people suffered as a result of that and talking about hypothetical “would I have done it, should I have done it?” does a disservice to them.

      • bikerlaureate

        Can you libtards ever stop politicizing tragedy?

        • nothingisamiss

          Too soon!

  • Vecciojohn

    A chip off the old shrub. “Watch my hips. No new wars in Iraq.”*

    * Offer void after January 2017.

    • bikerlaureate

      Será, será que lo que un dia fue
      es porque fue para hacerce hoy
      si sientes, yo siento
      mira asi baby, asi es perfecto

  • 24601

    “You know what affirmative action is? When a coke-snorting, alcohol-guzzling son of a CIA director DUIs his way into Yale and ultimately into the Oval Office because his daddy was in both places. That’s affirmative action.” ~ Larry Wilmore

    • Vecciojohn

      Being born white is affirmative action. Being born a Bush is a free pass for life to the ruling class, where you can dabble in politics, piss away daddy’s money playing bidness man or just do a bit of gentlemanly grifting on Wall Street.

      • 24601

        And then you can dabble in the arts and paint pitchers of yer toes.

  • Callyson

    Jesus, another story about how stupid Jeb is? I don’t think I can keep up with this guy…

    • sosuume

      But he thinks he’s doing better than Hillary ‘cuz he’s “answering” questions & she’s not? I’ll get whiplash if he answers any more.

    • Vecciojohn

      I think he’s just sandbagging, hoping the base will decide he’s crazy enough to be one of them.

  • Ryan Denniston

    STFU up Luke!

  • RoyalUglyDude

    According to a presidential historian at the University of Southern North Dakota at Hoople,
    J.E.B. Bush was the last and least of G.H.W. Bush’s nineteen sons.

  • say wha

    Why does Heb hate the troops? Bush family tradition, mostly.

    • georgiaburning

      Hate is a strong word, Jeb probably doesn’t give a shit about the troops. W at least liked to play dress-up with them.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        And then desert.

        Let’s just say that they don’t so much hate the troops as feel sneering contempt for them.

  • Iraq’d my brain to come up with an answer!

    • Logic of Color

      I considered my first ever Wonkette downvote, but then your bravery in posting that touched my little heart

  • MrBlobfish

    Shoulda listened to his mother.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Have we reached the point where it is safe to conclude that when it comes to the Bushes, there are no smart ones?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I reached that point 25 years ago.

    • Wee Mousie

      Smarmy.

      For a Republican that’s almost as good

  • Steverino247

    JEB Bush is obviously in a persistent vegetative state. Somebody pull the plug…

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Terry Schiavo libel!

    • Wee Mousie

      I can’t remember.

      Did Florida always look like a dick, or just since Jeb was its Governor?

  • LarryHoudini

    Friday: “How long is this fucking campaign again?”

    • Callyson

      “We were just about to ask the same question.”

      – the American people

    • Hardly Ideal

      Only 38 days in the UK, I hear!

    • Wee Mousie

      With luck, before Jeb gets to be president, Skynet will send a Terminator back to 1945 to take out Barbara Bush. (Right, with war surplus votes.)

  • Virginia Dreaming

    There is a new movie about George and JEB Bush in development. It’s working title is Dumb and Dumber.

  • whatwhomever

    why does he hate the troops? Because they’re poor?

    • Blank Ron

      And after all he and his cohorts have done to keep them that way, too.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Nothing says “I’m a leader” like ducking behind the corpses of the soldiers your brother sent to die.

    • malsperanza

      Swiping this for use elsewhere.

    • fka_donnie_d

      Now, now, some of them are still alive.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Knowing what we know today, would you have invaded Iraq?”

    M “Of course”
    T “Wait, what?”
    W “Some of my best friends are troops”
    Th “Of course not.”
    F: “My three positions on Iraq are first, I would definitely have invaded, second, I definitely would not have invaded, and uh, I forgot what the third one was.”

    • bikerlaureate

      That’s the kind of clarity that will garner forty-something percent of the popular vote, right there.

  • chicken thief

    *in Jules voice*

    Look at the big brain on Luke!

  • say wha

    “This 24 hour news cycle is killing me.”
    Heb Bush, May 14, 2015.

  • chiefkurtz

    Knowing what you know now, will you continue to consent to interviews?

    • Wee Mousie

      “Talking about hypothetical ‘what would have happened, what could have happened?’, I think, does a disservice. It’s better to just try to forget all the dumb things I say.”

  • malsperanza

    I have a follow-up question: Mr. Bush, given how things went in Iraq, how soon would you launch the inevitable invasion of Iran that your entire foreign-policy advisory team has been advocating since 1997? Would you do it right away, or wait til after the inauguration?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      The accurate answer: Two seconds after the inauguration.
      The cover answer: I won’t address hypotheticals.

  • weejee

    Burn all of our Jeb Bush CDs

    All?

  • MrBlobfish

    Today, we are all Bushes.

    • Me not sure

      Oooh,Oooh, can I be a hibiscus?

      • MrBlobfish

        We can all be, uh, hibiscuses? Hibiscum? Hibisci?

        • Me not sure

          Great. Now, does one drink hibiscus tea or smoke it?

          • MrBlobfish

            Good question. We have two growing in big pots. Whenever a flower falls off we save it but haven’t gotten around to doing anything with them. They are the official flower of Mrs. Blobfish’s native Jamaica.

          • Me not sure

            Actually, I’m really curious about hibiscus tea.

          • Wee Mousie

            I’m still really freaked about rosehip tea. I never even knew roses’ had hips.

          • david green

            Just leave their thighs alone. I understand that sort of talk upsets people.

          • Wee Mousie

            Nope! I read my Bible. It commands us to smite the heretical hip and thigh.

    • marxalot

      I’ve actually always considered myself a kind of flowering vine, but without a trellis I guess I could be kind of shrubby.

    • riledupone

      I’m more of a shrubbery. Just a small one, nothing fancy.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Nicht!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Is our presidential candidates (ish) learning?

  • chicken thief

    So now we have the bar that all GOP candidates must be able to hurdle: safely field a question from Megyn Kelly.

    • 24601

      Bonus Round = Let Hannity nuzzle between your thighs

      • marxalot

        Oh, Jesus, I think I just threw up a little.

      • ThatDale

        I thought we were in agreement that “nuzzling/massaging [turtle] thighs” was now prohinited speach.

    • MrBlobfish

      She’s got legs for here to ya ya.

      • chicken thief

        The better for her to kneel on.

        ~ Roger

  • chiefkurtz

    Bush continued, “I would have sent Navy Seals to Benghazi to save Terry Schaivo”.

    • Wee Mousie

      Then he found out that the Navy doesn’t get their Seals from Ringling Brothers, and flip flopped.

  • Relativicus

    If I were his advisor, I’d’ve advised him to say nothing on the subject except “What’s ‘Iraq’?” since Tuesday. But I would’ve also advised him to stay retired in the first place, which is probably why I’m not one of “Jeb’s” advisors. That, and I never worked in Dubya’s administration

  • chicken thief

    Sure, I’d have gone to Dallas knowing what we know now if I was JFK.

    ~ Jeb, still not getting it

    • Ruhe

      “Sure, I’d have gone to Dallas knowing what we know now if I was JFK.”…”But I’d have leaned more to the right!” Ba dum bum. Too soon?

  • chicken thief

    All I wanted was some huge piles of free money and maybe some hot sexting with a co-ed…..

    ~ Jeb into his whisky glass every night

  • Logic of Color

    He’s gonna break any day now…

    IAMNOTGEORGEGODDAMMITLEEMEEALONE!

  • Lizzietish81

    Meanwhile Babs is reconsidering the whole shock treatment thing.

  • Ruhe

    “Can’t wait to find out how Jeb proves just how much a Bush he is on Friday.”
    Do we take this to mean that for his Friday appearance Jeb will be wearing a codpiece?

    • Wee Mousie

      Does Jeb know where it goes? By now, will his handlers tell him?

  • chiefkurtz

    To aide: ‘None of this shit counts after I declare, right?’

  • Biff52

    I still can’t figure out if I should pronounce it “Yeb” or “Heb”. Spanish isn’t my strong suit.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Hodor Bush?

      • mailman27

        Hodor would know how to answer all the questions.

    • Callyson

      “Failed presidential candidate.”

    • chicken thief

      At the rate he’s going it will be pronounced “who?”.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Pronounce it cab-rón and you’ll be close enough in all Spanish-speaking countries.

      • bikerlaureate

        An alternative would be pen-DE-ho.

    • psychobroad

      I like “Heb” it makes me laugh like crazy!

  • chicken thief

    The most enjoyable part of Jeb stomping all over his crank: knowing that behind the scenes, some rich assholes are calling him every night screaming “WHAT THE FUCK, NUMBNUTS – I GOT MILLIONS RIDING ON YOU!!!!”

    Priceless.

  • 24601
  • borninatrailer

    Maybe for Friday he’ll smack the jar lid against the counter or run it under hot water and consult with his other brother.

  • Mary Sandoras

    When does the “Mission Accomplished” banner go up?

    • Callyson

      Tuesday, November 8, 2016.

      Or earlier, if the wingnuts nominate someone else…

    • guppy06

      December 2000

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      It’s never too early. For the troops.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    “Knowing what we know now, I would not have engaged. I would not have gone into Iraq.”
    Of course not, you would have sent some poor people into Iraq so you could have made a fuckton of money for your handlers just like your brother did.

  • Robert Weiler

    In all honesty I don’t care all that much about what Jeb would have done back in 2003, or that he has trouble figuring it out himself, what I’d like to know is whether or not he plans to attack Iran given what he knows today. It’s also a simple yes/no question: If we fail to reach an agreement with Iran that it will not develop a bomb or Iran violates that agreement, will you attack Iran? Every candidate should be asked that question including Hillary Clinton. If the answer is yes, they are off the list. Of course, none of them (with the possible exception of Rand Paul) will give a yes or no answer.

    • marxalot

      Bernie might.

  • guppy06

    I think I might have misunderestimated Jeb.

    • 24601

      He does seem to have a strategery to lose the election after all.

      • toomanyrappers

        Electalosestrategification… and Texas.

  • Beowoof14

    Damn if you misinterpreted that softball question from a friendly interviewer, I sure as hell don’t want you negotiating with Putin. For that matter I wouldn’t want you selling cars on a used car lot.

    • Zippy

      If you can’t even answer a simple softball question from the GOP media team, how are you going to answer that 3 AM phone call?

  • MrBlobfish

    On Friday he Krazy Glues his fingers together.

    • jmk

      While eating paste.

  • chiefkurtz

    Governor, knowing what we now know, would you make the pie higher, or put food on your family? In other words, fool me once, shame on – shame on you. Fool me – you can’t get fooled again.

  • Joshua Norton

    He’s just fucking with us now, right? Right???

    • Wee Mousie

      I just had a really terrifying thought. When they call Jeb the smarter brother, you don’t think they are being ironic, do you?

  • say wha

    And in the next episode, we find out Heb was just dreaming and Bobby and JR are still alive.

  • Notreelyhelping

    So he was for it before he didn’t know before he couldn’t answer before he was against it. Got it.

    • Blank Ron

      You do? It just makes my head hurt.

      • bikerlaureate

        And there’s a whole ‘nuther weekday coming. Whooo.

  • Hardly Ideal

    It bears repeating: I’d sooner vote for Jeb Kerman

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    What a waffle muffin!

  • VandeGraf

    Hope Jeb has a day job. He’s not gonna get the candidate gig.

  • OneYieldRegular

    What is this “knowing what we know now” bullshit? We knew it then, which is why hundreds of thousands of us took to the streets.

    • jmk

      And lost friends over it…and had strained relationships with family members over it… and were shunned for being “disrespectful” “disloyal” “unpatriotic” “traitors” and such over it.

      • Don’t forget “dupes of the world Jihad conspiracy” also too.

        • jmk

          I still get that… some asshole has been flipping out on me for the last month or so online because I had the “nerve” to point out that there have been more attacks in the name of the Christian god than the Muslim one in the US in the last 30 years. He has called me a dupe, a dhimmi, and a “good little jihadi.” Seriously…I can’t even…

    • cmb

      Millions took to the streets all across the world.

      Ten years ago today, the world saw what was by some accounts the largest single coordinated protest in history. Roughly 10 million to 15 million people (estimates vary widely) assembled and marched in more than 600 cities: as many as 3 million flooded the streets of Rome; more than a million massed in London and Barcelona; an estimated 200,000 rallied in San Francisco and New York City. From Auckland to Vancouver — and everywhere in between — tens of thousands came out, joining their voices in one simple, global message: no to the Iraq war.

      http://world.time.com/2013/02/15/viewpoint-why-was-the-biggest-protest-in-world-history-ignored/

    • Beaumarchais?

      …and were accused of treason, and were warned to “watch what we say.”

  • If we could only harness all that spinning, we could cut fossil fuel consumption by half.

  • Angry_Cop

    What is with this family and their total inability to speak English?

    • bikerlaureate

      They’re just folks (despite the long connections to powerful families and the CIA) and, gosh darn it, people can relate to them.

      :boggle:

    • Me not sure

      Well,… he is Hispanic.

  • Michael Smith

    “What could we have done better” is usually one of the main lessons you learn from a mistake. But nice standard politician nonsense. I think one of the main lessons is that when you are attacking a country for many dumb reasons, you don’t cover them up with a “good” reason that might easily be proved false. You cover them up with a “good” reason that is hard to disprove. Sure “liberation” was so vague it allowed for an unending quagmire in Vietnam, but most people don’t remember that. I think we are getting to the point where that one will work again.

  • Lizzietish81
  • Hemp Dogbane

    Jeb needs the Tim Pawlenty Presidential Candidate Correspondence Course, v. 1 & 2. He’ll be back on his game in no time, with all the courage to stand he needs.

    • jmk

      Who?

  • Paperless Tiger

    There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don’t know we don’t know. – Donald Rumsfeld.

    Neocon logic.

    • bikerlaureate

      And everyone else but them are A Idiot.

    • Wee Mousie

      The sound of a small, dim mind slowly chewing gruel very fine while under the impression that it is masticating a tough, stringy beefsteak,

    • malsperanza

      Voodoo foreign policy.

  • RangerJay

    … “in what we call the reality-based community,” which he defined as
    people who “believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of
    discernible reality.” … “That’s not the way the world really works
    anymore,” he continued. “We’re an empire now, and when we act, we create
    our own reality. And while you’re studying that reality—judiciously, as
    you will—we’ll act again, creating other new realities, which you can
    study too, and that’s how things will sort out. We’re history’s
    actors…and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.”

    Funny how reality has a way of coming back to bite you in the ass.

  • chascates

    And he was supposed to be the smart Bush?

    • grumblestiltskin

      Even the other one didn’t choke on a metaphorical pretzel.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Q: Señor Heb, are you ever going to take your head out your ass and say a coherent sentence?

    A: I won’t answer a hypothetical.

  • eddi

    I always though Dan Quayle was the absolute nadir of White House aspirants. I’m forced to revise my opinion.

    • Wee Mousie

      Compared to Dan Quayle and all the Bushes, except for his timing, Nader wasn’t that bad.

      • eddi
  • Celtic_Gnome

    And this became a dynasty how?

  • Wee Mousie

    That’s funny. I knew right away that invading Iraq — because they weren’t involved in 9/11, and because Saddam probably didn’t have any WMD unless RayGun or Senior gave them to him — was a bad fucking idea. I guess that makes me smarter than Jeb Bush, along with the other 6,999,985,893 people on this planet brighter than Jeb.

    And Jeb ain’t a-gonna get no smarter if he don’t believe in goin’ back over past goof-ups to learn how to not fuck up the same way ag’in.

    • david green

      I’m kinda disappointed. I was led to believe that Jeb was the smrt one.

      • crawdad62

        He is. Well he’s the smartest one. That of course doesn’t make him smart. Just smarter than the others.

      • Wee Mousie

        Considering the family, maybe Jeb IS the smart one.

  • the “smart” one

  • DahBoner

    Heb Bush proudly served his country in the Mexican-American war.

    (His wife’s Mexican).

    http://media.giphy.com/media/iYi1Ni72bS12/giphy.gif

  • The problem with Jeb Bush, politicians in general and GOP politicians in particular is that they routinely recite rote dogma, rote ideology and rote slogans when responding to questions instead of utilizing a thought process to formulate a cogent reply.

    When the pols are asked questions, their memorized rote answers sometimes don’t quite match up with the questions.

    Megyn Kelly’s question was straightforward and unambiguous: “Knowing what we know now, would you have authorized the invasion?” Bush said yes, he would have.

    Was Jeb’s response an ear malfunction or a brain malfunction?

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