You know why you should kill your teevee? So it will stop giving “reality” shows to idiots and making them famous and convincing them that they know anything about anything, when they don’t know a goddamned thing about nothin’. Like homeschooled moron Josh Duggar, who describes himself as QUOTE UNQUOTE “being the oldest of 19 kids and counting” (nice plug for your family’s show!), and is also an executive blowhard at the anti-gay hate group the Family Research Council.
Josh Duggar shared some “thoughts” recently at the March for Marriage, a rally for sad bigots to come together in Washington DC and pray the Supreme Court will tell them they have a constitutional right to live in a gay-free America. Look, here is one of his “thoughts” now!
This is fundamental because only one other country in the entire world has ever redefined marriage, and that was Brazil, when they stepped in through the court system to do that.
OK, dummy, we know that when your mom was learning you how to know stuff at the kitchen table, the globe probably just looked like a giant map of U.S. America everywhere like such as, so you don’t know your other countries too good, but that is wrong, sir. Check out this map of all the non-Brazil countries where gay marriage is legal. We found it by internetting for .33 seconds.
Also too, you ignorant motherfucker, we just finished recovering from the hangover we had to give ourselves after we read this stupid column from the Heritage Foundation about how the legalization of “genderless marriage” in Spain and the Netherlands (neither of which is Brazil) proves that legalizing marriage equality at the federal level in the United States will make all the single ladies do more abortions. That was calculated by a “lawyer” who reached deep inside his crusty bunghole for some numbers, a meaningless chart, and the kind of “math” your mom taught you at home so you wouldn’t get non-Christian cooties at a real school.
Josh Duggar — whose legal education and experience comprises attending various hate rallies and also owning a used car dealership that one time (he probably had to fill out some kind of legal forms for that, right?) — throws down his expert lawsplainin’ to get to the real heart of the issue before the court:
It really is a question to me of whether the courts should impose this, or whether we should look at saying, Hey, why not honor the will of the people? They’ve spoken on this very loud and clear, all the way from California to almost every other state, and when you look at where this has came [sic] up, I think people have a very clear and a very distinct opinion on where this issue lies in their hearts. So I think we have to be very clear when we look forward in saying, as the court considers this, what the implications are going to be.
OK, we are not even going to make fun of Josh for his excellent naming of states because we’ve already established that his mom didn’t teach him geography or Googling. We won’t even rip him for his crap grammar. Let’s just go straight to the checking of his facts. Because sad news, Josh, the American people are pretty clear on this issue, in that the majority of Americans are totally cool with that, and that majority just keeps getting bigger and bigger every day, even among the religious types.
Josh also casually invokes the Roe v. Wade decision in 1973, which he learned at Mom’s School of Law, and says that was supposed to be the “once and for all” decision on abortion, but lo and nuh uh, we are still debating it. Because assquacks like Duggar and his parents and 10 trillion dumb asshole siblings — and countingTM — have been trying to undo that since, oh, around 1973, even though almost every time it gets to the Supreme Court (with a few vomitous exceptions), the Court tells them to shut the fuck up and go away because they already decided this.
So, just like abortion (which is actually a completely separate thing even though conservatives, including the one who argued against marriage equality before the Supreme Court on Tuesday, are getting really confused about that lately), Josh Duggar believes this anti-gay movement thing is just getting started.
“What we have to realize,” he says, “is that this is only the beginning of a larger discussion.” Fine, you go sit in the dunce corner of mom’s living room and realize that all you want. Meanwhile, we’ll be over here counting down the days until the Supreme Court issues its “we’re done talking about this now and forever” ruling. Because as Chief Justice John Roberts said, if the Court rules in favor of equality (and it totally will), that pretty much ends the debate. Sorry, Josh Duggar, you lose. That doesn’t mean you’ve been silenced; it just means you’re wrong. But he thinks he’s being silenced, because he is A Idiot:
I think that right now in America there is an agenda to silence people of faith, those who hold dissenting opinion. That’s not what America was founded on. America was founded on respect. Tolerance. And really not discriminating against people based on their religious convictions.
Uh huh. After the genocide of the Native Americans who were already here, our white land-owning founding bros stoled some Africans to build this country based on respect and tolerance and shit fucking shit, Josh Duggar, your family has a TV show, so no, no one is silencing you at all, even though that would be an awesome thing because UGHHHHHHHHH. And that is why reality shows are bad, the Duggars are the worst, bigots are terrible, and don’t homeschool your kids, the end.