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Dick picks to follow!

America, meet your newest closet case anti-gay Republican lawmaker! He’s a North Dakota state representative, and he is not in the closet anymore, due to the fact that he’s been outed for voting against SB 2279, a routine bill designed to protect gays and lesbians, among others, from discrimination (which failed, for the third time). The representative’s name is “Randy Boehning,” and while we are tempted to just finish the post right there, we will tell you the story instead:

State Rep. Randy Boehning, a 52-year-old Republican legislator from Fargo, says a Capitol employee told him a fellow lawmaker vowed to out him as gay if he continued to vote against bills granting gays legal protections against discrimination. […]

The exchange came to light when Dustin Smith, a 21-year-old Bismarck man with no known connections to the Capitol, contacted The Forum of Fargo-Moorhead earlier this month, saying he recognized Boehning from a gay dating smartphone app called Grindr. Chatting under the user name Top Man!, Boehning sent Smith sexually suggestive messages and, in the early morning hours of March 12, an unsolicited photo of his penis, according to exchanges reviewed by The Forum.

Smith added, “how can you discriminate against the person you’re trying to pick up?” Good point, sir! It’s very rude, to want to fuck the gays in a good way in your off time, and then go to work the next day and fuck the gays in a bad way, by voting against their (AND YOUR OWN) rights. This is why we have the Barney Frank rule, which says that if a politician is known to be gay, and also votes and campaigns against LGBT people, then they are fair game for outing and stuff.

Boehning says he has no regrets about signing on to Grindr as “Top Man!” and sending wang pictures to dudes, because, like, that’s just what you do on Grindr:

“That’s what gay guys do on gay sites, don’t they?” Boehning said. “That’s how things happen on Grindr. It’s a gay chat site. It’s not the first thing you do on that site. That’s what we do, exchange pics on the site.”

Boehning is right, dick pix is not the FIRST thing you do on Grindr. The first thing you do is say “sup?” and THEN you send dick pix. (Actually, yr Wonkette does not say “sup,” and also does not send dick pix, because we know how to write words, and also we are a traditional gay who likes to be taken to dinner first. But that’s how a lot of guys do it!)

So now, Boehning is out of the closet, and says he is very excited to have the great big “1,000 pound gorilla” off his dick, but he confirms that he still just might have to vote anti-gay, because, you know, Fargo. He says he doesn’t think his constituents would like him very much if he started to support things like gays being free from discrimination in matters of housing and employment, because that would just be terrible DONCHA KNOW. He still agrees with his shitty votes on these nondiscrimination bills, partially because the language protects people who are “perceived” as gay, as opposed to just Verified Gays. He doesn’t like that part for some reason. It’s one thing to be gay for reals, but if people just THINK you’re a fag, you don’t need any additional protection, we guess.

Oh, and also Boehning thinks it’s A-okay for gays and lesbians to be denied housing:

Asked whether he would be personally concerned about being discriminated against in the areas of housing, workplace or public accommodation, Boehning, who lives in a rented Fargo apartment, said landlords have the right to do as they see fit.

Uh huh, great, so now, instead of being a closet case who votes against gays, he’s an out of the closet gay Republican, who is still a total dickface. Cool story, bro.

[Grand Forks Herald]

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  • MsAnthropesMr

    Randy Boehning? Do you guys have to do any work at all at your mommy blog?

    • Bitter Scribe

      Yeah, sometimes the stuff does just seem to write itself, doesn’t it?

    • memzilla

      The blog is probably called “Bitchy.” (h/t Michelle Malkin)

  • diogenez

    Congratulations, you self-loathing idiot – now no one will ever date you.

  • BearGHAZI

    Pics or… never mind

  • Nounverb911

    Boehning/Boehner 2016, the GOP Dream Team.

  • TeenLaQueefa

    It’s hard to believe these assholes exist, but they obviously do. I know two right wing closeted fuckers who fit right in with the likes of this jerkoff.

  • Tom Wilder

    “Selfie stick” indeed……

  • memzilla

    How is “gay Republican” even a thing? This isn’t Bizarro Universe and it’s not Backwards Day.

  • BearGHAZI

    Dinner first, Evan? I’m sure you’re probably worth it but seriously grandpa, get with the times

    • LIT_Fag

      I like to get to the bottom of who someone truly is on the first date.

    • Bureaucrap

      Isn’t “sup?” just shorthand for “would you do me the honor of joining me for supper this evening?”

  • schmannity

    How much has he (mistakenly, regrettably) contributed to Cruz and how much more does he plan to contribute?

  • memzilla

    Congratulations, shithead, you’ve just made Anthony Weiner look reasonable.

    • schmannity

      You’d never catch Weiner sponsoring anti hot girl legislation.

      • janecita

        He wouldn’t sponsor anti not at all hot girl, that looks way worse than his wife, legislation either.

        • guppy06

          The man clearly doesn’t understand how “Fuck/Marry/Kill” is supposed to work.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh bitch please. Your Grindr username may be “Top Man,” but your picture says “Screaming Sissy Bottom.”

    • MrBlobfish

      Oh my!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      “Top Man” would no doubt fail the “Does he have shell soaps in the bathroom?” test for overall butchiness.

      [too insidery?]

    • April

      I was going to say “Pushy Bottom”…

    • Tio_Doidinho

      “TopManNoSeriouslyStopLaughing”

  • TheBidenator

    I guess he nicknamed himself top man because Randy Boehning wasn’t obvious enough? $100 says Lindsay Graham won’t be running for president because of this story….

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    It’s too bad, since his plans for his Downton Abbey office was FAB-ulous.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    He really thinks they’re going to vote for him now? There must be a dozen closeted gay Republicans salivating at the idea of primarying his ass, if you catch my meaning.

    • geoffalnutt

      Pri-MARY. “Mary, please! I don’t want to get ugly”,

  • Spotts1701

    Would it be poetic justice for his landlord to decide they didn’t want no gay folk renting places from them no more?

  • Lizzietish81
    • Esteban Rey

      Yewwwh! GROSE!

    • Duke

      Dick Clarke? Really?

      The only good Dick pic is a Cheney Dick pic.

    • schmannity

      Bigger Dick

    • guppy06

      That one never gets old.

      • mtn_philosoph

        ISWYDT

  • jesuswasablack

    He’s not Ghey, he’s a TOP man!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Maybe when he gets inevitably un-elected he can go back to studying the Ark of the Covenant.

  • JeffWest

    Had to Google a look at this guy–black shirt with white necktie, razor-cut on what’s left of his hair and chubby enough for chasing. No apparent earrings, keys on his belt loop or lavender thong, but the photos don’t reveal his complete manly figure.

  • exinkwretch

    Of course he’s Top Man! people. Look at a map North Dakota is on TOP of South Dakota. And Canada’s bottom. Hmmm. Suspicious. Ted Cruz?

  • Land Shark

    Randy? Boning? “You just can’t make this shit up.”

    • jmk

      I put my head on the desk and laughed a bit.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Per his voting record, he should have no job, no housing, no public accommodation of any kind. And now, even his dick is blacklisted. I really needed this feel-good story today.

    • PubOption

      If he is evicted from his apartment, he might have to move into a log cabin.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        The GOP can loan him that big tent they talk about all the time and he can be that gay friend they also talk about all the time.

  • this should go well.

  • chicken thief

    WTF?! Reading the linked article would lead one to believe every law maker in ND is gay. Here I thought they just fucked coyotes up there.

    • Zippy

      Pffft. As if Wile E would be caught dead hooking up with a closeted republican

      • handyhippie65

        damn skippy! he’s a super genius.

        • laineypc

          Not just super. Acme genius.

          • tinker12

            Beep. Beep.

      • riledupone

        Does ACME make condoms?

  • chicken thief

    He’s gonna have to send that 1000 lb gorilla out for pizza and cakes since none of the local vendors will sell to him anymore.

    • Slam Tundra

      Yeah, I’d pretty much do anything for some of those cakes we like.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Area Top Man Sends, Defends Dick Pic.

  • MrBlobfish

    He only blew that one guy that one time. At church. Drunk. Back off.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Dear Pat Robertson,

      I never thought this would happen to me, but…

      • Alan Williams

        Dear OneYeildRegular:

        Just make sure that it doesn’t happen again.

        Just in case it does, my Grindr account is…

        XXX00X0X0X0X

        Pat

  • smashedinhat

    Wait. I was sleeping. An elected official was once again caught acting like a raving hypocrite you say? Unfuckingbelievable!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    This is slightly off-topic but I have a philosophic question. What is this thing that some men, irrespective of sexual orientation, have about sending, posting or otherwise uttering dick pics? I have the greatest respect for my oldest friend and almost always follow his lousy advice when a brain, any brain, would have been a better wingman. But aside from medical consultations and occasions when his presence was specifically invited, I don’t wave him around in public or send out graven images of him to others. Objectively speaking, he isn’t all that much to look at and God knows he can get swelled up fast enough without becoming a celebrity.

    So what’s the reason? Do all of these guys have small heads that are actually bigger than their big heads?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      I think I can explain it best with a picture. Hang on one second while I pull this iphone out of my pants…

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Hmm, I’ll just check my messages and… GHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!1,1,111!!,11,!1!<!

      • Beaumarchais?

        I hope you brought enough to share!

    • Vienna Woods

      Kristin Schaal did the ultimate take-down on this topic on the Daily Show a few years back. I really wish the video could be linked to (damn Viacom for keeping its shows off of youtube), but this is part of what she had to say: “Penises look like a species discovered living on the ocean floor near underseas sulphur jets”.
      I love that woman.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        That is great. And I second your opinion of Kristin Schaal.

    • Hardly Ideal

      As my dear crazy aunt would do, I’d blame it all on hormones. A male of the species- stags, birds, whatever you like really- gets a head full of the stuff and they suddenly need to let everything even remotely fuckable that they are A Male. These guys just have the benefit (to use the term loosely) of technology to let more people know faster than ever.

    • Zhu Bajie

      It’s like apes comparing the size and redness of their buttocks.

      • Blank Ron

        Though generally less appealing to observe.

    • guppy06

      I for one have never sent out a dick pic unsolicited.

    • Fly

      My dog would send dick pics if he could.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    He’s out and proud and he supports discrimination.

    Well, I’m stymied.

    • FastMovingCloud

      No kidding. What does it even mean if you are proud of who you are but think you deserve to be discriminated against? That’s self-love and self-loath all in one.

      • malsperanza

        In both cases it just means, “I’m still white and rich, and I have clout because I’m a [celebrity/legislator], so discrimination won’t affect me.”

    • laineypc

      Because he loves being popular with the voters more than he cares about public service. It’s pretty simple and pretty common.

      • JAWs

        And I’m sure he’ll be just as popular now that he’s a known gay AND a spineless weenie. Bigoted Republicans love that combination, right?

        • laineypc

          As long as you’re repressing someone they don’t like, they are cool with that.

          • JAWs

            Not necessarily. He wouldn’t be a closeted tool if that were true. Plus he was not only outed but caught trolling for sex, which remember is why the gays have to be relegated to second class citizens. I think. I don’t speak fluent bigot after all.

    • Beaumarchais?

      Meanwhile, transgendered Bruce Jenner is a republican, “because I believe in the Constitution.” So, still a dumb jock.

  • Joshua Norton

    Dude. Screwing yourself is not really a gay thing. Unless you’re a Log Cabin-er.

    • Alan Williams

      Log Cabin-ers…

      They put the MASTUR in masturbatory screw.

    • geoffalnutt

      Log Cabinette!

      • Joshua Norton

        I was so trying not to go there!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      When Top Man tries to put his “log” in someone’s cabin I hope he ends up with a hell of a case of splinters.

  • SpideySenser

    “how can you discriminate against the person you’re trying to pick up?” And oh-by-the-way, that goes for the straight men folk, too.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      As a certain SCOTUS justice would say, it’s the way we’ve done things for mellinia. And you want to change that all of the sudden???

      • Callyson

        I heard that comment on NPR while driving. Had to turn the channel before my anger over that dumb-ass hateful remark turned into road rage…

        /FFS

        • Hardly Ideal

          Same here. Ignoring how much marriage actually has changed over the millennia, I couldn’t help but think it was a lousy argument still; potions and leeches were how we treated sicknesses for millennia, but I don’t see anyone lobbying for that.

          • Zippy

            potions and leeches are the GOP’s answer to Obamacare

          • malsperanza

            Potions and leeches sums up the whole GOP these days.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Top Man? More like Bottom Feeder.

    • Capt.Jim

      That’s the very definition of top man

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m sure he’s working on researching the Lost Ark right now.

  • beavertank

    Hey, Fargo is actually relatively progressive. Compared to the rest of the state it’s practically filthy pinko commieville. If he insists on voting against gay rights it’s on him, not the people of Fargo.

  • Karlew

    “The representative’s name is “Randy
    Boehning,” and while we are tempted to just finish the post right there,
    we will tell you the story instead:”

    I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH

    • Candy Apple

      Will it make it even better if I share with you that his middle name is “Gaylord?” And no, I am not joking.

      • TeenLaQueefa

        Wouldn’t “Gay Lord!” be a better user name than “Top Man!”?

      • Karlew

        OMG ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME OR SOMETHING?!

        This leopard is me right now.

        • guppy06

          /cutegasm

        • Alex Grey

          I want a clouded leopard…

        • Dorothy Nelson

          OMFG love

      • Blank Ron

        That gives me SO MANY warm fuzzies…

  • John McKee

    I’m sure we’re all happy that he’s got that big secret off his scrupulously waxed chest. Now, what will he do for a career? The self-hating, self-harming gay constituency can’t be that large.

    • Baby_Raptor

      He can just pretend he turned straight. The bigots LOVE a good former gay.

  • bluffcityjk

    ‘sup?

    Am I doing it right?

    • say wha

      Like this…

      • Amy!

        bluff city’s dick is prettier than yours.

  • onedrewthree

    See Daddy! I will vote against gays even though I can’t hide being one now (sure, let’s believe he’s bi and not forcing himself). See how good of a republican I am Daddy Ghost Reagan!

  • Politics_Nerd

    Member of the GOP + openly anti-gay = gay.

  • HogeyeGrex

    Wellp, twice in half a day, but what the hell.
    http://i.imgur.com/WSv0cAN.jpg

  • azeyote

    ya can’t make this stuff up

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense – Mark Twain

  • azeyote

    wow that’s living up to your name –

  • Candy Apple

    His company is called Rough Rider Industries. Because of course.

    • malsperanza

      Good grief. But I suppose if these people had even the slightest self-awareness, they wouldn’t be GOP.

  • Callyson

    This may have been said already, but…

    It’s very rude, to want to fuck the gays in a good way in your off time

    Why do I have the feeling that any gay dude who ended up with this guy would beg to differ about the “good way” assumption?

    /FFS

  • Beaumarchais?

    I can hear his muffled voice coming from inside an 8th-grade locker, declaring between sobs “It’s pronounced Bay-ning!”

  • Bear OmNomNom

    Lookin’ for Derrick so he can start Bakken dat ass up.

  • Tendernob

    Was the dick pick of his face?

  • VandeGraf

    GOP better start getting it’s troops blood tested for gay.
    I wonder where Boehning is getting his pizza?

  • Baby_Raptor

    He says he doesn’t think his constituents would like him very much if he started to support things like gays being free from discrimination in matters of housing and employment, because that would just be terrible DONCHA KNOW.

    Honey, you aren’t getting re-elected. You’re Teh Evul Gey now. May as well stand up for yourself, if nobody else.

  • chascates

    I hope 50 years from now people will look back and ask “how could this have even been an issue?”. Think about the violence perpetrated against albinos in parts of Africa. It’s mind boggling.
    PBS is now running a program on the Kent State shootings and later is a program on how we left Vietnam.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    “Uh, Mr. Boehning. There’s an Aaron Schock on line 2 who wants to speak to you.”

  • DahBoner

    sup1
    səp/Submit
    verbdateddialect
    1.
    take (drink or liquid food) by sips or spoonfuls.
    “she supped up her soup delightedly”
    noun
    1.
    a sip of liquid.
    “he took another sup of wine jism”
    http://media0.giphy.com/media/cRq8TJsIKmQRG/200w_d.gif

  • Me not sure

    He was probably just trying to show gay folk what a good Christian straight dick looks like.

  • guppy06
    • Celtic_Gnome

      Is that a picture of State Rep. Randy Boehning of North Dakota? And he had the nerve to use the handle “Top Man”?

    • Me not sure

      Maybe this is North Dakota hot?

  • Mehmeisterjr

    “Asked whether he would be personally concerned about being discriminated against in the areas of housing, workplace or public accommodation, Boehning, who lives in a rented Fargo apartment, said landlords have the right to do as they see fit.”

    So throw my ass out on the street for no goddam reason is his considered position?

    Edit: Oh, wait, he posted dick pictures. Clearly a goddam reason. Enjoy that one, Randy Gaylord Boening

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Wait a minute. Randy Boehning. You said Randy Boehning, right? State rep from North Dakota. 52. that Randy Boehning?

    Uh, asking for a friend.

  • AndInThisCorner

    Oh wow another conservative hypocrite, let me find my outrage… It’s around here somewhere.. I JUST had it!
    Ah forget it I’ll catch the next one.

  • malsperanza

    I can’t fathom why someone named Randy Boning IRL would choose Top Man! as his Grindr name. Something tells me this fellow is lacking in judgment.

  • Dorothy Nelson

    Goddam, but that guy is struggling with a metric fuckton of self-hate.

  • Fly

    On the issues of LBGT rights he’s Boehning into pure Santorum

  • kdez

    Who the hell votes for this turd?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      other turds

  • ibwilliamsi

    Pics or it didn’t happen. (C’mon – I have R relatives in Fargo that need to see this!)

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