President Barry H. Bamz Obama: 'F*ck It'

• Saturday night was Nerd Prom again, the annual gathering of Republican and Democratic politicians and the Very Serious Journalists who are supposed to be fourth estating them, all dressed up fancy-like and putting their conflicts of interest and differences of opinion aside at the White House Correspondents Dinner, which is The Most Important A-List Event Of The Year. (So important, in fact, that this year, CNN outright stated you can look up other news on the interwebs because NOTHING tops the WHCD.) While politicos and their supposed watchdogs yukking it up together is kinda awkward and sorta really wrong, as Stephen Colbert rightfully joked about (in a full-on serious way) when he was the keynote comedian in 2006, someonedidwrite some funny jokes for the president to make, like the video clip above (and typed out below, for you "I don't watch videos" types):

  I am determined to make the most of every moment I have left. After the midterm elections, my advisers asked me, “Mr. President, do you have a bucket list.” And I said, “Well, I have something that rhymes with bucket list. Take executive action on immigration? Bucket. New climate regulations? Bucket. It’s the right thing to do."

  For you "I love videos" types, you can even watch the whole thing, thanks to the SPAN. 

•  According to a new survey, men want their daughters to be strong and independent and intelligent and successful (hooray feminism!), but they want their wives to be hot and make 'em sammiches:

  While 45% of men consider being attractive one of the most important qualities for their wife or female partner, just 11% said so for their daughter. Similarly, 34% specified being sweet as a key quality for a female partner, but just 19% said the same for a daughter. Conversely, men are much more likely to cite being independent (66% for daughter; 34% for wife/female partner) and strong (48% daughter, 28% wife/female partner) as most important qualities for a daughter.

• Maybe we should listen to scientists:  

  More than 25 million years ago, India, once a separate island on a quickly sliding piece of the Earth’s crust, crashed into Asia. The two land masses are still colliding, pushed together at a speed of 1.5 to 2 inches a year. The forces have pushed up the highest mountains in the world, in the Himalayas, and have set off devastating earthquakes.

  Experts had warned of the danger to the people of Katmandu for decades. The death toll in Nepal on Saturday was practically inevitable given the tectonics, the local geology that made the shaking worse and the lax construction of buildings that could not withstand the shaking.

•  This is probably not a good idea, but we can't say we blame him:

  On the heels of Rep. Steve King’s outrageous announcement Wednesday of his “Restrain the Judges on Marriage Act,” Rep. Jared Polis (CO-02) today proposed the “Restrain Steve King from Legislating Act.” The bill would prevent Steve King from abusing taxpayer dollars by substituting the judgments of the nation’s duly serving judicial branch of government with his own beliefs.

  That's Rep. King's dumb bill we told you about last week, which, if it were to become law but obviously never will, would prohibit the Supreme Court from ruling on cases that involve "gay" and "marriage," because REASONS. And while it's easy to see how bills introduced by members of the House to restrict their colleagues from introducing bills could be a slippery slope to an even more dysfunctional Congress, it's hard to disagree with Rep. Polis on this:

  Mr. King has perverted the Constitution to create rights to things such as discrimination, bullying, and disparate treatment. These efforts to enshrine these appalling values as constitutional rights were not envisioned by the voters, or by King’s colleagues who must currently try to restrain his attempts to single-handedly rewrite the nation’s founding principles on a bill-by-bill basis.

•  Vaping is a "sport" now:  

  Welcome to the newest entrant in the extreme sports category: “cloud chasing.” Competitors play it not with balls and bats, but with electronic cigarettes. They are called cloud chasers, and their devoted fans are cloud gazers. [...]

  Competitions are straightforward. Cloud chasers inhale on the devices, which convert e-cigarette “juice” into vapor. They then toast the competition by blowing the biggest, densest vapor cloud possible. In less than two years, the sport has adopted all the trappings of professional athletics. It not only has fans but teams, sponsors and cash prizes.

• Our friends at Happy Nice Time People have this EXCLUSIVE(ish) news for you:

   Netflix has officially announced a thirteen episode order of a Full House spin-off that will be called…wait for it… Fuller House . And who said creativity was dead? [...]

  We at Happy Nice Time Peoplebroke into the office of Netflixcalled up our sources at Netflix and secured a copy of the pilot so our lovely readers could get an exclusive first look at the revival of everyone’s favorite 90s TV show (not counting Frasier ,Seinfeld,Friends, and every other 90s sitcom). Take a look at the upcoming storylines:

  Head on over to HNTP to check out the details.