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Yes, he's mocking you

It might be illegal to say “CLIMATE CHANGE” in Florida, but that’s not stopping President Obama from going there to say “CLIMATE CHANGE” a whole bunch of times, for Earth Day. Oh, does that make it awkward for you, Florida? And for all you Floridian Republicans — Gov. Rick Scott, former Gov. Jeb Bush, Sen. Marco Rubio — who are like, “Meh, Bible says nuh uh, no THOSE WORDS here”? Too bad, so sad, CLIMATE CHANGE.

On Saturday, the president used up the public’s YouTube airwaves to give his weekly address previewing his Wednesday speech about CLIMATE CHANGE:

Hi everybody. Wednesday is Earth Day, a day to appreciate and protect this precious planet we call home. And today, there’s no greater threat to our planet than climate change. […]

And the fact that the climate is changing has very serious implications for the way we live now. Stronger storms. Deeper droughts. Longer wildfire seasons. The world’s top climate scientists are warning us that a changing climate already affects the air our kids breathe. Last week, the Surgeon General and I spoke with public experts about how climate change is already affecting patients across the country. The Pentagon says that climate change poses immediate risks to our national security.

And on Earth Day, I’m going to visit the Florida Everglades to talk about the way that climate change threatens our economy. The Everglades is one of the most special places in our country. But it’s also one of the most fragile. Rising sea levels are putting a national treasure – and an economic engine for the South Florida tourism industry – at risk.

He even mentioned God, which he never does but should do but should not do because God, like invoking national security, belongs to Republicans:

It’s about protecting our God-given natural wonders, and the good jobs that rely on them.

The White House has a whole fun-filled day of fucking with Republicans, with hashtags and pretty pictures and “what you can do” links and celebrity scientists who really are A Scientist, planned for Earth Day.

Screen Shot 2015-04-22 at 11.59.57 AM

What are Republicans doing for the 36th annual ritual of spending one whole day thinking about how maybe we should try to save our planet before it is all gone? Maybe they’re rollin’ coal, or throwing snowballs at each other. They’re definitely not worrying about CLIMATE CHANGE, which, if not an outright hoax, is certainly God’s 6000-year-old plan, so why even bother your beautiful mind about it?

[Whitehouse.gov]

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  • Toomush_Infer

    How come his saying “God-given natural wonders” sounds like he’s saying “Fuck you, Congress”?….

    • memzilla

      They have their dog-whistles, he has his.

      • chicken thief

        I thought “God given natural wonders” were like perky C’s or better.

        • guppy06

          They’re any that I can touch.

          • Blank Ron

            Some are best observed at a respectful distance.

          • guppy06

            Restraining order, huh? They can be a pain.

            I hear.

          • Msgr_Moment

            Respect? Damn, I’m full-on salutin’.

  • Lizzietish81

    And then he wraps it up with. “Also, Global warming.”

  • memzilla

    Obama might as well have said that the Rethuglicans are in favor of global warming.

    • Timmy Whimmy

      They are as long as it lines their pocketbooks.

  • chicken thief

    I like the way Obama says “our country” like he’s not even from Kenya.

    • ArgieBargie

      At least he’s not Cubanada.

  • Ikimizi

    Police have begun arresting Floridians who listened to the President saying the forbidden words.

    • Nounverb911

      For listening while blah?

    • guppy06

      They’re Yang words!

      • Msgr_Moment

        What a Kohm job!

    • riledupone

      I’m a Canuck but there’s no “Freedom Of Hearing” clause in the Constitution, is there? So guilty.

  • Nounverb911

    Has Florida sunk into the ocean yet?

    • timpundit

      Yes. But the ocean coughed it back up.

      • Anarchy Pony

        I don’t blame it.

    • chicken thief

      It’s floating on the oil from the BP spill five years ago.

      • BackDoorMan

        … using the carcasses of an estimated 800,000 dead birds. Thanks, BP!

        • Msgr_Moment

          You misspelled “Obama”.

  • whatwhomever

    I think the word “dumb” in the headline is redundant.

  • Nounverb911

    I read on the internets that the second hurricane to hit Florida will be named Hurricane Bamz.

  • MrBlobfish

    There’s no greater threat to our planet!?!? Is he kidding? What about Godzilla? Or MegaHitler?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Hey guys; I got this.

    I rode my bike to work today. Consider the Earth saved.

    • Nounverb911

      Did you start your ride at the top of Hurricane Ridge?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Not today. But I did ride up there in the middle of February when the road is usually under a couple feet of snow.

        Nope, no global warming here, nossir!

        • weejee

          Mowed our lawn twice by 3/1. But then somehow we got all the SMEGs, each and everyone, shipped back east. Wuz that on a ballot initiative I missed?

          • mtn_philosoph

            I swept snow off my deck today. In years past I had to shovel it off. Definitely a sign of climate change.

        • Anarchy Pony

          Migratory birds all showed up about a month early.

    • ArgieBargie

      Yes, but did you make sure you tires were properly inflated?

      To be fair, you are doing a lot more than typical Facebook/Twitter activist.

    • timpundit

      I liked your comment. So , I’ve pretty much done my part for the earth. Right?

      • ThePuckStopsHere

        What more could reasonably be expected of you?

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      Thanks!

    • Reddishrabbit

      Thank goodness, I would hate to actually do anything. Now, where is my coal powered hummer, I knew I left it somewhere around here.

      • MrBlobfish

        It’s right where you left it behind your nucular reactor.

    • Vienna Woods

      Even better- I stayed home from work today!

    • Tendernob

      I’m celebrating Earth Day by burning down a forest to spare it from being cut down and made into the set for the Full House reboot.

    • vivian

      As in Born Again? Not the Earth too. shit.

  • JMPesq

    Why listen to the consensus of 97% of professional climate scientists, when everyone know that the 3% who are paid shills for the fossil fuel industry are much more trustworthy? All those other scientists are in a vast conspiracy to try and reduce our oil and coal production for some vague nebulous reason, but it’s bad, while the ones who are paid off by oil companies are totally trustworthy as their motives are pure.

    • Anarchy Pony

      They’re all in the pocket of Big Bicycle.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        For the Schwinn!

        • Blank Ron

          Now you’ve made me all Huffy.

          • mtn_philosoph

            Be that as it may, we really do need to fixie this problem.

    • spends2much

      May I borrow this to put on Facebook to annoy my RWNJ “friends” from high school?

      • JMPesq

        Sure!

    • JustPixelz

      Deniers like to imply climate science is skewed by a few thousand dollars in grant money. Taking that premise at face value, imagine how a (Republican) politician’s position can be skewed by hundreds of thousands (or millions) of dollars in oil company contributions. For that matter how their position on any-fucking-thing could be skewed.

      • SterWonk

        Obligatory Ars Technica article debunking that. It’s four years old now, but it keeps coming up. <sigh>

      • david green

        “could”?

  • chicken thief

    “..He even mentioned God, which he never does…”

    That’s because reflexively he almost always says “Allah”.

    • cuturn

      I’ve heard him say “Yahweh.” but then all three names invokes the same entity.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Did he say Beetlejuice? That’s the surefire tell…

    • Me not sure

      He once said “God that’s good.”, while he was eating a large bbq pork sammich and drinkin’ one of those Bamz home brew IPAs he throws together. So, yeah I guess he’s a Muslim.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The evidence, it’s incontrovertible, it’s overwhelming, it’s inspiring of superlatives.

        • Me not sure

          QED!

      • johnnyangel

        That was right after he was gay sexing it up with Reggie Love. So yeah, clearly Muslim.

        • Me not sure

          I’m sure it’s all halal!

    • JustPixelz

      I usually cover by changing it to “a lapdance”. Like, “What a fine day we have, praise ala…pdance!”

  • cousin itt

    The question must be asked, is our climate changing?

    • Me not sure

      I asked a children and he said it are.

      • BackDoorMan

        … it only counts if that a children has food on him.

        • vivian

          I think the ‘hole family needs food on it to count

        • Me not sure

          Does tacos countz?

          • riledupone

            Do they haz ketchupz?

          • Me not sure

            No, listeria!

          • BackDoorMan

            … they countz as child abuse.

  • spends2much

    I commute on foot to work from a tiny downtown condo, so tonight when I get home, I’m turning on BOTH my lamps, because eff you, earth!

    • vivian

      “Yeah, what has the Earth done for ME lately? Mud? thanks for nothing” [eats orange].

  • Sebastian Melmoth

    That’s the feller as I voted fer!

  • Relativicus

    I want to see some real trolling. I want him to say something like, “And having just spoken with Speaker Boehner and Senate-leader McConnell, I have their commitment to immediately enact my plan to combat climate change.” Watching them fall all over themselves to refute that would be pretty funny.

  • guppy06

    Did Rick Scott greet him on the tarmac? And was their hugging or angry finger-pointing?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      It was too early for Scott (played by Max Schreck) to be resurrected from his coffin.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Marco!” “Rubio.” “Marco!” “Rubio.” “Marco!” “*glubglubglub*”

  • The Big Truth

    If the tree huggers and the planet get Earth Day, why don’t the rest of us get a Fuck Up the Earth Day? For Christians. Who are also white males. And only do the heterosex. While rolling coal. You know, real Americans.

    • sillyclucker

      Because you’re being persecuted.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Florida is an interesting place. It’s fairly close to the US (you have to go through the Confederacy to get there and that’s always a drag) and it’s nice to see the natives sometimes trying hard to speak English when you arrive at MIA or MCO. When you look at the economy it’s pretty much a mix of Costa Rica and French Guyana: agriculture, tourism and retirees on one side and a huge spaceport on the other. The government is as inefficient and as corrupt to fit well within Latin American standards but it’s not as bad as Mexico, I think. Nice place, overall. I don’t mind visiting from time to time.

    • A Bashful Nobody

      See, now that right there is funny!

    • Relativicus

      I’ve been involved in a moral quandary since I attended the funeral of my aunt in Melbourne a couple years ago. I actually felt as if I’d fit in there. Coming to that realization has been very difficult for me.

      • Walter Wellstone

        That’s so fucked up, man.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      If Rick Scott gets his way, you’ll be visiting it in snorkeling gear.

  • A Bashful Nobody

    Like shooting fish in a barrel

  • sohadicouldsplit

    I finally worked out the encryption code and five “climate change” references in one speech translates to 1,000 “fuck you, you slope-headed greed-monkeys”.

    Well played sir!

  • Paperless Tiger

    I’m not a scientist, so I asked one. Duh.

  • Blank Ron

    “Hi everybody.”
    What a populist!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      He might as well say, “Zdravstvuyte, tovarich.”

  • Sandra Day

    Hillary clinton! yeah keep the monarchy alive then we can vote in bush cause we is dumb.

  • Last Hussar

    I notice that Mr Nye has been getting a lot of criticism for taking a 747 on Earth Day. If he hadn’t been going then Barack HUSSEIN Obama would have um cycled or something.

    Thanks Obama. I mean Bill.

  • DahBoner

    Even the Koch brothers believe in Climate Change. But they know if they pay Millionaire Republicans to lie over and over, the Rubes will fall for it…

    http://www.relativelyinteresting.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/pt-barnum.jpg

  • Politics_Nerd

    If we lost Floriduh to the sea, would anybody really complain? Always a silver lining, people!

  • Hey Barry, Custom Men, Maiden Lane, NYC shirts cut to order.

  • BeliTsari
  • Michael J Daumen

    I think Obama misspoke when he said climate change is a threat to the planet. Standards of living, perhaps, but the planet abides.

    • Chmeee

      “You think man can destroy the planet? What intoxicating vanity. Let me tell you about our planet. Earth is four-and-a-half-billion-years-old. There’s been life on it for nearly that long, 3.8 billion years. Bacteria first; later the first multicellular life, then the first complex creatures in the sea, on the land. Then finally the great sweeping ages of animals, the amphibians, the dinosaurs, at last the mammals, each one enduring millions on millions of years, great dynasties of creatures rising, flourishing, dying away — all this against a background of continuous and violent upheaval. Mountain ranges thrust up, eroded away, cometary impacts, volcano eruptions, oceans rising and falling, whole continents moving, an endless, constant, violent change, colliding, buckling to make mountains over millions of years. Earth has survived everything in its time. It will certainly survive us.

      If all the nuclear weapons in the world went off at once and all the plants, all the animals died and the earth was sizzling hot for a hundred thousand years, life would survive, somewhere: under the soil, frozen in Arctic ice. Sooner or later, when the planet was no longer inhospitable, life would spread again. The evolutionary process would begin again. It might take a few billion years for life to regain its present variety. Of course, it would be very different from what it is now, but the earth would survive our folly, only we would not.

      If the ozone layer gets thinner, ultraviolet radiation sears the earth, so what? Ultraviolet radiation is good for life. It’s powerful energy. It promotes mutation, change. Many forms of life will thrive with more UV radiation. Many others will die out. Do you think this is the first time that’s happened?

      Think about oxygen. Necessary for life now, but oxygen is actually a metabolic poison, a corrosive gas, like fluorine. When oxygen was first produced as a waste product by certain plant cells some three billion years ago, it created a crisis for all other life on earth. Those plants were polluting the environment, exhaling a lethal gas. Earth eventually had an atmosphere incompatible with life. Nevertheless, life on earth took care of itself.

      In the thinking of the human being a hundred years is a long time. A hundred years ago we didn’t have cars, airplanes, computers or vaccines. It was a whole different world, but to the earth, a hundred years is nothing. A million years is nothing. This planet lives and breathes on a much vaster scale. We can’t imagine its slow and powerful rhythms, and we haven’t got the humility to try. We’ve been residents here for the blink of an eye. If we’re gone tomorrow, the earth will not miss us.”

      ― Michael Crichton, Jurassic Park / Congo

      • FxMercenary

        If Genghis Khan wiping out millions of people caused a global cooling affect, then billions of people burning fossil fuels can cause a global warming effect.

        • Chmeee

          I think that you’ve missed the point; It doesn’t matter one way or the other if humans are causing climate change. The Earth will survive us and anything we can throw at it. We simply won’t be here to see what comes next. As Chrichton states, it’s vanity to assume that we actually matter.

          • TootsStansbury

            You’re citing Chrichton? So smrt! In the long run, do we matter? How about your kids or grandkids; what are you going to tell them? Fuck you.

          • Chmeee

            Do you really think that it matters who said it? It’s true nonetheless. Which of your favorite sages would you like to hear that message from, or would agree with it? Ask them.

            The Earth will survive us regardless of what damage we manage to inflict on it. Life will change to adapt. We simply won’t be here to see what happens next. We’re at the end of an epoch, and certainly humans are contributing to that end.

            Does that mean I stick up my middle finger to my progeny? No, I want better. Our habits do need to change if we want to survive as a species. However it’s shear arrogance to believe that we’ll actually destroy the planet. The Earth abides.

    • expipiplus1

      According to the planetary-scale modelers, we probably don’t have the ability to cause a runaway greenhouse effect, where the CO2 from sediments winds up in the atmosphere. However, the sun will become a red giant in a few billion years and warm the planet to the point where that will happen, irreversibly, and the atmosphere will resemble Venus. It won’t matter because our AI successors will own the place in a few decades anyway.

  • Let’s gas up Air Force One and burn up 9,000 gallons of fuel in one day to celebrate Earth Day. Make sure we mobilize the Secret Service and get a big motorcade to burn more fossil fuels. When the motorcade goes by make sure we cause a traffic jam so people who have to be on the road stay on the road longer so we can burn even more fossil fuels. The president could have made a cool move and talk about Earth Day from the oval office and explained that he was not going to burn more fuel in one day than the average American burns in five years just for a photo op at the Everglades. To all the Earth Day celebrations with bands and big parties. How much gas did you use to go somewhere you normally would not go? How many styrofoam cups were used to quench everybody’s thirst at these events? The person who wrote this article is a moron. Who ever supports Obama’s trip to the Everglades and back in one day in a 747 is also a moron.

    • TootsStansbury

      Well at least your user name seems appropriate.

      • nelore

        Drinking too much Ebola Tea.

      • So you believe that using 9,000 gallons of fuel for a 1 hour photo op is an appropriate way to celebrate Earth Day. You are calling me crazy? I thought environmentalists were against burning fossil fuels. A proper way to honor the Earth would have been for the president to stay in the oval office and announce climate initiatives. If you think holding Earth Day celebrations where numerous people drive their cars going to concerts and ordering drinks in styrofoam cups at the events and the president burning more gas in Air Force One in one day than I burn in my car in five years is the answer to global warming then you are absolutely batshit crazy!

  • nelore

    The planet will adjust itself. In an effort to wipe out this plague of human locusts it will flood the whole thing…or dry up in some other places…we just help Mother Earth.

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