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Stupid nymphs, takin' all our water!

Dennis Prager, the Family-Values radio talker who thinks children should go hungry because it builds character and that nudity is undermining American society, has more thoughts about Matters Spiritual and Material. Specifically, he has figured out why California has a “drought” — it has nothing to do with insufficient rain and snow, and is instead the result of nature-worshiping greenies. Like so many conspiracy theorists, they always end up blaming the Druids.

Appearing on Glenn Beck’s dumb radio programme to hawk his new book, The Ten Commandments: Still the Best Moral Code, Prager explained that nature worship is just one of the False Gods being worshiped by purportedly “secular” environmentalists:

The whole point of the first chapter in Genesis is that God created Nature. Nature is subservient to God. Nature is created for the human being. Today it is the opposite. Where I live in Southern California, the reason we have no water is not because of drought, it is because of the worship of nature. For example, the incredible amount of water that is taken from humans in order to save some six-inch fish. This is the worship of nature.

How true this is! It explains why California Gov. Jerry Brown announced emergency water-conservation measures in a mountain area that was completely dry, but that in a normal year should have been under several feet of snow. The stupid endangered fishies took all the snow! And they also apparently took all the rainfall. Also, God wants us to kill as many fish as we can, because He’ll be back any day now, and has a real taste for endangered species.

Oh, sure, the notion that California is withholding water from your local car wash just because of some stupid fish has been around forever, and it’s been bullshit forever.

But the real problem is this outbreak of paganism everywhere, which is now literally taking our precious bodily fluids. And even worse than the Naiads and Dryads hogging all the water, explained Glenn Beck, we are all worshiping “Moloch and Baal” without even knowing it, which frankly sounds like a bit of a stretch. We’ve never even seen them in concert.

Also, we would like to apologize to any readers who mistakenly thought this article was going to be about “naturists.”

[RightWingWatch / Natural Resources Defense Council / WeatherWest]

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  • Angry_Cop

    Oh yes, the infamous Delta Smelt.

    Sacramento needed an excuse to cut off SoCal’s ever increasing demands for their water, and that was the easiest. The cutoff was not unreasonable, for the simple reason that if you pump all the water out of the Sacramento Delta, what comes into it is not more refreshing Sierra runoff, but ocean water.

    But the media can’t do nuance like this, so they blame a fish and hippies.

    Everyone hates hippies. It’s a damn shame they’ve been right about almost everything save for Birkenstocks.

    • chazmanr

      And nobody wants to give up their cheap nuts.

    • Tallmutha

      He who Delta Smelt it.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      Hey, we’re growing top shelf weed for ya up in the national forests with the stream water so when all the streams dry up, mail us some moar water and we’ll keep pumping out the ganja. You’re welcome.

      • Angry_Cop

        A hometown commenter! Hooray! They haven’t driven all the cool people out yet…

        • Cindyinencinitas

          Sir, you flatter me. But come to Encinitas and I’ll show you lotsa cool people.

          • Angry_Cop

            Already there. Hell, I probably know you.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            I don’t know any cops personally, angry or otherwise, but I do come from a firefighter family. Bestawan Pizza is where all the cool kids go…

      • kindness

        Cindy but most of the bud available in the Medical Cannabis places here in the SF Bay is grown indoors & under lights. With city water. Yea, go figure. While I do support outdoor grows (Good job Cindyinencinitas!) the big grows that take all the creek water are causing us some headaches if you know what I mean.

        • Cindyinencinitas

          I do and it’s awful what they’re doing up there. I don’t have a card, but I do have a source that I believe is responsible. I’m going to have to get up my nerve and ask, actually.

    • handyhippie65

      i’m sayin’ i wear shoes to protect me tootsies. open toed ain’t protection, it’s a really cool amphibian.

    • Sebastian Melmoth

      And voting for Ralph Nader.

    • riledupone

      Wasn’t Delta Smelt one of the Designing Women?

    • Darkrose

      I love my Birkenstocks. What else do you wear when it’s too hot for cowboy boots in Sacramento?

      • Blank Ron

        I’d wear them myself if a) the arch support wasn’t in the wrong place for my feet, and b) they didn’t cost so freakin’ much.

  • Not So Much

    If stoopid California would just listen to the GOP and build more reservoirs, there wouldn’t be a problem. It’s the exact same principle as telling silly poor people that if they don’t have enough money, they should just get extra wallets. Problem: Solved!

  • whitroth

    Yep, it’s all the fault of us Pagans. Never mind, as I have been given to understand, that the Judeo-Christian-Islamic God ™ “set Man [that includes women] to be *stewards* of the earth”, no, we’re supposed to use it up.

    I might also point out that folks like this, and Beck, are also (not real Pagans), but that the god they worship is Mammon…..

    mark

    • doktorzoom

      It’s not good stewardship to have any Nature left on your plate when Jesus arrives to clear the table, which will be next week or so.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Jesus is coming – look busy.

    • JMPesq

      Now be fair to old Yahweh – “Man” in those old books definitely does not include women, who are treated as little more than property by the holy books and traditionalist sects of all three religions.

    • cousin itt

      I believe all good stewards worship Captain Stubing. And then God, in His mercy, did snuf the series.

  • bargal20

    Dennis Prager said what? I’m sorry, I was too distracted by adorable nymph tits.

  • Gristle McThornbody

    Yeah, but I’ve got this toilet full of water here in Michigan, so ipso facto, there is no water shortage anywhere.

  • baconzgood

    Any thing but blaming global warming on fossil fuels.

  • Mavenmaven

    Wow, Dennis Prager, the man who almost reaches Bill Kristol’s record of being wrong about things.

  • jte

    I would think a bible-believing individual would consider that God put those fish in that river for a good reason and that humans coming along and saying “You know what? Fuck that. We care more about golf courses than a stupid fish” is, well, the real heresy here.

    • the_steamer

      You would think that and you would be wrong. Apparently that part in Genesis about naming all the animals has been conflated to mean all nature belongs to man, to do with as he will. I think some part of that is due to Christ not only absolving all the old sins (except teh gays) but promising to be back real soon, bringing his followers to heaven and of course putting hell on Earth.

      • Blank Ron

        I think we’re doing a pretty good job of making hell on Earth ourselves. Jesus can probably sit this one out.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That whole naming thing is from Genesis II, which doesn’t count because Genesis I says different, and clearly is the actual word of God. (Because clearly! Now shut up already!)

    • david green

      I always envision one of those fucks standing in front of God’s Throne saying “Sure. I know that fish was your creation, but it was in the way of me making a buck”

      • vivian

        or par

  • jte

    Shorter Prager: if you’re not willing to drive a species into extinction for short-term economic gain, you have a small, feminist penis.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I prefer your version. Saves hair-tearing and headdesking.

  • 1ucille_bluth1

    I think I’m gonna do some nature worshipping this weekend! No fish involved, though…

  • schmannity

    Yes, it is that devilish snail darter from east Tennessee and 1973 that is the cause of all the problems. Never let a 40 year old meme go to waste.

  • MrBlobfish

    What’s even scarier is someone is sitting home nodding along with them.

    • jmk

      What’s scariest most of all is I call her “Mom.”

  • el_donaldo

    Whoa! He’s the author of the 10 commandments!? I’ve heard of those!

  • david green

    Well, I just can’t keep up. I thought the drought was caused by baby Jeebus mad about the gheyz.

    • jmk

      Yes, that also too.

  • cousin itt

    I’m walking around nekkid inside my pants right now.

  • mailman27

    These are not Pratchett’s naiads!! I’m bunkward bound.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      They also appear to be septuplets, however pulchritudinous I hope for their mother’s sake that naiads lay eggs.

  • I expect to get a reply from Gov. Brown in a few days to my offer to ship several truckloads of dehydrated water.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I’m sending him my concentrated homeopathic water.
      It comes in a tiny bottle, but it remembers being in a bigger one.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Prager’s whole speech sounds fishy to me.

    • data_ninja

      It didn’t sound up to scale at all.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Give him the hook….

        • Spotts1701

          Why? Was he floundering?

          • Swampgas_Man

            Sounds better if you turn up the bass.

          • Duckbudder

            Sounds out of Tuna.

          • cousin itt

            Can we put a fin to this thread now?

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Thank Cod it’s over. It was giving me a haddock.

          • Awesome Man

            Well I’m gonna keep it going for the halibut.

          • cousin itt

            I wish you no eel will, but it’s time to stop carping.

          • Amy!

            You’re just being koi.

        • Querolous

          He Shad have stayed in bed.

  • JMPesq

    No, Dennis, the problem is the lack of pagans; after nearly two millennia of not getting the proper respect because the rubes abandoned her for that johnny-come-lately Jesus fellow, Demeter has gotten pissed, and has decided to get revenge on us humans by destroying our harvests for the foreseeable future.

    That’s just as logical and possible as what Prager said.

    • Blank Ron

      More so, I’d say.

  • John Norris

    Has anyone ever seen Moloch and Baal in the same room, like at the same time? Didn’t think so.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      No, and you don’t see either of them in the same room as Mammon, who is Prager’s actual deity.

  • Metadude

    Diana Nyad libel!

  • Anarchy Pony

    No dennis, earth raping christian savages have been taking more than they have any right to, and think condemning entire species to extinction is acceptable stewardship.

  • Joshua Norton

    What? No tirade about being punished for gay marriage? Of course that wouldn’t ‘splain why Mass. had 100″ of snow so he’ll probably have to get back to us on that one.

  • handyhippie65

    glenn beck is a fukstik. anyone insane enough to be on his crazy crap hour, is too.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Glenn Beck conveniently does not mention Mammon, his own deity of choice.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Not even in his “Buy gold now at higher-than-market rates, and get rich quick!” ads?

        Oh, right … he leaves out some of that. The Mammon part, in fact.

  • Calimaria

    1. Humans are part of nature. I don’t get why these fools think that they are above it all.
    2. So many idiots who post on other sites, like MSN believe this crap. Some of them said that because we’ve gotten away from God that’s why we have this drought. WTF!?!? God, even when his/her ass is kissed sufficiently still lets people starve, die of disease, etc. for all of history. Keep them dumb, I guess.

    • Steverino247

      That’s why I love mankind…

      • Amy!

        I take from you your children, and you say “How blesséd are we!”

    • Blank Ron

      Didn’t you know? Humans are Speshul. God said so. Probably right before slaughtering a bunch of them.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Dear Dennis:

    The average human body is made up of approximately 60% water. So why don’t you try holding your nose, and maybe you’ll drown yourself. And no, not even with votes, you pedantic twatmuffin.

    No love,

    EQ

  • Blueb4sunrise

    PFFFFFFFTTTTT. Arizona is way ahead of CA. in killing off all the native fish.

    • shastakoala

      And all the damn dams in Idaho.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Once you’ve killed off an entire river, it’s as easy as shooting … well, you know.

      • Amy!

        Bishonen like Will Farrel?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Also too, re: the painting. Good ole Narcissus is all “Okay girls, your titties are nice and perky and shit, but seriously, I’m much more into men. Specifically, myself.”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That’s actually Hylas … and he was seriously into Hercules (or vice-versa, if you know what I mean, and you damned well do.)
      Legend has it that he succumbed to conversion therapy at the hands of those nymphs (and who could blame him?) Not much of Greek mythology lives on, but for some reason the Xtards hang on to this one.

      • Toomush_Infer

        So, those girls really aren’t going to drown him?….because I’m a little suspicious after a lifetime of mostly rebuff….

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Fun part of the myth is that there are alternative endings, depending on whose version you read. He could have come to a sad and soggy end, or he could have come to a happy ending. Water nymphs are fickle that way.
          One version even has him enjoying their company for eternity, but that’s a hugely atypical fate for a Greek mythological character. Most of them get screwed over by one god or another; at best, the lucky ones get mounted in the night sky. (Hylas may have been a cute guy, and Hercules’ main squeeze, but he certainly did nothing to deserve that!)

          • Latverian Diplomat

            He was condemned to an eternity of being their nonthreatening celibate gay bff. Well not an eternity, since the pilot of High Lasses did not get picked up, not even by the Logo channel.

        • Vecciojohn

          They’ll love him up and turn him into a horny toad, is what they’ll do. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p56k6QCjJnc

  • whitroth

    Oh, about that “nudity undermining Amurkan society”? I understand that there are some Christian sects who believe that since they are “saved” ™, this returns them to the “state of grace” (clearly, not one of the 50 in the US) of Eden, and so they do events in the nude. I’m remembering a recent incident where there was a busload of them involved in an accident on an Interstate….

    mark

    • elviouslyqueer

      Christian sects, Christian sex. Potato, potahtoe.

      • Anarchy Pony

        But sects.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    This country is going to fucking hell. Every damn mentally deranged nutcase is given a chance to spout their ravings on the public airwaves. This Prager twit should be tossed in the same padded cell as the Bachmann twat.

  • Spotts1701

    Man, who knew Druids were such buzzkills?

  • Jared James

    How is it so often the case that men (not always men, but more often than not) who know very little about anything have so much to say about everything?

    • Blank Ron

      Camouflage.

  • HogeyeGrex

    some six-inch fish

    Prager sounds jealous.

  • shastakoala

    He’s not willing to save a six inch fish but what about an eight inch fish? It had to be said.

  • nmmagyar

    Two words you stupid twat-waffle: golf courses. A really, really stupid fucking idea in a desert (which most of So Cal is)

    • Villago Delenda Est

      What’s even more fucking insane is growing seriously thirsty crops like alfalfa and rice in a desert.

      • nmmagyar

        A lot more people eat rice than use golf courses (although I agree with you that neither is sensible water use policy)

    • Toomush_Infer

      Hah! Even God can’t hit a One Iron…

      • Enfant Terrible

        ISWYDT.

    • Calimaria

      Same with lush lawns and swimming pools.

  • runfastandwin

    Dern picture of water naiads really got me going. Then it turns out you are writing words about two “men.” I am so confused…

    • Vecciojohn

      Haven’t you ever heard of the homosexual agenda?

  • kindness

    You know what is really funny about the Reichtwingnutz new blame? They say Liberals are to blame because we haven’t built any new resevoirs (even though there is no water to fill them) but when ever a proposal came up in the past to pay for building these things the righties have uniformly voted them down. So, liberals are to blame because conservatives refuse to spend the money to build. Yea……I got a bridge I’d like to sell conservatives….but it is no longer over water because drought.

  • Politics_Nerd

    These morons do more to destroy the appeal of following Jesus than any Athiest, Satanist or Pagan ever could.

    • I’ve often thought that if I were Satan, I wouldn’t send my agents to earth disguised as folks like Anton LaVey…I’d send them dressed up like Falwell, Robertson, Swaggart, Stewart, et al. Not only would it drive sweet, succulent souls away from the One True God ™, but it would make the folks that stay with the church so un-Christian that they are certainly in for a dope slap when Jesus comes by for the final tour.

      • Goposaur

        nice. shoot me your resume.

        B.Bub

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Shit . . . don’t tell me Wikileaks has our files now.
        (Never should have gone with the Windows OS…)

  • Politics_Nerd

    Also, Nestle corporation exists.

    • mfp

      i live in the STL area, and i frequent the QT franchise for gas and coffee…i stopped into one last thursday, and they were…get this…Giving Away Free Bottles of Nestle Water—i couldnt fucking believe it….as if there wasnt enough reason to hate on nestle already, for sucking CA dry, they’re shipping CA water half way across the country, to a place that has 4 giant rivers converging all in one place, to give away For Gawdam Free as a PR ploy…gov brown, shut those muddafuggas down

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Meh … do the math, and they contribute 0.001% to the problem. Not exactly who we should be focusing on.

        • mfp

          yeah, i know…but the whole idea of a multinational getting water for next to nothing, in order to ship for profit….of course it’s not the main problem, but it’s a bad precedent…just like growing vegetables and golf courses in the desert

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            The whole idea of routinely drinking bottled water, for anybody not living in W. Virginia’s hellscape, is preposterous. I want to scream everytime I see a bottle of Fiji. I mean, water from fucking Fiji? WTF, people? W.T.F.?

          • Blank Ron

            Vegetables I suppose one could tolerate, but golf courses in the desert make me bloody furious. The very definition of wastefulness.
            The game never should have been taken away from the Scots. They only played golf on land that was useless for everything else…

      • dimplasm

        I can’t even get up my driveway for the mud. Driving home water is sheeting across the road yesterday (northwest Arkansas). And they sell that stuff here. Amazing.

    • Steverino247

      Coca Cola bottlers take water directly from the city water supplies, filter it, bottle it and sell it for a massive profit. I understand that some people are upset with Nestle, but they’re far from the main culprit here. Cash crops like almonds and being planted and planted and planted instead of stuff people might actually need. It goes on, of course, but Nestle’s not the main villain.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Prager, you do know what they say about pissing off Mom, don’t you?…

  • Gleem-McShinez

    (Looks at picture)
    Time to generate a bit of moisture… you’re welcome California!

  • Toomush_Infer

    So… worshiping Money is just a “flaw”, not really worship at all….who was it said “the love of money is the root of all evil…?…fuck that guy, what did he know….

    • sillyclucker

      He’s giving those books away, right? Because I’m sure he gives all worldly possessions away and follows Jesus like it says in the good book.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    God hydrates those who hydrate themselves.

    Xtard twatwaffles always fall back on “man is supposed to be the boss of things” whenever it becomes expedient (read: cheaper) to ignore their environmental sins. Or if their country club starts looking a bit less lush than they’re used to.

  • Bill T.

    Prager is correct. I don’t drink water because fish fuck in it.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Actually, they . . . well . . . let’s just say, it’s worse than you think.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Almonds. Fuking almonds….

  • Hey…is this awesome picture week at Wonkette? I think I didn’t get the memo.

    • Blank Ron

      Needz moar aureloae.

  • Swampgas_Man

    God obviously hates fish, because He picked his apostles from a bunch of fishermen.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      And then promptly told them to quit fishing for fishes, and start fishing for men.

      No, really, it says that

      • Blank Ron

        The Most Dangerous Gamefish

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Bring put the fishnets and let’s chum it up with some bait!

  • That screencap is horrifying. It should read:
    Dennis Prager
    Author, “I want to eat your babies with my demon face”

  • Callyson

    My avatar’s response to Dennis Prager:

    • CriticalDragon1177

      Also where are all the arrests for people sacrificing babies to the environmentalist Moloch and Baal?

  • AlanInSF

    Jesus built the California Aqueduct, not the gubmint.

    • cousin itt

      And he walked on the Salton Sea.

  • Vecciojohn

    Hey, goddamit, I have a sincere religious belief that the tree in my neighbor’s yard is my personal savior, so fuck off. Why do you hate America?

  • dimplasm

    That guy looks creepy as fuck. If my ovaries still worked, I feel sure they would have shriveled from sheer skeev.

    • ButchWagstaff

      When the mouth smiles but the eyes do not…run away!

  • Vecciojohn

    You do what you want, Jesus Boy, but I’m going to continue sacrificing a ram to Zeus at each Equinox like a decent, gods-fearing American!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Technically, Prager is not a Jesus boy but wingnut Jewish. The difference, on this level of looniness, is amazingly small.

      • CriticalDragon1177

        Why would it be that different? Wingnuts can be just as insanely stupid no matter what their religion. I’ve even come across a few hyper moronic far right atheists on youtube.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Doktor Zoom,

    First environmentalists are communists and now they’re “nature worshiping pagans.” Never mind that those “communist nature worshiping Pagans” have science on their side, and aren’t motivated by the worship of their “god” but actually a desire to save man kind and the planet from our own stupidity.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Once you’ve decided that Christanity and Capitalism can be compatible, nay, made for each, pretty much anything can go with anything else. It’s Wingnut logic.

      • CriticalDragon1177

        What about moderate conservative Christians who support big business?

        • Latverian Diplomat

          I guess they only moderately “sell all that [they] have, and give it to the poor”?

          • CriticalDragon1177

            No I mean conservative Christians that don’t fall into the nut job category.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            My point is simply that given Bible verses like Matthew 6:24, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

            Capitalism should not be the cozy fit that most Christians, conservative, moderate, or liberal seem to find it to be. It’s not my religion, however.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            They long ago discarded Jesus for Mammon and Moloch.

  • j hentai

    fuck man, 7 nymphs in the picture and not a nipple among them? what’s the world coming to?

    • Enfant Terrible

      I’m OK with it, fapping-wise.

      • j hentai

        i know, but still, more (female) nipples please!

        • Steverino247

          What? They don’t sell pink Sharpies where you live?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It’s John William Waterhouse (1896). The Victorians were in denial about the whole nipple thing.

      Best to stick with the Renaissance for all the best mythology-themed nudity.

    • Those with true vision can see the nipples.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        As can those with higher resolution.
        Waterhouse was a clever fellow – notice how much attention you find yourself paying to this detail. You could get away with this sort of thing in Victorian times, if you made the girls young enough . . . good creepy times!

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Doktor Zoom,

    Come to think of it, if Glen Beck wanted to scare us with some scary pagan gods, he should have accused environmentalists of worshiping one of the Aztec gods. Going to war just to capture and sacrifice hundreds of prisons and rip out their hearts, and use the sacrificial victims’ skulls as decorations.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Isn’t that the Gay Agenda? Or is it Agenda 21? I can’t keep track of all the left-wing Commie-Socialist-Muslin-Aztec-Democrat plots anymore, but that’s got to be one of them.

      • Blank Ron

        I would think it sounds like the sort of god a Republican would approve of. As long as you only sacrificed from the 47%

        • CriticalDragon1177

          LOL!

  • Having lived in an area impacted heavily by environmental regulations for most of my life, I can slightly, slightly understand that in the early days there were definitely better ways to handle what went down after the Endangered Species Act was enacted.
    Public collaboration and information was dirt poor for years.
    That said, I can’t for the life of me understand how any sentient being would want to be responsible for the extinction of an entire species, in most cases, solely for that being and its ilk to make some more earthly scratch that it can’t take with it after it dies.

    • blaid droog

      “to hunt a species to extinction is highly illogical.” may not be an accurate quote but who could disagree with Spock.

  • OneYieldRegular

    You know who else wanted to save that six-inch fish? Noah.

    • Biff52

      That’s another thing I love about the buybull. It’s the Delta Smelt, only found there, yet we are to believe Noah saved a couple of ’em somewhere in the Middle East.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Were you THERE?!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Let’s check with BillO…

    • RoyalUglyDude

      At least they only needed room on the ark for the fresh water fish.

  • Jenny

    Yeah, you smelly fish! Stealing all the water! It has absolutely nothing to do with a single almond needing a gallon of water to grow. Or any of the other California agriculture. It’s all hippies and fish bogarting the entire state water supply. This guy is totally on to you!

  • ryp

    Prager has a career in radio because apparently there is an audience for someone who sounds like he’s sitting on a hemorrhoid, especially if they spend three hours a day whining like Eeyore about how liberals ruin everything.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And not just any audience . . . a proven, highly-griftable audience. You can sell ’em gold, God, and the GOP all day long, and they just keep coming back for more.

  • Jenny

    If god wanted fish to live then he would have made them able to live on land, like his REAL children! (Am I doing this right?)

    • Jerry

      Ummmm…. Fish living on land? Lawdy the chile’s comin’ down with the Darwin Ague. Pa, run to the crick and grab some leeches!

  • PubOption

    If that is a Pre-Raphaelite painting, I suppose we should expect another Ted Cruz article shortly.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Post. Make of that what you will.

  • Guest

    I walked around my garden chanting Prager’s name, and all the weeds died. They just said, Fuck it, it’s not worth it, and gave up.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat
    • bargal20

      I fappen to recall that scene well.

  • MrBlobfish

    SOMEONE AROUND HERE GOT A PROBLEM WITH FISH?!??!

    • Blank Ron

      Not at all. They’re tasty, nutritious, and a good source of protein and omega-3 fatty acids.

      • MrBlobfish

        Oh yeah? Go Habs!

        • Blank Ron

          You, sir, are a cruel, cruel piscine.

      • BackDoorMan

        … and if they come from the Gulf of Mexico, they come packed in oil.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors
      • MrBlobfish

        Damn right

  • dshwa

    First we had Gog and Magog in a thread, and now Moloch and Baal. What’s with all the moldy Babylonian gods descending on the U.S. this week?

    Sumerian, Not Babylonian.
    Yeah, big difference.

    • Querolous

      Next up: Zuul and Vinz Clortho!

  • Guest

    You can take my six-inch fish when you pry it from my cold…!, uhh, wait, gimme a second to work this one out.

  • BadExampleMan

    I’m so old I can remember when Dennis Prager was just incoherent and wrong, not actually delusional.

    • toomanyrappers

      Nah. Your memory is just failing. :)

  • cousin itt

    OT How many David Brooks does it take to screw in an asshole?

    I dare any sentient being to read this column and tell me that David is not high on acid/coke/meth/Margaret Thatcher’s used panties: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/21/opinion/david-brooks-the-talented-mr-rubio.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&module=c-column-top-span-region&region=c-column-top-span-region&WT.nav=c-column-top-span-region&_r=0

    Here is a taste: Rubio’s inexperience concerns everybody. But at least he was speaker of the Florida House. Coughing up hairballs yet? Read on. Pro tip for the GOP and its apologists: you had a credible candidate in Jon Huntsman. You fucked him over. And so far there is not one sane or even remotely sane member of your party running for president this time around no matter how hard a mainstreaming bitch like Brooks can suck it.

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      I can’t take that dare. Maybe a if you breached the etiquette slightly and went straight for the triple dog dare, but even then I’d likely have to walk away. The taste you shared is ash in my mouth. I cannot imagine reading an entire David Brooks column.

      • ButchWagstaff

        I can’t even listen to him much less read him.

        • pwlsax

          He’s like a smiley spokesmuppet for our oligarchic overlords.

    • DahBoner
  • Alex Grey

    Ah yes, “The Ten Commandments: Still the Best Moral Code” with such hits as “Remember the sabbath
    day, to keep it holy.” Which is fucking Saturday you fucking morons, not Sunday. You should be stoned for god’s sake, and I don’t mean with legal marijuana either. Oh and there is also, “Thou shalt not kill.” Guess that means the death penalty is right out. And one of my favorites, “Thou shalt not bear
    false witness against thy neighbour.” Doesn’t that just translate to, “Though shalt not be on Fox News?” OK, I have had enough. It’s not like it is hard to pick apart Republican positions vs. the 10 commandments…

  • motmelere

    POE!

  • motmelere

    I hate spam, spam with eggs, spam with spam & eggs, spam with spam spam spam & eggs, and SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM….

    • Alex Grey

      The baked beans are off… So can I have her spam instead of the baked beans? You mean you want Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam and Spam?

  • DahBoner

    nudity is undermining American society

    Who were Adam & Eve wearing?

    http://media1.giphy.com/media/IFj3W4ZfpRcDm/200w_d.gif

    • cousin itt

      Dolce & Satan?

      • Me not sure

        Smile & Boner?

  • Rebecca Gardner

    Religion is a crippling mental disease. Proof #69,587,140,587,950. Especially the Abrahamic religions. Those are just sick and twisted.

  • Haribo Lector

    Author of “The Ten Commandments”? I’m pretty sure that was Moses.

    • Me not sure

      Malone or the Jewish guy?

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Neither. Moses Brown.

    • Larry Linn

      Former alter-boy George Carlin said, “Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning
      and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time! But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more.”

  • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

    Remember Steve Martin’s routine about how funny it would be to teach kids all wrong shit?
    Somebody did.

  • VirginiaLady

    Druids. Still f#cking up Roman ideals 2000 years later. Gotta love ’em!

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      Bad news. It says “Join the discussion,” but there isn’t one.

    • Ambignostic

      No one knows who they were or what they were doing. But their legacy remains, hewn into the living rock of Stonehenge.

  • Me not sure

    God apparently likes fish more than he likes us. He sent a flood that killed most of us but left the fish alone. In closing, if you need water, piss God off real good and you’ll get lots. The end.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    “Programme” ? Is the spelling to emphasize the old-timey views of Prager and Beck? Or is Anglo-Canadian grammar creeping across into the Gem State?

  • ThatDale

    Needs moar nekkid.

    • pwlsax

      nekkid Prager is a bad idea. he already shows his ass every time he is before the public.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Also, we would like to apologize to any readers who mistakenly thought this article was going to be about “naturists.”

    And well you should! Nevertheless, the day is young…

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    And even worse than the Naiads and Dryads hogging all the water, explained Glenn Beck, we are all worshiping “Moloch and Baal”

    An’ da Mighty Favog is gettin’ pissed. Yez don’ wanna piss off da Mighty Favog…

  • Ambignostic

    Hylas jumping into that nymph pond was the original big star bait-and-switch. Hey, I thought Herakles was going to be the star of this adventure! His face was on the movie poster and everything! It was just like Executive Decision all over again.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I am so tired of stupid people being treated like geniuses just because they dress their stupidity up in religion.

    • pwlsax

      or so called “righteous” anger. which is becoming harder and harder to separate from religion, and indeed probably IS many people’s religion whether they know it or not.

  • Jeremy Weller

    you people are a complete waste of space! I thought I was going to get educated on something, and just find the typical liberal bs that only you kind of idiots would buy. you people are a special kind of dumb. any of you know just how much water has been released into the bay?? no?? idiots!

  • JEinSJ

    It’s always the druids.

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