SHARE

Stupid nymphs, takin' all our water!

Dennis Prager, the Family-Values radio talker who thinks children should go hungry because it builds character and that nudity is undermining American society, has more thoughts about Matters Spiritual and Material. Specifically, he has figured out why California has a “drought” — it has nothing to do with insufficient rain and snow, and is instead the result of nature-worshiping greenies. Like so many conspiracy theorists, they always end up blaming the Druids.

Appearing on Glenn Beck’s dumb radio programme to hawk his new book, The Ten Commandments: Still the Best Moral Code, Prager explained that nature worship is just one of the False Gods being worshiped by purportedly “secular” environmentalists:

The whole point of the first chapter in Genesis is that God created Nature. Nature is subservient to God. Nature is created for the human being. Today it is the opposite. Where I live in Southern California, the reason we have no water is not because of drought, it is because of the worship of nature. For example, the incredible amount of water that is taken from humans in order to save some six-inch fish. This is the worship of nature.

How true this is! It explains why California Gov. Jerry Brown announced emergency water-conservation measures in a mountain area that was completely dry, but that in a normal year should have been under several feet of snow. The stupid endangered fishies took all the snow! And they also apparently took all the rainfall. Also, God wants us to kill as many fish as we can, because He’ll be back any day now, and has a real taste for endangered species.

Oh, sure, the notion that California is withholding water from your local car wash just because of some stupid fish has been around forever, and it’s been bullshit forever.

But the real problem is this outbreak of paganism everywhere, which is now literally taking our precious bodily fluids. And even worse than the Naiads and Dryads hogging all the water, explained Glenn Beck, we are all worshiping “Moloch and Baal” without even knowing it, which frankly sounds like a bit of a stretch. We’ve never even seen them in concert.

Also, we would like to apologize to any readers who mistakenly thought this article was going to be about “naturists.”

[RightWingWatch / Natural Resources Defense Council / WeatherWest]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
Previous articleTulsa Pretend Cop Enters Plea, Takes Bahamas Vacation Like Any Other Manslaughter Suspect
Next articleBREAKING: Senate Republicans Very Proud Of Themselves For Doing A Thing