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Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

Now that Michele Bachmann is retired, having saved America by giving it cheap gas, she has a lot of free time on her hands. And she certainly doesn’t want to spend all of it shopping with Marcus for doggie sunglasses. So she’s been hanging with her gal pal, radio host Jan Markell, talkin’ ’bout girl stuff, like how God is cursing us with droughts and snowstorms and economic disasters because Obama is causing the End Times. SAD FACE.

That was last week, and this week, it is even more seriouser:

We need to realize how close this clock is to getting toward the midnight hour, and I think that’s why for our sake, for the sake of our family, for the sake of our nation, for the next generations, we need to cry out to a holy God. This is coming faster than anyone can see. I worked very hard on the Intelligence Committee to try and keep up with what was happening in the world. It got to such a crescendo, I could hardly keep up with it anymore.

Silly us, we thought Bachmann’s gig on the House Intelligence Committee was about spotting secret Muslim Brotherhood terrorists who work for Hillary Clinton, but it was really about watching us tick-tock toward End Times o’clock.

The events have picked up such pace, and are going to continue. It’s just like the Bible forewarned. In the last days, it will be like the beginning of birth pangs. In my opinion, we are far beyond the beginning of birth pangs. We’re moving far down into the process. For women who are listening to this show today, you know what I’m talking about.

Actually, nope, we do not know what Bachmann means exactly — how the End Times hurt a whole lot if you try to natural childbirth it, we guess, so be sure to opt for the epidural? Please go on with that metaphor, it’s great. Actually, please don’t. Let’s skip to the part where it is Obama’s fault, shall we?

Barack Obama is intent — it is his number one goal — to ensure that Iran has a nuclear weapon. Why? Why would you put the nuclear weapon in the hands of madmen who are Islamic radicals, who believe it’s their religious duty to bomb Israel and to bomb the United States. That is where we’re headed right now.

Oy, crazy radical religious types with their crazy radical religious beliefs, right? What can we do about it, Ms. Actual Former Member of Congress?

The best thing that we can do is have churches and pastors explain our times. Believers need to get our lives right with God, and then we intercede. We intercede and intercede.

OK, assume we have interceded the holy shit out of ourselves. Then what? Cry? Beg for mercy? Buy plastic sheeting and duct tape?

And then not despair, but rejoice that we get to be living in the most exciting time in history. Prophets said we look to the future, we long to see those days and live in those days. Why? Because it’s the return of a soon and coming king.

Is it Elvis? Please say it is Elvis:

Jesus Christ is coming back! We, in our lifetimes, potentially could see Jesus Christ returning to Earth, the Rapture of the church. This is one of the most exciting times in history. We need to be exactly watching the tenor of the times, be observing, and look up. Our redemption draweth nigh.

Oh, happy day! Jesus is coming (good) because Obama is nuclear arming Iran (bad, but good actually), and we are drawething ever nigh to the end of the world (bad?), but in a good way (good?), but it is Obama’s fault (bad, for sure), but we should be happy about it (???) and rejoice!

We can’t wait to tune in to End Times Girl Talk next week, when we will undoubtedly learn how to be even happier that Obama is destroying the world, just like the Bible and the House Intelligence Committee foretold.

[RightWingWatch]

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  • memzilla

    “…we need to cry out to a holy God. “

    Holy God, will this woman never go away?!

    • Blank Ron

      Don’t expect Me to take her.
      – God

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Chill out.
        I got this.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    That is some crazy shit!

  • Lizzietish81

    Silly Michele, the Winchesters prevented the rapture back in 2010.

    • david green

      Really? I miss one lousy episode…

      • Lizzietish81

        It wasn’t very good admittedly, and in reality, it was Metalicar that saved us all.

  • elpinche
  • elviouslyqueer

    we need to cry out to a holy God. This is coming faster than anyone can see. I worked very hard… to try and keep up with what was happening. It got to such a crescendo, I could hardly keep up with it anymore.

    Is she talking about the End Times, or her experience last Friday night with her dildo, Brad The Impaler?

    • Nounverb911

      She got Brad back from Marcus? How nice of him to share.

      • elviouslyqueer

        No no. Marcus calls his Paul a Pound Bone.

        • Nounverb911

          Paula Poundstone libelz!

    • willi0000000

      Brad The Impaler? . . . Dok, you’re not gonna want to find your keys.

      [just let it go, man]

  • I’m all for the fundies to rapture themselves the hell away already…..sans the armageddon, thanks.

  • Spotts1701

    That was a fine Möbius strip of an argument there, one-L. Mighty fine.

  • chicken thief

    “I’m going to wait ’til the midnight hour….”

    ~ God and Wilson Pickett

  • Toomush_Infer

    We need to realize how close this clock is to getting toward the midnight hour, and I think that’s why for our sake, for the sake of our family, for the sake of our nation, for the next generations, we need to cry out to a holy God. This (Clock in my End) is coming faster than anyone can see.

  • OldMayfly

    Michele Bachmann was elected to Congress and assigned to the “Intelligence committee.” It’s not the “End Times” it is the “U.S. Insanity Times.”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The same GOP fuckers just put Inhofe in charge of an environmental committee, so no surprises. I think they just do it ironically now.

  • bumfug

    Holy fuck, will the Rapture never come and suck this woman and all her annoying friends off the planet?

    • Blank Ron

      Psst… the Rapture DID come. But there were only eight people who were taken – oddly enough, all from a little village in Luxembourg.

  • Nounverb911

    Didn’t Jon Stewart just announce the “end of days” as August 6th?

    • Blank Ron

      As one of the Chosen People, you’d figure he’d know.

      • vivian

        “Nobody knows why Moses chose us”

  • Tendernob

    Is this the same Jesus that told Michele she should run for president? And the same Bible that says “I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence” (I Tim 2:12 KJV) ?

    • Ruhe

      Indeed, the same Jesus who warned that “concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” Obviously Jesus didn’t anticipate the full scope of the House Intelligence Committee.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    The fact that this woman was allowed within one thousand yards of anything called an intelligence committee tells you everything you need to know about this country.

  • Reddishrabbit

    I opened my browser on my phone, and there was that photo, I nearly spilled my coffee in shock. There should be some warning for photos like that.

  • Callyson

    Say, you know what else got to be such a crescendo that you could not keep up with it anymore?

    • Lizzietish81

      Bach

      • Blank Ron

        Welcome Bach!

        • vivian

          I’ll be Bach!

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Just so long as Michele won’t be Bach, man.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Nickelback?

    • elpinche

      Phillip Glass?

    • Respiteini

      Escher?

    • Ruhe

      The Fibonaci sequence?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Liberace?

  • CutterTeam

    It’s about time someone put Barry Obummer in his place. Just imagine the diabolical evil a man who hates this country so much that he wanted to be its President.

    Can’t argue with that logic. Or I guess you can, assuming you’re not a fucking moron.

  • nightmoth

    “I worked very hard on the Intelligence Committee to try and keep up” Oh, sweetie, let it go—your relationship to any Intelligence Committee is like that of a Dalmatian to a fire department–the dog doesn’t suit up and firefight.

    • chicken thief

      But they kept sending her out to get a box of flight line and some grid squares.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        That or lanyard grease.

        • david green

          Or relative bearing grease.

  • chicken thief

    Note to self: Get more Jesus-y so you can get back in the news.

    ~ Sarah in Wasilla

  • A Big Sarcastic Fairy!

    It is time for this piece of DNA disaster to STFU!

    • elpinche

      That’s accurate. They say Bachmann rose from the primordial ooze of santorum + holy water.

  • diogenez

    I’m more alarmed than every by politicians who display their religious beliefs are a sign of personal virtue.

    As Michele Bachmann has made evident, it’s a clearer sign of MENTAL ILLNESS and the need for PSYCHIATRIC HELP.

  • Ruhe

    Some folks like the scatological porn…some folks like the eschatological porn. Suit yourselves.

    • Blank Ron

      *golf clap*

  • smashedinhat

    Do you know how much I currently pay to get as high as Michele Bachmann apparently is all the time? Maybe I should just run a high voltage electrode up and down my spine.

    • Notreelyhelping

      There’s some neurotransmitters running willy nilly.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    So… shouldn’t she be happy that Obummer is hastening the End Times? Sounds like he’s doing the Lord’s Work by letting the mullahs get nukes.

  • Michele Bachmann was not only in the legislature, but she was on the intelligence committee as well.
    That just jumped up my list of terrifying things to think about, only slightly below “third date with Jessica Alba and my penis falls off.”

  • Lizzietish81

    Isn’t she under investigation by everyone?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      By a good psychiatrist, I hope.

  • CutterTeam

    In roughly half of the Republican rants against President Obama, they portray him as The Lazy Negro — a man too obsessed with golf, basketball, rap music and eating BBQ with Jay-Z to actually care about anything going on in this country.

    And in the other half of their rants against President Obama, they portray him as a Manchurian Candidate and Bond villain — at the nexus of the most diabolical plots the world has ever known in his ongoing 11-dimensional chess match to surrender to terrorists, take away everyone’s gun, and make Magic Sky Jesus weep.

    I’m guessing Sean Hannity just flips a coin each morning to decide today’s narrative.

    • Lizzietish81

      The target audience is senile so it doesn’t really matter.

      • Blank Ron

        Imagine this in Old Man Voices:
        ‘Isn’t he supposed to be the Antichrist?’
        ‘Who?’
        ‘That nice Obama boy.’
        ‘Oh, him. Who’d you say he’s supposed to be?’

      • weejee

        And those Fuxers that aren’t senile are in total denial.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Cognitive dissonance is a helluva drug.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          When your audience lacks the “cognitive” part, you don’t have to worry about the dissonance.

  • dslindc

    Maybe next week she’ll read from the Book of Armaments to describe all the ways Obama will destroy the world!

    • Alan Williams

      Unfortunately, she won’t make it past ONE in the count….

  • Why do these End-Times types hate the people who are supposedly bringing about the End Times? That’s like being pissed at your travel agent for giving you a free Caribbean cruise.

    • chicken thief

      There you go again, bragging ’bout yer EBT card and cruises an’ shit. Speaking of which, how were the lobster yesterday?

      • I had to take a bunch home because I was so stuffed. I need a bigger Cadillac.

      • Alan Williams

        Lobster does taste best when flavored by the tears of the Baggerati.

      • Shibusa

        I like my Royal Caribbean lobster with a side of Norovirus.

  • Alan Williams

    Boy, will Jesus be suffering from Rapturer’s Remorse!

    Gratuitous Movie Pitch:

    Jesus raptures all the good folks, then discovers what asshats they are. God won’t let him send them back to Earth, so he has to shop them to another planet.

    Hilarity ensues when they—Jesus, Peter, and Gabriel—discover the nearest planet that can take the Raptured Asshats is Uranus.

    We follow the high jinks of the Three Musketeers of Heaven as they talk, cajole, and finally sing karaoke to get the denizens of Uranus to accept the Raptured Asshats—on the condition that the Uranusuns are able to do to the RAs what the RAs did to people on Earth.

    • karma-based_lifeform

      Isn’t this what Scientologists believe?

      • lesterthegiantape

        lol

      • FauxAntocles

        I thought it was the Mormons

        • Villago Delenda Est

          20th century religious grifters vs. 19th century religious grifters. Take your pick.

          • ‘Bout time someone came up w/ a 21st century grift, innit? Hmmm …

          • Biff52

            Hence my new church, Mormontology…

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Plenty of planets to go around, folks. Matter of fact, you can each have your own, and not bother anybody ever again.

    • jmk

      I would see this film the very first day it was released.

  • Ryan Denniston

    But if Jesus is coming, signaled by all of the bad times that Obama is bringing, shouldn’t we instead be saying “Thanks Obama!”?

    • chicken thief

      Perhaps even blow him?

      ~ Marcus

    • Blank Ron

      The End Times, how do they work?

      • vivian

        time to buy that chicken

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    My idea of hell is any place with her in it.

    • riledupone

      I think she’s supposed to represent the haemorrhoids in the pregnancy metaphor in the story. No offense to the Editrix intended, of course.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Back in the day, we would sing a song in Children’s Church that went like this:

    Jesus is coming soon, morning or night or noon, many will meet their doom, trumpets will surely sound.

    It was rather catchy and upbeat.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Kind of like 99 red balloons? Which is catchy and upbeat and about nuclear holocaust.

      • jmk

        ♫♪ Neun und neunzig Luftballons ♪♫

        • riledupone

          Ever hear the “99 Dead Baboons” version?

          • Amy!

            99 dead baboons on the wall, 99 deeaadd baboons,
            take one down, uh … throw it around, 98 dead baboons on the wall.

            No, it doesn’t scan. Needs an extra syllable before “dead”. Also, why would the baboons be on a wall? And … no, not gonna pass ’em around. You can’t make me!

            Hold on, was this a different song? Our church bus only knew the one about beer bottles, and the youth group coordinator always used to threaten to drive us off the side of the mountain before we’d gotten down to fifty even once.

          • jmk

            I have not!! But I will as soon as I can!

          • riledupone
          • riledupone
  • Angry_Cop

    I can tell you from personal experience that most patients on the locked ward of any given mental hospital are more oriented to reality and make more sense than this lunatic. How she has not been committed is beyond my power to fathom.

    • Blank Ron

      IOKIYAR, remember?

      • Anarchy Pony

        Lunacy is now a standard feature.

    • chicken thief

      If only her mother hadn’t gotten little One L vaccinated as a child…..

  • RoyalUglyDude

    The sooner she gets raptured, the better.
    More corn dogs for the rest of us.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Kaili says: “Is it Elvis? Please say it is Elvis”
    I think it’s Elvis. I think Michele just got her kings mixed up. But does this mean we should all go to Vegas or with there be a tour? See, this is where Michele needs to be focusing.

  • I always figured God is like this company I heard from a couple decades back. They invited my wife and I to a free steak dinner, and while we were there, they proceeded to tell everyone attending that not buying their residential fire alarm system was basically guaranteed to be fatal.

    • weejee

      Milton weeps.

      • Shibusa

        Epic.

  • jesuswasablack

    She forgot to give out the 1-800 number that the faithful can call to give an offering so they’ll be right with the lord. If your gonna grift don’t forget the fucking 1-800 number?????

  • weejee

    The Rupture is coming soonly?

  • Tom_Has_Doubts

    The omens have already begun. Witness…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBv3qz_utis

    • Amy!

      Spiderlamb LIBEL!!

  • chicken thief

    In paragraph #1: “…, for the next generations,…”
    In her last paragraph: “We, in our lifetimes,….”

    Michele, you ignorant twat, if Jesus is coming during my lifetime I’m not doing jack shit for “the next generations”, I’m going to max out all my credit cards.

    • Bad news.

      Thanks to the BAPCPA (The Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act of 2005), even dying and going to heaven will not cancel your credit card debt.
      ~

      • chicken thief

        But THE END OF THE WORLD will – yessssss!!!!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Well, we all know how those devious poorz are always abusing the system by just up and dying on their bankster creditors.

        You’d think the plutocrats would be happy about how Obamacare is putting the brakes on this rampant dying-while-broke scam.

  • lesterthegiantape

    Cannot fap to this story. Maybe I’m an amateur, but this is advanced play.

    • Amy!

      But there’s a pearl necklace and everything!

  • JohnE_o

    I’d really like to know – does she believe the crap she says, or is it a long-running grift?

    • wds

      I’m leaning toward – she believes all this….AND a bit a grifting …

  • Villago Delenda Est

    This woman really, really, really needs to be placed in a padded cell with no visitation rights to anyone with access to a microphone or the Intertubes.

  • Candy Apple

    Michele, when I was a little child in the Eighties, I was told that Jesus was coming back, like RIGHT NOW. Except He didn’t. So excuse me if I’m a little cynical about your stupid interpretation of actual world events, okay? Because everything that happens is all going through that filter of your very crazy eyes. And besides which, I no longer trust the three-thousand-year-old writings of goat herders. You’re going to feel very stupid 20 years from now, except that I’m sure you will have a whole new and present danger you want to trumpet from the hilltops, and will have forgotten all about this. So I’m just going to save us all a bunch of trouble and forget about it right now.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If the world ended as many times as it was supposed to have ended in my lifetime, according to mental cases like Michele here, we’d be well into four digits of world ends by now.

      • Shibusa

        Neither of you would make much of a Jehovah’s Witness.

        • Candy Apple

          I’m okay with that.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I don’t make much of them either.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Rationalwiki has a fun list of all the end of the world prophecies both past and yet to come.

    • handyhippie65

      shepherds, not goatherders. sheep, and goats don’t think the same. someone famous once said “the world would be a different place if the angel had appeared to a goat herder, rather than a sheep herder.” sir terry pratchett.

  • A Bashful Nobody

    I has a tummy ache now.

    • Candy Apple

      I can’t bear to listen to that. I just can’t.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It’s what the NRA wanted – I can’t see why Miche1e is bent out of shape.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “I worked very hard on the Intelligence Committee to try and keep up with what was happening in the world. It got to such a crescendo, I could hardly keep up with it anymore.”

    Why do I not find that hard to believe?

    • handyhippie65

      it is hard to believe she worked at all.

  • say wha

    “In my opinion, we are far beyond the beginning of birth pangs. We’re moving far down into the process. For women who are listening to this show today, you know what I’m talking about.”
    Hemorrhoids?

    • Candy Apple

      Stretch marks?

    • Tansy Geek

      an episiotomy?

      • handyhippie65

        i hope not, when that was explained to me, i bout fell out right there.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Have you read the Episiotomies of St. Paul? Rough material, that.

    • nmmagyar

      Crowning

      • willi0000000

        no . . . just a tiara.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    We might see Jesus come back in our lifetimes? Nobody ever predicted that before.This could be it, people! Maybe!

    • Amy!

      Here’s a thesis idea for quantitative history:

      how young would you have to die, throughout history from say 120 AD to the present, in order to not experience a prediction of the return of JC (the original one-shoe man, waiting to drop the other for two millennia now) in your lifetime?

  • JParkerSD46

    Bwahahahaaaa! Michelle “tried hard to keep up”. That’s as far as I could get because I can’t try to keep up with her brand of amazingly stupid. All I can do is to “cry out to God” to please put her out of our misery.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Michele trying hard to keep up with an “Intelligence Committee” is pretty much what you’d expect, innit? Failing to keep up, also too.

      • david green

        “Remedial” Intelligence Committee seat?

  • Shibusa

    Armageddon tired of all the End of Days talk.

    • Rufus T. Firefly

      I know. You could really rapture a gasket over it all.

    • wds

      And that is one of the “Comments of the Day”!!! LOL

    • Toomush_Infer

      dern tired…

  • JParkerSD46

    Okay, okay, I had to go back and read the rest of it. W.T.F. The end “draweth nigh”??? I repeat, W.T.F!!! I hope I do live to see the day when Jeebus returns. I can’t wait to see him bitch slap the hell out of Michelle and all her nutjob pals.

    • handyhippie65

      take a number, it’s a very long line.

    • Heck, I’d like to see the faith healing routine of “smack upside the forehead, yelling Heal!” and have her suddenly realize what a completely insane jackass she’s been. Then slink off to the side and end it all.

      • Amy!

        Plice the affLICted portion uv yer BODy ‘gainst th’ TELevision SCREEN.

        Hee-yal! Hee-yal! Hee-yal!

  • wds

    My Mother [bless her] had a saying for years on her refrigerator – “Some people are just too heavenly minded to be any earthly good.” I’m guessing “far-away-eyes” Bachman fits that description to a tee!!

  • nmmagyar

    Since neither Iran or the US (not to mention they in no way could have conceived of a nuclear weapon) exited during biblical times how much does her holy book actually have to say on this subject?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      With one-third of the earth scheduled to be burned, and one-third of humanity to be killed off, it’s just common sense that you’ll need the nukes.
      The good news is that 144,000 Jews will make the cut. All 12 tribes get a piece of the salvation action, but where on earth these lucky ducks come from seems to be up in the air. There’s lots of missing details, but you know how stuff gets lost in translation, unless it’s not lost, in which case it’s obviously perfectly accurate, word of God, etc.

  • diogenez

    “”Incredibly, President George W. Bush told French President Jacques Chirac in early 2003 that Iraq must be invaded to thwart Gog and Magog, the Bible’s satanic agents of the Apocalypse.

    Honest. This isn’t a joke. The president of the United States, in a top-secret phone call to a major European ally, asked for French troops to join American soldiers in attacking Iraq as a mission from God.

    Now out of office, Chirac recounts that the American leader appealed to their “common faith” (Christianity) and told him: “Gog and Magog are at work in the Middle East…. The biblical prophecies are being fulfilled…. This confrontation is willed by God, who wants to use this conflict to erase his people’s enemies before a New Age begins.””

    https://universalheretic.wordpress.com/2009/08/07/did-george-bush-try-to-start-armageddon/

    • handyhippie65

      that is the most horrifying thing i have read in a long time. that the leader of the supposed “free world”, actually said this, not just thought it. better to remain silent, and have people think you a fool, than to open your mouth, and remove all doubt.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It strains credulity to believe that Dumbya took this daft approach when trying specifically to sell Chirac on the invasion, so you have to very seriously consider the possibility that Tony Blair, a religious nut in his own right, bought into the war based on the same apocalypto-religious sales pitch. It also makes it a bit more understandable that we had so few allies.

      There’s a more detailed telling of the tale here, but have a strong drink in your hand when you read it.

      When Dumbya called it a “crusade”, to the horror of just about every thinking person on the planet, I assumed he was just being stupid – but now I wonder if that wasn’t exactly what he wanted to say.

      • handyhippie65

        and to think, right now, over 50% of our government is made up of people who say they believe this, or at least won’t deny it in public. because it is in the bible.

  • Guest

    I hope Jesus raptures this Bachmann thing pretty soon. There’s only so much we should have to put up with!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Do ex-Congresscritters still get the health care? Cuz she needs to adjust her meds, stat.

  • Derp perp

    Wait! Obama got One-L-Michele prego, and she is having labor pains so she can end the world?! I bet Mean Michelle Obama isn’t gonna like that!

  • Paperless Tiger

    They all seem to be speaking in tongues lately. Maybe not as bad as Sheley, but even the main-stream Republicans keep blathering a bunch of apocalyptic doomsday nonsense. You’d think they’d have had their fill after Bush’s battle of Armageddon put us in hock forever. But it seems like they’re gettin worse.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Michele is praying for the end of time so she can end her time with Marcus?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Meatloaf again? Marcus might be praying for the same thing.

      • Amy!

        And now I’m prayin’ that the end of time
        Will hurry up and arrive,
        ‘Cause if I have to have another pres’dent like you
        I don’t think that I can really survive.

        Wasn’t Meatloaf a bagger?

  • Biff52

    The tenor of our times? Pavarotti? Domingo? Caruso? WHICH ONE IS IT???1!!?

    • Robert Weiler

      Pavarotti and Caruso are dead, so it must be Domingo. However given the power of modern media, which always prefers a good back story to a good performance, I’d say Andrea Bocelli is the tenor of our times.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Domingo is singing baritone these days, so I’d guess Roberto Alagna, mebbe?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Too eclectic . . . if Crazy-Eyes knows the name of any tenor, it might be Jeff Buckley.

          • Amy!

            Or Michael Stipes?

          • david green

            Or Piyush Jindal?

          • Mehmeisterjr

            If we’re talking about a squeaky-voiced person known to one-l Michele, that would be Marcus. Or Michael Bolton in a pinch.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Let’s never forget that one year, the Republican Party actually chose this woman to give the response to the State of the Union address.

    • Joseph

      And since then they have not been able to keep her from given a response.

    • Wombat

      Yes, and what a response it was. Good memories!

    • BackDoorMan

      … ah, yes… the one where she was looking over your shoulder at some imaginary person while spouting gibberish… even her eyes seemed to go in opposite directions. Really belongs in the Smithsonian, that one.

    • SomeOtherDude

      Actually, she didn’t. She gave the Teabagger response, back when there were a lot fewer of them. Paul Ryan gave the official Republican response. If we were talking about today, it would hardly merit a distinction.

  • Bear OmNomNom

    She wants to hasten Biblical suffering… Hmmm, does that make her a Job creator?

  • Robert Weiler

    So can somebody explain to me again why a) this isn’t totally bat crazy, and b) why a couple of billion people claim to subscribe to this nonsense? The Age of Reason obviously didn’t last very long (if it ever really existed in the first place).

  • Zhu Bajie

    When is her trial? Will the Rapture save her from a Fraud conviction?

    • Joseph

      Rapture is put on hold for everyone on the Federal Court Docket. Not to worry. We got Marcus all set up with Rollf the pool boy.

      • Cuberly

        ….he got tired of Jurgen eh?

        • Joseph

          He seems fickle.

          • Cuberly

            I don’t know. Maybe Jurgen chewed through his restraints.

          • Joseph

            A real possibility. Although after being married to Crazy eyes I’m surprised Marcus didn’t chew through a wall pot get way.

  • Esteban Rey

    It is very worrisome that Ms. Bachmann is no longer in congress protecting us from the religious fanatics.

  • chascates

    Jesus hisself said the Kingdom would come while the original apostles were still alive so I wouldn’t quit your Netflix subscription just yet.

    • Me not sure

      What does he know?

  • John

    Is there a psychiatrist on this board? how is this belief if mythical beings not a disorder? Clearly, this lady needs serious medical attention.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I really wonder about the mental state of the twenty-odd girls adopted by this lunatic, and raised with the excellent help of Miss Marcus. There’s got to be some serious up-fuckedness with that crew, and the fact that nobody knows nuttink is actually a bit scary… where ARE they, what are they up to, and are they getting help?

  • sillyclucker

    For our sake, the sake of our families, the sake of our nation…what about for fuck’s sake?

  • coozledad

    And the woman of near white eyes will ascend from the congress of eunuchs to attend her lord, the man of boys. The queer shall become the straight, surely as colloidal silver will stop arthritis. The Persian shall lie with the Abyssinian, the lion with the stag, and Marcus with his wife.

  • Wombat

    I think I speak for us all when I say: WTF did I just read?

  • Cuberly
  • Mehmeisterjr

    When is somebody finally going to rapture this nutter into Federal Court?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    There are U.S.Americans who elected this bugfuck-crazy mental case to be their congresstwunt?
    It really buggers the imagination.

    • Enfant Terrible

      I have cousins who live in her district! I’m pretty sure they voted for her, but they won’t ‘fess up.

  • j hentai

    it’s like she read the graham masterton book “ikon” except didn’t realise it was fiction. oh well, par for the course!

  • xzargo

    I’ll have some of what she is smoking, please.

    • Rick Hill

      No, been sprayed with paraquat.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Oh for the days when she hid behind bushes while watching monitoring gay pride rallies.

    • Rick Hill

      That assplains that mysterious *schlik-schlick-schlik* coming from the bushes(Oooh, a twofer!)

  • DahBoner

    Wow, Heaven must REALLY SUCK BIG-TIME!!!!

    Otherwise Christians would just get in the car and Thelma and Louise it and leave the rest of us the fuck alone…
    http://media.giphy.com/media/uJOaRspHL8IA8/giphy.gif

  • Me not sure

    Free-dumb fries have just become raving lunatic fries. NEEDZ MOAR SALT!

  • Rick Hill

    Gee. Why can’t we have more people with vision like her running the show?

  • BeliTsari

    Remember seeing fat, inbred drunks mouth-reading Bat Boy articles in Piggly Wiggly’s checkout? Kind of KNEW, eventually, our masters would have these creatures all running America’s stripped-out wreckage?
    http://ct.politicomments.com/ol/pc/sw/i58/5/9/14/f_c6f931f428.jpg

  • azeyote

    sad to say that as much as i had hoped to stay young, I am now an oldie, and they have been spewing this end of times grifter con job non f#cking stop for like ever. – all this waiting has turned me into quite a substance abuser – I’d get sober, but f#ck yeah america – it’s the end times.

  • Magic Juan

    And every generation passes to to the next so they can have their predictions come and go several times during their lifetime and then pass it down and so on and so forth…..always finding some little miscalculation that made the previous one wrong but the next one will be right….

  • Blackest Noobs

    i was raptured once. it aint all that. meh.

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