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Did somebody say my name???

Florida, soon to be known as the “Look, Mom, I’m In The Ocean!” state, due to the fact that the liberal conspiracy of “climate change” is fixin’ to sink it real good, has been in the news lately, over the fact that you may or may not be allowed to utter the words “climate change,” if you work for Florida’s Department Of Environmental Protection (DEP). It’s not a written policy, of course — it’s just more UNDERSTOOD that, if you want to remain in good standing with your Koch Brothers-owned state gubmint, you’d better be pretty careful about saying … THOSE WORDS. Democratic state senators have been enjoying bullying Gov. Rick Scott’s various minions, trying to set evil liberal traps that force them to say the bad words, which describe something that 97% of climate scientists agree is a real, true thing.

Well Jonathan Steverson, the man Scott appointed to be his buttboy at the DEP, is over it! He says there is NO BAN, and to prove it, he said “climate change” THREE WHOLE TIMES in his confirmation hearing:

“Climate change. Climate change. Climate change,” Steverson responded when asked by Sen. Darren Soto, D-Orlando, about the reported prohibition. “There I said it three times. There is absolutely no policy against discussing climate change at the department. In fact, we have multiple programs related to climate change.”

Hooray! He can say whatever he wants, just like a teenager whose mom just dropped him off at the mall to smoke drugs with his friends. “Fuck fuck fuck! Climate change climate change climate change!”

Reports vary as to whether Steverson’s utterance summoned Beetlejuice, the Bloody Virgin Mary or 97% of all living climate scientists, but we’re pretty sure whoever showed up slapped him across the face nice and hard. We’re also pretty sure he’s not going to do much to keep Florida from falling into the ocean, which is a good thing or a bad thing, depending on much you like Florida:

“Now, as a resident of Northwest Florida I’m not as concerned,” Steverson joked. “That means I’m that much closer to redfish fishing. Down in South Florida, I know we have to worry about that as far as what it’s going to impact our infrastructure.”

Good joking, Mr. Steverson! You live in Flor-abama, the ugly part of the state, so it’s no big! He assured the committee (which totally voted for his confirmation) that he knows that “climate change is always happening,” and that the thing about the sea levels rising is also totally real! He said they are working on it, so WHEW, Florida saved! (No it isn’t.)

Of course, Steverson likely only did this to try to deflect attention from the fact that UM YEAH, people in the state’s employ are definitely discouraged from using those demon words, as your Wonkette has reported previously. Specificially, they like to stay away from “climate change,” “global warming” and “sustainability,” favoring the much nicer sounding “atmospheric reemployment.” Florida’s not going to fall into the sea! It’s going to going to be re-employed, underwater! You think you can’t breathe on Disney World rides now? JUST YOU WAIT.

Think Progress also reports that this language policing extends even to scientists they work with, who just go along with it apparently:

An e-mail exchange obtained and released yesterday by Greenpeace, however, shows a DEP communications officer instructing a scientist to avoid mentioning the cause of sea-level rise during a documentary interview.

“I know the drill,” the scientist wrote in response.

That’s right. Just don’t talk about it. Close your eyes. Mean liberal science stuff can’t happen to you if you don’t look directly at it. Just keep buying new beachfront condos, all of which come with unique water features, which Mother Nature will personally install sometime in the next few years. Everything will be fine. Shhhhhhhhh.

[Orlando Sentinel/Think Progress]

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  • Steverino247

    We’re here for your salt water, Chuck.

  • But does he believe in Mary Worth?

    • weejee

      If not there’s always Mark Trail.

      • schmannity

        I’m saving that picture.

        • Callyson

          Me too. Also, I’ll keep an eye out for photos of dogs peeing on the other GOP candidates’ signs. I bet I’ll get quite a collection soon!

      • Callyson

        My dogs want to meet this dog. They;d get along famously…

        • Guest

          Me too. And I’ll keep an eye out for photos of dogs peeing on the other GOP candidates’ signs. I bet I’ll get quite a collection soon!

  • Steverino247

    That’s why I won’t work two Senate committee hearings a day. I won’t do it.

  • weejee

    Florida’s Department Of Environmental Protection (DEP)

    Department of Environmental Rightwingy Poopyheads (DERP)

    / fixed

    • HogeyeGrex

      Department of Environmental Rape and Pillage?

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    “You think you can’t breathe on Disney World rides now? JUST YOU WAIT.”
    Hey, there’s oxygen in water! It’s how fish breathe!!!

    • Blank Ron

      In retrospect, Disney’s much-missed 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea Ride was awfully prescient.

  • memzilla

    You live in Flor-abama, the ugly part of the state…

    Florida: the more north you go, the deeper you are in the South.

    • Lot_49

      St George Island is pretty neat.

  • Me not sure

    It doesn’t count without clicking the ruby slippers together as you say it.

  • Lex Luthor

    I think they left a letter out of the department’s acronym. It should be DERP

    • tejanojim

      Department of Environmental Regulatory Protection. FIFY.

  • Oblios_Cap

    You live in Flor-abama, the ugly part of the state

    Spoken like someone who has never been there. I think it’s much prettier than the Southern part, and the Gulf, what with its white sandy beaches, is less than an hour away.

    Of course, there are a lot of rednecks up here, too. But they’re all over the state.

    • Lot_49

      Where does OJ live when he’s not doing time?

      • Spurning Beer

        Miami, if you call that living.

        He’ll be eligible for parole in 2017.

    • Spurning Beer

      I’m a Pensacola resident myself. I’ve been to the famous FloraBama bar (of mullet-toss contest fame). Yes, the beaches are breathtaking and the water clear. There is certainly ugliness to be found if you look for it, though. Newspaper letters to the editor would be a good place to start.

      • dshwa

        Do the church groups still picket/protest outside the bars on Fridays? That was my favorite part of Pensacola.

        • Spurning Beer

          Haven’t seen that in a few years. But there are guys in white shirts waving bibles and preaching into bullhorns at traffic intersections now and then.

          • dshwa

            My sister’s moving back there this weekend. Can’t hardly wait.

          • Spurning Beer

            Have her give me a call.

          • Blank Ron

            I do love me some free-range preacher…

          • handyhippie65

            the only critter that it is more humane to have caged.

  • chicken thief

    Steverson has no plans to ever run for governor, I see.

  • chicken thief

    But will he declare the Bible to be the Official SOP Manual for his department?

  • RepubAnon

    Who knew that the Koch brothers were related to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beasts of Traal? “So mind-bogglingly stupid that they think if you can’t see them, they can’t see you…”

    • FlownOver

      Nice towel, you hoopy frood!

  • chicken thief

    “He said they are working on it,….”

    By which he means the Koch brothers are selling off all of their ocean front properties.

    • Vecciojohn

      And buying up future ocean front property inland.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    The first rule of climate change is. . .

    • MrBlobfish

      Live on a mountain?

      • willi0000000

        Billy was a mountain

        [Ethel was a tree]

  • Vecciojohn
  • OneYieldRegular

    “I’m drowning. I’m drowning. I’m drowblublublublublub…”

  • JohnBull

    Governing for the Recently Diseased

    • bozilingus

      Governing for the Soon To Be Deceased
      FIFY

  • schmannity

    This is bad news for the 250,000 Cypress heads formerly known as The Everglades, soon known as The Florida Banks and Occasional Island.

  • actor212

    In fact, there is an entire army of liberal perverts walking around in raincoats, flashing women in malls while wearing CLIMATE CHANGE t-shirts

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    I bet those dry old reports would be a lot more fun if all euphamisms were replaced with “The planetary condition which shall not be named!”.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, you’ve got the precedent right there in the governor’s name, so yeah…

  • Enfant Terrible

    Somewhere in the bowels of Florida’s Ministry of Truth, Winston Smith is scrubbing “climate change” from official documents.

  • Biff52

    Heh. I was in Vegas the other day. Saw a VW Beetle with “GEUSE” for a personalized plate…

    • willi0000000

      clever! . . . i once saw an Oldsmobile Toronado with the plate ‘AJAX’

      [it was white]

      • Blank Ron

        Stronger than dirt!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Still haven’t seen anything to beat the Chevy Vega with “A LYRAE” on the plates.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Hmmm…asshole, appointed by asshole, makes a bid to be upgraded a notch in the asshole rankings.

  • Callyson

    Florida, soon to be known as the “Look, Mom, I’m In The Ocean!” state, due to the fact that the liberal conspiracy of “climate change”

    Obligatory:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IDwpTABJG4

    • handyhippie65

      bugs is one of my heroes. nobody got over on bugs, he explained cartoon physics, and looked damn fine in a sundress. all admirable qualities.

  • diogenez

    I can’t think of a more deserving state to drown.

    • diogenez

      Well, ok – Texas, Oklahoma, Arizona, etc.

      • JohnBull

        I have no doubt Arizona could drown in a desert.

        • diogenez

          A leading cause of death in the desert. For real.

          • Zippy

            at least during monsoon season

          • nmmagyar

            Irrigation ditches, also, too.

    • bikerlaureate

      Here at six feet above sea level and three miles from the Atlantic, I find no fault with yr reasoning.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Stay put . . . that’s beachfront property for your grandkids.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Unfortunately, the Everglades would be a loss. I don’t think the wildlife can migrate to south Georgia in time.

  • Spurning Beer

    Somehow, though, Floridians vehemently refuse to consider off-shore oil drilling. Not-in-my-backyard somehow trumps energy independence, deregulation, and the unrestrained free market.

    • mrpuma2u

      Soon there will be no shore to be off of so problem solved

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They’re not totally stupid. It’s not so much “not in my backyard” as it is “don’t fuck up our meal ticket, the beaches”.

      • nmmagyar

        I am really shocked that an official in Florida was able to do a math as advanced as: Florida – beaches = Georgia

  • calliecallie

    It’s how he said it that makes Stevenson is the Jan Brady of Florida. Whiny.

  • Hello My Name Is

    I pee truth and crap climate change

  • BeliTsari

    I want to see his boss say, “My PRECIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssss…”
    http://www.common-place.org/vol-10/no-03/baptist/

  • chascates

    He should realize that when the Everglades start flooding those Burmese pythons are going to be pissed.

  • say wha

    “atmospheric reemployment.” Jerb creators.

  • willi0000000

    i tell you once.
    i tell you twice.
    what i tell you three times must be true.

    • Blank Ron

      Just the place for a snark!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “I know we have to worry about that as far as what it’s going to impact our infrastructure.”

    In Florida, the ground beneath your feet is “infrastructure”?

  • blaid droog

    being a 4th generation native,I hope to live long enough to see the condos on the beach front topple into the Atlantic. I think that jeebus guy warned against building on shifting sands. during a good hurricane the ocean will go inland several thousand feet from the normal high tide line. the concrete seawalls get washed away. homes disappear, torn down or washed out to sea. with a continuing rise in sea level eventually the Atlantic and the Intercoastal waterway will meet, flooding the width of several miles of land presently separating the two. it will be a glorious sight. hopefully the unwelcome interlopers will lose everything they own and scramble back to the appalachians or where ever they came from.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Down in South Florida, I know we have to worry about that as far as what it’s going to impact our infrastructure.

    Maybe you could float them a loan.

  • jimrussell

    They have become a national bad joke. The flat earth Republican’s are at it again. Their clown car is so full they are going to need a clown bus. America’s only hope is for these
    anti science, anti education Republican nitwits to drive over the horizon and fall off the edge of the earth. My god this Republican crowd makes as much sense as a 3 pound pig with a pocket watch.

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