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He knows Jesus hates gays as much he does.

Because it is a day, here is a story about a bigot who needs you to know that he, as a white male (reportedly) heterosexual, is being oppressed, because gay people exist. Introduce yourselves to Brian Klawiter, owner of the Dieseltec auto repair shop in Grandville, Michigan, who took to the FaceSpace on Tuesday morning to say he’s sick of all these gays, and that if one of them has a diesel truck and comes in looking for a lube job, HE AIN’T GONNA GIVE IT! Let’s take a looksee at the various parts of his Very Well Constructed Word Thoughts, and see if we can learn something:

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In this first part, we learn that conservative white people are (duh) victims, and their freedom of speech is being trampled upon. Brian Klawiter knows this, because of the way his Facebook post is going viral and people on the internet are making fun of him. But we also get a sweet taste of that idiot boy mindset that says that conservative white dudes like Klawiter are the REAL Americans, and those liberals need to “earn” the right to be treated equally. But don’t call him a racist bigot! Remember, he is the victim here.

Give us more knowledge!

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YAY GUNS, BOO FAGS! And also “boo cops,” sort of? But here we learn that Klawiter is very funny, as he made a seventh grade-level joke about nuts and bolts and how he will fix your gay truck wrong, just to teach you a lesson about how penises are not supposed to go in butts. “Oh no,” the gays will say, “that ginger man at the repair shop has made our truck fall apart, gay sex is ruined forever!”

Give us a complete non sequitur about how you’re not racist, and spell it wrong:

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YOU ARE THE REAL RACIST(S), for thinking he is the real racist. Wait, we thought we were talking about fags and how Klawiter is definitely NOT interested in jiffying them with lube. We have been fully schooled, we will now go cry to our mommy and daddy and get smacked.

Klawiter told WOOD-TV (heh heh) that if you are a gay and you keep it to yourself, he will get down under your hood and tweak the spot that needs fixin’, but that “if you want to come in here with your boyfriend and you want to openly display that, that’s just not going to be tolerated here.” So wait, we think we get it. If you are a closet case, or if you simply don’t mention your faggotry, you are fine. But if you come in, like gays ALWAYS DO, and say “hey, mechanic, while you’re working on the truck, we’re gonna buttfuck in the backseat if you don’t mind,” then THERE WILL BE A PROBLEM.

WOOD-TV points out that, sadly, there is no Michigan law protecting LGBT people from this kind of discrimination, and the town of Grandville doesn’t have an ordinance either. So you end up with a situation where, in Midland, Michigan, openly gay newspaper editors are allowed to throatcram the town with their gay agendas and the nearby Planet Fitness revokes the memberships of asshole ladies who can’t stand the thought of being in the same room as a transgender person, but in Grandville, you get to deal with shrunken dicks like Brian Klawiter.

Anyway, guess it’s time to set up his GoFundMe, so he can become a martyrdom whore and get rich off the sweet, luscious bigot cash that is now apparently the prize you get for bitching and moaning about how much you hate queers.¬†America!

[Facebook/WOOD-TV]

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