Ted Cruz’s ex-drunk ex-deadbeat dad, Rafael, is a swell guy who loves to spread The Good Word about how God hand-selected his boy Ted to be the next president of the United States of Jesus. And also, of course, the Penultimate Good Word about how Obama sucks, as he did yet again while testifying to a group of Georgia teabaggers.
“It was so shameful,” Cruz said, “how this president has treated Prime Minister Netanyahu.”
OK, let us pause to note the irony of Pastor Cruz shaming his own president (sorry, Rafael, but yes, Obama is your president, even if you do not like it) for not being respectful enough, according to the latest Republican Party talking points, to the prime minister of Israel, which is actually this whole other country. Now let us hit ourselves in the face a few times. And now let us continue:
This current administration has cursed the Jewish people, has cursed the nation of Israel more than any other administration in history. I believe the only reason judgment has not fallen upon America is because of the faithful remnant that is standing in the gap. But it is about time that we stand for righteousness.
Hmm, has President Obama cursed the Jewish people more than any other administration in history? Let’s think. No, let’s not bother, let’s just remember how we fact-checked that whopper when Michele Bachmann said the same goddamned thing the other day.
We will not even get into the not-Obama administration that refused to accept a boatload of European Jews trying to escape the Nazis — the actual Nazis, not the conservative fan-fic ones who tried to force everyone to gay-marry socialized health care, with free birth control. You can Google that stuff on your own time. Start with “Voyage of the Damned,” and you’ll be on your way.
Is this a good time to point out just how much Rafael Cruz stands with Jews? Sure it is! In 2013, just to pick a random representative example, when Pastor Cruz was giving another of his hate-filled sermons about how Obama sucks, he explained that America is indeed “a Christian nation”:
Insisting that the Declaration of Independence and the US Constitution “were signed on the knees of the framers” and were a “divine revelation from God,” he went on to say, “yet our president has the gall to tell us that this is not a Christian nation … The United States of America was formed to honor the word of God.”
You know what is a GREAT way to let The Jews know how much you stand with them and their being Jews, like it says in the Bible? Insisting that this here country of America ain’t for them, God made it extra-special just for Christians, and if you don’t accept that as The Truth, you have some gall, mister.
Maybe that’s why the Cruz family is so supportive of Israel? So The Jews what live here in America can get the hell out and go to their own country? Just a thought. It would be irresponsible not to speculate.
Papa Cruz, however, still wants credit for his boy for talkin’ so tough about standing with the Jews, at least the ones waaaaaay over there in that other country:
You know, a few months ago, my son was invited to speak in Washington D.C. at an organization calling themselves Middle Eastern Christians. And at this meeting he was talking about how we needed to stand, unequivocally, for the nation of Israel and for the Jewish people. And he began to be booed. And the boos became so loud that my son said, “Look, if you do not stand with Israel, if you don’t stand with the Jews, I cannot stand with you,” and he turned around and walked out.
Yes, we remember the incident well, and how we laughed at Pastor Cruz’s prodigal idiot son for thinking that pandering to Arabs, even the Jesus kind, about Israel and The Jews was a good idea, demonstrating just how deeply he understands the relationship between Arab countries and Israel. Which is our S-M-R-T way of saying Cruz doesn’t understand jack-all about it, even if he did go to Hahhhvahhhd.
While fellow Republican presidential pretend contender Rand Paul has the semi-good sense to distance himself from his whack-ass dad — Ron, you say his name is? Never met the guy! — Ted Cruz loves his daddy SO much and loves to talk about how Jesus saved his daddy SO much, and how his daddy is his big strong hero, yes he is. His daddy is an integral part of his campaign, so when Rafael Cruz opens his yap to say a bunch of words that are horrible and awful, why, it’s as if those words came from Ted Cruz himself.
And now let us conclude with this extra nugget:
At another point in his appearance, Cruz blasted what he called Obama’s “disastrous” move toward relations with Cuba.
“Well, he’s out to destroy us,” an audience member interjected.
“Oh, of course,” Cruz responded.
Sure, of course the president is out to destroy us. Isn’t that obvious? So obvious it’s not even shameful to say such a thing about the president. Unlike Obama, Rafael Cruz has class, ya know.
And now let us pray … that Ted Cruz wraps up this joke of a candidacy sooner rather than later, and we will not have to hear from his schmuck of a dad much longer.