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We do not think the mermaids sing to him

Just in case you’ve been wondering how professional victim and convicted felon Dinesh D’Souza is handling the horrors of being a Political Prisoner in Obama’s America, Vanity Fair has released an exciting video to pimp their big profile of D’Souza in their May issue. It’s pretty rad, also quite possibly gnarly, and it may indeed be the most fetch thing you’ll see all day!

See Dinesh walk the mean streets of L.A. correction: San Diego with nothing but a latte and a camera crew for protection! Watch Dinesh shave! Observe as he ties his shoes! See him flash gang signs while dressed up as a fashion magazine’s version of a cholo!

He's so "street"!

Looks kind of “ghetto” to us!

And what juicy dialogue!

The conservative accepts that the world is a dangerous place. I’d rather pull the bandwagon than sit in the bandwagon, and I think that’s probably what distinguishes me from a lot of other people.

It sure sounds like he said those two completely disparate thoughts together, but maybe that’s just really seamless sound editing.

Helpful subtitles between scenes of Dinesh walking and dressing and Doing Things provide us with random factoids like this:

D’Souza has previously blamed the attacks of September 11 on the ills of the American left, including, in his view, homosexuality, The Vagina Monologues, and Divorce.

Dinesh tells us that his “political work” is “an act of gratitude” and a “defense of the American dream”; he also informs us that he is quite the witty fellow, describing his “sense of humor as sardonic, inclined to self-deprecation and ridicule…” He left out “obvious,” “sophomoric,” and “not especially funny,” but he sure does crack himself up a lot.

Does he touch on his certainty that his legal troubles are all a matter of political retribution by the Obama administration, which somehow forced him to plead guilty to campaign finance charges? You bet he does! Complete with resonant pop culture references!

Considering that I’m spending my nights in a confinement center, you can say that I’ve had the experience of “The Empire Strikes Back,” and so when you throw a harpoon, you’ve got to recognize that there’s going to be some return fire. The really big criminals are at large. In fact, the really big criminals are running things.

Oh, mastered the Force has he? Who are you calling scruffy-looking? We’d just as soon kiss a Wookiee. And we thought wingnuts smelled bad on the outside! We’ve got a baaad feeling about this. Apology accepted, Captain D’Souza. I am altering the deal. Pray I don’t alter it any further.

And what has he learned from all his sufferings at the hands of the Sith Lord Obama?

Ironically, putting me into confinement has given me a chance to clear my head, to think, and to greatly expand my horizons once I get out.

Got it. If we strike him down, he will become more powerful than we can possibly imagine. Isn’t that nice for him?

[Vanity Fair]

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