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What's science got to do with medicine?

Arkansas has been very busy this week protecting The Children. In addition to the bill to prohibit “rehoming” adoptive children to rapists, the state enacted another two anti-abortion laws this week, for the kids! (Oh, and the ladies, haha, suuure.) That’s a total of six abortion bills since January because IT’S JUST THAT IMPORTANT.

One of the bills, Act 1086, amends the state’s already existing and absurdly titled A Woman’s Right To Know Act to make sure women “know” even more things that are not actually true. For their own good, OBVIOUSLY. Such as requiring doctors to inform their patients seeking an abortion:

It may be possible to reverse the effects of the abortion if the pregnant woman changes her mind, but that time is of the essence.

If that sounds vaguely familiar, it should. It’s a copy-paste of the same bill signed into law in Arizona in March. As we already yelled at you about Arizona’s dumb law:

So what could possibly be wrong with telling women it “may be possible” to undo their abortion when they leave the clinic full of regret for murdering their unborn baby, whose anatomical characteristics probably include body parts and everything? […] We’ll let Dr. Eric Reuss, from the Arizona Section of the American Congress of Obstetrics & Gynecology, explain:

There is absolutely no evidence-based data that the process can be reversed. If passed, our state government will force physicians to impart hearsay to their patients.

Oh. So it’s yet another example of “pro-life” legislators trying to write their science fiction fantasies into law. Sure wish we could say we were shocked and amazed, except that we see this happen All. The goddamned. Time.

It turns out this “may be possible” procedure for reversing an abortion once you realize you do not want to MURDER IT because you WILL regret it, as all women — and men — do, is based on an extensive study by a “pro-life” doctor, and yes we are using our sarcasm voice:

The reversal procedure is based largely on the findings of a San Diego pro-life gynecologist named George Delgado. His clinic is behind the site “Abortion Pill Reversal,” where visitors are greeted by stock photos of sad-looking women in darkened rooms. “I wish I could go back and change things,” says one text overlay. “I wish I never did it.” […]

What’s puzzling about this measure, regardless of one’s opinion on abortion, is that the progesterone dose [Delgado administers] appears to be completely unnecessary. Women who only take the first pill already have a 30 to 50 percent chance of continuing their pregnancy normally, according to ACOG. The progesterone advice is based on a study by Delgado in which he analyzed six case studies of patients who regretted their abortions and were given progesterone. Four out of the six patients went on to deliver healthy infants.

Wow, he has tried his abortion-reversing magic trick on SIX WOMEN! And it has worked almost 67 percent of the time! That is definitely grounds for states to require doctors to say it “may be possible” to reverse an abortion. Might as well add that it may be possible to win the lottery too. At least there’s no chance it could have any negative consequences for women. Oh wait, that was our sarcasm voice too:

But more importantly, a large dose of progesterone does have side-effects that any women seeking these “reversals” would needlessly endure. “There can be cardiovascular side effects, glucose tolerance issues, it can cause problems with depression in people who already had it,” [Arizona-based gynecologist Ilana] Addis said. “And there are more annoying things, like bloating, fatigue, that kind of stuff. It’s an unpleasant drug to take.”

This hocus-pocus bill that’s all the rage in Arizona and Arkansas and quite likely coming soon to a red state near you is based on model legislation drafted by Americans United For Life, another one of those anti-choice groups who just makes shit up, stuffs it into a bill, and then hands it out to legislators across the country so they can pass even more unconstitutional restrictions on abortion. Just like the National Right to Life Committee, who invented the nonsense term “dismemberment abortion” and just got Kansas to ban second term abortions by making them sound real icky.

Those fetus fetishists are on a real winning streak this week, saving all those unborned babies. Oh, and looking out for the ladies, uh huh. Just imagine what kind of cool junk science experiments to do to ladies they’ll think up next.

[Arkansas News / The Atlantic via Gawker]

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  • whatwhomever

    are there any magic pills I can take to undo the abortion of my career?

    • Vecciojohn

      This is abortions and arguments. Time travel and shitty abuse are down the hall on the left.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        B. Barry Bamz and his time machine are standing by….next stop, Honolulu, 1961, to place birth announcements in papers!

  • /looks at whiteboard labeled “Days Since Arkansas Made You Apologize For Being Born There”
    /sighs
    /replaces “1” with “0”

    • Vecciojohn

      You could also replace There with White and not mar the truth.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Too often Michigan forces me to do this as well.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Damn. If only the Supreme Court had taken this pill back on December 13, 2000.

  • Vecciojohn

    If this thing I just pulled out of my ass is called hearsay, I suppose it’s all right to fling my hearsay at the Arkansas Lege.

  • Left Coast Tom

    This hocus-pocus bill that’s all the rage in Arizona and Arkansas and quite likely coming soon to a red state near you

    So we’re probably safe here in California…I guess this is an “incoming!” warning for Nevadans?

  • AntiDerpomeme

    This whole thing genuinely confuses me. If a woman was undecided about the decision to have an abortion (and make no mistake, it is a decision no woman takes lightly) but was then convinced with some stupid false science that the process could conceivably be reversed, well wouldn’t that mean she’d have a reason to be less conflicted about having the abortion? Which is not the result the anti-choice movement wants. So why are they pushing this so hard?

    • Vecciojohn

      You know what your troubles is, Bub? You think too much and you ask too many questions. See, around here, that can be bad for your health. Know what I’m saying?

    • Lefty Frizzell

      I suspect it’s just the first stage in legislation that will eventually mandate a “counselling” session immediately after an abortion that aggressively pushes this procedure while laying on the guilt with a trowel.

      • dshwa

        A trowel? More like a backhoe.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Yeah, I don’t get that. There has to be some nefarious angle they’re working.

      Did they enroll sleeper-cell anti-abortionists into med schools, so down the road they can simply pretend to perform the legal procedure for some ladies, and then when these women later are surprised to find out they are still pregnant — and woopsie, it’s too late for another ‘bortion — they can claim “well it must have been one of those reversible ‘bortions! Enjoy your miracle, KTHXBYEE!”

      Also, it won’t be “medical malpractice,” because of their deeply held religious beliefs to fake-surgery you!

  • Lot_49

    Regrettably, there is no way to reverse the lobotomy these morans have obviously had.

  • cousin itt

    Cause and effect. How does it work?

  • MrBlobfish

    It’s good to see the Arkansas legislature has solved all all other state problems so they can concentrate on abortion and gays.

  • schmannity

    In case you wondered why Bill and Hillary couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of Arkansas.

  • Vecciojohn

    Jesus, let’s hope Barbara Bush doesn’t hear about this.

    • Beaumarchais?

      There’s a reason why her vagina is known as the “Highway of Death.”

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Someone should tell this guy he can have it reversed.

    https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/texas-bortion.jpg

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Reverse it…with votes!

    • Virginia Dreaming

      I wonder if his mother wants to have a sign saying “I regret my lack of an Abortion” printed up?

  • Msgr_Moment

    And if the woman carries the babby to turn and it becomes an Arkansas legislator, is there a pill to reverse that decision?

    • Vecciojohn

      No, in Arkansas that’s known as doofusicide.

    • Shibusa

      Perhaps that legislator can be re-homed (to a nice legislative body in Syria). We can call it the Justin Harris Act.

  • Bitter Scribe

    “And there are more annoying things, like bloating, fatigue, that kind of stuff.”

    Neither of which ever happens during pregnancy.

  • Steverino247

    These guys know it’s bullshit, but passing these bills keeps the money flowing that keeps them in office and prevents those offices from being filled with complete morons demanding his head because the legislator doesn’t vote for bullshit laws that don’t really change anything. It’s a game and only one person really wins.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Exactly so. It’s just another method to fleece the rubes.

  • Tallmutha

    Oh, it’s a medical abortion that’s supposedly reversible. That’s a relief because I thought they were claiming a surgical abortion could be reversed and the images that called up were not pretty.

    • chicken thief

      That threw me also too at first. Apparently one method of abortion involves taking two pills, a day apart?

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        And “reversing” means “don’t take the second pill.”

        Those lawmakers are S-M-R-T smart!

        • nmmagyar

          By their logic I “reversed” my MBA, I didn’t drop out of college. I’m calling my mom right now and cussing her our for calling me a dropout all these years.

    • My thought too. I was like, “D-do they put it back in?

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      Ick. Eew.

  • weejee
  • chicken thief

    “… saving all those unborned babies. Oh, and looking out for the ladies,…”

    Don’t forget the most important one – BECAUSE JESUS!11!!!!

    • Shibusa

      It’s almost as if these people never read the Old Testament (aside from Leviticus 20:13). The Good Lord did an awful lot of babby-smiting back in the day.

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        And dashing the little ones on the rocks too, also.

  • tegrat

    I wonder how AUFL pronounces their acronym?

  • dslindc

    Pssssshhhh, as if sound science should even been considered when making laws!

  • Callyson

    So fucking sick of this shit…

    • nmmagyar

      Please tell me that there is a t-shirt I can buy with that image on it. I need something to wear when my PPhood tees are in the laundry

  • sillyclucker

    I’ve got a list of people that need a birth reversal done.

  • AnOuthouse

    The doctor could give you a roofie, rape you while you’re out, and then you could be pregnant again. See, a reversal.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    I’m all for this bill, as long as there’s the counterpart for men, informing them of the benefits of converting theirs into a Detachable Penis.

  • 24601
  • Capt.Jim

    Just a matter of time afore they tell you they read it in the buybull and Jeebus told everyone about this when he was reversing bortions instead of demanding them like that Rat bastard Obama

    • Msgr_Moment

      Happened right before the Shotgun Wedding at Cana. Believe me, the bride and groom needed all the wine they could get.

  • Poly_Ester

    You sure Delgado isn’t a chiropractor? They can do anything.

  • Are any of these guys married. If I talked like this to my wife I would end up looking like a bloody mangled back street abortion.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      It’s Arkansas. Chances are their wives are even nuttier.

    • Virginia Dreaming

      So you are married to Hillary Clinton? You know the lesbian, spouse-abusing, rage monster.

      • So, someone finally figured out who I am.

        • Virginia Dreaming

          Hi Bill, nice to hear from you again. Give my best to Hillary and Chelsea.

          • shhhhh, She doesn’t know I’m here. Do you have any idea what she would do if she caught me here? The secret service is trying their best to keep me quiet with hookers and blow.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    This provision will be called the Monkey’s Paw Law.

  • barney fife

    Women in these states should “just say NO” to their male significant others’ sexual drives until such time these laws are changed.

    • ez

      Barney, The Lysistrata effect?

  • DahBoner

    This abortion bill will create a massive influx of fake people moving to Arkansas to work all those fake jobs this bill creates…
    http://media2.giphy.com/media/EckH9c8kzRLGg/giphy.gif

  • Paperless Tiger

    An abortion decision should only concern the woman, her doctor, and a bunch of reactionary politicians with deeply repressed mommy issues.

  • Me not sure

    “Repeated applications of my penis to your vagina have failed to reverse your abortion. It’s your fault for not seeing me sooner. That’ll be $30,000 please. NEXT!”

  • Guest

    It might be possible for the lawmakers mothers to be made sterile and retract the lawmaker’s births if done soon enough. If not, just round ’em up and send ’em to an ayatollah of your choice. They can play checkers and eat humus while railing about that pesky modernity.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    “It’s an unpleasant drug to take.”

    I suspect these politicians consider that part of its charm.

  • laugh or retch

    What, you saying it’s unethical for the government to endorse human experimentation?

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