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Daughter prays as Father stews over gay homosexuals pulling the pizza from his cold dead hands.

The Deliverance cast members who own that Indiana fag-hatin’ pizza hole called Memories raised over $840,000 in bigot money on GoFundMe, for taking the bold stand that, were a gay or lesbian couple to visit them and say “please, our dream is to serve your shitty pizza to our wedding guests,” they would refuse, because God Hates Fags. You will be glad (depending on your value for “glad”) to know that they aren’t just going to stick all that money up their butts; they plan to follow Jesus’s command to help the needy and spread the wealth.

The “needy,” in this case, is that Washington state bigot florist Barronelle Stutzman, who was recently fined $1,000 for refusing to stick a few flowers in a goddamn vase for actual gay-marrying customers. Stutzman, of course, has a GoFundMe of her own, with over $150,000 in donations accrued. Kevin O’Connor and his daughter Crystal, who own Memories, know that Jesus would want them to split their hate donations right down the middle, rather than doing something so jejune as feeding the fucking poor or something.

To be fair, the Daily Mail reports that the O’Connors will be giving some of their moneys to “some charities,” but with fundies, you never know what that’s gonna be. Maybe it will help the poor, maybe they’ll send autographed pizza-stained Bibles to China. Dunno.

But Barronelle Stutzman definitely gets a slice (GET IT?). If you’ll remember, Stutzman refused to sell flowers for the homo wedding of a gay man she had been serving for YEARS — up to and including flowers specifically for his homosexual paramour — simply because of her personal and intimate relationship with Jesus. A Washington judge ruled that no, that relationship, which we’re sure is just great, does not give her a license to deny service in her flower shop, which is not in fact co-owned by Jesus Christ himself. Stutzman was even given an opportunity to settle, if she promised to stop being a bigot at work, but no, she is a martyr, just like all those Christians throughout history who have been murdered for their faith. Yes, it’s a lesser case of martyrdom, much like a sniffle is a lesser case of stage 4 cancer, but let’s not get bogged down in details.

Of course, the O’Connors and Stutzman now have a bond only shared by those who have gone through tragedy together. Usually, it’s something like “we were stranded in the same airport during 9/11 and couldn’t get in touch with our families, we are now forever friends,” but being LITERALLY HOLOCAUSTED over your mutual fag hate is the same.

Crystal O’Connor acknowledges that she probably hasn’t gone through as much as Jesus did on the cross:

Crystal said: I was asked a hypothetical question and that was the answer I gave. But I didn’t hope to gain anything by saying what I said.

I wasn’t trying to score points. It is something I believe in from my heart and my faith about gay weddings. But I don’t regret what I said.

I have been scared, but God is giving me strength. I think it is nothing compared to what Christ had to suffer.

Glad she’s got some perspective. Her dad is pretty sure he’s got his priorities straight, confirming that no, none of their pepperoni dough creations will ever be used to consummate a gay marriage, like he can even control that. Gays and lesbians are NOTORIOUS for picking up pizza on their wedding nights, to take on their honeymoons. He also says that if one of his children ever came out of the closet, he “would still love them, but Daddy wouldn’t be going to the wedding.” Ah, Fundamentalist Christian love is so inspiring! We love our child, but we won’t be there with them on the best day of her life, because EW GAY.

Wonkette would like to take this opportunity to remind readers that when you give US donations, we never share them with Barronelle Stutzman, the O’Connors, or anybody else like that. It all goes DIRECTLY to Marcus Bachmann. So why don’t you go ahead and help push back against the hate and give us $3, or another amount of your choosing? Daddy Bachmann needs a new pair of dancin’ shoes!

[DailyMail]

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  • Lizzietish81

    Who Would Jesus Grift?

    • JustPixelz

      If Jesus came back, he would be grifted by today’s Christians.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Before or after they crucified him?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Before, after and during.

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      When you think about it, what other single person has been responsible for 2000 years of grift? Impressive.

      • malsperanza

        McCain comes close.

    • OctopiRage

      Aot,K?

    • Weldon Thomas

      When He shows up he’s gonna try to collect on that ten percent, with interest!

  • Spotts1701

    Used to be con artists went to jail. Whatever happened to that?

  • Lizzietish81

    Man, when you think of the trouble Robert Redford and Paul Newman went through for their con

    • jmk

      But they got a much better theme song out of it than these folks ever will…

      • SecludedCompound

        What!? Dueling Banjos is a fucking classic!

        • jmk

          Point taken!

  • “By accepting this money and not giving away every penny of it they will doom themselves to hell.” said god, who just told me.Really.

    • I do wonder what sinful activities their donors have engaged in that they now have also approved of and engaged in – since, by their logic, if you accept a sinner’s money you have also accepted the sin. (I am pretty sure this is not true because capitalism would have collapsed if it were.)

    • bobbert

      Or at least doom themselves to having to pay income tax.

  • schmannity

    Westboro Baptist can look forward to new pew cushions for their butthurt asses.

  • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

    “…is that Washington state bigot florist Barronelle Stutzman…”
    Wait, there’s a (presumably) straight florist?
    Really?
    Edit: Oh, it’s a girl.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Moses Hightower libelz!

  • SnarkOff

    Crystal O’Connor and Baronelle Stutzman, please use your GoFundMe money to buy new names. You both sound like toothless meth addicts birthed in a trailer park.

    • OctopiRage

      They aren’t?

    • eggsacklywright

      Baronelle has a sister named Viscountette.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Is she distantly related to Milady de Noonington?

  • RumAddled

    Or they could donate the 850 large to a homeless shelter….. naah,

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Meh, where’s the fun and RWNJ media attention in dong that? Plus, there’s a chance that some of those homeless people might be homos.

  • JohnBull

    Regarding the flower lady: If you can’t afford a $1,000 fine, then how the hell can you afford to turn down customers? You’d think the Party of Business and American Dreaminess would know that.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Nah, you’d get the whole 30 pieces of silver line.

  • Spurning Beer

    I think I will oppress a Christian today.

    Damn auto-correct! What I meant to say is that I will listen to some operas with Christina today.

    [Haha, worked like a charm. Now I’m going to order twenty premium large pizzas to go, and when they ask, “What sort of occasion are these pizzas for?”, I’ll say, “Uh, pool party. Not a same-sex wedding, that’s for sure!” They’ll never see it coming.]

    • SnarkOff

      Bonus points if you wear assless chaps when you go pick up the pizza.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Isn’t that standard gay wedding attire? “But the invite said black tie assless chaps optional!”

        • Spurning Beer

          Not at lesbian weddings. Plaid flannel shirts and blue jeans, please.

          • 1ucille_bluth1

            Fanny packs optional, but really handy!

          • chicken thief

            Softball game afterwards!

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Everyone pile into the Subarus for the softball game!

    • JustPixelz

      Be sure it’s good pizza. Otherwise you’ll have to ram the pizza down your guests’ throats.

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      I think I will oppress a Christian today.

      A worthy goal on any day.

    • Blank Ron

      Personally, I would never oppress a Christian.
      Luckily, these dirtwads ain’t Christians, never were, and never will be.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I know you said to let the bell have a rest, but this is a more cowbell comment, which of course is not allowed here.

  • So when that lady from Mystery Ingredient Pizza went on the internet and said “oh hell no” to gay pizza weddings, I kinda felt like I wouldn’t say anything much about her because #SocialMediaShaming and all. I was totes down with shaming Indiana and Gov. Pence, because fuck them, but I thought these are real people just trying to sort out where they stand. Then they raised $800K. So fuck them and their stupid pizza joint.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    I bet the Duggar family has pizza at their weddings. If the bachelor party is playing flag football, pretty much anything goes.

  • Ryan Denniston

    One thing you gotta say about the grift of this generation. Gofundme has come closest to cutting out the middleman between the grifter and the victim.

    • Weldon Thomas

      Damn, I have to think now of committing some obnoxious deed so I can collect some of those sweet Gofundme sympathy contributions.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Kurt Vonnegut has sure let himself go*.

    *since he died.

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      Or is it Mark Twain on meth?

      • ManchuCandidate

        Can’t it be both?

      • OneYieldRegular

        An outtake from Back to the Future II: Savior Pizza Boogaloo?

      • chicken thief

        Prankster Jesus told him to stick his finger in a light socket.

  • ManchuCandidate

    The money hits your eye like a Jeebus pizza pie. That’s bigotry.

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      Ting-a-ling-a-ling and you’ll sing,
      The grift $ are rolling in.
      Tippy-tippy-tay like a gay tarantella
      ^^^ Nothing left to say, those are the real lyrics.

  • cousin itt

    OT The sun has risen. Has Rand fucked up yet?

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      Normally this upfucking starts when the son has risen.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Give it a few minutes. And then, read all of the trolling comments when we learn about it in this mommyblog. Idiots. They don’t even understand that commenting isn’t allowed.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        To be fair, the fact that coments are not allowed is hardly ever mentioned here.

        • sillyclucker

          You’re the first I’ve ever heard to mention it.

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      God said to RonPaul “kill me a son,”
      RonPaul said “God, OK.”

      • John Frum

        Ron Paul would NEVER kill anyone. He would wait till they needed a doctor and let them die.

  • OneYieldRegular

    $840,000 for refusing to serve hypothetical pizza? $150,000 for not sticking one’s stem in a gay vase?

    Typical Republicans. Incapable of creating jobs for the country, but somehow able to generate obscene, disproportionate income for themselves.

    • OctopiRage

      I thought her objection was that one was sticking the rose in the gay vase…

    • MrBlobfish

      That’s the magic of trickle down economics

  • Blank Ron

    Giving some of their ill-goten gain to ‘some charities,’ eh? Bet I can guess what some of ’em might be:

    American Family Association
    Family Research Council
    Parents Action League
    Family Research Institute
    Traditional Values Coalition
    Abiding Truth Ministries

    … to name a few

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Not an exclusive list, but a good start at one.

      • Blank Ron

        Thank you. I was being selective, mostly going for the ones with the most doublespeak in their names.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Surely the fine folks at Westboro Baptist deserve some of that sweet grift.

      • Blank Ron

        I’m sure they do, but you know, public perception and all…

      • tinker12

        The “fine folks” at Westboro Baptist are going to protest Robert Schuller’s funeral–http://www.examiner.com/article/westboro-baptist-church-threatens-to-protest-robert-schuller-s-funeral. Such nice people!

        • bobbert

          All they want is the chance for a lawsuit.

    • wingr47

      All with inspiring names and ass hole agendas. Where is the list of Family Values I hear so much about. THERE’S NOT ONE. If there was a list the bigots can’t change them to suit the issue of the day.

    • Vienna Woods

      SarahPac!

  • Beowoof14

    Hmmmmm, how many times did Jesus mention the gays? Well if you read the Bible he talks about them, never.

    • chicken thief

      All that proves is how powerful The Big Gay Agenda was even back then – throat cramming Jesus to the point he couldn’t even talk about it!

      • SecludedCompound

        The Greek translators must have edited the Sermon on Teh Gays out.

    • Rick Hill

      Jeebus was all over it. He was known to say “You are all my father’s children, blessed in his eye…except for those damn dcksmokers. I hate them and their superior fashion sense!”

      • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

        And “I will continence no fabulousness.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I have it on good authority (Franklin Graham) that Jesus could not stop talking about the gays, that the entire Book of Luke is exclusively about how the gays ruin property values by sashaying around upscale Samarian homes, and how if you suffer a gay to live, you’ll be condemned to Robot Hell (which is located in New Jersey, mind) for eternity.

      So there’s that.

  • chicken thief

    So in theory, Memories would deliver a meat lovers special to Jeffrey Dahmer, several large vegan pies to Charles Manson for a house warming party, or falafel pie to some Saudi’s for their farewell bash on 9/10/01 but theoretical pizza’s for a theoretical gay wedding that would order pizza’s is too fucking much?

    Makes perfect sense – lemme grab my wallet!!!

    • Ryan Denniston

      Meat lover’s special, hehe.

    • Spurning Beer

      You know, when you call pizza restaurants, they ALWAYS ask whether the pizzas will be served at an occasion inconsistent with the restaurant’s deeply held religious beliefs (such as a gay wedding or serial/mass murder celebration), and whether any of the participants are fornicators, Islamics, socialists, abortionists, Unitarians, or recipients of public assistance. They use a check-list.

  • Rick Hill

    The smell of christian hypocrisy in the morning. Smells like…bullshit.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Some day this hypocrisy is gonna end…

      • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

        Jezus don’t surf.

        • Ryan Denniston

          You can either surf, or you can bigot, now what’s it gonna be?

      • bobbert

        Well, eventually the sun is gonna go red giant, so I guess you’re right.

  • Gil

    You’d a thought that they would have Italianified their name to something like Dioconnorini if they are going to be making Pizza. What’s Irish Pizza? Corned beef,cabbage, and potatoes on soda bread ?

    • John Frum

      Have you ever had an Irish 7 course meal? It’s a six pack and a potato.

  • exinkwretch

    Start spreading the hate! Why not fund some cross burnings or synagogue bombings! For Jesus!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    The next GoFundMe project will benefit those fine KKK members who lost their Florida prison guard jobs just for planning the teensy little murder of an inmate. Please give until it hurts.

  • malsperanza

    I want to encourage all the righteous rightwingers to continue this trend of pouring their cash into fundraisers for a small handful of douchey individuals who did something dickish that caused even wafflers and cowards to cry out in united outrage and protest.

    It makes the douches smug and the wingnuts think they’ve scored a point about … I’m not sure what. We, in the meantime, are getting laws changed. I’ll take that deal.

  • wingr47

    A Bigot can’t be a Christian. Who says? God does in the Bible. Christians cannot be bigots, bigotry disqualifies You.

    • Leema Raven

      Because she’s a virgin.

      How do you know?

      She told me and virgins don’t lie.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    If they were anything like Christ, they would use the money to make pizzas to feed poor or homeless people. Of course if the people who were donating money were anything like Christ, that is were at least some of that money would have been headed in the first place.

  • sillyclucker

    I hope the wingnuts keep donating. Leaves them less money to donate to the whichever idiot is running for office in their state.

    • John Frum

      oh noez! Sheriff Mack gonna die. Ron Paul haz a smug.

  • VirginiaLady

    When did Sam Clemens start making pizza?

    • tinker12

      I thought it was Albert Einstein.

  • Callyson

    This “sincerely held religious beliefs–help, help, I’m being oppressed!” racket is really profitable, isn’t it?

  • MrBlobfish

    Hate the sin, hate the sinner.

  • Ergoetal

    I pledge I will no longer:

    — Give directions to a gay couple.
    — Jump a battery — OR loan my jumper cables — to a gay couple.
    — Hold a door for a gay couple.
    — Offer a French Fry to a gay couple.

    I could go on, but for now will just ask interested folks to check out my GoFundMe page.

  • say wha

    The bigot spigot has been opened full blast.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Blessed are the Grifters for theirs shall be the kingdom of the sheeples money.

  • calliecallie

    Jejune!!! hahahaha! Those pizza bakers prolly wouldn’t know what it means, couldn’t spell it, and would think it some kind of ethnic slur.

  • I once refused a gay mans advances in a bathroom. How much money do you think I could get for that?

    • Whollyholeyholy

      Was he black and are you a police person who refused with ammunition? Some people have all the luck.

      • I fucked up. I said no thanks, sorry. I should have been thinking of my revenue stream instead.

        • Whollyholeyholy

          Better luck next time, man!

    • LIT_Fag

      How many times do I have to apologize for that before you stop bringing it up? Geez!

  • Whollyholeyholy

    Memories is the name of a scary bar that no matter how much your friends want you to go, you should definitely always say no. I cannot even conceive of how bad pizza from a place called Memories is.

  • chascates
  • borninatrailer

    That dude has got a pretty gay shirt on. Just saying.

  • Blackest Noobs

    so interesting note, they wouldve never even be in this Straight Sexer Mess if they hadn’t asked the media to come over and hear them say a few words about the gays.

    it wasn’t gotcha journalism, but stupid EGO that did them in. And now like Governor Quitterface, they are grifting stupid people with LOTSA help from the Blaze.

    so how is there not something not rotten in Denmark going on there?

  • tinker12

    I have always thought the One L and Marrrrcus’ marriage was one of convenience. Just sayin’.

    • Bren

      Here in the U.K public toilets are called Public Conveniences. I’m pretty sure your use of the word was an unintended pun when it comes to Republicans and Conveniences, or airport bathrooms, where it’s possible to take a wide stance though.

  • Me not sure

    If being touched by God does that to your hair, leave me out!

  • CptnSpldng

    Who da Hell is an Ordained Caterer? You do not sanctify a wedding by providing the cake!

    OK, Christ was an Ordained Caterer. “This is my body; This is my blood, that ‘ll be $24.95 per plate. Cash bar.”

  • hvdv

    Keep it up, bigots. Spend ALL of the Ameros on your fellow jerks. Then when your own money runs out, do like a good anti-social patriot does and make your own Interwebs Bigot- Begging Nook. Sounds like an awesome pyramid scheme. Can’t wait to see it unfold.

  • Gerry Leddy

    would be well advised to check with Uncle Sam before sharing it. See how much Revenue (tax) he wants on their donated windfall. its only churches and charities get to keep it all even though I can never understand why god always needs money instead of just willing it into existence.

    created everything in 6 days, needed to take a rest on the 7th day and cant manage money.

  • Peter Godbold

    “Blessed are the pizza bigots, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. ~~~~~ The Beatitudes

  • chiefkurtz

    And it’s all taxable as income. I’ll bet: 1) they forget this and fail to give Uncle Sam his taste, and 2) howl like victims when they get the bill.

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    Kurt Vonnegut is shilling pizza in Indiana? Is Elvis in there too? What about Jimmy Hoffa?

    • Justin McCammon

      well, he was from Indiana

  • Justin McCammon

    Why should the government force one to do business with anyone? If they are bigots, they will lose tons of business right? and that would be just…… Why do we need big brother to regulate everything? If you are gay, don’t go there…. I don’t give businesses to places that don’t earn it, or disrespect me….

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