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Actual picture of Gov. Brownback

Sure, Kansas is going right down the toilet because Gov. Sam Brownback’s magic tax cuts have failed to fix the state’s big ol’ budget hole. But that doesn’t mean Gov. Blows A Lot couldn’t find time this week to sign a shiny new anti-abortion bill into law. He’s got priorities, you know:

Kansas became the first state Tuesday to ban a common second-trimester abortion procedure that critics describe as dismembering a fetus.

Republican Gov. Sam Brownback, a strong abortion opponent, signed a bill imposing the ban, and the new law takes effect July 1. He and the National Right to Life Committee, which drafted the measure, said they hope Kansas’ example spurs other states to enact such laws. Already, the measure also has been introduced in Missouri, Oklahoma and South Carolina.

The latest One Neat Trick to ban abortion, even though the Supreme Court has said you cannot do that, is contained in a new phrase in Senate Bill 95, to make a legal medical procedure sound icky:

“Dismemberment abortion” means, with the purpose of causing the death of an unborn child, knowingly dismembering a living unborn child and extracting such unborn child one piece at a time from the uterus through the use of clamps, grasping forceps, tongs, scissors or similar instruments that, through the convergence of two rigid levers, slice, crush or grasp a portion of the unborn child’s body in order to cut or rip it off.

Here’s a little-known fun fact: There is no such thing as “dismemberment abortion.” The Kansas legislature, by which we mean the anti-choice activists who wrote the bill, just made it up for dramatic effect. Clever, no? People might not cringe and gag and want to save all the unborned babies at the words “dilation and evacuation” — which is a real medical term to describe the procedure commonly used in second trimester abortions, which are, AHEM, legal — but “dismemberment abortion” has a nice ewwww gross! ring to it. Who could possibly be in favor of dismemberment? Of BABIES?!?

This is the same tactic the National Right to Life Committee (yup, same assholes) used to get Congress to enact the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act in 2003. See, “intact dilation and extraction” didn’t quite convey just how gross and bad and wrong abortion is, so they made up “partial-birth abortion” to make it sound real real bad. And then they instructed Congress to determine, despite reality and medical evidence to the contrary:

A moral, medical, and ethical consensus exists that the practice of performing a partial-birth abortion… is a gruesome and inhumane procedure that is never medically necessary and should be prohibited.

It worked, too, because members of Congress are generally, by definition, idiots. And while most of them are not doctors, they like to pretend they are, and they know what kind of medicine doctors should and should not practice because they saw a bumper sticker one time, which is even better than going to medical school.

Not that medical schools will teach you anything at all about abortion, if the anti-choice activists get their way — and they usually do because, quite frankly, they’re much better at the catchy slogans and heart-wrenching protest signs. North Carolina, for example, is considering HB 465, which would also ban abortion in all sorts of ways that are not constitutional, but pffft, like that matters. PLUS, it’s got this swell provision in it:

No department at the medical school at East Carolina University or the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill shall permit an employee to perform or supervise the performance of an abortion as part of the employee’s official duties.

So one of the top OB-GYN residency programs in the country would be prohibited from teaching doctors specializing in health care for lady parts how to do a standard medical procedure for lady parts. That should definitely save lives — unless a lady needs an abortion to save her life, but aw shucks, her doctor never learned how to do that. Not that it will matter, because if this Kansas strategy catches on, doctors won’t be allowed to perform abortions anyway, so everyone wins, except for the women who want to terminate their pregnancies. But who cares about them? They are just baby-killing whores, even when they are going to die without this LEGAL medical procedure. Eh whatever, Congress can just decide that never happens anyway, and then it never will.

[AP / Think Progress]

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  • Beowoof14

    Why is Kansas Governor called Brownback, is his back covered with Santorum.

    • chicken thief

      Not even inquiring minds wanna know the answer to that one.

  • Besteiros

    Even the members of Congress who are doctors, like Bill Frist and Rand Paul, seem to not have a very good grasp on the practice of medicine.

    • Viva La Tabula Raza

      Those who can, do. Those who can’t, run for elected office.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Not to mention Tom Coburn. What a quack.

      • Besteiros

        I forgot about him. Lucky me.

  • Nounverb911

    But it’s still okay to dismember a child after it’s born?

    • whatwhomever

      As long as you use a gun, responsibly.

      • onedollarjuana

        Or drones. Even Democrats like those.

        • SterWonk

          “like” is a strong word. “prefer to putting our people directly in harm’s way” would be far more accurate.

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        Or flashbangs – as long as you’re the police.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Meanwhile, Kansas schools are shutting down early for the summer due to a lack of funds.
    Priorities!

  • Vecciojohn
  • exinkwretch

    You haters just shut your damn pieholes! Gov. Brownshirt, I mean Brownback, has your (the Koch Bros.) best interests at heart!

    • I just made this comment elsewhere, but it works here, too!

      When fascism comes to America…

      It will have been sponsored by the Koch brothers and Rupert Murdoch.
      ~

      • Anarchy Pony

        What do you mean when?

        • Dang it, I got that same criticism for the other one.

          If we’re being hypothetical, my very tense tense was correct!

          But if you say it’s fascism already, I will concede the point(s).
          ~

  • whatwhomever

    Kansans have shown they don’t want a functioning government, education, sound infrastructure or jobs. They want more guns and less abortions, and Gov. Brownstar is happy to oblige.

    • MrBlobfish

      You forgot the Jesus. Always more Jesus.

      • Blank Ron

        One hopes that, one day, they actually get SOME Jesus. The accumulated guilt will keep psychiatrists busy for decades.

  • JoeChristmas

    Brownback sounds icky to me.

  • Poly_Ester

    Gov. Brownbeck was so proud of the legislation that he signed it in private.

    • chicken thief

      He ‘Penced’ it!

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Good on ya! Now let’s outlaw the barbaric practice of heart-mutilation surgery. Any surgery which forcibly separates the ribs and cuts into the heart shall no longer be allowed in Kansas.

    • chazmanr

      Not a problem for Kansas. I have seen no sign that any of the residents have a heart (or a brain for that matter).

      • Dudleydidwrong

        But when that wizard arrives via balloon all will be well. Hearts and brains for everyone!

        • Blank Ron

          Seriously, you want to go back?

          – the Wizard, to Dorothy

  • Callyson

    Here we go, yet again…

  • MrBlobfish

    So this means Bobby Jingles will propose an even more onerous bill

  • docterry6973

    Anything to keep Kansans from realizing that Kansas is a shithole.

  • Guest

    But how will this affect Buffalo Wild Wings? Oh wait. forget I said that.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Your move, Alabama.

    • JohnBull

      I’ve been asking that for years but they’re still here.

  • chicken thief

    These one trick pony anti-abortionists remind me of a not quite so likeable Wile E. Coyote – always thinking of more creative ways to fail.

  • JMPesq

    You cannot do anything “with the purpose of causing the death of an unborn child”, because there is no such fucking thing as an “unborn child”, you backwards woman-hating morons, before the little parasite is born and actually becomes a living human that thing is just an embryo.

    • Baby_Raptor

      Technically it’s not even alive. Detach it from the incubator and what happens?

      • Blank Ron

        It becomes qualified to run for Congress.

    • SterWonk

      If you want to be technically correct (the best type of correct!), at the stage they’re talking about (2nd trimester), it would be a fetus, not an embryo. But definitely not a “child”, unborn or otherwise.

      In humans, the fetal stage of prenatal development tends to be taken as beginning at the gestational age of eleven weeks, i.e. nine weeks after fertilization.[3][4] In biological terms, however, prenatal development is a continuum, with no clear defining feature distinguishing an embryo from a fetus. The use of the term “fetus” generally implies that a mammalian embryo has developed to the point of being recognizable as belonging to its own species; this is the point usually taken to be the ninth week after fertilization. A fetus is also characterized by the presence of all the major body organs, though they will not yet be fully developed and functional and some not yet situated in their final anatomical location.

  • chicken thief

    “Already, the measure also has been introduced in Missouri, Oklahoma and South Carolina.”

    It’s pretty fucking sad when your state has to follow another back to the Stone Ages. If that’s your direction, and it clearly is, at least you could lead.

    • MrBlobfish

      Is this another ALEC production?

      • Shan

        Yup.

    • Wonkaholic

      It’s a race to the bottom, and no one wants to be the last one there.

  • JMPesq

    Meanwhile California recently made getting abortions easier and cheaper by allowing nurses with the proper training to perform them, not just doctors.

  • Baby_Raptor

    It’s Fucking pathetic that this country has a myriad of groups that propose to protect the “right” of something that doesn’t have rights. Meanwhile, all of us that DO have rights are seeing them stripped daily.

  • Tallmutha

    I’m pretty sure the male legislators of Kansas are secretly more concerned about themselves being demembered than about fetuses being dismembered.

    • jmk

      Well, clearly, the idea of ladies deciding what to do with their own lady parts is very enmasculating.
      How dare these wimmens make their own decisions to stay alive or not be oops-now-you’re-a-mom’d out of an education (“no college for you, miss slutsker”) or into poverty (“should have thought about that before you did sexytimes”)! It’s unnatural!!

  • Gorillionaire

    At this rate, abortions in the US will actually become the slick for-profit medical specialty that the Xtianists claim it is. Women will be paying the few practitioners available steep fees and standing in line.

    • BackDoorMan

      … and that line starts in the back alley. 10% discount if you bring your own hanger.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The IMPORTANT thing here is that the sluts be punished.

        That is what this is really all about.

        • nmmagyar

          But only poor sluts. The wealthy have always had access to D&C’s, here and abroad.

      • JMPesq

        Don’t worry, safe abortions will still always be available – for rich women. For poor women, however, it should be as dangerous as possible!

        • Anarchy Pony

          If poor people had better control over their lives they might not stay poor, which is bad for business, stop class warring!

  • Spotts1701

    Yes, anti-choicers, I’m sure once you ban performing abortion, ban teaching how to perform abortion, and even ban the word “abortion” there will be absolutely zero abortions. Though there probably will be a lot more “mysterious falls”, “unusual poisonings” and “odd trips to Canada” among the XX population.

    • OctopiRage

      Stomach punches for Christ.

  • jmk

    You know… amputation is icky and gross-sounding, and the pictures from amputations are pretty yucky…but I don’t notice these fuckwits protesting outside hospitals against amputations and they’re all ok with the idea that although no one loves the idea of having bits amputated, it’s an important and legal medical procedure.

    WTF.

    • Rebecca Johnson

      Let’s be real, ALL medical procedures are gross. Having babies is gross, and that’s totally natural. (Yeah, it’s also amazing and wonderful, but that doesn’t make pooping in front of strangers less gross.)

  • Wonkaholic

    I think it’s high time someone invented an icky medical term for Rectal Cranium Insertion and then banned it in Kansas, et al.

    • OctopiRage

      Can’t we ban Kansas instead?

      • Blank Ron

        It takes a while to gather together 1219 miles of fencing. Be patient.

        • Shan

          Keep the border to Colorado open, please.

          • Blank Ron

            Needing an escape route?

          • Shan

            No. Wichita just voted to basically de-criminalize possession of the first 30oz of pot (and paraphernalia) for 1st time offenders and Colorado has a jump start on the supply chain. ;-)

          • Blank Ron

            Gotcha. We’ll let you have a key to the gate. The password is *whispers* swordfish.

          • Shan

            You’re too kind!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The IMPORTANT thing is to bring the fetus to term so we can properly starve it to death.

  • chicken thief

    Yet there is no name nor procedure so gross sounding that would prevent them from executing an inmate.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Government has no right to regulate ma business! They want to execute someone? Fine by me…

    • Kakkeltje

      Punitive postnatal abortion?

      • River CitySlicker

        Can I use that?

        • Kakkeltje

          Sure, go ahead.

  • dslindc

    It worked, too, because members of Congress are generally, by definition, idiots. And while most of them are not doctors, they like to pretend they are, and they know what kind of medicine doctors should and should not practice because they saw a bumper sticker one time, which is even better than going to medical school.

    And even the ones who are doctors conveniently forget all that “science” and “training” they received in Medical School, because talking points and wingnut money seem more logical.

    • Hardly Ideal

      What if we taught medical school students with bumper stickers? Not with catchy slogans necessarily, but with all the facts they’ll need?

  • Me not sure

    Sam Brownback is a squinky eyed idiot.
    What causes that? BORSHUN BANS!

  • BeckyLB

    This chart just bears repeating in any abortion debate.

  • superdave

    Grrrr. As a UNC graduate, I say the North Carolina General Assembly can go fuck itself. Art Pope and his minions are doing everything in their power to drive the state into the ground.

  • What if we call abortion “the prevention of future poors”? That will get even Brownback to go pro-choice.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Won’t prevent a single abortion. It will simply force doctors to resort to methods that entail more risk for their patients. This assholery is brought to you by the Kansas GOP.

    • Magnus Thunderson

      I buy stock in metal coat hangers as that was the main tool used for that before roe vs. wade and in sanofi who make the tetanus shots as coat hanger many look clean but there not sterile

  • Me not sure

    Conservaspeak, lesson 1: Throwing children to the wolves = “rehoming”. Abortion = “fetus grenading”.
    There, I cleared that up for everyone.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Between Civil rights and maternal rights the GOP seems to be slowly aborting itself. With votes (or lack thereof).

  • Gleem-McShinez

    No fetus chopping, or fetus slicing, or grinding it into a fetus paste, or melting it into bubbly fetus goop, laser-zapping it until it pops, or scorching it with a blowtorch, or mashing it flat with a frying pan, or running over it with a skateboard, or a car or a high-performance tractor. I think I got it.

    Now, about dashing them against your Jesus rock ….Is that only allowed after they’re born? (Psalm 137:9)

    • Zippy

      Where’s Vince Shlomi when you need him?

  • r m reddicks
  • malsperanza

    Meanwhile (emphasis on mean), elsewhere in KS, the poor-shaming continues apace. From WaPo: “If House Bill 2258
    is signed into law by Gov. Sam Brownback (R-Malthus) this week, Kansas families
    receiving government assistance will no longer be able to use those
    funds to visit swimming pools, see movies, go gambling or get tattoos on
    the state’s dime.”

    Because a child visiting a swimming pool in the heat of summer is exactly like getting a tat or gambling.

  • sillyclucker

    Be careful using that nickname “Gov. Blows-A-Lot”, you’re giving Lindsey the vapors. Mercy!

  • Zippy

    and just like clockwork, Brownback rolls out another piece of wedge issue legislation to distract the dimwits from the disaster that is the Kansas economy. And just like all the other times, it’ll work like a charm because Kansas republicans are dumber than dirt and have the attention span of a gnat.

  • Guest

    Some day the Kansas legislature will decide to stop fapping (which is the actual scientific term for what they call law making).

  • Paperless Tiger

    2002. Georgia becomes the first state to implement the use of direct recording electronic voting machines on a statewide basis, deploying the DREs at the same time in every county and paying for the implementation with state funds instead of county funds. – procon.org

    That was the year Georgia went Republican and has been ever since. The empowerment of of the lunatic fringe in the USA is no accident. Much of the nation is now run exclusively by and for a minority of voters.

  • Ryan Denniston

    You know, Big Gummint applies as much to the states as to Washington.

  • splashy79

    It’s like the idea of not talking about racism, and it will go away. Don’t talk about how to do abortions, and they will “go away.” Ignore all those done by the untrained and criminal that injure and kill girls and women. If we don’t talk about them, they don’t exist!

    • Magnus Thunderson

      so true roes vs.wade did not create abortion it was created to save money and cause less pain and death of the mothers as dirty back ally illegal clinics were not a safe place for an abortion so many who had these unclean abortions wound up in the hospital with massive bleeding and or infections

  • Rebecca Johnson

    The thing is, the only alternative to dismembering the fetus when removing it is to remove it intact. But Congress banned that as “partial birth abortion.” So what do you want with us, pro-lifers?!

    Oh wait, they want to ban all abortions.

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