Looks like the Culture Wars have spilled over from food fights to competing claims of divine intervention in fundraising campaigns. With the Great Indiana Gay Pizza Crisis (please give generously) finally at an end — or at least the GoFundMe page no longer taking contributions — there’s now an attempt to get Big Gay-Hating monees for the Washington florist who had to pay a $1000 fine for refusing to do the flowers for a same-sex wedding. That one is currently at $127,000, a pretty good return on a fine.
But wait! Fundagelicals aren’t the only folks to open their wallets to help a victim of religious persecution. In Maine, a plucky little family planning organization is raising money on the back of a claim by anti-abortion protesters that God had personally answered their prayers that Maine Family Planning would have trouble raising money.
The Christian Civil League sent out a triumphant email blast titled “Prayer defunds abortion in Maine,” proudly announcing that God had caused Maine Family Planning to fall more than $5000 short of its 2015 goal in its “Pledge-A-Picketer” fundraiser. Well, if God speaks through fundraising totals, reasoned Maine political blogger Mike Tipping, then maybe supporters of family planning just needed a little nudge to get God’s ear. The story was picked up by sex columnist and Friend of Wonkette Dan Savage, who asked his readers to send Maine Family Planning five bucks each, and in just a few days, godless baby-hating liberals sent in roughly $6000, more than making up the shortfall.
Now, admittedly, that’s nothing to the nearly million-dollar payday for the pizza people, so we guess God really does have His thumb on the scale for rabid anti-gay folks. Or perhaps — and we know we may be stoned to death for blasphemy here — the anti-gay loonies are just a lot more likely to type their credit card numbers in anger.
Nahhh, just kidding, it’s definitely God. And He is apparently of two minds on family planning funding in Maine, with each Holy Hemisphere only able to devote about 5 grand’s worth of vengeance and support for the group. Most of His attention, after all, is taken up with keeping the planets from falling into the sun, rewarding bigots for bigotry, killing the occasional child in a firearms or bicycle accident, and influencing the outcome of sportsball contests.
Asked if He would provide a little oomph to Wonkette’s fundraising, the Lord Of Hosts caused Yr. Dok Zoom’s morning coffee to stay warm a bit longer than usual, a clear sign that you should chip in everything you can possibly afford.