Oh, there's the gun: Right in the Missal Gap

Here’s one way to liven up an Easter vigil service: carry a loaded semiautomatic pistol into church with you, leave the safety off, and let the trigger catch on your pocket, firing a round off during the service. Bonus points if the bullet grazes your hand, giving you something very like stigmata! At the Cathedral of the Blessed Sacrament in Altoona, Pennsylvania, one of America’s Responsible Gun Owners was wounded by the negligent discharge Saturday night as Mass was nearly over. Happily, no one else was hit, proving that God was quite pleased with the offering of hot lead.

According to WTAE TV, the Sacrament of Armament occurred around 11:00 Saturday night, as the service was nearly over:

Police say a man had a gun in his pocket and it discharged when he stood up. The bullet grazed the man’s hand.

An Altoona newspaper reported the trigger caught on the man’s pants and the gun’s safety was not on.

Another member of the congregation, Jason Wagler, was attending the Mass and caught part of the aftermath on his cell phone:

“I noticed the gun was handed to another gentleman. He immediately concealed it in a white program, so I took pictures of the gun inside this program,” Wagler said.

The injured gun fondler, who had a concealed carry permit, was taken to a hospital for treatment; police have not yet released his name, but they really need to, if only for the Darwin Awards’ “near miss” nominations. No charges have yet been filed, and it’s not entirely clear what ultimately happened to the poor innocent gun, which we hope is being properly cared for.

WTAE notes that “It’s unclear why he brought a gun into church,” which means that their website should be inundated with emails explaining “FREEDOM” and “What part of ‘shall not be infringed’ don’t you communists understand?”

Expect similar complaints (and nothing else, we hope) to be aimed at Bishop Mark Bartchak of the Altoona-Johnstown diocese, who said that “guns have no place in our cathedral or any of the other parishes in our diocese.” He added that churches “must be an environment in which all feel safe.”

Doesn’t the Bishop know that Jesus wants us all to have guns, and that’s why He rose from the dead with an AR-15 In His hands and then wrote the Second Amendment? Besides, guns are safe, when used properly. The real question is whether the Bishop is doing anything to protect parishioners from the threat of bicycles.


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  • FZsdaughter

    He brings a loaded gun to church on Easter Sunday.
    Jesus wept.

    • Rabbit_Rebozo

      I know, right? All good Catholics know that Easter is a long-arm holiday.

  • I know this one. It was god, in the church, with a gun.

  • Y’know, I’m free to masturbate, but I think I know enough to know that no one wants to see a negligent discharge in church.

  • whatwhomever

    “guns have no place in our cathedral or any of the other parishes in our diocese.” He added that churches “must be an environment in which all feel safe.”

    But, how could anyone possibly feel safe unless they’re surrounded by hundreds of gun-totin’ bible-thumpers?

    • starfanglednut

      That really is the logic. More guns=safer. Boggles the mind.

  • timpundit

    Jesus has Arisen and he’s OVER this fucking shit.

  • Fartknocker

    What a nice guy. I’m sure he was carrying the pistol for his wife since her bra/holster wasn’t completely dry after hand washing her delicate undergarments.

  • FlownOver

    Just an unauthorized effort to increase the frequency of use of the Holy Name. When it went off I’m guessing about a hundred parishioners responded as intended.

    • schmannity

      Holy shit?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      “What the fuck?” is a Holy Name now?

    • Blank Ron

      ‘God, please don’t let me die’?

    • elviouslyqueer

      “Jesus Fucking CHRIST!”

  • schmannity

    He heard something about armed Roman Centurions and he wanted to be ready.

    • willi0000000

      he’s late . . . that was Friday

      [when there’s trouble . . . a good guy with a gun is just three days away]

  • jmk

    Clearly, the Bish is a Catholic, and as every gun-totin’ Bible-thumper knows… Catholics aren’t TrueChristians ™.

    In a TrueChristian ™ church, the firing of the gun would have been greeted with a lot of hallelujahs and sympathy firing from all the OTHER concealed carriers in the flock.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I was going to snark to the effect that if I had to live in Altoona, I would shoot myself, too. But as I have to live in Florida, that joke has a hollow ring to it.

    • say wha

      Rather a hollow ring than a hollow point.

    • Blank Ron

      Altoona hasn’t been the same since the Roaring River Mill closed.

      • Msgr_Moment

        The largest orange building in the world? Why did no one tell me? My mom loved that place.

        Edit: Ooops, wife tells me it happened long ago. Another Senior Moment, I guess.

        • Blank Ron

          If it helps, the building’s still orange. Or was last time I passed through town.

  • JohnBull

    All this derpy is going to push off to the east…into Altoona!

  • Treg Brown

    Next Sunday’s sermon,
    Lobbing the Holy Hand Grenade.

  • Poly_Ester

    Praise the lord and pass the Ammo. If only all accidental discharges of concealed weapons resulted in self-inflicted wounds.

  • Rabbit_Rebozo

    The only thing that can stop a Catholic priest with a Jesus Cracker is a good guy with a gun.

  • MrBlobfish

    What? He didn’t claim he was shot by a blah thug?

    • Blank Ron

      The gun was black. Does that count?

  • dslindc

    I think it’s time these people just have their guns surgically implanted. If they can’t even go to fucking church without one, there’s no other option.

    • FlownOver

      Well, there’s the “temporary insertion” alternative – no surgery required, just lotsa lube. I’m kinda for that one.

      • willi0000000

        why lube?

      • starfanglednut

        But it’s so awkward when you have to bend over to fire your gun.

  • JustPixelz

    The guy lived?! God is really off his game these days. He let Obama get elected even when Pat Robertson said the Lord told him Romney would win. There was a lunar eclipse that didn’t end the world. And Notorious RGB is still on the SCOTUS despite right wing prayers.

  • John C. Dumbass, in the thirteenth pew (pew, pew, pew), fired off his pistol in a tragic public display of his chronic hearing problem after hearing the Priest call forth the epistle of John.

    • Tony Alexander

      you are damned close to winning the internets for that comment, skippy!

      • OneYieldRegular

        In Jesus Christ’s name, ammo.

  • JustPixelz

    Shouldn’t some other gun totin’ parishioner have shot back?

  • BloviateMe

    Preachin’ from the Bullety Pulpit.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Hey – they were wearing White Slacks Before Easter! God don’t ‘low that….

  • CapnFatback

    Can you blame him? Crucifixion couldn’t finish Zombie Jesus off. Nothing short of a bullet to the crown-of-thorns-laden head would do.

    • Blank Ron

      Bruce Campbell libel!

  • weejee

    Corpus Christi Cracker.

  • cousin itt

    A few more inches and dude would have to take a vow of celibacy.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      A few more inches and the bullet would have taken the vow for him.

  • Toomush_Infer

    “Cracker? Cracker.”….

  • CapnFatback

    “I noticed the gun was handed to another gentleman. He immediately concealed it in a white program,

    That’s no missalette; it’s a pistol-ette!

  • BeckyLB

    There is no such thing as an “accident” when it comes to firearms. Nada, never. No matter what silly situation you dream up, an “accident involving a firearm is a result of owner negligence.

    It’d be nice if we had some laws with teeth when it comes to negligence with a firearm, but sadly, the ammosexuals and gun fetishists would throw a fit.

    First time offence of a negligent discharge (without injury or damage) should involve a hefty fine, probation, and documented retraining before the firearm owner gets his bang stick back. Second time, felony with jail time and resultant loss of rights.

    If a person is injured or killed as a result of negligent discharge, or property damaged, the owner of the firearm should be prosecuted, and if found guilty, sentenced to the same punishment that a premeditated act of the same type would get (Kill someone, murder 1, wound them, attemptd murder…)

    • FlownOver

      You’re gonna take all the fun out of it that way.

    • Steverino247

      Been saying that for years. Negligent discharge. Every time.

      “And I don’t wanna hear Act of God” –Jack Burton

      • shastakoala

        It’s all in the reflexes.

        • Steverino247

          If I don’t post at Wonkette by tomorrow mornng…call the President.

          • shastakoala

            Just don’t drive faster than you can see.

      • BeckyLB

        Hah, I got called a “gun grabber” by a silly ammosexual over it. I said “no such thing as accident with a gun, and got:

        “Well what about if the safety wears out and the gun fires?”
        “Shoulda been properly maintaining the weapon, getting it checked by a gunsmith.”

        “But, what happens if the gun just falls out of the holster?”
        “Shoulda had a more secure holster.”

        “How about if a kid gets ahold of it and fires?”
        “Weapon should have been in a locked, kidproof container, unloaded.”

        I got called a filthy gun grabbing libbytardo in the end. Oh well.

        Here’s my serious proposal to help stem gun violence. You buy a weapon, you get am easy-open gun safe to keep it in. Said gunsafe has a cell/wifi/hardline (as needed) link to the local PD. If the safe gets opened for any reason, the police are instantly dispatched. If you need to take your weapon out for cleaning/range/whathave you, call a handy 800 number and let them know.

        That idea was a total overreach of government control and total nullification of the 2nd amendment!

        • Boscoe

          You can’t win with those people. I had an argument with one when all I did was suggest a mandatory safety class.

          • willi0000000

            you should see the arguments (actually usually just verbal fights) that i get into when i suggest repealing A2.

          • BloviateMe

            I trust it was a well regulated debate.

      • Sheepshagger

        What shits me is the gun has to be cocked (heh) to have an ND. Who the hell wants a cocked pistol on their person? That’s like carrying a rattlesnake in your pocket for self defence.

        (Yes, I know, you have to be constantly vigilant for fascist homo Muslim nazis who could attack at any moment in your Midwestern church- the two seconds it takes to cock your pistol life and death argle bargle second amendment yada yada.)

        • BeckyLB

          I carried a pistol when I was over in Iraq. I don’t think I ever actually chambered a round, unless I had to shoot. It took me less than half a second to snatch the slide back, chamber a round, and get on target. The risks of a ND were just too much in my mind.

          • Boscoe

            I had an argument with a friend over this concept. My stance was there was no point in carrying with a round chambered, because if my survival depends on my quick-draw skills, then I’m dead already. ;)

  • cousin itt

    Please now open your pants to Tec 9, verses 1-eleventy: “then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.”.

    • RoyalUglyDude

      In thy mercy

      • cousin itt


  • Toomush_Infer

    Trust in God -but verify!….

  • Spotts1701

    What kind of nimrod sticks a pistol WITH THE SAFETY OFF into their pocket? He’s lucky the bullet didn’t result in him becoming the perfect soprano for the choir.

    • Biff52

      Because FREEDOM!

    • Riggsveda

      The kind of nimrod who thinks he needs to bring a loaded weapon into Easter services. Lo, though he walks through the valley of death (or the aisle of the Church of the Blessed Sacrament), his rod and his lead shall comfort him. Worst comes to worst, there’s always resurrection.

  • Tony Alexander

    “that’s why He rose from the dead with an AR-15 In His hands and then wrote the Second Amendment”

    silly me! and all this time i thought jc went full on zombie so that we could hunt for colored eggs and zone out on chocolate bunnies and jellybeans!

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Be vewwy vewwy quiet. I’m hunting Easter wabbit.

    • Virginia Dreaming

      This one? [img][/img]

      • weejee

        Pedo Bear’s buddy?

      • Toomush_Infer

        Hey ! Some of us have to sleep sometime!….

      • starfanglednut


  • mailman27

    Why the gun in church? Could it be that you’re scared of G-O-D??/?//??

  • MrBlobfish

    Hey, kid. You’ll shoot your dick off.

    • Rabbit_Rebozo

      Good thing he already has a backup in his pocket.

  • Gristle McThornbody

    If the man had a “permit” and was “legally” carrying, why the fuck did he pass off the weapon to someone else so that they could hide it? Inquiring minds would really like to know, otherwise they will be forced to speculate about all of the nasty deeds committed with the “registered” gun. (Scare-quotes used to make any firearm fondlers passing through feel at home.)

    • TheBidenator

      Obviously so none of them Nazi cops could mishandle sweet Charlene….she’s back in his loving arms, holstered securely.

      • willi0000000

        . . . in his pocket, with a round chambered, with the safety off and gently cocked.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          Florida Man!?

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    He meant to bring his jelly bean gun, but he was in a rush getting out the door. It could happen to anyone . . .

  • Walter Wellstone

    That Obama surely had something to do with the gun firing and NOT hitting a Mexican or a towelhead, right?

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    The priest always says, “Piece be with you.”

    • dowl

      Tyler Perry character quote!

  • Tony Alexander

    brother inferior packs a gun!

    forgive me john and paul!

    • Boscoe

      Don’t forget George and Ringo!

      Wait… what were we talking about?

  • Lizzietish81

    Is that a gun in your pocket or-oh shit it is!

  • shastakoala

    I don’t think that’s how you go about sweating blood.

  • Toomush_Infer

    “…..but I did not shoot the Acolyte…..”

  • LakeLucilleLoon

    Those nutty Pennsylvanians clinging to their bibles and hand guns. I guess Obama was right.

    • Beaumarchais?

      Simultaneously. And clumsily!

  • FauxAntocles

    Perhaps he was concerned SATAN would interrupt the service.

  • Cowpocalypse_Now

    Luckily he has a small penis so no harm was done there.

  • Sebastian Melmoth

    Well, I guess you haven’t seen this wonderful piece of devotional art…

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I’m sure the man was in fear that a bunch of ISIL dudes were going to come after him at the service.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Man had to protect himself from getting buttsechsed in the rectory by a gay sausage pizza delivery boy.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    OK, I know the answer this is “because of stupidness” but why the fuck do these numbskulls think that pockets, purses, and waistbands are good places to transport guns? What’s the matter with holsters? Too not comfy?

    • BeckyLB

      I’ve been told that holsters just get in the way, and will totally slow down the quick-fast tactical draw needed to shoot a bag guy between the eyes before he yells “Allah Akbar” an blows up his suicide vest.

      I mean, the whole “shoot a bad guy” thing is a gun nuts wet dream. I’ve actually shot and killed someone (in combat). That shit stays with you. The gleefulness I hear in some people describing their gun fetish fantasy horrifies me.

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        Ah, all is explained.

      • Wombat

        Yeah, IMO, the people who bloviate about killing “thugs” and bad guys are probably the people who really, really ought not to have a gun at all. Ever. Not even the kind from that Duck Hunter game.

      • Boscoe

        That’s the problem when they have *just* enough imagination to picture the horrific rape and torture of their family that will never happen, but not enough to imagine the profound emotional (and financial) issues they’ll be dealing with when they shoot someone while “standing their ground”.

        -or to imagine that despite how “responsible” they believe they are, that they could ever possibly make a mistake or fail to foresee something, like the trigger catching on the inside of their pocket, or (my favorite) thinking: “it wasn’t loaded”.

        • BeckyLB

          Yup, they have no clue regarding the actual emotional toll it takes on someone, even in a totally justifiable, legitimate shooting. To these types, it happens just like they see on the action movies: They see a bad guy, draw down, fire two shots, bad guy falls, then they make a witty one-liner to the cop who shows up.

          It’s utterly not like that. Like I said, watching the life drain out of someone’s eyes as they realise it’s over…that never, ever, ever goes away. Every time I close my eyes, I see that face, and this was in a war, with someone trying to kill me first.

          Most of ’em don’t even realise the risk they’re putting themselves and their family in. There’s so much conviction that the bad buys are gonna kick down the door any day. “So, man, what happens if you draw down on your teenage daughter sneaking back in one night, or your wife slipping back into bed after using the bathroom?” “Naw man that won’t happen I know wot I’m doing!”

          I honestly don’t think it’s about protection with these types. The gun is basically a Magic Tiger Rock, and so long as they have the Tiger Rock, bad guys won’t attack. Sady, a gun can kill people, whereas a magic tiger rock won’t.

          • Jeff Furlington

            I think the difference between you and the gun nuts is that you reluctantly killed because you had to, and they’re psychopaths who are eager to kill. Don’t assume it’ll haunt them. They’re not good people.

          • BeckyLB

            I really try to see the good in people, for a decent chunk of the gun nuts, I think it boils down to fantasy supplemented with what they see in movies.

            Funny thing, it seemed like the best time to go buy a new gun around a military base was about 1-2 months after a unit got home from overseas. People were just so sick of dealing with guns 24/7, that they didn’t want to see them when they got home.

      • starfanglednut

        I’m sorry you had to go through that.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        And, they’re going to roll across the floor firing the whole time just like Mel Gibson, because shooting a gun and actually hitting what you’re aiming at is incredibly easy.

      • SterWonk

        I’ve actually shot and killed someone (in combat). That shit stays with you.

  • elpinche

    Good thing that chickenshit was wearing his Depends. Next to LGBT Czar Obamars taking our guns, there’s nothing scarier than our guns going off in our pants.

    • Biff52

      I want to know if he wiped his hand off on a hymnal.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      In the future, he should go with the Kevlar model.

  • Ambignostic

    Consult the Book of Armaments!

    • Not the Holy Hand-grenade of Antioch!?

      • OrdinaryJoe

        In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Glock.

    • mrpuma2u

      And thou shalt take this thy glock into my holy house, to pronounce thy freedom and bravery. Yea verily though, if thou leavest thy safety off, thou art a nimrod, and numbered among the dumbest of beasts, like the slug, and sea cucumber, and nudibranch. Amen.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Nimrod was a great Jewish warrior in the Old Testament. I don’t think this guy qualifies.

      • H0mer0

        dumbest of beasts, like the slug, and sea cucumber, and nudibranch libel! (at least the most primordial of creatures would avoid firesticks rather than fondle and fellate them–hey, great name for a porno rock band!)

        • mrpuma2u

          Good point, I think a sea cucumber has more common sense than this gun-toting twit.

  • Guest

    What would Jesus do?!

    • A Bashful Nobody


      • Tony Alexander


        • Gleem-McShinez


    • Rabbit_Rebozo

      What would Jesus pack?

  • Randy Riddle

    I’m surprised the NRA hasn’t reclassified itself as a church. Then they could combine the First and Second Amendments with religious “freedom” laws into an unstoppable Holy Trinity of Freedumz.

  • TheBidenator

    That poor gun, I hope there’s some sort of support group for it that works sort of like a rape support group except unlike a woman who wanted to go out and have “fun” without that fun including a raping it obviously wasn’t a whore who had it coming….let’s pray for it’s swift recovery.

  • OneYieldRegular

    the trigger caught on the man’s pants and the gun’s safety was not on

    I think I’ll just leave this line to stew in its own juices.

  • chascates

    So how many sleeping parishioners did he wake up?

    • Weldon Thomas

      aot, k.

    • Michael Smith

      Probably fewer than you’d think. I picture the general reaction being similar to that of the patrons of the Mos Eisely Cantina following Obi-Wan’s severing of that “I don’t like you either” guy’s arm.

  • Spurning Beer

    If a man strike you on the right cheek, offer him also the left. Then blow his fucking head off, for he totally has it coming.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Blessed are the concealed carriers, for they will see God sooner than expected if they walk around with their pistol in their pocket with the safety off.

  • Me not sure

    ” In the name of the father, the son, and the HOLY SHIT, THIS GUY JUST SHOT HIMSELF.”

  • OrdinaryJoe

    This is what comes from men wearing white slacks before Memorial Day.

    • TundraGrifter

      Or a yellow tie.

  • snowmentality

    Huh. Conversation over Easter dinner was that a new guy at my parents’ church is insisting on open-carrying to Mass and choir practice. When asked, he explained that they would be glad he had his gun when the terrorists attack. (My reaction to this involved taking the Lord’s name in vain.)

    They do not go to the church in the article, nor even live in the same state. So I am now worried. Is there some conserva-Catholic Take Your Gun To Church movement of which I was not previously aware? I kind of don’t want my mom taking a bullet to the leg while trying to sing the Agnus Dei.

    • Guest

      I’d have an easier time figuring out a robot’s mind than these guys. I’d feel weird concealed-carrying my darling lil’ heap, nevermind a real gun.

    • Msgr_Moment

      This is why I’ve been skipping Sunday Services for the last forty years.

    • H0mer0

      THE Agnus Dei? I thought there was one for every mass (another OT, but why do Xtianists eat lamb chops on Easter? Is that another transubstantiation thing?)
      Regarding the open carry thing, there’s some bitchy sopranos…..

  • Albrecht Zumbrunn

    This guy is a plagiarizer! Read the novella “Der Schuss von der Kanzel” (The Shot from the Pulpit) by Conrad Ferdinand Meyer. It is a better story. The guy with the gun in his pocket is the minister and it goes off at the rhetorical climax of his sermon! Set in an imaginary village on Lake Zurich, Switerland in the 16th century. In English for example here:

  • starfanglednut

    Do you know what else discharged accidentally in someones pocket during mass?

  • Celtic_Gnome

    So, this guy has something in his pants with a hair trigger. That’s going to make him real popular with the ladies.

    • Weldon Thomas

      Not any more.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Wonkeroos sort of blew it on the headline. Should have been:

      “Man in church puts hand in pocket and has accidental discharge in pants”

      • SterWonk
      • dshwa

        Our Headlines are always better.

      • Michael Smith

        On TV I saw a headline: “Easter Mass Shooting,” which got people riled up for a second, believing that “Mass” meant “alot of people” rather than church service. Then they were like “Oh a guy just shot himself in church?” And continued eating.

  • Callyson

    My Dad is from around that area. Thanks, pops, for moving the fuck away when I was born…

    • Msgr_Moment

      Lived in ‘toona town four ten years. Okay, I’ll admit it’s Pennsyltucky now.

      • H0mer0

        When I was growing up in Palo Alto, I thought that people north of the Mason Dixon Line were enlightened. Now that I’ve been here (in the DC Metropolitan area since 1988,) I’ve been disabused of that notion. THANKS OBAMA!

  • Left Coast Tom

    From “Place Names of the Sierra Nevada”, Browning, on the name “Lee Vining”…

    On one of these occasions a gun went off in the crowd and Lee Vining went out the door…and started up the street toward the Odd Fellows Hall. Shortly after someone found him lying on the walk dead, and upon examination it was found that the pistol had gone off in his pocket, shooting him in the groin, from which he had bled to death.

    OK, it was in a bar and not mass, but…

  • weave

    For the love of God Wonkette, tone down the snark. If this guy’s feelings get hurt by the mean liberal media, he’ll get a GoFundMe page and end up with a quarter million in his pocket right next to that gun.

    • SK

      Then he can shoot some of those donors accidentally. God would want that.

  • ViveLaRes

    Where two or three are gathered in My name, there am I in the midst of them. Wearing Kevlar.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Speaking of gun lunacy, saw this news from MA today:

    Gun humpers get whiny, demand advertiser remove mean ol’ billboard

  • sillyclucker

    What was the gun doing in church? Have you not heard of the Holy (Holey? ) Blessing of the Guns?

    • H0mer0

      We took our dogs to a Unitarian Church “pet blessing” and they were stellar dogs after that–inside messes dropped 90%! (observer bias? prolly)

  • zerosumgame0005

    Missed it by that much…

  • J Smith

    US concealed carry permits quadrupled since 1992.
    US gun homicide (negligent, accidental and intentional) is down 60% since 1992.

    Pew Research found most people think it is up when it has plummeted

    • SK
      • J Smith

        here is a better cite:

        that 49% drop is 1992 to 2011 and all murder. gun murder is down 61% 1992-2014.

        the biggest decline is the past few years.

        interestingly mother Jones wrote 68% articles straight on gun violence without mentioning the drop.

        • mfp

          no, the biggest decline is in the years 1992 to 2000, as reported in both the articles SK posted and the one you posted….your article even has 5 (count ’em, FIVE) easy-view line graph charts showing that fact, that any 3rd grader could interpret correctly


          • J Smith

            Nope, the 2014 data is in., the biggest decline is the past few years. We had a 11% US drop in gun homicide the past two years.

            both of of those articles end in 2012. And neither have gun murder per se. gun murder has declined even more — especially recently

          • mfp

            jaayyyzuusss f cripes, there’s just no talking to you people, is there?—you cant even comprehend and intrepret your own linked articles….i give up…next?

        • SK

          And just like that, the causal relationship is removed, the flat-lining of the trend after the first six years (1992 to 1998) is ignored. The very cause of the trend is ignored.

          Why? Oh that’s right, the gun fondling narrative makes no sense.

      • VirginiaLady

        I told ya that renaming gun homicide to god’s little oopsies was a great idea for surveys.

    • Terry Collmann

      And yet despite falling, the gun death rate in the US is still higher than in any other developed country in the world. So – not so good after all …

  • 3FingerPete

    See, you gun-hating libtards? That unidentified gun owner was justified in taking his gun to Mass for protection in just this sort of situation when some jag off decides to take a gun to Mass.

  • DahBoner

    At the Cathedral of the Blessed Sacrament

    Sometimes, things are not what they seam [sic]…

  • Msgr_Moment

    The first rule of Easter Vigil Service: stay vigilant!

  • AnOuthouse

    In Pennsyltucky you need to be prepared for feuds and ambushes.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Our Father who artillery in heaven, hollow-point be thy name…

  • Michael Smith

    Hey I live (sort of) near Altoona! Did you know that Altoona is where Sheetz’ first opened its giant gas station / fast food stores? Now there is a giant Sheetz there to commemorate the achievement. As you might imagine, a town with so much to lose is full of citizens ready to defend what they’ve got.

    I guess my point is that You can have anything you want at Alice’s restaurant.

  • Lizzietish81

    Can we also take a moment to talk about the dress the woman next to him is wearing. Looks like a mumu made from stiff, slightly shiny fabric. Oh honey.

    • TundraGrifter

      And made a noise like opening a sack of potato chips when she sat down.

      • Lizzietish81

        It reminds me a lot of the outfits Roseanne’s character was wearing in She Devil before she becomes all badass .

    • lynchie

      she is wearing her sofa cover a popular fashion in Altoona where men are men and sheep are nervous.

  • TundraGrifter

    Dang! He had a gun in his pocket…So he wasn’t glad to see me!

    • Rabbit_Rebozo

      Except insofar as you were somebody he could potentially shoot.

  • Hal Watts

    Church people are mostly Republican. Republicans love their guns. Therefore, I’m staying away from church for my own safety. (As if I needed another excuse….)

  • A Big Sarcastic Fairy!

    I bet your dollars to doughnuts that the guy who grazed his hand with his own bullet let out a big “GOD DAMNIT!” Idiot you get what your deserve.

  • JParkerSD46

    You gotta be packin’ when you’re in church. Where do you think the bad guys and Moozlims are gonna attack?

  • And to think that the ammosexuls still require convincing that open and concealed carry laws are insanity.

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