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Buckley Carlson. #winning

Turns out walking piece of barely human garbage and professional Fox News dick-sucker Tucker Carlson has a brother named Buckley (yes, we know, and we can only imagine Tucker’s life-long fraternal envy, since he must have been named for one of the lesser racists). And although we only learned of Buckley’s existence seconds ago, we are not at all surprised to also learn that Buckley is just like his brother: a piece of barely human garbage.

BuzzFeed has obtained a series of emails between New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio’s spokesperson Amy Spitalnick and the soulless scumbag staff of Tucker Carlson’s internet toxic waste dump, Daily Caller, where apparently Tucker occasionally allows his brother to also pound his fists on a keyboard and call it “writing.”

Ms. Spitalnick had the audacity to contact Daily Caller because — and hold on to your hats! — it had posted a story that was incorrect. After much back and forth — in which Ms. Spitalnick provides a video and transcript, and the Daily Caller staff still refuses to issue a correction because haw haw haw like a chick is going to tell them what to do, ballscratch, assscratch, burp — Tucker Carlson offered some gentlemanly constructive criticism on how to not be a woman doing her job “whiny and annoying”:

Dear Amy,

Thanks for your email. You believe our story was inaccurate and have demanded a correction. Totally fair. We are going over the transcript now.

What [editor Christopher] Bedford complained about was your tone, which, I have to agree, was whiny and annoying, and I say that in the spirit of helpful correction rather than as a criticism. Outside of New York City, adults generally write polite, cheerful emails to one another, even when asking for corrections. Something to keep in mind the next time you communicate with people who don’t live on your island.

Best,
Tucker Carlson

Now, you’ll have doubtless already gone ahead and hit the Buzzfeed link to see what Tucker Carlson was referencing. So which was the whiny part? The part where Spitalnick says, “It is disingenuous at best for you to suggest the mayors were calling for anything else. Please correct the story now”? The part where she says, “That is simply wrong. Watch the video and you will see the context – and, most importantly, I am telling you now as a mayoral spokesperson that they were highlighting the President’s plan as an ‘ideal reference point’ for what the funding should be. So please correct the story now.”

Isn’t it weird how two people can see the same thing and interpret it so differently? Weird! When we see that, we see a woman doing her job, concisely and to the point. But we guess when Tucker Carlson sees “whiny” Amy Spitalnick asserting her demand for a correction, he sees her demanding something really different, really ridiculous, like maternity leave, or equal pay for equal work! LOL!

Anyway, Tucker’s brother Buckley went on to virtually high-five his more-famous, more-successful, less-Charlie Sheen-looking brother, via reply-all, for his awesome comeback that totes put that cunterson in her place, and he used some not-nice words to say so.

Great response. Whiny little self-righteous bitch. “Appalling?” And with such an ironic name, too… Spitalnick? Ironic because you just know she has extreme dick-fright; no chance has this girl ever had a pearl necklace. Spoogeneck? I don’t think so. More like LabiaFace.

We would give you a moment to gird your loins and prepare your comments at the irony of someone named “Buckley” making fun of someone else’s name, but frankly “Spitalnick” sounds pretty ethnic — probably Jew? — so you can see why it would be hilarious to the Swanson frozen dinner heir.

Tucker Carlson insists it’s all in good fun, and calling Amy Spitalnick a whiny bitch without ANY SEMEN ON HER CLAVICLE AT ALL, because who would even wanna nut on that guffaw guffaw hork FART was meant, like, super-nicely. And hell, it probably was. In fact, they probably do speak that way even about women they like, the good ones, the ones who aren’t such cuntfaces as Amy Spitalnick obviously is, doing some dumb fuckin’ “job” instead of blowing Buckley Carlson at his whim, as is his Swanson frozen dinner birthright. For shame, Amy Spitalnick. Don’t you know what you owe your social betters, the Carlson boys?

[BuzzFeed]

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  • Dr.Zoidberg

    Wimmins! Cain’t live with ’em, cain’t get ’em to date you so you just call ’em horrible names!

    • sw19womble

      Yeah! Probly a lesbian anyway, amirite!

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        She better not criticize my favorite video game! Also, Thor a woman? The travesty!

        • sw19womble

          Thor as a french transvestite? Whuh?

  • rebecca

    as far as I’m concerned, Tucker’s email (“whiny”) is way worse than Buckley’s (“labiaface”). But my mom didn’t raise whiners, whereas there’s not much I can do about my face.

    • JMPesq

      Tucker’s email is just ridiculously passive aggressive, and insulting while maintaining the pretense of civility. And the gratuitous swipe at New York is just weird.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Maybe he was thinking of the 1920’s song:

      Labia face, you’ve got the cutest little labia face…

      Nah, probably not.

  • Jon Fox

    I hope that they have a sibling who’s name starts with “Suck”

  • A Bashful Nobody

    The mind boggles…………..

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    I didn’t know Tucker had a brother in 7th grade!

    • sohadicouldsplit

      They keep holding him back because he still has his baby grill.
      He should really ask the Koch bros where they purchase their Lee Uber White Press-on Teeth.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Classy. Do you kiss Roger Ailes’ dick with that mouth?

  • tegrat

    So what island do Fucker and Fuckley live on? Fantasy Island?

    • Callyson

      I’d like to send them to Three Mile Island.

      OK OK with crappy ratings and page clicks or whatever.

    • Tony Alexander

      sorry! didn’t mean to plagiarize. just saw your post.

      ;-)

  • Hardly Ideal
  • BloviateMe

    I wonder if the POS first typed “cunt face,” then thought he didn’t want to be offensive, and changed it to “labia face.”

  • TeenLaQueefa

    I read at TPM that Tucker replied concerning his brother’s horrific email: “he meant it in the nicest way.”

    WTF.

    • hillarysleftone

      Yep. Doubling down on douchiness. It’s how he rolls.

  • exinkwretch

    Does Buckley have a bow tie on his scrotum like his brother?

    • teddy21

      Probably, he’s a graduate of The University of Mississippi

      • HereForDaComments

        There’s a university in Mississippi? *falls over laughing*

        • Amy!

          They have to have it, or NCAA won’t let them have a footsball team. Duh!

        • Blank Ron

          It’s true. Where do you think he learned to tie that tie?

  • HereForDaComments

    Someone needs to wrap Tucker’s bow tie strongly around Buckley’s neck.

    And then fill both their mouths with tampons and douches, with the promise of release ONLY if they swear to never be GOP again, amen, thank you, God. And that other stuff.

    • nmmagyar

      …with votes

      • sw19womble

        … that have been used as sanitary pads.

  • TeenLaQueefa

    And just imagine, neither of these pricks would ever have to work a goddamn day in their lives as they were dropped face first into huuuuuuuge piles of inheritance money. Wouldn’t it be nice if they’d have moved to an island somewhere and took up goat fucking as a hobby?

    • AnOuthouse

      I thought they had but I missed ‘on an island’.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Talk to the goats. They’ll definitely reject that plan. They have standards!

    • Shalimar

      No need for an island anymore. Mickey Kaus has an app to bring the goat-fucking experience to your computer now:

      https://www.facebook.com/GoatSimulator

  • Callyson

    But we’re the real sexists for pointing this out!!!

    • Hardly Ideal

      No, we’re not. The sexists are the ones berating a person on the basis of their genital configuration.

      I know, I know, that’s what idiot sexists/racists say when they’re caught. I’m just tired of giving that “argument” any air, even in jest.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Not getting sarcasm is the real sarcasm!

  • Callyson

    Is this the first time Tucker Carlson has been a sexist pig? Of course not!

    The Daily Caller’s editor-in-chief Tucker Carlson and his reporter Patrick Howley apologized Thursday for a string of offensive tweets that were revealed publicly after Howley deleted them.

    Details, if you must, are in the link. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

  • Callyson

    Oh Jesus fucking Christ, why the fuck did I continue the “Tucker Carlson sexist” Google search?

    Not content making an idiot out of himself just once this week, Tucker Carlson has doubled down on being an offensive asshole by ludicrously asserting that women actually get paid more than men “if you adjust for the amount of uninterrupted time people spend in the workplace.”

    Yes, Tucker actually went there.

    During a discussion about gender inequality in the workplace on Fox News, one of the female co-hosts stated that according to recent study, female journalists make 82 cents for every $1 that male journalists make, adding that 63% of journalists are men. Infuriated, Carlson went deep into his well of nonsensical bullshit and pulled out a series of cringeworthy ‘facts’ that bear no resemblance to reality whatsoever.

    “That’s just silly,” Carlson replied. “If you adjust for the amount of uninterrupted time people spend in the workplace, women make more than men in almost every category.”

    “Go try and hire a male journalist,” he added. “You can’t find any!”

    Given that out of the 28 people on the Daily Caller‘s editorial staff, 21 are male (or 75%), this can only be attributed to Carlson being either a) a liar, or b) an asshole, or c) all of the above

    “This idea that women are suffering, that’s just ridiculous!” he said. “Men are suffering!”

    Right, because higher salaries, not giving birth to children, and not having to put up with misogynistic dick heads like Tucker Carlson in the workplace makes life incredibly difficult….

    tl;dr: a little message for Tucker:

    http://media.giphy.com/media/zq4PAVESmZtCw/giphy.gif

    • TootsStansbury

      Ugh. Because I am unwilling to work past 6:30 pm, I work on my goddamn time off doing shit. Fuck these assholes. Fuck them all. Hard. They want to take away my Social Security? My Medicare? Pay up motherfucker. I’ll fight you for it.

    • Wombat

      I’ll remember those words when I am at home putting in several more hours of work AGAIN after Wombat Jr. has gone to bed. Then I will have a rage stroke.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “Go try and hire a male journalist,” he added. “You can’t find any!”

      Well, obviously he didn’t.

    • HogeyeGrex

      A suggestion for Tucker and his worthless sack of shit brother:
      http://i.imgur.com/cXzECpr.gif

  • TootsStansbury

    The jokes are dicks and they are writing theirselves? BaBam!

    ETA I fixed what I meant.

  • Joshua Norton

    First time I’ve seen a pic of Buckley. Apparently those pot pies do take their toll after a while.

  • AnOuthouse

    Wow. And he doesn’t get laid much. Surprising.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      “Hey, I asked you politely, cunt!”

  • SnarkOff

    Poor Tuck and Buck got teased relentlessly as children.

    • AnOuthouse

      Hey Buckley, nicest teeth I’ve come across.

    • AnOuthouse

      Tucker is what the buck toothed brother calls him because he can’t make an ‘f’ sound.

  • Anarchy Pony

    As if I needed more reason to hate that bow tie wearing prick.

  • JMPesq

    He certainly proved his brother’s claim that no one outside of New York would ever write an impolite email right!

  • Ergoetal

    For some reason you failed to give us Bucker, or Buckfuck, or whatever’s real, full name, which is: Buckley Swanson Peck Carlson, according to Tuckley’s Wikipedia page. I feel better now, although the Swanson’s part has put me off chicken for a while.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      Buckley Swanson Peck Carlson. I don’t feel sorry for his adult self, but I sure feel sorry for his little kid self.

    • Actually, it’s about ethics in naming journalism.

    • willi0000000

      peck? . . . of the Philadelphia peckers?

  • sohadicouldsplit

    As someone who grew up lower middle-class in the sixties, I was occasionally (when we could afford them) subjected to Swanson frozen “dinners”, and here’s my much belated culinary review:

    Following the listed heating directions invariably resulted in every compartments contents being scorched on the edges and ALWAYS still frozen in the middle. Bland; tasteless also, too.

    Swansons legacy of lies and fraud continues apace with twin acorn-nads Fucker and Schmuckley I see, because… “legacy”.

  • Tony Alexander

    fucker and fuckley.

    i’m just sayin’!

  • Bill T.

    Their sister’s name is Banana Fanna Foh.

    • HereForDaComments

      HAHAHAHA!

  • crunchyknee

    I bet Tucker and Buckley are a hit at parties.

    • dshwa

      Frat parties maybe.

  • Ergoetal

    “Ironic because you just know she has extreme dick-fright; no chance has this girl ever had a pearl necklace…”

    When a bro talks like this, well, you have to know what he does all day. I’d hate to be the one cleaning the underside of Trinkey’s desk.

    • TeenLaQueefa

      I’ll bet neither of the two boys has ever given a woman a pearl necklace unless they paid extra for it.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        I thought the implication was that they’d both had a pearl necklace, making them feel superior to anyone who hasn’t.

      • sohadicouldsplit

        And paid EVEN MORE for a stunt-dick to do it.

    • Virginia Dreaming

      I guess the reason having extreme dick-fright is a problem at the Daily Caller is that the brother’s Tucker have extreme dick-love (as long as the closet door is closed, anyway).

    • leemoder

      Are those called stalagmites or stalagtites?

      • sw19womble

        “Mites grow up, tights come down.”
        I don’t know how they teach it in these politically-correct days tho.

        • willi0000000

          i learned that stalaGmites are on the Ground and stalaCtites are on the Ceiling . . . but i’m an old and things may have changed since that lecture by Og.

          • Blank Ron

            Cool, you had Og too?

        • HogeyeGrex

          “A stalactite won’t goose you, but a stalag-mite.” is how I was taught.

  • dshwa

    And the number of Candidates for the job of GOP’ Women’s Outreach chief remains at zero. Still.

    • Tendernob

      But Republicans don’t have a women issue!

      • Amy!

        More of a subscription, yeah.

        • willi0000000

          actually a rental agreement.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Just binders full of them.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    You could do a real nice season of American Horror Story just by filming the Daily Caller offices. No writes, actors, or anything else needed. And it would be more horrific than anything Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk ever dreamed up.

  • Serolf Divad

    Wait, I didn’t know that Fucker Cocksuck and his brother Fuckme had their own website!

    • HereForDaComments

      Please don’t demean Fuckers or Cocksuckers. I know a few, and they are the most rainbowiest, kissiest, huggable people ever.

      Tucker and Buckley, not so much. But I’m assuming it’s because they were given the worst possible names EVER. And bow ties. <3

      • Virginia Dreaming

        Apparently very little oxygen gets past the bow tourniquets.

        • HereForDaComments

          Actually, my openly gay uncle wore bow ties. In the 60s. I miss him. Thank you, parents and Rhode Island, for allowing him to be him way back when.

          • Virginia Dreaming

            I would have made the same comment for neckties – its more about their lack of humanity.

          • HereForDaComments

            Exactly. I made a joke about bow ties, too. Then I remembered my Uncle Freddie. Openly gay when it wasn’t allowed. Proud of his ownness as he could be. In a relationship with the same person for over 40 years. A sponsor of the Newport Jazz Festival for years. And died before gay marriage arrived in our state. Sorry to get all girly. I just miss him so much and wish he could see what’s going on now. He said it’d never happen. I wish he could see that it has. <3

          • Virginia Dreaming

            Freddie sounds like a good person. I am sure I would have liked him if met him.

          • HereForDaComments

            Alfredo Varone. You would have loved him. He would teach you Shakespeare and Homer using a board game he invented (when you were 6 years old). He would have taught you, when you discovered Jean Nate in his bathroom, that fragrance is a sense of all senses, And Nate should be avoided at all senses, merely a gift. (The cap was screwed on so tight, a blacksmith would have been required.)

          • Mehmeisterjr

            I’m beginning to think that bow ties are the real victims here. And that many pearl necklaces are more cultured than the brothers Carlson.

          • Toomush_Infer

            Sorry – anybody wearing a bow tie today is wearing a sign saying: “Kick me, I’m an aggregious asshole”…

          • SuspectedDemocrat

            You can wear a bow tie if you smile all the time and are generally gregarious. If you get angry wearing a bow tie, it just looks ridiculous.

          • sw19womble

            BILL NYE LIBEL!!!!! :(((((((

          • anniegetyerfun

            I love bowties. I wish Tucker would give them up so that I wouldn’t ever associate them with him.

  • dshwa

    Rich assholes of the GOP: Failing ever upwards.

  • willi0000000

    ballscratch, assscratch, burp

    Kaili, you forgot *spit*

    • ez

      Swallow, I bet he swallows.

  • Spurning Beer

    This shit really gets my salisbury steak in a bunch.

  • Warpde

    Imagine them being called for dinner.
    “Buck, Tucker. Buck, Tucker.
    Dinner time Buck, Tucker.”

    • Toomush_Infer

      Get in here, you Bucktuckers…..

      • leemoder

        I think you just created my newest, favoritist family eatery.

        Welcome to Bucktucker’s!

    • noamsane

      To quote George Carlin, “Fuck Tuck. Tuck sucks.”

  • dshwa

    Having a position where it was my job to read the childish ravings of rich douchebros right wing blogs all day and then demand corrections for their incessant and completly incorrect idiotic fuckery errors would probably give me a poor attitude too.

    • Virginia Dreaming

      Not to mention, way too much to do!

  • OooShiny

    This is the first time I’ve wondered if perhaps Tucker is paying Fox for his airtime rather than the other way around.

  • woodwoman

    I don’t get the fascination with “pearl necklaces” or “facials.” That seems to me the least satisfying way of coming to an orgasm ever. I also think it’s pretty demeaning.

    • sw19womble

      It’s apparently good for the skin (all that zinc and stuff), but I’ve always assumed it’s the acceptable “kinky” for some random reason that’s completely lost on me as opposed to some of the more risque stuff. But then going down on someone is also more of a ‘one-way street’ too.
      Is it a form of onanism/throwback to early form of birth control?
      I don’t know, you’re asking the wrong person. Or I’m responding to the wrong comment.
      SHORTER: *shrug* sorreeeeee!! :)

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Pearl necklaces were invented by women who don’t want a man to come in their mouths, on their faces, or in their hair, but don’t feel this simple request will be honored by the dope they are currently with. By pretending they really like semen on a relatively easy to clean area away from their eyes, mouth, and hair, they can get said dope to get excited about a little courtesy. Why said dope is a recipient of oral pleasure at all is just a testament to the sad world in which we live.

      Facials are an act performed by men who learned everything they know about sex from porn, and will soon be back to watching porn.

  • Tendernob

    What’s more tragic than being Tucker Carlson? Being Tucker Carlson’s less famous brother.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      More tragic yet: Decades of successfully selling crappy, processed crap has made the two of them so rich that they will never be held accountable for any of their nastiness, ignorance and dishonest behavior unless, some day, they they go completely John Eleuthère du Pont-berserk.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I figure they’re more than big enough assholes to get sued repeatedly for all sorts of fuckery. The money will surely dwindle, with these two nitwits writing the checks.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Both brothers are only known to us because their rich parents wanted them to “work” before they got their full inheritance.

  • Toomush_Infer

    First there was Billy Beer…..

  • Mehmeisterjr

    So which of these two is the “smart Carlson?” In considering your reply, bear in mind that it becomes more evident every day that Jeb is not “the smart Bush.”

    • leemoder

      I’m gonna say the Third Carlson,,,the one who moved to Fire Island.

    • Virginia Dreaming

      Christy Carlson Romano?

    • Toomush_Infer

      smart Carson?….hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah….whew!…..

    • Vienna Woods

      The owner of WKRP?

  • Tendernob

    Who woulda thought someone named “Buckley Swanson Peck Carlson” would turn out to be a raging fucking asshole?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Me! I would have thought that! Me, me, me!!!!1!1!!1!,!!!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I did a quick search on Amy Spitalnick and she appears to be a perfectly normal, albeit smart and focused, young woman. So to be fair to Buckley, I would have to agree that she would not appear in a private female humiliation porn shoot with a skeezy, smug creep. But, to me at least, that is not a criticism.

    • FDRliberal

      Buckley’s main understanding of women comes from his large and frequently used gang-bang DVD collection.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Really? I would have figured him more for the submissive guy getting pegged by a woman in a Nazi uniform genre.

        • MissNormaDesmond

          Yeah, I think the gang-bang collection is Tucker’s, and Buckley is trying, as usual, to impress him.

        • HogeyeGrex

          When he’s not soiling his diaper, that is.

  • FDRliberal

    The Republican outreach to women voters continues. I’m sure the semen obsessed Buckley will turn the misogynist dial up even higher as 2016 approaches.

    • sw19womble

      Ah well, it’ll make a refreshing change to all the racism in the past 6-7 years I suppose.

  • FDRliberal

    I guess if you don’t want to have your kids turn out to be gay bashers or semen obsessed misogynists, it’s a good idea not to name them “Tucker” or “Buckley”.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Wait . . . there’s no “Barron”?

      • jmk

        Different clan of douchenozzles.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Roy Cohn Carlson or GTFO.

  • Akira Bear

    Maybe Buckley was named after this guy. I mean, what’s plus or minus one L or one E to a wingnut anyway?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0po-g28uTg

  • JoeChristmas

    They’re the Palins of rich, entitled frat-boy douchenozzles.

  • sillyclucker

    Sounds like Skoalrebel gone bad. Is this why he’s not here anymore?

  • MrBlobfish

    Good job, Mom and Dad.

  • noamsane

    Just to state the obvious, the sexist and racist attitudes that lead to all the recent frat-house horrors really don’t tend to fade away as these upper-class twits age.

    • MrBlobfish

      Twit is my slag du jour. Excelsior. I’m surrounded by them.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Perhaps Fucker and Fuckley just meant this as “satire.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Yeah, that’s the ticket!

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Coming to a Theater near you?

  • kiptw

    Tuck & Buck should fuck a duck.

    • Virginia Dreaming

      Why you hate Darth Duck? [img]http://i.imgur.com/l6ohhVZ.jpg[/img]

      • kiptw

        “A” duck, not “the” duck.

        • Virginia Dreaming

          Tucker and Buckley are attempting to follow your advice. However, A. Duck does not appear to be interested. [img]http://i.imgur.com/d4pOY7S.jpg[/img]

          • kiptw

            Mallard Failmores.

          • HogeyeGrex

            Ducks, curiously, being one of the only creatures whose female reproductive systems really do have a way of shutting that whole thing down.

  • Spotts1701

    Talk about your Brothers grim. About as funny as psoriasis.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      … but not nearly as welcome.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Dear Mr. Carlson,

    If I should ever desire to hear your opinion on writing cheerful and constructive emails, it shall be my pleasure to beat it out of you.

    Good day, sir!

    I SAID GOOD DAY!!!!!!!!!!

  • Biff52

    ‘kin douchebros…

  • ibwilliamsi

    Cuz “bitches gonna whine”. Proven fact. /s

  • Beaumarchais?

    “May it please the court, I had no idea my fellow humans were this fucked up.”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      The honorable gentleman has evidently confused “my fellow humans” with “Tucker and Buckley Carlson.” Manifestly, the two classes do not intersect.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I wonder if Jon Stewart has any thoughts about this.

    • Callyson

    • HogeyeGrex

      Probably the same one he had back in ’04:

      “stop hurting America”

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Oh, hey, in case you thought the Carlson brothers could not possibly be any stupider, there is this little gem from the New York Daily New’s coverage of the story:

    “At no point was his brother Buckley on the email chain, but it appears Tucker Carlson blind-copied his brother when he responded to Spitalnick.

    Buckley Carlson must have hit reply all when he wrote back with the offensive comments against Spitalnick.”

    Hahahahahahahaharrrrharrrrr. They don’t know how to handle “reply all!” Harrrrrrrharrrrrrrharrrrrr… [wheezing sounds] Where’s my inhaler?

    Full story here:

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/city-hall-aide-rips-daily-caller-boss-insulting-email-article-1.2162433

    Edit: Just in case you missed it, Buckley C. forwarded his grossly offensive comments, not only to his loathsome brother, not only his loathsome brother’s henchmen, but to the actual object of his grossly offensive comments. Like this is not going to get out? “Reply all?” You don’t understand the concept of “Reply all?” You are seriously this fucked up? This is nitwittery on an almost cosmic level.

    • RevZafod

      Wait, Bucker and Tuckley; Fucker and Suckley? I can’t keep them straight. Obvsly both “grew up”, so to speak, eating nothing but TV Dinners, aka shit.

      • dreadnaught27

        Explains what their heads are full of :)

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    All those who are suprised that these two dicks are dicks, please raise your voice.

    *crickets*

  • Beowoof14

    Oh Tucker and his brother Fucker, probably date each other cause no one else wants to be associated with too self important assholes. Like either has ever found a chick that has enough self loathing to have sex with them without being paid.

    • MrBlobfish

      Idda no. I suspect Tucker and Coulter.

      • dreadnaught27

        He said a chick….

        • DahBoner

          Hi-yo!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Oh, her tone!

    Well, that changes everything!

    Pardon me while I rearrange all the deck chairs on the Titanic to accomodate this new information!

  • Poly_Ester

    Tucker lifted his characterization from “The Boys of Silicon Valley” article in this week’s Business Week. Someone must have read it to him. He obviously sides with the boys,

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    Tucker? I didn’t even kiss her!

    >I’ll show myself out now.<

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Viatuck? Vy a no chicken?

      • tinker12

        Don’t forget to tip your bartender.

        • actor212

          Why? He only serves Buckley’s.

  • Independently Yours

    Jerks. Fire them.

  • Well, at least asshole #2 isn’t wearing a bow-tie unironically (though, frankly, wearing one ironically is still awful…)

    • Mehmeisterjr

      As noted below, I am gradually becoming convinced that the bow-ties are the innocent victims here. They should not be blamed for the actions of the rednecks around which they are unwillingly wrapped.

      • tinker12

        Whenever I think of bowties, I think of the late, great Daniel Patrick Moynahan.

      • Hey, the twelfth (Yes, twelfth. The War Doctor is #9, Eccelson is #10, Tennant is #11. COME AT ME FANS WHO ARE WRONG!) Doctor wore a bow tie, and I still hated it. Bot ties are NOT cool, Matt Smith.

  • yeah.

    gross.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Jesus Christ on a cracker, somebody actually married that putz. I can’t imagine the horror of being his wife on a daily basis, but on a day like today?

    • HogeyeGrex

      I’m sure she spends her time counting bank balances and ceiling tiles.

      • actor212

        And cabana boys.

  • Baby_Raptor

    Just today?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    If the best they could come up with is Schmuckly and assFucker, the Carlson clan should consider trying something besides inbreeding. Right now it just seems like they need some chlorine in the Carlson gene pool.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yeah . . . that ‘humor’ is something a not-too-bright 13-year-old might come up with on a bad day in the back of the school bus. Not just sexist, but really, really stupid.

  • Msgr_Moment

    This calls for the standard “we’re sorry if anyone was offended” non-apology

  • TS Idiot

    His full name is almost as punchable as his face: Buckley Swanson Peck Carlson.

    • actor212

      Y’know, I almost feel sorry for the guy growing up. So many opportunities for sobriquets.

      Then I remember he probably went to prep school so this name was actual déclassé so fuck him, the little Peckerhead.

    • beatbort

      Are you sure O’Douche isn’t in that string of names too?

  • DahBoner

    Tucker Carlson’s brother has probably never got an email from Bill Cosby…
    http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/gallery/no/987.gif

  • jamsie

    I’m so disgusted after reading that.

    “she has extreme dick-fright;”

    You know who else has extreme dick fright? Good old Tucker. That’s why he beats up guys in rest-rooms.

  • motmelere

    I have it from a friend who has a reliable source that these boys were trained at infancy to perform public acts of gay incest. No irony in names like Tucker and Buckley; we can all guess who the catcher is. I welcome any cheerful, polite requests to clarify and correct this BREAKING STORY, and would like to add that the link ‘Carlsons69’ was pounded out by my cat while I was AFK, and has since been redacted. I’m sure Rosebud didn’t intend anything other than her usual feline chaos. No whiny bitches need reply.

  • IQdaRadical Thinker

    As far as that WASP spunkflute is concerned, there is nowhere near enough pimp slapping being done to him.

    I would even go as far to say that there is a definitive deficit of much needed pimp slapping to Tucker Carlson’s face.

  • actor212

    Damn. I wish I could see the exchange between Bucker and Tuckley after the “reply-all” where Tuckley turns whiny and Bucker turns into his bitch.

  • beatbort

    I am so sick of the Carlson boys shoving their gay lifestyle down our throats.

    • onedrewthree

      Seriously. Do straight brothers normally talk this much to each other about what comes out of their cocks?

  • Mehmeisterjr

    [♫ Fanfare music, starting softly, slowly building to an ear-shattering climax ♫]

    Also sprach Pairodouchbros!

  • geoffalnutt

    “The Adventures Of Tuck-N-Buck”. Sounds like the little cartoon you’d find at the back of something like “Christianity Today”. Today’s episode: Don’t Fart In Church.

  • Susan Wood

    You can take the sniveling, pimple-faced tweensout of junior high school, but . . .

  • synykyl

    So, Tucker is *not* the biggest asshole in the Carlson family?

    • jmk

      Hard to believe, isn’t it?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        A clear case of sibling rivalry.

        • Blank Ron

          Whoever wins, we lose.

    • Takoma DC

      They’re interchangeable.

  • Ruhe

    I hope her final reply was something like “stop arguing with the facts, dick-head, make the damn correction and then go make me a sammitch! And not the frozen kind!”

  • elviouslyqueer

    Dear Ms. Spitalnick:

    You want me to take down these two needledicks for you? I’ve got mad skillz.

    Call me anytime, sweets.

    Your friend,

    Lisa DiGiulio
    Mahwah, NJ

  • “no chance has this girl ever had a pearl necklace.”
    So, is this an insult, or…?

  • Bitter Scribe

    As good as this post was, you left out the best part: This came out because the dumbfuck brother clicked Reply to All, allowing Spitalnick to see his message.

    Unless he did that on purpose, which would multiply his dickishness exponentially into a new Diskishness Dimension.

  • cabl

    Buckley and Tuckley…the reason there should be HUGE estate taxes…so these type of people would fail in life..and we wouldn’t have to put up with them.

    • cheongyei

      You don’t have to ‘put up with them’.

      Any reason to promote higher taxes is a good reason for a hater.

  • Me not sure

    I thought a “Tuck and Buck” was some kind of kinky sex act.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Could Tucker Carlson, against considerable odds, manage to make himself look even douchier than he already had? Why of course he could by telling Politico: “I just talked to my brother about his response, and he assures me he meant it in the nicest way.”

    I can almost see the dimwitted smirk on his face as he penned what he no doubt thought was a riposte worthy of a Restoration wit, not realizing that he has created a hashtag that will follow him for the rest of his career as a barely-sentient carbon-based life form:

    Tucker Carlson is the Mozart of asshattery #Imeanitinthenicestway

    Edit – He sent this remarkably stupid comment to the On Media blog. Politico picked it up from there.

    • NepotismIsDomesticTerrorism

      As Jon Stewart proved almost than a decade ago. Live. On CNN. Stew also took out the perpetually worthless Paulie Begala for good measure. One of the few times “cable news” actually delivered something worthwhile.
      Although the Kate Bolduan’s screw up and Mean Jean Schmidt’s mad jig of wrongful glee during the Supremes Rule on ACA, Part I always will rank high on the list of cable news’s memories.

  • NepotismIsDomesticTerrorism

    Rumor has it Besty Rothstein and Buckeroo Carlson have a “thing” going. Sources say Betsy moved to The Caller to get closer to Buckeroo for lunchtimes and evenings. And Betsy, talk is, would love to get some of her hot hands on that Swanson frozen dinner money.
    Probably just a rumor. Just talk.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      So would that make her a spoogeneck on the Carlson Scale?

      • NepotismIsDomesticTerrorism

        Actually, that’s spoogeneck with a shank in her Gucci purse.

  • Eric Boyer

    Tuck and Buck, hilarious, where’s their little brother Suck?

  • gdaddo

    Boycott Pinnacle Foods, owner of the Swanson brand and the Campbell Soup Company, owner of Swanson broth division. Let the boards of directors know why you won’t be purchasing their products. Even if these two sponges have nothing to do with the companies, it would be delicious to see them have to publicly disavow any association with these two pigs.

  • Goposaur

    he looks like he doesn’t even have the common decency to give the goat a reach around.

  • T. Daniel Wright

    Mrs. Carlson must be so proud.

  • Takoma DC

    I wish all the young women Tuck and Buck date raped would come forward.

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