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Florida’s Senate had entirely too much fun taunting Gov. Rick Scott’s head of emergency management last week, trying to get Bryan Koon to say the words “climate change,” which, as we all know, is a Banned Word of Power in Florida’s executive branch these days. And who can blame them? Who wouldn’t love the chance to make the guy squirm, knowing that he has orders — even though of course Scott says there’s no ban on the words. Really? Then why won’t you say those words, Mr. Koon? You know the words. SAY THE WORDS.

The mean climate bully here is Democratic state Sen. Jeff Clemens, asking Koon about the new FEMA policy that requires states to document that they’re prepared for the effects of global warming in their emergency mitigation plans. Gosh, Mr. Koons, doesn’t FEMA require you to plan for climate change? As it turns out, the specific budget request Koons was testifying about is unaffected by the new FEMA directive, but he acknowledged that “the next iterations” of the state’s mitigation plans “will require them to have language to that effect.”

Another senator, whom we can’t see on the video, asked Clemens, “What were those words, Mr. Chairman? What were those words you were using?”

“I used ‘climate change,'” Clemens replied, “but I’m suggesting that maybe as a state, we use the term ‘atmospheric reemployment.’ That might be something that the governor could get behind.” In the video, the guy you hear laughing like Tom Magliozzi is committee chairman Sen. Jack Latvala.

Clemens just wanted to be sure, though, that the state is complying with the FEMA directives, even if Gov. Scott thinks it’s all hooey. Koons happily acknowledged that his department sure will, and that the next mitigation plan, which has to be submitted by 2018, “will be required to have language discussing that issue.”

“What issue is that?” asked Clemens, grinning with almost criminal glee.

“The issue you mentioned earlier,” Koon deadpanned, as Sen. Latvala laughed so hard, you’d think the laughter laughing had been dubbed in. But no, let the record show: Latvala was laughing so hard he had to turn his chair around to get out of range of the mic on his desk.

Yr Wonkette strongly recommends that all members of Florida’s press corps immediately adopt this tactic: Try to bait Rick Scott and his underlings — especially the underlings, who are more likely to know just how stupid the ban on saying THOSE WORDS is — into trying to avoid saying “climate change” at every opportunity. Then go back and taunt them a second time.

[Miami Herald via Crooks & Liars, twitter tip from Adam Weinstein]

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  • Walter Wellstone

    Florida is America’s penis. I hope it gets the clap and falls off into the fucking ocean. We’ll be better off without it.

  • Nounverb911

    “‘atmospheric reemployment.’”
    Does that mean that Hurricane Andrew, which did such a wonderful job of destroying much of South Florida, gets hired again to finish the job?

  • JMPesq

    If you don’t say the words, then it won’t happen, that’s why I’m never going to mention that word that means the end of life and so will live forever, that’s just science.

  • stankbait

    The three words every man desires to tell a woman.
    Paint my house!

    • Guest

      The six words every woman wants to hear: Yes dear. Whatever you say dear.

  • Lizzietish81

    Climate Change is a killing word.

  • Spotts1701

    We need to hire an orchestra to play ominous chords whenever the words “climate change” are uttered.

  • Callyson

    And our next state mitigation plan is due to the Feds in 2018 so we have some time in which to have that conversation.

    That’s the polite version of “by then, that asshole Governor will be headed out the door and we can discuss the issue like grown-ups.”

    • schmannity

      In Florida, assholes abhor a vacuum, so, probably not.

  • I love IRL trolls.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    The Scientific Fact That Dare Not Speak Its Name

    • Msgr_Moment

      Global Climate Ghey

  • Mormos

    atmospheric reemployment?

    greenhouse gases are jerb creators you guys, don’t you want to help the jerb creators?

    • weejee

      The pineapple farmers here in Washington State are all excited about it.

    • Bill Slider

      Great minds think alike. Hadn’t seen your comment.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …funny how politicians in Florida can do such a good job avoiding the words “climate change” but police officer in Florida can’t avoid using the word “nigger”?!

    • memzilla

      Waiting for some kid in Florida to change his name to “Climate Change” — he could never be indicted there!

    • Virginia Dreaming

      That one goes far beyond Florida unfortunately.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Can you say climate change? I know you can.

    • Spurning Beer

      I like the way you say that. Sure. I wonder what our friend Cornflake Especially is doing today?

  • Lizzietish81

    Climate Warming! HAH!

    • Anarchy Pony

      Boom!

      • bobbert

        Global Change!

  • Spurning Beer

    As far as I know, however, Florida employees are allowed to use the term “Medicare fraud.”

    • JustPixelz

      Under Rick Scott, it’s part of their job description.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Climate Change is the atmospheric condition that cannot speak its name.

  • Anarchy Pony

    If only smug stupidity was a terminal illness.

    • Blank Ron

      It is. Eventually.

  • Bill Slider

    Atmospheric Reemployment, sounds interesting. I suggest we give it a tax cut, as clearly, it is a job creator.

  • Spurning Beer

    Devout Republicans do not pronounce the words “climate change” aloud, but instead say “Adonai.”

  • JustPixelz

    Let’s hand Rick Scott over to our Editrix. His safe word is “ClimateChange”.

    • Spurning Beer

      Something something ten foot pole.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Something something Ted Cruz’s dick.

      • Whale Chowder

        “I can measure how far underwater Miami is with a ten foot pole. For now.”

  • FZsdaughter

    In a perfect world, when Miami is submerged and they’ve all lost their homes or drowned, then NO ONE will talk about climate change — problem solved.

    • Msgr_Moment

      “Climate glug glug glug”

  • Toomush_Infer

    I (for FREEDUMZ!) do not want to pay for the federal insurance it will take to mitigate the expensive properties in Miami, so, there’s that…..

  • dslindc

    Run away!!!!

    The ferocity of the Senate’s taunting took them completely by surprise!

  • JustPixelz

    I don’t know why evangelicals think Jesus will prevent global warming and rising seas. The dude could walk on water. He’ll just stand there, saying “Yo my children. Why are you flailing your arms and saying unto me ‘glub glub glub’?”

    • dshwa

      Honest answer is that believing in man made climate change challenges the notion that only God could create and effect the Earth on such a massive scale. Man made climate change is one more piece of evidence that their fairy tales are just that, stories made up to explain things the people of the time couldn’t otherwise explain.

  • Bill Slider

    OK, don’t say climate change. How about water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink? That would work.

    • Around Rick Scott’s neck / the Albatross was hung.

      • bobbert

        I didn’t know that about albatrosses. Perhaps we should let Sarah Palin know.

  • Doesn’t Rick Scott have better things to do than denying scientific reality in his oh so floodable state, like finally defeating that blasted He-Man and taking over Castle Grayskull?

  • chicken thief

    If only Dems would do this every time the GOP does stupid shit – just keep making them repeat it, or avoid saying it altogether as the case may be.

    • MrCanoehead

      This

    • sw19womble

      The trouble is, lunatics like Cruz and Scott Walker and Rick Scott actually believe the shit that comes out of their mouths.

  • teddy21

    How did Florida get so fucked up. When I was growing up in Alabammy, Florida wanted nothing to do with the “south” and it’s backward thinking. Now they’re the gd ring leader.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I think what happened was most of the old liberal northerners who moved there in the 1940s and 1950s died and the natives took their place at the polls :(

      • teddy21

        That’s a shame. I used to think of Florida as kind of an oasis in the desert. And same is true of Arizona. AZ used to be a great compliment to California next door. Now they’re as if Louisiana floated west.

        • 1captainhooker1

          That’s because, and as a fellow Alabamian I know this, you likely never visited interior Florida, but rather the coastal, touristy parts. Travel 15-20 miles inland and Florida is as Alabama as Alabama. Has been for most of my memory.

          • SadDemInTex

            This is true. The Gulf Coast is called the Red Neck Riviera, the North East coast is very much still the South. The only sorta liberal area was the South East Coast down to the Keys. That was due to the influx of East Coast Jews who migrated there when they retired. However, they have not been renewed in any signifcant way….there are the Trump creeps instead. The Cubans are still quite conservative and the great influx of peoples from the Caribbean and South America are always in search of fitting in and thus end up in the conservative camp as they seem to be the power now.

      • ViveLaRes

        Exactly right. I grew up in SoFla which was always very liberal. The natives north of Orlando are mostly teabaggers these days. They vote Repuglican against their own economic best interests, every fucking election. I live in NE Fla now. The culture shock was astounding.

  • chicken thief

    I wouldn’t say it either if they kept calling me a coon.

    Huh? Wha?! Oh, his name is Koon…. never mind……

  • Rotational Symmetry

    I wouldn’t say he’s *taunting* Koons. Koons seems to be in on the joke, and enjoying himself.

  • Steverino247

    Yeah, yuk it up, assholes. You’re taking us all off the cliff with you.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They really should not be surprised when they ask for a life preserver as they float toward the Atlantic and none of us deign to toss them one.

  • AnOuthouse

    Hey! Is I.P. Freely here?

  • Poly_Ester

    How about “weather pattern maladjustment?” Makes it sound far more short term.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I like to think of it as dry land redeployment, not retreat.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      “Thor’s Misplaced Furniture?”

    • mtn_philosoph

      “Persistent Tropospheric Thermal Escalation.”

  • Maybe the rule should be that if they say “climate change” a bunch of ping pong balls are dumped on them?

    • Virginia Dreaming

      Or green slime?

  • Ergoetal

    Next up: torture.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    If Rick Scott keeps going like this, one day he may be the governor of the world’s largest coral reef. No strike that, climate change is also acidifying the sea which kills coral. So I guess it will be the world’s wettest garbage dump.

    • Whale Chowder

      Wait, it’s not that already?

      • Gleem-McShinez

        Orly Taitz Libel!

  • TheBidenator

    In Florida they could always refer to climate change as “Georgia on my mind” because that’s where they’ll be living after it gets done with them….

  • Nuke90210

    So…..no violations of the first amendment here?

  • Enfant Terrible

    Some good subversive fun here, and the laugh in the background is priceless.

    • j hentai

      the head of the commitee laughing so hard, that’s worth the admission!

  • laineypc

    Just do that “my voice is my passport” thing they did in the movie Sneakers.

  • DahBoner

    Florida: America’s Crack Dick…

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