Marco Rubio Will Replace Obamacare With Obamacare (And Tax Cuts), Can Be Preznit Nao?

Pity poor Marco Rubio, theotheryoung Republican senator with a fascinating story of his family escaping Cuba -- legally, like good immigrants, not those moocher scumbags who don't fill out all the paperwork -- so their son could one day grow up to imagine being president of these United States of Jesus. While Ted Cruz has officially launched his campaign -- if not a fully functioning campaign website -- to be an official loser in the 2016 presidential election, Rubio is thinking about it too, you know, and he'd like some attention please also!

So in honor of the fifth anniversary of the Affordable Care Act and also in honor of trying to keep his name in the headlines while Cruz steals all the glory, Rubio has penned an op-ed to explain in three easy steps how to fix Obamacare after the Supreme Court murders it, as it will obviously do because pretty please, Supreme Court, won't you do that? Come on, you gotta. Please?!

To mitigate the fallout that will come with the collapse of this law, and to meet the long-term goal of replacing it with conservative solutions, I have worked to assemble a three part plan to serve as a foundation for the post-ObamaCare era.

Hahaha, "conservative solutions." That Rubio sure is a kidder! So, what are his three easy steps? You can probably guess:

Repeal it, reintroduce exactly the same bill (reminding people it came from the Heritage Institute), and call it Reagancare. Plus some tax cuts.

First, we should provide an advanceable, refundable tax credit that all Americans can use to purchase health insurance.

Of course! Every good Republican "plan" begins with tax reform. It is The Law. How will that work? Don't worry about it, it just will, that's the end of that. Step two?

Second, we must reform insurance regulations to encourage innovation. Americans with pre-existing conditions should be able to find coverage through their state's federally-supported, actuarially-sound high risk pools.

At least someone is thinking about how people with pre-existing conditions might finally be able to access health care. Since Obamacare doesn't even address that, except for how it does, and how that is one of the most popular parts of Obamacare, but aw heck, once Republicans get rid of it, they'll need to come up with some other way to give back to Americans that thing they currently have and like very much. So "encourage innovation" it is! But wait, what is "federally supported" in this instance? Is that, like, OBAMACARE? Shhhhhhhhh.

And finally?

Third, we must save Medicare and Medicaid by placing them on fiscally sustainable paths. Without reforms, these programs will eventually cease to be available for those that need them. I believe we must move Medicaid into a per-capita cap system, preserving funding for Medicaid's unique populations while freeing states from Washington mandates. Medicare, meanwhile, should be transitioned into a premium support system, empowering seniors with choice and market competition, just like Medicare Advantage and Part D already do.

Rubio will "save Medicare and Medicaid" by freeing them from the burdens of government regulation. Because even though seniors really like their government-run health care, even the ones who demand government keeps its evil hands off their Medicare -- and especially since Obamacare fixed it real nice so they're saving even more money now, THANKS OBAMA -- every Republican knows the even MORE better way to make 'em happy is to undo all that nonsense and give them the freedom to figure it out on their own, with free market magic and liberty fairy dust.

Government’s ambitions may be limitless, but its abilities are not. The free market, when allowed to function as intended, has no such limitations. It has an inexhaustible ability to empower our people and meet their needs. We need leaders in Congress – and in the White House – who will recognize that fact.

Nice subtle "cough cough someone in the White House cough" line at the end there. We are sure Sen. Rubio doesn't have a particular person in mind. (Nah, we are just kidding. He is talking about Marco Rubio, obviously.)

In conclusion, please consider Marco Rubio's excellent and very detailed three-step plan to take away Americans' health care coverage and give them something that isn't nearly as good. Rubio 2016, maybe!

[ FoxNews.com ]