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Sweet Yahweh of comedy, allow us to thank you for the gift of Michele Fiore, Nevada Assemblywoman and advocate for the most worthless cure for cancer short of prayer. Fiore has already graced us with her views on the federal government and arming co-eds. (For a fun party game, guess which one she opposes and which one she favors.) This week she waded into the debate over voter ID laws, because even the looniest state legislators still get to participate in the legislative process. Hooray for democracy!

Fiore was apparently upset that witnesses kept noting the inconvenient and incontrovertible truth that voter ID laws disproportionately strip the franchise from minorities. To show how ridiculous she finds such a line of argument, she demanded the Nevada director of the NAACP National Voter Fund answer the question, “At what point do we stop using the race card?” She also (starting around 4:08 in the above video) referred to one of her black colleagues as “the first colored man to graduate from his college” and showed her knowledge of current events by reminding everyone, “We’re in 2015 and we have a black president, in case anyone didn’t notice.”

Yeah, how about that boy Obama getting hisself elected president. Ain’t that the damndest thing you ever done saw?

Fiore also offered to take any constituents who don’t have an ID to go get one, which is nice of her and totally beside the point. We hope people take her up on it, if only because the thought of Michele Fiore spending all her waking hours driving all around Las Vegas in hundred-degree heat to drive black people to get whatever ID she considers appropriate sends us into a giggling fit. For someone who just last year was on national television decrying the evils of an omnipresent big government at Cliven Bundy’s ranch, she sure is determined to make sure the government has every single adult over the age of twenty-one in a database, isn’t she?

Listen Nevada, we know most of your state is basically just rusting trailers parked on the edge of some bombing range or other, but you guys obviously know it is now 2015, at least. And in this awesome modern world full of wonders like airplanes and indoor plumbing, we do not condescend to African-Americans for graduating college or attaining any other level of education. We do not whitesplain that racism is over because the country elected a black president. (Yes we’re looking at you, wingnut media.) And we have long ago stopped using terms like “colored” and “Negro.” You’d think Fiore would be especially cognizant of that last one, considering the fate that befell both Sagebrush Guy Fawkes and one of her Republican colleagues in the Nevada House of Representatives.

Still, thank you for being Wonkette’s current favorite One-L-Michele, Assemblywoman Fiore. We look forward to hearing more of your enlightened racial views in the future.

[Las Vegas Review-Journal]

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  • Well, if some guy is the first “colored” man to graduate from some college somewhere, then I think surely we are post-racial enough to stop playing the race card, by all means. But before we do, one quick question, Assemblywoman Fiore: can you explain why there is a college somewhere that still had not had an African-American graduate within the lifetimes of people living in 2015?

    • Blank Ron

      I feel like this comment will get me in trouble, but…

      I was sure that every college in the US had a football team?

      • PubOption

        But how many football (or basketball for that matter) players actually graduate?

      • txb23

        Plenty of colleges don’t have football teams. Here’s a long list of schools that once had teams but no longer do: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_defunct_college_football_teams

        • sw19womble

          The college in Texas who turned their football field into a farm was the most interesting one.

      • CthuNHu

        The unlibelous comment is not worth making.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Is that an AK47 in her bra holster, or am I happy to see her?

  • Antonin Dvorak

    And she is being touted as a 2016 senate candidate. Harry Reid could only be so lucky.

    • Spotts1701

      Who knew that finding a candidate even dumber than Sharron Angle was even possible?

    • Biff52

      While I’m pretty sure Harry could take her, I’m not convinced he’s gonna run. No spring chicken, keeps yapping about the new house they bought, etc.

  • Joshua Norton

    “the first colored man to graduate from his college”

    And a darned good tap dancer!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Well, that goes without saying.

    • jviscont1

      the video stopped short of her asking the colored man to refill her water glass.

  • BloviateMe

    Yeah but, we’ve never had an AMERICAN colored President, so there.

  • Left Coast Tom

    Listen Nevada, we know most of your state is basically just rusting trailers parked on the edge of some bombing range or other

    Lake Tahoe Libelz!!1!…oh, wait, you said _most_ of the state…

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      Just a hop skip and a jump from Tahoe to the NAS Fallon ranges. A hop skip and a jump at 500 knots, anyhow. Highway 50 goes right through them.

  • ManchuCandidate

    On the bright side, at least Fiore didn’t say he was her “black” friend.

    • janecita

      But I’m sure she has one. She also has a gay friend.

      • Dr.Zoidberg

        They’re probably the same person, which makes her practically a liberal.

  • Lizzietish81

    Maybe she can go to Starbucks to have a conversation about it with the barrista.

    • Beowoof14

      Sounds like they type who wouldn’t talk to the help.

    • OneYieldRegular

      The things I would write on Fiore’s vente cup if I were a Starbucks barista…

  • jjdaddyo

    She has a really hot profile on HeavilyArmedNotAScientistTeapublicanChristianMingle. com

  • Beowoof14

    You know I bought a house in Vegas and plan to retire there. My only disappointment is that I am not in her district and thus can’t vote against her. But I will be out working to get this dipshit back to the trailer park she belongs on.

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      On the edge of Indian Springs. Or is it Creech?

    • Biff52

      Tried that, now happily back in California…

  • PirateCafe

    This level of stupid should be banned from EVERYTHING.

  • smashedinhat

    Buying stuff = voter ID! Who knew?

    • Blank Ron

      So when you show up at the polling station, make sure you have your receipts!

  • janecita

    Is like my mother in law in front of one of my black friends (yay, I have more than one!) “Your colored friend is so pretty Janet, she seems smart too”. She’s also amazed that the black nurses that work with her aren’t lazy like those other “colored people out there”

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      Yeah, my dad was OK with the black guy at our wedding for some reason, too. Maybe because the guy was a retired AF colonel, and had a Senior Executive Service job…

  • sw19womble

    Serious point, but what do people outside the US call “mixed race” people now, seeing as you lot completely sunk the notion of “coloured/colored”? Cause a couple of my friends aren’t black, and they’re certainly not “African-American” IYSWIM.
    Poor old Benedict Cumberbatch got in hot water about it recently and tbh I’m still confused…. especially given the full name of the NAACP.
    TIA :)

    • Blank Ron

      Can’t speak for anyone else, but I just call ’em ‘people.’

      • sw19womble

        LOL yeah, I know, but sometimes it comes up, like “Who’s Paul?” “oh he’s the …er…. the guy next to the umm…” when it’s easier to just say the “really swarthy chap” or something. So confusing!

        • Blank Ron

          It’s one of the unfortunate parts of being a damned Commie lib’rul. You can’t use any of those happy descriptor shortcuts that are so common amongst the regressives. We are left saying things like ‘really swarthy chap’ while people like my father would have simply said ‘that n****r over there.’

          • Lizzietish81

            I was talking to the receptionists in my office and we were talking about hair and I mentioned the salon I go to and the first time I went it was full of black ladies. I was like “I was the only white girl there” and now I’m like, oh shit was I being offensive?

            The point of the story was I found it hilarious that the dressers were like “shampoo cut BAM YOU’RE DONE!”

            Or maybe I was projecting. FUCK.

          • Toomush_Infer

            Maybe you were just going to the barbers..

          • r m reddicks

            Reminds me of my late maw (who is of the whitish persuasion) when she made an appointment at a neighborhood hair salon – not knowing is was a black owned and patronized spot. Everybody got along fine. Then in talking they asked what her kids do. Ma wasn’t sure that she should mention that my sister was a professor of black history in some podunk college in Texas. But she did and general hilarity ensued. She became a regular customer.

          • unStunned

            I’d forgotten that one: The Swarths.

        • Anarchy Pony

          Closer to Lister than Rimmer.

    • sw19womble

      BTW one is fine with “black”, the other just looked at me funny and said “I don’t know mate”. Just wondering in general discourse…

      • smashedinhat

        Where I am currently, about 1&1/2 hrs Aeroflot from my flat in Moscow, it is more or less (HAH!) 100% white. “Mixed Race” would be directed towards Asians or the Muslim race. Yes yes, I know!

    • smashedinhat

      Depends where you are, as always.

      • sw19womble

        That’s the problem with the internet. This came up on the forum for my soccer team some time last year, when someone used the word “coloured” and someone else went “whoa! hey! you can’t use that word any more!”, leaving the OP and loads of the rest of us confused. Nobody seemed to know what to use instead (and it’s a very white, middle-class bunch of football fans), so we just shrugged and started talking about something else.
        Hey ho!

        • smashedinhat

          “The other” (nudgenudgewinkwink) is cumbersome but pretty much covers it.

      • FauxAntocles

        Many eons ago, my friend of African, Native American and white heritage heard me talking about a girl I thought was cute. Unsure of whom I was speaking, he asked “You mean that colored girl?” Still, I don’t think I could ever call him “colored”. Of course, I only think of him as Todd.

    • FauxAntocles

      Melanin-enhanced

    • As a Canadian, I feel comfortable speaking for all non-murricans…

      Singer in my band is half Trini, we just call him “black”.

      Edit: That’s also how he refers to himself, so, wasn’t really a tough call.

      • sw19womble

        I suppose it depends where you are, but I barely see any “black” people out West, even in downtown Vancouver. Of course, it might just be that I don’t notice them IYSWIM. I guess it’s a small enough sample that you don’t need to differentiate unless they’re really quite light-toned.
        Ugh, I’m stopping now, in case “light-toned” is considered inflammatory or something too. Modern life is so confusing :(

    • MrBlobfish

      Hey you!

      • OneYieldRegular

        “That one.”

    • Lizzietish81

      Benedict reaffirmed my love for him (not quite Misha Collins level, more Mark Ruffalo level) in that he actually apologized and wasn’t like “oh sorry you were offended”

    • unStunned

      What, has “octoroon” fallen out of style?

      • sw19womble

        It’s all the fault of those damned mulattos, screwing it up for everyone!

      • Msgr_Moment

        My favorite Girl Scout cookie.

    • pstockholm

      Colored with a “u”? You’re the real racist.

  • HarryButtle

    Color me shocked.

  • LarryHoudini

    We HAVE overcome! It’s true, Michele. In case the rest of you missed it, it’s 2015, a colored man is in the “white” house–probably eating watermelon and drinking malt liquor with his feet on the fucking desk, but what can you do–so if any of you shiftless fuckers need a ride to get an ID because you don’t even own a car or have a job, give me or Michele a call and WE WILL PERSONALLY DRIVE YOUR LAZY ASS to the fricking County Clerk’s office.
    PROBLEM SOLVED, NEGROES.

    • Steverino247

      Well, shit, negro! That’s all you had to say.

  • JustPixelz

    “Fiore also offered to take any constituents who don’t have an ID to go get one…”

    If I needed a voter ID, I’d need to get a copy of my (Rome NY) birf certificate. Here’s some of what they say to send:

    Identification: copy of your current driver’s license or state issued identification card.
    Payment: In the form of a money order only – $10.00 per copy – made payable to Rome City Clerk

    Besides the impossibility of getting a birth certificate for a voter ID without, basically, a voter ID … Will Rep. Fiore pay the $10? Otherwise, IMHO it’s a poll tax which is actually unconstitutional.

    • unStunned

      The state of my birth, Kansas (I know.) decided to privatize their vital records. So a Kansas birth certificate went from $10 to $30. Freedom!

    • r m reddicks

      She probably knows a guy.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …funny how just to fill out a ballot to vote, this thunder bitch wants everything short of a DNA sample, 3 forms of ID and a biometric cock scan. BUT!!! the second anyone mentions an effective federal gun registry, it’s TYRANNY, and DICTATORS

    • Every time I vote, i try to get them to accept my cock-scan, but they keep calling the cops on me…

      • sw19womble

        Cock-scanning: you’re doing it all wrong.

  • JustPixelz

    Shorter Firore: #BlackVotesDontMatter

  • dshwa

    The new one “L,” just as batshit and twice as racist.

  • cousin itt

    For some reason the ads that I’m getting with this post are from Nordstom for Plus Size Women’s Hanky Panky Teddy $79.00.

    Nice to see the digital algorithms
    of the Universe have a perverse sense of humor.

  • FauxAntocles

    Is that yer IQ or yer bra size?

    • Lizzietish81

      She’s totally doing that thing where you suck in your gut and jut your chest out to make it look bigger. My niece does that because she doesn’t yet realize that once she has them they will be there forever and she should seriously enjoy being flat chested while she can.

      To see an adult, a person who has been elected to higher office without any sense of irony do it is kind of sad.

      Tyra and the Jays would be laughing their asses off at that kind of posing.

    • Spurning Beer

      As a clinical psychologist, I can say with confidence that there is no such IQ as 42DD.

      • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

        Lots of plain 42 IQs in her family, I’d guess.

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    I’m guessing she got elected because of her big giant… brain?

    • Malaclypse

      big giant… bra

      FTFY

      • Lizzietish81

        We must! We must! We must increase our bust!
        The bigger the better the tighter the sweater the boys depend on us!

        • MrBlobfish

          Now that’s legislation I get get behind.

          • Wonkaholic

            Let me know if they need my support.

  • dshwa

    Also too, if you don’t want to have the “race card played against you,” stop supporting blatantly racist legislation that other supporters have admitted is racist in nature.

  • Blank Ron

    I’m always trying to play the race card, but the dealer keeps telling me it doesn’t count for anything in poker.

    • sw19womble

      JACK OF SPADES LIBEL!!!!!

      • Blank Ron

        Are you kidding me? Those guys on the playing cards are whiter than I am!

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      That’s when I start singing my favorite Motorhead song: The Race of Spades! The Race of Spades!

      • smashedinhat

        Lemmy would be very unhappy.

  • exinkwretch

    A little baking soda will whiten that race card!

  • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

    “most of your state is basically just rusting trailers parked on the edge of some bombing range or other”
    Having been to a Red Flag or thirty, I rate this statement as mostly true.

    • Zippy

      plus the meth labs

    • Biff52

      If so, you must’ve pretend-bombed my house out there. Being stick-built surrounded by a sea of mobile homes, it must look like a terrorist compound from 30,000 feet.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        I was an F-111 WSO for about a dozen years. We got nosebleeds above 300′ AGL.

  • MrBlobfish

    More ooga. Less booga.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    When someone plays the race card against you, you defend with the word salad card and counter-attack with your army of oblivious.

  • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

    Graduated college or graduated from college?

    • Spurning Beer

      You tell us, college boy.

      • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

        It’s the Burning (Spear) question of our time.

    • ibwilliamsi

      I think she said, “gradgiated out from kolluge”.

  • Steverino247

    Soylent Colored is people…..

  • Shalimar

    “We’re in 2015 and we have a black president, in case anyone didn’t notice.”

    It shouldn’t be hard to track down a facebook post from Michele Fiore saying not a single person she knows voted for Obama so she doesn’t believe he really won.

  • MrBlobfish

    Racism is dead. She took it out back and shot it.

  • BeliTsari
  • Toomush_Infer

    Michelle….what fresh hell
    Derp and derp are words
    that go together well….

  • Spotts1701

    *sigh* I suppose that some consolation comes from the fact that we’re past the deadline for new legislation, so she can’t introduce any more crazy than she already has.

  • jmk

    Holy crap this woman is dim.

  • Biff52

    Only one of oh so many reasons for me to flee that god forsaken sandbox.

    • Anarchy Pony

      That and the graboids…

    • DahBoner

      It is a Boom and Bust state…

  • TundraGrifter

    I’m looking at her photo wondering what made her airbags go off?

  • RoyalUglyDude

    I still think Michele Fiore looks kind of like Gossamer.

    • Spotts1701

      About as smart as him, too.

  • BMW

    In her defense, big boobs make me stupid too.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    “Fiore also offered to take any constituents who don’t have an ID to go get one…”

    You might die in a head-on collision along the way. The driver will be just fine, I think.

  • tegrat

    No relation to Mark Fiore, I’m guessing.

  • Callyson

    And with my peers that are concerned about color

    Asshole, what we are concerned about is the imposition of unnecessary restrictions on voting rights that will disproportionately impact people of color. This is not the same thing as being “concerned about color” itself.

    It’s and ID. Everyone has ID.

    Time for a reality check:

    Well Actually, It’s Pretty Hard for Some People to Get a Photo ID So They Can Vote

    Oftentimes, people don’t even have the money to pay for the underlying documentation needed to get a photo ID card. Getting a photo ID invariably requires proof of identification; usually, that means you need your birth certificate. But what if you don’t have your birth certificate? Then you have to contact whatever government office is in charge of that sort of thing to get a copy of it. And that can be a real pain in the ass for a lot of reasons.

    For that matter, a lot of birth certificates have mistakes on them. If your name is spelled wrong, then you have to go through a whole rigamarole to get that fixed before you can get your ID card.

    Some people have never been issued a birth certificate. A lot of elderly Black folks, for example, were birthed by midwives at home. They don’t have birth certificates.

    A lot of rural folks—Black, white, Latino, whatever—were born on farms. They don’t have birth certificates either.

    And did you know that in 2010, the birth certificates of all American citizens born in Puerto Rico expired? Because they did. So if you were born in Puerto Rico and you need a birth certificate, well, good luck with that. Sure, you can pay five bucks to get a new one—and let’s not forget that for some people, like low-income folks or homeless folks, even five dollars is five dollars too much—but guess what you need in order to get a new birth certificate?

    If you guessed “a photo ID card,” give yourself a pat on the back.

    Jesus fucking Christ, I can’t believe this stuff has to be explained,…

  • geoffalnutt

    It is apparent from that photo her breasts occupy their own zip code, however I’m way gay…so whatever. She seems nice.

  • TheBidenator

    While big boobs may draw the eye :stares: we get to what she said and :stares:…seriously though, what an idiot :stares: that might be the most racist :stares: wingnuttery I’ve heard in a while :stares:, she should be hanging with Palin :stares: anyway, I’m done…I’ll show myself out

    :stares:

  • CthuNHu

    I don’t care what you all say, Assemblywoman Fiore has my wholehearted and unequivocal support. And the fact that I am a heterosexual male has absolutely nothing, NOTHING, I SAY, to do with it.

  • leemoder

    enough with the furshlunginger drop-down video ads that you can’t get rid of already!

  • Mavenmaven

    Well, that’s pretty much Vegas, where Californians with boobs go when they don’t want to finish high school and can make money waiting on tables and then running for political office.

  • Me not sure

    “Every time I touch my gun I break out in my happy sexy-time face. I just can’ t help it!”

  • ThatDale

    You said, “Ain’t that the damndest thing you ever done saw?”

    I have to correct your grammar– that should say, “Ain’t that the damndest thing you ever done seen?”

    You’re welcome.

    • Mary McDonald

      Ever done seed. FIFY.

  • Daniel P

    I’m not going to lie. I’m really just interested in topless photos of her. So. Are there any?

    • Enfant Terrible

      Do you think your dad’s trick for seducing 19-year-olds would work on her?

    • 3FingerPete

      Here is a picture of her doing her day job. Seriously, she is built like a fireplug. I don’t find her in the least attractive.

  • 3FingerPete
  • DahBoner

    Listen Nevada, we know most of your state is basically just rusting trailers parked on the edge of some bombing range or other

    You forgot about the giant city that’s a tax on people bad at math.

    And the bordellos…

    http://media.giphy.com/media/EziKyNYBBddx6/giphy.gif

  • Honest man

    Fiore is delusional! We need good honest and smart people to represent Nevada.Not tax thieves .

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