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Who is Rowan? We have no idea.

After Yr Wonkette offered our sincerest congratulations to Bristol Palin and her brand new fiancé Dakota Meyers, some smart social-media-follower found this lovely photo of Sgt. Meyer on the Instagram, simply titled “Me and Rowan.” We have no idea who Rowan is, but we’ll assume it’s the baby there, because we are smart this way. But we thought you might enjoy this Fun Activity Puzzle Page for Kids, since this is clearly one of those pictures from Highlights for Children where you need to identify what’s hilariously out of place in the picture, and maybe find the hidden images of a toothbrush, a fruit bat, and a Medal of Honor winner who’s marrying a born-again virgin. So look at the photo for a moment (don’t peek at the answers below!) and see how many things YOU can find in this photo!

Ready, GO!

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Answer Key

dakota and baby 3

1. Dakota is wearing a Satanic Monster Energy Drink logo on his shirt, which no decent Christian would ever do.

2. Baby is sedated with store-brand cold medicine. If you love a baby, give the li’l nipper genuine NyQuil.

3. Dakota has consumed an entire bag of Cheetos but is also trying to eat the ChipKlip that was holding the bag closed. A common rookie mistake!

4: Dakota has thoughtlessly left his RealDoll™, “Sindee,” in the armchair while having visitors over. What an embarrassing faux pas!

5. The clock radio is tuned to a “Christian Rock” station. Don’t be fooled — “Christian Rock” is a tool of the Devil!

6. The loaded semiautomatic handgun on the nightstand is not close enough for easy access in case of a sudden home invasion by unruly ruffians or jackbooted government thugs bent on imposing tyranny. ALWAYS CARRY, EVEN AT HOME. The babies will thank you, probably.

Incidentally, when someone on Instagram pointed out the weapon on the nightstand, Dakota shared a good laugh over having a handgun within easy reach while holding a baby:

dakota and baby 2

What could be more fun than a baby and a gun? Easy! A baby, a gun, and a puzzle!

Extra credit: The fruit bat is under the bed.

[Instagram via alert tipster “Kay”]

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  • Lizzietish81

    Oh THAT’s what that is, who the fuck uses a clock radio anymore?

    • glasspusher

      the missus, unfortunately. She hits the snooze button more than she hits me. I fucking hate alarm clocks of any kind, so I guess this is my punishment.

    • sw19womble

      *raises hand sheepishly*

    • ThatDale

      I do, because it’s a nifty number that projects the time onto the ceiling. No more having to focus on a blurry shape on the other side of the de-fluffed pillow!

    • Blank Ron

      I find mine useful about once or twice a month. However, since there’s hardly any radio stations in the vicinity, I find myself waking to the soft strains of static…

    • FlownOver

      Me! Me! If I didn’t get my regular Storycorps fix I might not remember maybe this is the day I have the guts to eat a bullet

      • Msgr_Moment

        Revolver on the nightstand? You are not alone.

    • A Bashful Nobody

      I has one.

    • dshwa

      I do. But as I mentioned above, I’m more than a little uncool.

    • Peanutcat

      *eyeroll*

    • H0mer0

      Uh, I do? or actually one of my offspring does so it wakes me up from his room so I yell at him that it’s 7am so he turns it off and goes back to sleep and misses the bus again (his brother could care less –I once had to awaken him up by playing the musical accompaniment to “Two Girls, One Cup–Don’t judge me! He knew about that video from his classmates in middle school and from Family Guy before me!)

  • smashedinhat

    I’d love to play but I just couldn’t get past the gun. Weird.

    • Peanutcat

      That’s the only thing that was wrong; the rest was pure snark . . . . .

  • Callyson

    the ChipKlip that was holding the bag closed

    Oh, that’s what that thing is? I thought it was a pacifier, and was going to say “Shouldn’t the baby be sucking on that thing?”

    • Zippy

      He’s rolling Molly

      • Lizzietish81

        I thought her name was Rowan.

    • gedjcj

      I’m sticking with pacifier.

  • ibwilliamsi

    Medal of Homely winner to wed Re-virginized Princess Grifter. Babbies to follow.

    • glasspusher

      “The Repair and Maintenance of Your Virginity”, by Bristol Palin.

      • ibwilliamsi

        Guaranteed for 30 days.

      • BackDoorMan

        “Zen and The Art Of Vagina Maintenance” was already taken?

        • H0mer0

          Apparently Paltrow steams hers (ah, THAT’S why they call it “muff cabbage.”

    • Lizzietish81

      Jessica Hamby libel!

      • SterWonk

        Touché! :-)

    • ShriekinViolet

      Bristol and Dakota are the horrid Republican version of our Editrix and ShyPixel?

      • Lizzietish81

        No, I don’t think he’s younger than her, under her employ and looking to get out of getting work done in return for sexual favors.

        eta: Also Bristol already had the sincerely held belief that birth control was wrong, where as the Editrix had to be introduced to ShyPixel’s dick to reach that conclusion and start withholding birth control to herself.

        • glasspusher

          Uh, ‘scuse me furraminit…

        • H0mer0

          MEOW!
          Also too, way too graphic, but funny.

    • honestyingov

      At Midnight(after Larry Wilmore) had a hashtag game going.

      I figured #poopiter was going to naturally be the Bristols Third born

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    Sorry, but the fruit bat is the mother-in-law-to-be.

    • Zippy

      FRUIT BAT LIBUL!!1!

    • glasspusher

      Do you think when she visits they have her sleep on a Fruit Roll-Up?

    • Vienna Woods

      Only if it’s rabid.

      • nmmagyar

        Is there any doubt?

  • Zippy

    I’m pretty sure that being told he had to marry Brisdull for appearances sake was what drove Aaron Schock to resign

  • glasspusher

    This is why we need to outlaw 30 round ChipKlips!

    • Spotts1701

      That’s ChipMAGAZINES, you liebral!

      • glasspusher

        Snack Foods Quarterly?

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Rowan Atkinson?
    *edit* Oh, Rowan is the gun’s name.

    • bobbert

      Oh, darn you.

  • Zippy
    • dommyluc

      Yes, Bristol “Brandine” Palin, one meth bust away from working the pole.

  • glasspusher

    I always thought Bristle was more of a Honey Combs girl. Shows what I know.

  • HarryButtle

    That pistol is his “snooze” button.

  • Xenophile23

    The fruit bat is under the bed, et le singe est sur la branch!

    • glasspusher

      …and the [singe} is south of the branch?

      I got nothin’

      • jmk
        • glasspusher

          awesome. I’ll have to show it to my teenage son who takes French!

          • jmk

            Ohhhh I’d recommend watching ALL of his videos – be prepared for painful sides and smile muscles, though… he is fecking hilarious.

    • ShriekinViolet

      Et je suis le président de Burundi!

  • Nounverb911

    “Me and Rowan.”
    Bristol’s secret baby?

    • nanuq1

      Another one?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I am guessing Rowan is the latest Palin addition to the family
    which they found under a couch and nobody is quite sure how he got there.

    • glasspusher

      “Take this gift, however broken…”

    • bobbert

      I figured Rowan was his name for the semi-auto.

    • calliecallie

      Wait, so Rowan is the fruit bat? I’m confused.

  • schmannity

    Lost again! I thought Dick Martin was missing from the picture.

  • beatbort

    Sarah Palin as my mother in law?
    Just shoot me…

    • ryp

      Looks like he already put that option on the table.

  • Fred Wertham, Jr.

    I didn’t see the gun because I couldn’t take my eyes off that hideous lamp.

    • elviouslyqueer

      For me, it was Dakota’s hair. Do they not own brushes in Palin-land?

      • glasspusher

        Not necessary. One of the many perks of riding a snowmobile without a helmet.

        • dshwa

          He might be going for the “sex hair” look, which is a thing, or so I’m told. I have no idea, because I’m straight, uncool, and a little bit of an old.

      • BackDoorMan

        Only brushes with the law would be my guess.

      • fgbndslndr

        In some pictures, his fringe is divided into 13 hanks – one for each of the original 13 colonies.

      • H0mer0

        In the pictures in which his hair is “neatly coiffed” (in the “FU Michael Moore” pic and in the pic receiving MOH from Our Handsome Prez (not to be confused with OHB,)) he’s got that strange bowl cut with the bangs curled under as only Caucasian Hair can do. I much prefer the “F-hair” look.

  • say wha

    And why is that picture in black and white?

    • glasspusher

      How much does a hipster weigh?

      A; An Instagram.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    He really shouldn’t get his mouth-germs on the pacifier and then give it back to the baby.
    That could be dangerous.

    • behaveyrself

      Especially *THAT* mouth…Can you imagine where it’s been? (shudder)

  • docterry6973

    Have we established that the firearm is properly called a pistol? Gun fetishists are very particular about these things.

    • sw19womble

      I believe it’s the Gillette Mach3 with a retrofitted pump-action 36-round Turbo ‘clip’ for when you positively absolutely have to put 5 rounds a second into a oncoming vicious rabid deer.

      • docterry6973

        We’d surely get a contemptuous comment exposing our firearms ignorance, if we allowed comments.

        • sw19womble

          That’s why I’ve done extensive research (see above) to counter any such claims!

        • Sheesko

          Well, that’s why we don’t allow comments. It was a wise idea.

      • Amy!

        Can’t be. It looks like a Vickers-Webley to me, though I’m not quite sure which one.

        • Msgr_Moment

          AOT,K.

      • Mary Sandoras

        With armor piercing bullets of course.

    • honestyingov

      So I guess Bristle’s nicname of “Bristol the Pistol ” is out because She could get confused as to what he was referring to.
      Dakota– just leave messages on Bristols hand as a reminder (Hand-prompter)

    • jmk

      Per previous agreement, I believe that is properly referred to as his trusty Webley-Vickers 50.80 ta-pocketa-pocketa-pocketa.

    • andreamd

      It’s a gun and I have no fear of evil comments from the right. Got my fill from the Examiner and Washington Times teabaggers after the Hobby Lobby Scotus rally

  • Spotts1701

    Now, you know in the Palin tribe a semi-auto pistol is a symbol of entry into the famly.

    • Sheesko

      “Repeat after me: With this semi-auto pistol…”
      “With this semi-aummo piss ‘scuse me pistol…”
      “I thee wed.”
      “Wut?”

  • Sheesko

    I thought #3 was a pacifier. But you know, SOLDIER. So, no pacifying here, folks, move along. Also, gun. Thanks for pointing that out. At least it isn’t pointing AT THE BABBY. Because that’s just how *I* roll. [eye roll]

    • AKLynne

      I think so too.

      • Jonathan Cano

        > I thought #3 was a pacifier.

        I thought it was a silence of the lambs butterfly.

  • aureolaborealis

    On the one hand, Sweet White Jesus, people, you’ve got guns lying around your fucking house with children present! This is covered in the gun safety courses you pretend to care about.
    On the other hand, that baby couldn’t fire that weapon if his life depended on it. Just physically not possible, even if it was loaded, which it looks like it isn’t.

    • KarenJ

      OTOH, there’s 6 year old Tripp to think about, and what about when son/nephew Trig visits? He is allowed to stand on dogs. No telling what they let Trig do with inanimate objects.

      • glasspusher

        Hey! How did you get away with saying Roy Rodgers’ horse’s name? New rules apply with Disqus?

        • bobbert

          Trigonometry.

          If I can type it, anybody can.

          • glasspusher

            Amazing

          • Vienna Woods

            Trigonometry
            By God, you’re right!

      • aureolaborealis

        Isn’t Trig her son/brother? Also, Tripp would have a hard time firing that gun, too. But that’s not the point, because having guns lying around is insanely reckless and stupid — especially when kids are involved.

        • nmmagyar

          Sure Trip or Trig or Tracksuit COULD fire said weapon, but why aren’t more people; sensibly, IMHO, afraid of Willow? Everything about that young woman screams “CHILD OF SATAN – HIDE THE BABBIES!!!!!”

      • Blank Ron

        Like gramma?

    • glasspusher

      Nothing about gun training classes in the 2nd amendment. Also, you’re right, Jebus was blond haired and blue eyed, despite having been born in the middle east.

    • chicken thief

      Hard to tell from the photo – it might not have a magazine in it or it could be the shadow. But even magazine-less there still could be one in the chamber.

      • aureolaborealis

        Could be, but the hammer’s down. It would have to be some kind of hero-babby to cock and fire it.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Guns can go off when they are knocked to the floor by a toddler/pet. I would never leave a loaded weapon around my cat.

      http://weknowgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/fuck-this-thing-cat.gif

  • fawkedifiknow

    Glock and Load, for the Lord.

    • aureolaborealis

      Nah, mang. That’s a 1911. Murka.

  • glasspusher

    “This is my Pez dispenser. There are many like it, but this one is mine”

  • KinkyReggae

    It’s unfortunate that this family of tundra grifters keeps showing up…old news folks. Nothing to see here but the snowbillies.

  • MrBlobfish

    People actually live like this? Guns just lying around, that’s how we roll, har har? I really don’t get it.

    • sw19womble

      They roll, because so many of them end up on a hospital gurney, in a wheelchair, or – if they attach their full freedoms – on their way to the coroner’s office.

    • aureolaborealis

      I’ve seen it like this in homes of vets, who I assumed did it to feel safe. Also in extreme wing-nuts, who did it because Jesus Second Amendment Christ commands it. Also in man-children who never grew out of their childhood cowboy fantasies. Edit: Those last two may not be distinguishable in most cases.

      • I’ve seen it like this in homes of vets, who I assumed did it to feel safe.

        You never know when you’re going to have to put down Old Yeller and there’s no hypo to be found. … Oh, wait, not that kind of vet. Nemmine.

  • dslindc

    What, no drink recipe to go with our kids and firearms? This activity needs more fun.

    • aureolaborealis

      Drink recipe? You mean like other than, “pour party liquor down noise hole”?

      • dslindc

        You’re right. Sorry, I was having a hard time changing gears from 5-star Schock to no-star Palins.

    • iyamtoo

      “Many parts liquor. No tumbler required. Insert.”

      • Amy!

        Insert?

        Insert what?

        Where?

        Oh, Bristol.

        Never mind.

        • BackDoorMan

          I thought it was insert bendy-straw into wine cooler box… and *then* Bristle shows up, if a little muddy, grass-stained and without her shoes.

  • AKLynne

    Are you sure he hasn’t got the baby’s pacifier in his mouth?

    • jviscont1

      It does look like a pacifier to me too. The question is who it belongs to.

    • Shibusa

      I thought it was the pin from a hand grenade.

  • sw19womble

    You know, nobody seems to complain when Aaron Schock whips out his pistol and plops it down on the nightstand next to th…. oh wait, wrong thread!

  • Gleem-McShinez

    My first thought was that Brisol’s Uterus is roomy and surprisingly tastefully decorated. But the babby seems really far along for them to be announcing their engagement so late.

  • Randy Riddle

    This post is very difficult to fap to. Unless you have a fetish for ChipKlips.

  • iyamtoo

    #howdoesbabbyroll

    • nmmagyar

      How steep is the incline?

  • TheBidenator

    Well I can tell that’s not a Palin baby for one thing…what the hell kind of name is Rowan? Shouldn’t it be Barstool, or Car Seat, or Doggie Door? Definitely not a Palin.

    • iyamtoo

      “Boot” Palin. Although, if Dakota is that next babby daddy, maybe it will be called “Frontier” or something.

      • Amy!

        Alberta?

      • BackDoorMan

        I think Badlands has a pretty good chance for the name of the next Palin spawn.

        • LADY MABELINE

          Twat

    • chazmanr

      I thought the next one was suppose to be Magazine or Bolt. Trig is supposedly named after “trigger”.

    • chicken thief

      Bristol is a city and Dakato is a state, sort of, so it’s only logical that they name their first born after a country. “Chile Meyers”? “Bermuda*” if it’s a girl?

      * Has the added plus of many Bermuda Triangle jokes when she grows up also too!

      • aureolaborealis

        They’re all Alaska places or Alaskana. Bristol … Bristol Bay. Trig … trigger, because guns. Piper … Piper Cub, ubiquitous bush plane. Track … snow machine part, because they’re slednecks. Willow … a town near Wasilla. Is that everyone?

        • H0mer0

          I thought Trig was named after “Tri”somy “G”, an old name for Trisomy 21 of Down’s Syndrome (I thought I got that factoid on this ‘ere mommy blog–of course, that would imply a cleverness that I rarely ascribe to her or a snarkiness which which I would.) As Zippy once said, “All Life is a Blur of Republicans and Meat.”
          (I also recall Zerbina asking him “if [his] happy countenance belies a deeply troubled soul?”)

    • nmmagyar

      But Rowans are trees and the Palin clan a a history of naming children after trees – a la “Willow”, unless Willow is named after the dwarf (are we still allowed to say “dwarf”?) sorcerer in in the aptly titled “Willow”.

      • Paperless Tiger

        I never thought you’d stoop so low.

        • nmmagyar

          You, apparently, haven’t read most of my “work” on this here mommy-blog.

      • Certainly not named after the lesbian witch out of Buffy.

  • iyamtoo

    I wonder if Rowan’s mommy rolls that way.

  • chicken thief

    The real sin is that doo rag on babbiez head. Now he’s gonna grow up listening to rap music and be a thug.

  • chicken thief

    So… lemme see here…. from this angle I guess Brizdull is lying on the floor with ankles to the ceiling so Montana Nevada Dakota can shove that little tyke back up her cooter?

  • OneYieldRegular

    Are you sure this isn’t a still from a Rosemary’s Baby outtake?

  • Capt.Jim

    So he has stole the kids binky and stuck it in his mouth,!!!My take is he will put it out of reach so the kid has to climb the dog to get it

  • Virginia Dreaming

    If I was dating Bristol, I would either keep some sort of weapon close by, or make sure there were no wine coolers in the fridge. She has a tendency to be violent. Also I would be seeing a psychologist to figure out why I have a need to date such horrible people.

  • JoeChristmas

    Moose L Tov!

  • cessnadriver

    This clown was the “person” with the Fuck Michael Moore sign.

    • ShriekinViolet

      I think you mean that he’s the clown with the Fuc_ Michael Moore sign who got eye raped by Mama Palin:

      http://wonkette.com/573874/sarah-palin-yo-she-is-classy-as-fuc

      • fredoandme

        i think that awful woman liked the cut of levi’s jib. once.
        this family is one of the sickest we’ve ever encountered.

  • Rick Hill

    Intense drama. It’s coming. We’ll become preoccupied with our lives, forget about these two and then, bamm! They’re going to be the lead on all the liberal newsies.

    • Dawn D’Haeze

      Yep. Someone’s going to die….

  • Dang, I am an old liberal. I thought the gun was a cassette tape. Even after it was pointed out in the second pic. I’m like yeah that’s weird there is a cassette tape on the nightstand.

  • aureolaborealis

    Even with the gun-baby picture, I still feel like the biggest sign of bad judgment on this guy’s part is marrying into the Palin clan.

  • glennisw

    When they get married, she becomes Bristol Meyers.

  • Roger_of_Arabia

    Stoopit Wonkette. That’s no chip clip that is a pacifier.

  • fgbndslndr

    It seems like a especially bad idea for a vet with PTSD – and an alleged drinking problem – who has already tried to commit suicide with a handgun – to have one lying around the house, but what do I know? Handguns seem like a bad idea for everyone, to me. (See Wikipedia for allegations)

    • Cuberly

      The humor, dark or otherwise has officially been sucked out of the room.

      Supposedly Palin’s first, Track or Truck or whatever is in the same boat too.

      (sigh)

      • SqueakyRat

        I think it’s Trike.

        • Cuberly

          You sure? Thought it was Traipse.

      • fgbndslndr

        Yeah. I suspect we’re going to be hearing a lot more about this couple, and none of it will be good for the kid.

        • Cuberly

          Agreed. I just hope he’s getting some form of help beyond being pumped up and jazzed about joining the Palin “reality” show.

  • chascates

    Hey, is that an Aryan baby?

  • LIT_Fag

    I think #3 is a buttplug and he’s just too fucking stupid to know where it goes.

  • JParkerSD46

    Boy, it’s hard to snark on this guy, even for all the oh, so obvious reasons. But I read his book and no matter what you think of his recent choices, anyone who is awarded the MOH deserves at least a little slack. Now, regarding recent choices, I’m thinking PTSD.

  • SnarkOff

    In the next photo (deleted), Rowan hilariously puts the gun into his little mouth, thinking it’s his binky!

  • rodnchance

    Oh my Gosh, the baby is names after Rowan Mayfair a witch from the New Orleans area, should fit right in with the wicked snow-billy witches of Alaska.

    • Vienna Woods

      That was my thought too. God those books scared the shit out of me.

    • qadesh

      PLEASE do not insult real witches by mentioning the palins in the same breath.

  • Guest

    Ah man…I only saw two things…a douchebag and a kid that doesn’t stand a chance.

    • fredoandme

      if i was headin’ up the prize committee, you’d get it.
      seriously. simple pictures are always best.

  • Steve Zakszewski

    The Palin Clan entry for the Darwin Awards. Nice to see North Dakota fitting right in, if you’ll pardon the pun.

  • Baby_Raptor

    Anyone who leaves a murder weapon sitting around like that around kids should have said kids taken away and given to someone with enough sense to not kill their offspring.

    • MrCanoehead

      Yeah! Loose bullets are a choking hazard.

  • ViveLaRes

    7. Tacky lamp that rednecks think is classy but which actually evokes a low-end bordello. Purchased at Hobby Lobby.

    • gallbladder

      …for a Christian discount.

    • nosuchuser

      Nope. That thing has ‘PX’ stamped all over it….

    • dommyluc

      Teabaggers think “bordello” is some exotic Muslim/Arabic word. They only understand “whorehouse”.

  • Paperless Tiger

    You never know when the other side in the feud might show up.

  • micster50

    Any bets on which one will file the first restraining order?

    • gallbladder

      Their child?

    • nosuchuser

      How bought a betting pool on the first family member responsible for an ‘accidental’ discharge?

      • Dawn D’Haeze

        My money is on a child

  • shastakoala

    Will there be a Palin – Meyers smackdown at the BYOB wedding reception?

    • BackDoorMan

      Yes. I think the last “B” in BYOB stands for booze’n’brawl.

  • Steverino247

    As a Medal of Honor recipient (again, not “winner”) he receives a Medal of Honor pension monthly in the amount of $1,259. This is on top of any other compensation he may receive as a result of his service connected disabilities (if any).

    • zerosumgame0005

      well if he doesn’t have PTSD now, he will after going to (invading) a couple of parties with the Palins

  • AttilatheBlond

    Baby is an open carry advocate?

  • DahBoner

    7. He has his keys in his mouth, which is a choking hazard. Never put anything smaller than a corndog in your mouth.

    http://media1.giphy.com/media/2y7uAIMUUPknS/200w.gif

  • Me not sure

    “You can have my babby when you use my gun and pry him from my cold dead hands!”

  • Warpde

    “What’s Wrong With This Picture Of Bristol Palin’s Beau?”

    I know, I know.
    3) He hasnt figured out where Bristol’s butt plug is supposed to go?
    or he’s giving it a clean…?

  • IDreamOfNinja

    I think that’s actually the baby’s pacifier in his mouth…

  • OzarkTroutBum

    Never know when you’ll need a pistol because his fiancee Briskette could be out starting a street fight with the neighbors.

  • Cat L

    I guess if he had to get that gun in a hurry, the baby gets thrown on the floor. But guns come first… priorities!

  • Jean Hayduck

    Loaded or unloaded what difference does it make. Get in the habit of putting it away so a tragedy does not happen. It’s not rocket science people Guns and Children do not mix.

  • FoxNewsAlert

    Regardles of MOH status, if one of his firearms insructors was there, they would kick his ass for having an unsecured weapon laying on the table.

  • JJ

    I am a sad loser, and this is my one and only comment that will ever appear on Wonkette.

  • Peanutcat

    Dafuq?

  • PavePusher

    Gun has no magazine and the hammer is forward. It’s a damn paper-weight.

  • John Norris

    Here’s what’s really wrong with Dakota Meyers: 1) he is getting his Medal of Honor from the Gay Commie Muslim Tyrant-in-Chief. 2) He is standing in front of pentagrams, the Devil’s Star, so he’s probably a Satan worshiper!

  • Shawn

    Awesome to see a bunch of morons on the Internet instructing a MOH recipient on the safe handling of firearms.

  • Pearl Polanski

    Dakota actually has a pacifier in his mouth.

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