We come not to bury Bristol Palin, recently affianced betrothed of some guy, but to be really happy for her. Seriously! Not even kidding! Sure, she’s dumb and mean, and her Medal of Honor-winning soldier-person guy is also kind of dumb and mean (judging by this, where he is accidentally eye-fuc-ed by his new fiancee’s mom), but we have seen the men Bristol used to put her vagina on, and we wouldn’t wish them on … Bristol Palin.
So we met Dakota Meyers, Medal of Honor-winning manly guy, with Sarah Palin, being a dick. And we heard he and Bristol were dating a few weeks ago, from alert people with nothing better to do than monitor their Instagram feeds. (That’s cool! Keep those tips coming! What, you want US to monitor random Palins’ pitcher-pages? We do not love you that much.) And now, after two months, they are engaged! We have absolutely zero problem with this. And if it turns out they will welcome another little Palin angel in seven months’ time, we have absolutely zero problem with that too! Let Bristol be Bristol, by which we mean “putting her vagina on people and then pretending she is a virgin.” Fuck dudes, think about what she had to grow up with. Cut the girl some vagina-putting-on-people slack!
Anyhoo, that’s pretty much all we have to say about that, except that we really are happy for Bristol Palin finding a cute, manly guy who is super into her and wants to maaaaarry her, because we are good liberals who are happy even for terrible people when they find love and peace, and we leave being shitty about others’ joy to bad people who have desiccated lumps of dogshit where their humanity should be.
(Which is probably you, in the comments. Don’t think we don’t know you. WE DO.)