They want you! They want you!

Well, darn it, if you can’t believe the headline of an article at Bradlee Dean’s Refuge For WND Rejects, how can you trust anything you read on the interwebs? A March 12 piece by Tim Brown certainly sounds terrifying enough: “Open Sexual Deviant: I’ve Been Indoctrinating America’s Kids to Be Sodomites – I Lied about It & Am Not Sorry” OMG it’s true! The Gheys really ARE trying to recruit our children into their lifestyles of sin and depravity! And lord knows it certainly starts with a fine goulash of paranoid terror:

Sometimes you just can’t ask for anything better than lawless people to utter their own crimes from their own mouths, except to render justice upon such crimes. Such is the case with S. Bear Bergman.

Bergman, a mentally ill woman who believes she is a man (She also claims to have “married” another woman that thinks she is a man) and cuts her hair in the style of a man’s and apparently takes hormones to grow a beard (yes, it’s disturbing to see and the entire “family” situation is beyond confusing and bizarre), provided an op-ed piece at Huffington Post in which she openly admits that she is in education to “indoctrinate your children into my LGBTQ agenda.” Furthermore, she adds, “I’m not a bit sorry.”

So scary! Crazy trans man who is really a lady no matter how much she claims otherwise is coming for your kids!!! And wants to make them gay too!

Except for the part where Bergman doesn’t actually say that he wants to convert any children into homeaux. Sorry, wingers, just about the worst thing Bergman admits to is that he wants to teach kids not to be bigots, even if their parents would prefer they stay bigots. That’s what Bergman means by “recruiting” — not that he’s trying to turn straight kids gay, probably because he’s already quite aware that you can’t turn gay kids straight, either.

Still, Brown sure does give it the good ol’ Pensacola Christian College try, taking every sarcastic line at face value. “My wickedness, you see…knows no bounds” becomes a confession that homos really do know they’re an abomination in the eyes of the Lord, for instance. And here’s the big admission of duplicity that Brown “reveals”:

I am here to tell you: All that time I said I wasn’t indoctrinating anyone with my beliefs about gay and lesbian and bi and trans and queer people? That was a lie. All 25 years of my career as an LGBTQ activist, since the very first time as a 16-year-old I went and stood shaking and breathless in front of eleven people to talk about My Story, I have been on a consistent campaign of trying to change people’s minds about us. I want to make them like us. That is absolutely my goal. I want to make your children like people like me and my family, even if that goes against the way you have interpreted the teachings of your religion.

We’re going to go out on a limb and suggest that, just maybe, Brown is deliberately pretending that “make them like us” can only mean “cause them to become similar to us” and not also mean “give them a reason to find us likable.” Which is probably why Brown omits the final lines of that paragraph:

I want to be present in their emotional landscapes as a perfectly nice dad and writer who is married to another guy. Who used to be a girl (kind of). Who is friendly and cheerful and not scary at all, no matter what anyone says.

We’re also perfectly willing to believe that Bergman is being deliberate in that ambiguous phrasing, just for the sake of trolling idiots like Brown. But no, sorry, Bergman doesn’t admit to recruiting a single kid to do buttsex, or even to take up interior design. The worst we can say about Bergman is that his writing style is a little tedious, though it’s at least more entertaining than Brown’s overwrought “Gotcha!” piece. Still, Brown manages a nice little bit of Bible-pounding:

Bergman wants people to know that sexual deviants exist. That is a given. Everyone knows that already, but she uses it as a means to taint, stain and pervert the minds of young people in America. Friends, that is unacceptable. In most states it is a crime not only to engage in sodomy, as Bergman does, but it is also a crime to contribute to the delinquency of a minor, which she is most surely doing.

So, what is Bergman’s final statement in the matter? Glad you asked.

“I would be happy — delighted, overjoyed I tell you — to cause those children to disagree with their families on the subject of LGBTQ people,” she wrote. “If that makes me an indoctrinator, I accept it. Let me be honest — I am not even a little bit sorry.”

Open, unrepentant and still at war with her Creator, Bergman blurts out the truth that Bible believing Christians have been saying all along. So, America will you now believe what your friends, the Christians, have been telling you, seeing that the God-hater has openly declared that we have been telling the truth the entire time? What will you do about it? What should be done to such people that do this to your children?

Would you have ever in a million years guessed that the answer is “homeschooling?” Because the answer is homeschooling, so your precious little snowflakes will never have to meet anyone who is different from them. Also, oh, yes, Brown loves Bergman and hopes he’ll repent his sins before God sends him to hell, the end.

[Sons of Liberty Media / HuffPo]

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  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I blame “Rap Music”!!!

    • glasspusher

      If you mix Country and Rap you get Crap. It’s true!

      • retiredeng

        Country being the dominant gene. Of course you get crap.

      • Jeff Blanks

        Already happening, apparently. I mean, the last time they blended country with black folks’ music they got rock’n’roll–which eventually turned into (1) the post-classic rock that, so many people who never got the underlying message still enjoy and (2) the endless neo-1965 of “alternative” (with extra helpings of Things Suck and What’s The Use?). What happened?

  • “In most states it is a crime not only to engage in sodomy…”

    Uhh… What? Weren’t anti-sodomy laws found to be unconstitutional? And clearly they don’t exist in “most” states even if they were constitutional…

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Don’t forget, Christians are allowed to ignore any Supreme Court ruling that violates their sincerely held beliefs. The Supreme Court said so.

  • cousin itt

    Two Sarah Palin posts in a row?

  • Comrade Bergman has … been indiscreet. There will be re-education. Please pay no attention.

    • SnarkOff

      I take it you’ve penciled the appointment with Bergman into your Gay Agenda.

      • Blank Ron

        I might have found a gay agenda at the dollar store. Or not. It’s pink, but it has Hello Kitty on it. Does that count?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Sounds highly suspicious. When you open it, does it play show tunes?

          • willi0000000

            no . . . but you can fit it out with a 100 round drum.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …funny how one mis-stament from one person can be used to paint an entire group as deviants! But an entire bus load of white SAE college students chanting about “Lynching” African Americans is an isolated incident! Angry, “Heterosexual”(in parentheses because half of them are deeply closeted)’ white men aren’t victims

    • schmannity

      One woman. One city, Chicago. One Cadillac. 3-4 generations of “queens.”

      • gedjcj

        She was also connected to a murder; that didn’t raise any eyebrows in Chicago, but “welfare fraud”…

    • TheBidenator

      We all know it’s the hippity-hops fault for those good, clean conservative white boys saying the n-word. Now take responsibility for your racism against yourselves, black people! Guh this gets so tiresome!

  • Toomush_Infer

    Bring on the Youth Anti-Sex League!….

    • Bristol Palin is in charge of that now, right?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, when she’s not being boffed by some random stud from the bus station, yes.

      • TheBidenator

        Until some trog brings wine coolers with a mattress nearby….but, Bristol is right back in charge the next day. Palin’s are immune to hypocrisy…

    • Youth Against Naughty Kinks.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        YANKers for Jeebus!

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Have we really reached the point where not living up a stereotype is a form of indoctrination?

    • Blank Ron

      We’ve reached the point where sitting quietly in a corner not bothering anyone is a form of indoctrination.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Meanwhile, in Arkansas, some crazed “Christian” uses taxpayer money to “Grow God’s Kingdom” complete with exorcisms to drive the demons (presumably the ones who tell the kids to think for themselves) from children and brainwash them into being good little Stepford kids for Jeebus.

    Which is perfectly normal and OK, according to the Governor of Arkansas and most of the legislature.

    • glasspusher

      Obviously it’s OK to them. They were indoctrinated into that stuff when they were kids.

  • Kelly Hamilton

    I just go door to door in my neighborhood and sign children up. It’s amazing how many kids these days are just itching to be gay. It’s easier than selling Girl Scout Cookies.

    • glasspusher

      You’re right. Since I was about 12 I’ve had an itch I’ve had to scratch on a regular basis- and not just for Thin Mints.

      • sw19womble

        You can get an ointment for that. Clear it right up.

    • No fems or fatties . . .

  • Steverino247

    They. Want. You.

    • Blank Ron

      Really? I’m flattered.

      • Swampgas_Man

        I’ve checked extensively. They don’t particularly want me, unfortunately.

  • SnarkOff

    OMG you guys. When I was 17, this nice boy who claimed to be my boyfriend totally convinced me that I was straight!!! And after he indoctrinated me, I have continued to have straight sex for my entire life! I even married a man! OMG OMG!!! I was JUST A CHILD!!!

    • Blank Ron

      It’s okay, hon. Sit tight and we’ll have a crack team of lesbians at your door to show you the error of your ways. Praise Jeebuz!

      • retiredeng

        Hopefully lesbian drill sergeants.

      • Crack team…hah!

      • TheBidenator

        A whole team, eh? Video or it didn’t happen!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Those straights are so insidious with their indoctrination.

    • Vecchiojohn

      I suggest you practice with the youngest, hottest chicks you can find, tape your activities and send them to me for review and constructive suggestions. You’re welcome.

      • david green

        “Tape”? Dear God – How OLD are you?

    • Msgr_Moment

      Show us on the doll where he touched you.

    • guppy06

      17? Sure he didn’t try to convince you and your best friend that you’re bi?

  • dshwa

    Dumb, bigoted, and angry is a way to go through life. Unfortunately.

  • Beowoof14

    Having your delusions confirmed, not just for people on acid.

  • MrBlobfish

    Not one mention of Obama? He’s really fallen down on the job.

    • Candy Apple

      Because we all already know that Obama is gay, so he’s implied, duh.

  • retiredeng

    Hm. Looney toon admits his/her/its innermost feelings of conflict as to his/her/its sexual orientation and religion. I suggest some psychotherapy is in order. As the old saying goes: “It take all kinds.”

  • cousin itt

    Pin the tail on the donkey at birthday parties is far more entertaining since the Pink Revolution.

  • Callyson

    Since she isn’t backing down and since parents in America seem to be oblivious to what the public indoctrination centers in America are allowing to be taught to young people, including young children, she is finishing up six books that portray sodomy and perversion in all its depraved glory as normal and without shame.

    And the next time the bookstore sets up a donation bin, I know just what to get. Thanks for the heads-up, wingnut!

  • glasspusher

    It’s true- I’ve been trying to avoid sexual boredom my entire adult life. Vanilla is OK, but there are so many more flavors that keep me interested.

    • nmmagyar

      All you need is a commercial size container of Crisco, three spatulas and a small herd of alpacas.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Thanks for the info. I’m getting tired of the chickens and the sheep. Much too vanilla. (Now where can I rent a herd of alpacas…Ah!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Enumclaw is for ^horse lovers.

  • Blank Ron

    Yes, it’s true, sexual deviants exist. Everyone knows that. And most of them would appear to be sad, twisted teavangelicals who spend ALL their time thinking about other people having weird, non-missionary, illegal (though actually not) sex. Imagining it, picturing every filthy, perverted moment of it in their minds, lovingly lingering on every touch, every penetration… errm, ‘scuse me, I’ll be in my bunk…

    • retiredeng

      Aw. You had me right up until you ran off.

      • sw19womble

        Kiss-chase libel!!xx!!

    • bikerlaureate

      And if it’s a given that sexual deviants exist, in what year of the homeschooling curriculum is that covered?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Sorry, wingers, just about the worst thing Bergman admits to is that he
    wants to teach kids not to be bigots, even if their parents would prefer
    they stay bigots

    You can’t be a “Bible believing Christian” and NOT be a bigot, so this is right out.

    • Blank Ron

      Well… you can, but it’s way too much work for most conservatards. All that loving and caring and being humble, plus having to be a poorz. Besides, bigots have WAY more fun.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        But Ron, they studiously ignore all that red letter stuff in the New Testament. For a good reason, as you point out.

        • Blank Ron

          Oh, they don’t ignore it. They ‘interpret’ it. Apparently that’s allowed…

          • sw19womble

            Interpretation of the selected parts of old parchments that have been translated and re-phrased several times.

            FTFY, YW! :)

        • nmmagyar

          I think of them as Jews who eat pork and shellfish – all the morality rules of the OT for everyone else, none for their personal behavior.

    • TheBidenator

      Going by their definition and revolving chamber of bigotry fuck no you can’t….they’re back on the classics now that el ghey has defeated them: women and black folks.

  • willi0000000

    that is one dumbass motherfucker!

    • Blank Ron

      Only in his sweet, sweet dreams…

  • Dean, a mentally ill ex-rocker who believes he is relevant and wears his hair in the style of Veronica Lake and apparently gets high off the smell of his own shit…

    • Jeff Blanks

      I only WISH there were more dudes who wore their hair in the style of Veronica Lake. Why should someone like Bradlee Dean (of all people) be the holdout there?

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Geeze and I had thought the war against teh ghez was over (lost) they were trying to hold the line at trans* and bathrooms, though their thoughts seem somewhat muddled on all of it.

  • beatbort

    Justin Harris agrees with these people!

  • Joshua Norton

    “Open Sexual Deviant: I’ve Been Indoctrinating America’s Kids to Be Sodomites – I Lied about It & Am Not Sorry”

    Yeah. Must be true because all the gay people I know talk EXACTLY like that. Not.

  • SFRealness

    I know this isn’t the point of the article, but where does this guy get that “In most states it is a crime to engage in not only sodomy…” Um, no. Lawrence v. Texas legalized oral and anal nationwide in 2003, and even then it was only illegal in something like 13 holdouts. Maybe Mr. Brown just doesn’t know that he, too, can have the sodomy?

    • sw19womble

      He’s probably worried about becoming a power bottom.

      • guppy06

        Too late, methinks.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, that’s what gay marriage does. All these straight, married white guys suddenly have the freedom to dump the old ball and chain and get some of that hot steamy sodomy they’ve been dreaming about while they were stuck in the missionary position with the old ball and chain.

      It’s insidious, I tell you. Insidious!

    • teddy21

      They believe if they never acknowledge the truth, it won’t be so.

    • doktorzoom

      Lawrence V. Texas doesn’t count, because Marbury v. Madison was actually against the wishes of the Founders. I know this is true because I read it on a rightwing blog.

      • jmk

        That’s almost exactly what he claimed when I mentioned Lawrence v Texas:

        “jmk, sodomy laws are still on the books in many states and those states can enforce them. The supreme court was given no authority to rule in the matter which is a state matter. Just look at state law and history.
        The supreme court ruling in the case you mentioned was without merit. SCOTUS can only rule on a limited number of things. Perhaps you should educate yourself on what the Constitution grants them power to rule on. You can start here:
        Otherwise, their ruling is irrelevant.
        Check out what the Constitution actually allows them to rule on and then get back to me.”

        He did not respond when I pointed out how stupid that was.

  • Joshua Norton

    Man, I’d like to see his secret porn stash.

    On second thought, ewww. No I wouldn’t.

    • Candy Apple

      There’s not enough brain bleach in the world to wipe the memory of that pile of perversion and sadness away, I’ll bet…

  • Jared James

    Taint, stain, and pervert are three words that mean the same thing. Needs revision.

  • Candy Apple

    God, if it were that easy to just “go gay,” I would have already gay married Rachel Maddow by now. If your sexuality is so fragile you’re afraid that someone can “recruit” you to the other side simply by talking to you (and I am looking at you, Republicans) then surprise! You were actually gay already.

  • BloviateMe

    Oh man, I’ve been concentrating on the War on Christmas, I didn’t realize we were unraveling America’s tapestry on TWO fronts. I need to repurpose my elf-head pikes, I guess.

  • malsperanza

    You can hardly blame them for being confused. In Wingnutland “Make them like us” means “Put a gun in their face.”

  • Yawn. This is MY gay agenda: We want to make your rugged sons dance the YMCA, turn your sweet daughters into howling lezzers, we want dogs and cats to marry, and hoards of STD-riddled illegal immigrants to run amok through the streets, drinking that Mexican Coke which doesn’t have any of that corn syrup shit in it and taking turns to bugger a bald headed eagle. We want to make everyone in the NRA hand in their guns in favor of crossbows and katanas because frankly AR-15s are just too high maintenance for a zombie apocalypse and we might not have enough gas for the chainsaws either. We want to have a vast non-Protestant orgy in San Francisco to celebrate the opening of the first floating Planned Parenthood on the former USS Ronald Reagan, to be opened by Gay Cthulhu and the ghost of Malcolm X. We will then sacrifice Ted Nugent on an altar made out of desecrated Dodge Chargers and we’ll probably mail a turd to Ann Coulter too.

    • TheBidenator

      :raises hand: Question…can we watch the ladies scissor? Asking for a friend… :sits down:

    • SnarkOff

      Where do I sign up for this?

      • Gay Pride parades will have sign-up booths, but also I think they’ll have tables at most Democratic party events, there will be mass mailings, neighborhood canvassing, events in junior high schools, just to name a few.

    • Oh, I have just the outfit for this!

    • ViveLaRes

      If you run for president I will vote for you.

      • Ha! Run for President, indeed! I’m more interested in getting a permanent visa out of this country! Love it or leave it? I wanna leave!

  • RoyalUglyDude

    I agree that Bergman’s writing style is the problem. He said he wants to make your kids “like” us when he clearly meant “as” us.

    • SnarkOff

      Actually, Brown apparently thinks “like” means the exact same thing as “fuck.”

      • Blank Ron

        I fuck this comment a lot.
        Nope, doesn’t work.

  • chascates

    The most despicable form of ‘recruiting’ is the indoctrination into a religion, any religion.

  • Ulricii

    How come the Sodomites get all the press coverage? What about the Gomorrahites? What are they, chopped liver? I say give them equal time.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Turned into salt pillars versus a painful venereal infection – you choose….

    • Sheepshagger

      Sodomites get all the love.

  • April

    Sarcasm is lost on idiots.

  • Sheepshagger

    Man I got three daughters. I wish the gays would recruit them- save me a lot on weddings and grandkids.

    • George

      Wouldn’t save you a dime in 31 states. Also, they don’t need to give you biological grandkids as they’ll have a rotating cast of wall-to-wall indoctronapped, homovated, jebus-hating, half-size commies locked in their basement for decades worth of holiday fun.

      • Sheepshagger

        Goddamn progress. Used to be you bought your gay daughter a Subaru and some Birkenstocks, she hired a U Haul and that was that. Given three daughters a wife and a mother in law, maybe I need to rethink this gay recruiting thing. Eight women versus me is gonna be heinous.

        • sw19womble

          If you became a gay polygamist, that might help redress the balance a little?

          • Sheepshagger

            poly gay me? Sounds interesting. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

    • guppy06

      Every few weeks Harbor Freight has a sale on elopement ladders.

  • Me not sure

    Next thing you know they will replace JROTC with GayROTC. I feel certain that the uniforms will be more stylish.

    • Tighter, anyway.

      • Me not sure

        Also too, no one will smell like baked beans anymore

  • SayItWithWookies

    Religious homeschooling is a church’s way of ensuring its survival by guaranteeing that no kid is ever going to be smarter than his parents.

    • Cismontane

      He.. House Republicans are demanding that Obama grant political asylum to German homeschoolers fleeing their repressive government’s belief that their kids should be educated.

      ‘Sides, If we don’t let our homegrown religious extremists homeschool, they’ll just create more indoctrination and demonic exorcism centers like Justin Harris’ Growing Gods Kingdom preschool in Arkansas, and, just like Harris, use their political influence to make taxpayers pay for their Taliban training centers.

      God save America from these people.. Hehe.

    • bobbert

      This is a very sharp observation.

  • Logic of Color

    Holy shit the comment section at the bradlee dean site is scary as hell. These kinds of religious people creep me out.

  • sillyclucker

    Hmmm…cuts her hair in the style of a man, takes hormones and married a woman who thinks she’s a man. OMG !!! S. Bear Bergman=Justin Harris! !!11!!!

    • MediaDriven

      Sounds like he was interviewing Michelle Bachmann.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    The following is a direct twitter embedding test:

    OH in Seattle: "He's back in the store because he forgot the bodywash. I mean, he got the liquor 'n stuff but I got the cupcakes, bitches!"— BoatOfVelociraptors (@bagofmice) March 15, 2015

  • Incoming Ham

    Open Sexual Deviant seeks same to post his story on wingnut website. Serious offers only.

    • bobbert

      How can you deviate from sex?

      • Incoming Ham

        I have no idea – but this guy seems to think you can. His use of the word “deviant” in the context he is using it is just plain stupid.

  • guppy06

    Biblical literalists fail to discern subtlety and sarcasm in the written word, film at 11!

  • Zyxomma

    What I want to know is why they pick and choose which parts of Leviticus to obey (and enforce). Why no homosex, but shrimp-eating, mixed fiber clothing, and messy hair are all OK?

    • bobbert

      For me, the strongest argument against religion is the behavior of “religious” people.

  • AndInThisCorner

    “your friends, the Christians, ” Bahahaha! Oh…that’s a good one!

    Should we start with the priests who have ACTUALLY molested children? Or save them for after the people who MIGHT be indoctrinating children?

  • BeckyLB

    The sad part about crazy Christians like this is that it destroys families. I’d laugh, if it wasn’t so sad.

    My mother recently got “Born Again” into crazydom. She’s trying the “tough love” bit to fix me (to an adult, no less!) Quote:”I love you, I just don’t love your behaviour. It’s your own fault you aren’t welcome anymore.”

    • Blank Ron

      I feel for you, hon. I have a cousin who drank the Jeebus brand kool-aid and went from cool companion to insufferable douche pretty much overnight. I think it was the first time I’d ever seen what ‘holier than thou’ actually meant…

  • Donna Rail

    Bradlee Dean? I tried listening to his podcast last year. In the morning, I would walk in the park. It made me laugh so hard, other hikers would look at me.

  • Nuke90210

    I wish a law could be passed in which every news article must provide accurate information based on source information provided in links and references, and any news organization that doesn’t subscribe to this standard is shut down.

  • Bared Bear

    i fondly remember my priest who conveniently sinned with me and then absolved me of those sins. but then i graduated high school and started having facial fuzz… growing pains :(

  • Eva Porter

    They go right from gay bashing to Jew bashing…and Mr Tim Brown sort of looks like a lady with a soul patch. Just sayin’!

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