Supposedly, South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham would like to be president, at least of the rich white penis parts of America. Ha, just kidding, that was a joke!
But he keeps telling “jokes” that don’t work out well for him — on account of how they are not funny and make him look like A Asshole — and then he has to be all, like, “Ha, just kidding, that was a joke!” One time, he even said he was sorry for making a “joke,” when he called Nancy Pelosi an ugly old over-surgeried hag. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Here’s Graham’s latest “joke” at a campaign stop in New Hampshire, even though it’s not really a campaign stop because he’s not really running yet, just … ahem … “exploring”:
And here’s the first thing I would do if I were president of the United States. I wouldn’t let Congress leave town until we fix this. I would literally use the military to keep them in if I had to. We’re not leaving town until we restore these defense cuts. We are not leaving town until we restore the intel cuts.
Literally? Like, literally literally? Like, how Graham literally thinks we should declare a holy war on any country that looks at us funny, and then call our enemies mean names because that’ll learn ’em?
Nah, not that kind of literally, duh:
Graham wasn’t being serious. The military line was “not to be taken literally,” according to Graham spokesman Kevin Bishop, who staffed him on the New Hampshire trip.
Gosh, it’s hard to know when to take Graham literally, because he says a lot of stupid words ALL THE TIME about how he’d use the military if he were president, and no one ever clarifies that he’s just kidding. Is he one of those Republican senators who thought sending a love letter to Iran, which of course he signed, was just some light-hearted goofy funtimes too?
So is it that far-fetched to believe Graham would “literally” direct our military to take Congress hostage if he were president? Well, it’s certainly less far-fetched than imagining Graham as president. Now that is funny. Literally.