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Todd Russ (R-Dumbfuck), just added a Jesus threesome to your marital bed

Oklahoma’s House of Representatives has gotten on its white horse and rode up to the rescue of poor, poor county clerks who just can’t be imposed upon to do their fucking jobs — issuing marriage licenses to everyone, even the homo sort — due to their Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs™. It’s passed a bill, introduced by State Rep. Todd Russ, which would take ALL MARRIAGE out of the hands of the state, and sign that responsibility over to Pastor Joseph who handles the snakes:

Oklahoma would stop issuing marriage licenses under legislation passed Tuesday afternoon by the Oklahoma House of Representatives.

House Bill 1125, by Rep. Todd Russ, R-Cordell, would instead require those officiating marriage ceremonies to file after-the-fact “certificates of marriage” with court clerks’ offices. Alternatively, couples could file affidavits of common law marriage.

Russ said his bill is intended to “protect” county court clerks who do not want to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

“This takes them out of the trap,” he said.

The Tulsa World points out that the law would no longer say that marriage has to be one man, one woman, calling it “ironic.” We call it “hey look, a Red State actually listened to a judge!”

Democrats of Oklahoma, that lefty liberal cohort, seem to agree:

Opponents, most of them Democrats, said the bill would create a scenario in which Republicans will have legalized same-sex marriages even if the U.S. Supreme Court overturns the lower court rulings the bill seeks to counter.

We assume the Tulsa World reporter forgot to include the part of the quote where the Democratic opponents of the bill added, “which would be fine by us, obviously, as we are not shitheads.”

Here, have some bill! It explains (no it doesn’t, it is confusing as fuck) that in lieu of a marriage license, “an ordained or authorized preacher or minister of the Gospel, priest or other ecclesiastical dignitary of any denomination” would sign a “certificate of marriage” after marrying up some folks. Then you go and … hand in your marriage certificate to those poor, put-upon county clerks! WHAT IF THEY DON’T WANT TO TOUCH IT?

Sadface, the bill does not say.

Oh, but what about the atheists? WHO WILL MARRY THE GODLESS HEATHEN ATHEISTS??? Well, funny story! All our compadre liberal blogs are reporting that only pastors (or Hindu … yogis, we guess?, or rabbis from the Jooz) can sign these here marriage certificates, except that is not actually true.

While the original HB1125 did strike “judges” from the folks eligible to consecrate Bubba Darryl and Caitlyn Grace’s holy union, the version that was passed puts those judges right back in there — and that’s been the operative version since Feb. 18.

Liberal blogs, may we suggest READING THE GODDAMN BILL ONCE IN A WHILE?

We are just saying.

In fact, now that judges are back in (no word on ship captains), Rep. Todd Russ seems to have actually done Oklahoma a favor. Not only does the bill make no mention of marriage as between “one man and one woman” or “husband and wife,” but in fact the only change to existing law is that there’s one fewer hoop you have to jump through before you can git your weddin’ on. No need to get licensed first to get hitched up proper.

And it all worked out fine in the end.

(Buttsechs.)

[Tulsa World via Towleroad]

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