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They're definitely coming, but not for Matt.

Sometimes we feel a little bad for wingnut’s Wingnut Matt Barber, who spends so much of his time obsessing about the Gays (and the threat they pose to America) that we figure he must be exhausted by quitting time every day. Simply fagged out! His latest rant suggests that perhaps he’s getting a little desperate for material, warning that America faces a whole new danger: scary gangs of armed gay thugs, empowered by the state to make everyone submit to gayness!

You see, Barber is Very Concerned about a HuffPo column by Mark Charles Hardie, which Barber characterizes thusly:

In a February 25 column headlined, “Gay People Are Gods: Protecting LGBT Communities Is a Divine Right,” Hardie goes full Rainbow Shirt. Under the pretext of “minimizing troubling incidents of anti-gay violence,” he shares that he has submitted “an innovative proposal” to the California State Senate to create “LGBT Squads” to enforce the “gay” agenda.

Sorry, Matt, “Rainbow Shirt” just doesn’t have the terrifying resonance of “brownshirt,” but it’s a nice try. Barber is pretty sure that Hardie’s column proves that “homofascists” are just itching to “compel, through any means possible (up to and including physical force), Christians and other dissenters to fully surrender to their radical homosexual activist agenda.”

At least we’ll grant Barber this: for a change, he’s not exaggerating completely. Hardie actually is calling for something like what Barber describes, though conspicuously missing the part about forcing Christians into Regayducation Camps. Hardie proposes creating

“California LGBT Police Departments” throughout the Golden State. These police departments, funded by the state, would be staffed exclusively by gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender police officers. The goals of these proposed “LGBT Squads” are to better serve communities while minimizing troubling incidents of anti-gay violence.

So basically, anti-gay-bashing teams that would allow “LGBT communities to wield police power backed by the force of law” and of course to force Christians to bake penis cakes for gay weddings, at gunpoint if necessary.

Barber is, of course, terrified by Hardie’s insistence that “we must not only demand ‘gay rights,’ but we must also demand gay power'”:

To be clear, Hardie, a former staff attorney for CA governor Pete Wilson and “public affairs intern” for Senator Barbara Boxer, is not calling for metaphorical “weapons” to enforce the “gay” agenda. He means weapons weapons. You know… guns.

What is it that you people are always saying, Matt? Something about how if people are law-abiding and follow police instructions, they don’t need to worry about cops? Besides, guns are good, aren’t they?

Not that Hardie’s proposal has a ghost of a chance of being adopted. But Hardie’s piece, more than being terrifying, is mostly just a pretty dreadful piece of writing; following a horrific description of a gay-bashing that he witnessed when he was nine years old, Hardie goes just the teensiest bit over the top, claiming that on the very same night, he just happened to watch a videotape of Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream” speech:

I distinctly remember Dr. King oozing moral courage and socio-political power as he continually described his compassionate dream of equality and justice. A tear rolled down my face as I listened to the speech.

“Oozing?” That’s not fascist, it’s just weird. And no, we probably don’t need a Gay Squad to enforce basic civil liberties, thanks — although we’d probably watch the Netflix series.

So Matt Barber probably doesn’t need to worry too much. If you want a vision of the future, you probably shouldn’t imagine RuPaul’s stiletto heel stamping on a human face, forever.

[HuffPo / BarbWire]

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  • mrpuma2u

    You know who ELSE proposed a gay apartheid system?

  • MOG253

    But, guns!!!! heh.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Pete Wilson to Barbara Boxer? That’s an interesting career trajectory, raising (or even oozing) a number of questions.

  • And no, we probably don’t need a Gay Squad to enforce basic civil liberties, thanks — although we’d probably watch the Netflix series.

    CHaPs? NYPD Blew? Cop Rock?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Miami Beach Vice

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Dragnet

    • Wonkaholic

      The Bod Squad.

    • glasspusher

      Hill Street Blue Balls

    • LIT_Fag

      Crimanal Minds?

    • HarryButtle

      Gaywatch

  • MsAnthropesMr

    The Gay Squad.

    They’re coming to gay up your town, your work, your church.

  • Nounverb911

    Is that book named after Tom Cotton?

    • chicken thief

      *my apologies, I don’t know how to do musical notes*

      Oh, glad I’m not in the land of Cotton,
      wingnut times there are not forgotten,…

      • Look away,… just look away already.

  • Spotts1701

    In a fight between Barber and Hardie, the only loser is the reader.

  • docterry6973

    Scary gangs of gay thugs forcing me to do things? I have a great idea for a movie.

    • JohnBull

      Carousel: Stage of the Damned.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “Hardie”? Really?

    Haw haw. *cough.* OK, in any event, that’s about as brilliant an idea as creating all-black police stations for minority districts. Separate, but, you know, equal.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    What is the homosexual agenda? Brunch at ten, followed by antiquing?

    I’ll show myself out.

    • Guest

      Were you following me on Saturday?

    • grumblestiltskin

      The elements of the homosexual agenda (same as the heterosexual agenda) are as follows:

      1) Wanna mess around?

  • Fun with Cthulhu

    William S. Burroughs once talked about forming a gay state, with the expectation that it would be more militant in its own defense than Israel at its worst.

    • With arresting uniforms no doubt. And their hair? Perfect.

    • Bear OmNomNom

      Hence the macho homophobic fear that we’re going to… um, “occupy” their “territory”!

    • Bear OmNomNom

      They should SEE the things we ‘mos look up on the Net. And Yahoo.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Chill out, Matt. An armed gay society is a polite gay society.

    • whatwhomever

      an armed gay society is a FABULOUS society!

      • FauxAntocles

        Gah! Beat me to it!
        I was going to say “A FABULOUS new day in America!”

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        “Ooh, look at the guns on him!”

  • Suddenly being a baker just got a lot more dangerous.

    Perhaps if they decorated their cakes with white flags they will be safe.

    • chicken thief

      Too Euro-Frenchy.

    • OctopiRage

      Gadsden or confederate flag or GTFO.

  • bikerlaureate

    Where are the “Christian Squads” to enforce the Christian agenda?

    • one_who_wanders

      The Air Force?

    • JMPesq

      They’re called “the police”. They’re also the “white squads”, the “male squads” and the “straight squads”.

    • PubOption

      Westboro?

    • chicken thief

      They’re waiting for Tim Tebow to quarterback them?

  • smashedinhat

    Hehe, methinks Matt doth protest too much if you get what I mean, and I think that you do.

  • schmannity

    If a Gay Squad is actually formed, I hope Clerance Williams III and Peggy Lipton are available.

  • PubOption

    I think he means Rainbow Warriors.

    (Apologies to Greenpeace)

  • chicken thief

    Matt will do or say anything to get Dan Savage’s attention, but so far, nothing has worked.

    Now Matt haz a sad. :-(

    • retiredeng

      Dan Savage uses his attention judiciously. I think you have to actually be somebody first.

  • TheBidenator

    I’d say wingnuts obsess over gay guys more than gay guys probably obsess over themselves but that would be like saying Rick Perry is a buffoon, it’s just a given. Seriously though, there needs to be a moment when you take stock of what you’re about to write about and seriously Matt Barber, it’s a column on fucking Huffypo. We aren’t talking about ya know, an actual policy or anything with even a shred of hope for becoming a policy…it’s huffpo, the side boob gallery (which is fine art) and altie-medicine emporium. I don’t pretend to understand wingnuts but for people who are so hetero normative they think about gay people and their exploits far more than is healthy…..

  • MrBlobfish

    “Fully surrender to their radical homosexual activist agenda”. What does that even mean? Blowing truckers out on the Interstate?

    • retiredeng

      Apologies to you MrBlobfish. It’s more like surrendering by offering up his “moon pie”. Apparently, he’s a “bottom.”

      • MrBlobfish

        Sorry. I just don’t get this %$&@* agenda business. Are there any night classes I can take?

        • retiredeng

          As far as I can tell, it’s on the job training only.

        • retiredeng

          But seriously, there’s no “homosexual agenda.” Just a fight for equal rights. The “war” is one sided. Initiated and perpetuated by the bigots.

    • Anarchy Pony

      They’re obsessed with world domination, so they assume everyone else’s agenda is for the same.

  • diogenez

    I’m never quite sure what to serve at my Homofacist parties.

    Besides lederhosen.

  • Wonkaholic

    Wait, gays with guns? I don’t think that’s what the Founding Fathers had in mind. Although I do know a few gays that are “well regulated”.

    • Bear OmNomNom

      It wasn’t? Right to “bear” arms, just sayin’…

  • SheriffRoscoe

    It’s a stupid idea that only a complete moron would even pretend to be seriously concerned about. And there you have it.

  • Scott1960

    He just can’t stop thinking about those big, steely gay guns shooting and shooting…

  • Wonkaholic

    I don’t know, “Rainbow Shirts” does sound pretty menacing to me, especially with all the horsepower it implies.

    • Anarchy Pony

      The herd is mighty.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Went full rainbow shirt, eh? Must be Jeff Gordon fan.

  • Richard Rush

    “. . . we figure he must be exhausted by quitting time every day. Simply fagged out!”

    Well, of course, he’s “fagged out.” ~ Matt suffers from a severe case of
    Fanatical Anti-Gay Syndrome (FAGS).

  • mondojohnson

    Cr-oozing, starring Matt Barber

  • retiredeng

    Well, if there really were to be “gay” squads, I’d recommend all lesbians. I know one at least that punched a hole through a door with her bare fist. On at least two occasions.

    • On the other hand, some of those well-built gay gentlemen could punch holes in toilet stall walls with… well, never mind.

  • dshwa

    What’s with the links to gay dating sites and booking dot com?

  • Mavenmaven

    There isn’t a unit like that now? I guess I totally misunderstood what CHiPs was about.

  • TimJ

    I heard the “gay police force” meme on some RW show today, thought to myself “now that sounds like a good idea!” They certainly can’t do worse than our current cops.

  • glasspusher

    I haven’t browsed much gay porn stories (really) but the guy on the left in that picture looks airbrushed.

  • Bared Bear

    i’m kind of oozing after looking at the picture. i may need a christian to bake me a penis cake in the shape of jesus.

  • LIT_Fag

    What would we dial to get the HoMo PoPo out to assist us? 69-1-1?

    • Bear OmNomNom

      Nah… One ate seven.

  • Mormos

    umm, where did you get that picture from? I’m asking for a friend…

    • Anarchy Pony

      Oddly enough I think they’re from a series of stamps from one of the Scandinavian countries.

  • ThatDale

    Jebus, Needful Things, “underwear tongs“??

  • glennisw

    He’s opposed to Open Carry? Who’da thunk it?

  • Callyson

    If you want a vision of the future, you probably shouldn’t imagine RuPaul’s stiletto heel stamping on a human face, forever.

    When asked directly about this possibility, RuPaul replied:

  • Incoming Ham

    One day there will be no-one left for these wingnuts to legally hate and they will turn on each other like a pack of jackals. Hopefully there will be someone with a camera phone to capture the whole mess for posterity (it will no doubt in the background of the video while someone is taking a selfie)

    • Blank Ron

      It may already be starting, if the ‘more conservative than you’ shenanigans in the House and Senate are any indication.

      • david green

        Hope they keep at it – I love a good purge.

  • jjgrandisland

    Matt Barber just talks a bit to much about gay issues. I am fearful on some bright June morning we will have a final ruling on SSM. Unfortunately, in the following days or months we are going to read some small article in some paper that Matt and his buddy Brian Brown are going to be discovered in some flea bag motel, smoking crack after a long night of sex. Ewwww…stab my eyes out with a rusty screwdriver.

  • malsperanza

    “Scary gangs of armed gay thugs,” …

    So, Adams Morgan on a Sunday at brunch time.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Those” “rainbow shirts” are “not” “gay” “enforcers,” dude. “Those” are “old” “hippies.”

  • timpundit


    “compel, through any means possible (up to
    and including physical force), Christians and other dissenters to fully
    surrender to their radical homosexual activist agenda.”

    Yeah, sorta. I mean short of violence. Why is this a bad thing? We were just emulating the christianists who had such good success with it. Consider it a compliment, Barby.

  • hdtex

    Poor Mattie has some pretty fevered gay fantasies.

  • mtn_philosoph

    Wait, I thought that going about your day while being armed to the teeth was a good thing? Wouldn’t schlepping around with gunz all day help The Gheys (of every gender) become Reel Men and Reel Amercians?

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