He's here to protect the taxpayers

Arizona’s new Republican governor, Doug Ducey, sure is in a hurry to undo all the socialism the state’s previous radical liberal Marxist Obama-lovin’ governor, Jan “Judas” Brewer, did when she was still in charge of the place.

The state’s Republicans have been trying to implement tighter restrictions on Medicaid eligibility so that no one can actually qualify for it, because that’s how freedom works, and if you expand Medicaid to let so-called poor people get to see doctors, America goes straight to hell, as we all know from how we’ve been burning SO HOT since the Affordable Care Act was passed nearly five years ago. Brewer, being a commie who murdered Republican Jesus, vetoed pretty much the same bill last year, but lucky for Arizona, Gov. Ducey is a real Republican, so he approved the measure on Friday to “ensure that we have a responsible Medicaid program that protect taxpayers and provide care to those who need it the most.” That sounds great, and we would never be suspicious of a Republican whose priority is protecting taxpayers.

Except of course we would, obviously. And, big surprise, the legislation will actually make it harder for people to access health insurance, while not even saving the state very much money. Yes, we know you’re shocked.

The bill would require Medicaid recipients to be employed, because we all know only people with jobs need healthcare. Oh, and they’d be kicked out of the system after five years, because five years should be long enough for any disabled people on Medicaid to become un-disabled, and as for those who’ve failed to bootstrap themselves out of poverty, meh. Sucks to be you. The state has more pressing concerns, like giving those lazy bastards an incentive to work that they would not otherwise have. As the governor’s statement proclaimed, “the best social program is a job, which is why [he] is committed to growing our economy and expanding opportunity for all.” We are sure all the low-income Arizonans find that kind of “social program” quite inspiring, which is exactly what the bill to take their healthcare away from them was intended to do.

State Sen. Nancy Barto, who introduced the bill, explained:

“What we’re trying to do as states … is to take control in some way and stop incentivizing for those people that use it in that respect,” she said.

“We want certain controls in order to help the federal government keep its obligation that they’ve made, contract with the poor, receiving health care,” Barto said. “But we want to make sure that we’re really serving those that are needy.”

She’s a real piece of work, that Barto. In 2012, she was pushing a bill to protect doctors from being sued just for failing to mention to pregnant patients that their unborn fetuses might have disabilities that might make the patients maybe want to have abortions, because screw those women, the condition and details of their own pregnancy is none of their business. She’s very concerned about protecting certain Arizonans, ya know.

Anyway, the good news — and yes, we’re using that term loosely — is that Arizona Republicans are just wasting everyone’s time, because the nifty “social program” to deny healthcare to poors requires approval from the federal government, which is pretty damn likely to say, “Yeah, nope, that does not comply with the laws, can you even read?” Just like it has told all the other states that have tried to get around the law because, as the former governor of Texas — another state that tried to get around the federal government’s Medicaid requirements — explained, poor people prefer not to have health insurance. Yee haw!

Besides, if Arizonans really want to have healthcare they can’t afford, they can just beg the dumb liberals on the internet to give them some money, like this fine upstanding citizen, Sheriff Richard Mack.

He hates Obamacare and doesn’t want to be dependent on no stinkin’ federal moneys, and that seems to have worked out just fine for him so far.

[AZ Daily Sun via Think Progress]

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  • say wha

    Gov. Doug Douche. The name says it all.

    • Nounverb911

      When did he escape from “Fox and Fiends”?

  • cousin itt

    Scott Walker approves of Arizona’s Right To Die legislation.

    • FauxAntocles

      If they kill off all the poors, who’s going to be left to do all those wonderful right-to-work jobs?

      • Nounverb911


  • BaldarTFlagass

    She seems like a real “people person.”

  • Beowoof14

    Once again the republican plan of don’t get sick or if you do, die quickly is brought back to a state. Just more compassionate Xtians and conservatives trying to show you how it’s done. And I am sure they will eliminate coverage for wolf bites.

  • Funny, the goopers never worry about bad incentives when they’re giving money to the plutocrats.

  • Spotts1701

    The only thing that separates AZ Republicans from ISIS is the use of bulldozers.

  • ThePuckStopsHere

    AZ voter in the booth peering at the ballot: “Ducey, Ducey. I like him on Fox. Or is he the other one? The smart blond one.”

    • Doocy is the idiot and Kilmeade is the moron they have on to make Doocy seem smart by comparison.

    • GDleftyPart2

      It’s worse than that…
      Hmmm, let’s see, he was a total shitheel to Cold Stone franchisees but I like his ice cream and he’s not Obama……
      We had corporation commissioners running on the no obama platform fer chrissakes.
      It’s a dry heat, like your oven.

  • deanbooth

    “the best social program is a job”

    They could just create a new state job called Medical Care Getter, and pay these employees in Medicaid.

  • ArgieBargie

    “State Sen. Nancy Barto, who introduced the bill…”

    Any relation?

  • LarryHoudini

    My high school salutatorian posted on facebook over the weekend from the DMV. He had been waiting for a license for two hours! If it takes bureaucrats two hours to get you a new driver’s license, why would you trust the government with something truly complex, like healthcare?
    I’m thinking now I went to a real shitty high school.

    • anglrdr

      Even my southern, ultra-majority Republican (and not just red republican, but also super Christian) state has online driver’s license renewals. It took approximately 2 minutes.

    • Suttree

      When I lived in Vermont the DMV took 15 minutes. When I lived in Louisiana it took four hours. Bernie “I am a socialist” Sanders. Bobby “charter school” Jindal and David “diapers” Vitter. I wonder why it worked that way???

  • exinkwretch

    Let’s just cut to the chase and round up on the poorz and sickz and machine gun them already. This would give the gun humpers a hard-on, Medicaid would be off the hook, and everyone would be happy. Well, everyone not dead. There’s a flaw in every plan.

    • mrpuma2u

      To paraphrase E Scrooge, “If they’d rather die, then they had better do it and decrease the surplus population.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Not a practical plan because all the machine guns are already being used by child gun tourists.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Arizona is short of many things, but guns (and idiocy) are plentiful.

    • jmk

      Nope. Not machine guns. The latest in RWNJ governance theory is more eco-friendly – introduce wolves to feed on the poors and sickz so that, in no time at all… presto! No poors! And you can take wolves off that horribly invasive Endangered Species List at the same time. Problems solved!

  • whatwhomever

    nothing helps the poors more than making it hard for them to live.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That’ll incentivize them! (To grab pitchforks and torches…)

  • Poly_Ester

    The Affordable Care Act must be responsible for global warming because it is socialized medicine from the Pits of Hell. Just sayin’.

  • Left Coast Tom

    State Senator Nancy Barto:

    “What we’re trying to do as states … is to
    take control in some way and stop incentivizing for those people that
    use it in that respect,” she said.

    Do Arizona legislators come with subtitles so those of us who speak English can figure out what they’re trying to say?

    • brucej

      “Poor people should just die already, the worthless moochers.”

      • Kathryn McElroy

        Brucej–“The worthless moochers….” Well that’s every corporate welfare fuck alive, including Doug Douchey. He will send Arizona back 100 hundred years. This is the rich people culling the ‘not rich like me’ crowd, AFTER they’ve gotten rich on the public taxpayer but refuse to pay any. They basically live off of police and teachers and firefighters, which should result in the RICH not having any services since they don’t pay any taxes EVERYBODY ELSE BUT THEM. Too bad we can’t see another Titanic situation where the bankers who all got rich off of stealing and slavery got on their ship and sank to the bottom of the ocean. That’s TRUE justice.

        • A little late to the party, are we?

    • Suttree

      I believe “Get fucked, I got mine” is a reasonable translation for anything a republican ever says. Either that or ” May I suck your Koch”.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      Actually, it’s a brilliant statement. It’s one sound bite that can be applied to almost any liberal idea opposed by the Republicans; gay marriage, universal healthcare, free public education, unikitties…you name it. Once you memorize it, you don’t ever have to worry about your teleprompter breaking ever again.

  • brucej

    The Deuce doesn’t give a flying fuck. He and his wealthy handlers will never have a problem getting healthcare and the rest of us are just disposable meatbags who should just die already. Welcome to Kansas on the Salt River.

  • GDleftyPart2

    If it weren’t for ALEC, our mental midgets on Washington Street would have nothing to present, ever.

  • Me not sure

    Now that her cover is blown, Commissar Brewer will be making a cameo guest appearance on
    “The Americans”.

  • Callyson

    we would never be suspicious of a Republican whose priority is protecting taxpayers

    That doesn’t apply to low-income taxpayers, however.

  • Bared Bear

    why can’t the poor divide up fishes and bread like jesus did before he cast demons in them pigs and watered down the wine?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Can we just put Derpizona out of its misery right now, shut off all that federal power from Hoover Dam that keeps their damn lights on and water flowing? Let the whole damn thing go back to cactus and snakes as the Lord intended. As a California taxpayer, I’m tired of paying for people who are too stupid to see the light to have electricity.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The water will stop flowing pretty damned soon anyhow, thanks to the global warming hoax. The libertardian solution, of course, will be to drain the aquifers, for freedumb, and when those are exhausted, they’ll pack up* and go fuck up some other people’s lives.

      *Demanding Federal munniez to cover the costs, natch.

      • bobbert

        Damn that hoax. (We’re pretty fucked out here in the west).

  • HarryButtle

    In addition to the Medicaire, Governor Ducey asked the legislature to cut $75 million from the state university budget. They did him one better and tried to cut $105 million. Which was even too much for some Republicans who said, “Hey, man, let’s make it $99 million so nobody can say we cut A HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS from the university budget…Mkay?”

    So they cut $99 million from the state university budget. The End.

    I’d be pretty pissed off if I had a kid who was heading off to college in a few years. Wait a minute…I DO have a kid who’s planning to head off to college in a few years. Fuck it, I’m moving to Sweden.

    • Eva Porter

      Same here. My kid is a junior, likely going to a state school because, silly me, I thought that was still a thing.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “But we want to make sure that we’re really serving those that are needy.”

    Clearly, only people with jobs are “needy.”

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