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Oh HAI impending doom.

Perhaps you’ve heard that, thanks to [redacted] and its associated rising sea levels, Miami is very soon likely going to underwater. Tampa, too. And you would think that, were you the governor of the state that includes those two rather large cities, you might want to do something about it, or at least have your scientists talk about doing something about it.

But Florida is run by Rick Scott, who is owned by the Koch brothers, and as such, employees of the state Department of Environmental Protection are not even allowed to say the words [redacted] or [redacted], for this is not a “true fact.”

“We were told not to use the terms ‘climate change,’ ‘global warming’ or ‘sustainability,'” said Christopher Byrd, an attorney with the Florida Department of Environmental Protection’s Office of General Counsel in Tallahassee from 2008 to 2013. “That message was communicated to me and my colleagues by our superiors.”

Kristina Trotta, a former DEP employee in Miami, said her supervisor told her not to use the terms “climate change” and “global warming” in a 2014 staff meeting.

“We were told that we were not allowed to discuss anything that was not a true fact,” she said.

The unwritten policy, the Tampa Bay Times reported, came about after Rick Scott (who is, like Marco Rubio, man, “not a scientist”) took over — surprise! — and appointed some lackey to head the agency.

Scott’s predecessor (and failed successor) Charlie Crist had formed a statewide panel to discuss [redacted] back in 2007, and the year before Scott was elected the DEP put out an annual report on coastal conditions that talked a good bit about [redacted], but all of that is gone now, because [redacted] is not a “true fact” worthy of our consideration. Well, that’s not totally true. Scott did approve a relative pittance to deal with problems related rising sea levels, but rising sea levels have nothing to do with [redacted], which is not a true fact and we cannot talk about. Why, it snowed up north this winter, which means [redacted] must be a New World Conspiracy between Al Gore and the Bilderberg Group. Why won’t you sheeple WAKE UP?

Of course, [redacted] denialism is nothing new, as Yr Wonkette has dutifully documented over the years. But we still managed to be taken aback — if not surprised — that a state agency in charge of protecting this state from environmental dangers (it’s in the name!) is gagged and forbidden from even talking about the biggest environmental danger of them all.

Anyway, nice knowing you, Miami. You had the best fucking cafe con leche, and where are we supposed to go for that shit now?

[Tampa Bay Times]

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  • JustPixelz

    “I’m not a scientist. And I don’t want to hear what they have to say.”

  • Oceania has always been at war with East Florida.

    • SterWonk

      Oceania The Ocean has always been at war with East Florida.

  • fawkedifiknow

    You think that shit is ironic? How about a state with a half trillion oldsters on socialized medicine electing and re-electing a Governor who is a proven Medicare insurance fraud shyster?

    • Ulricii

      Yeah, but he HAS promised to keep the government out of their Medicare. So that.

  • mrFawkes

    Are they allowed to use the words medicare fraud, skeletor and fuck face felon?

    • mrpuma2u

      Wait I thought he was Voldemort? Oh you’re not supposed to say his name either.

      • jmk

        He Who Should Not Have Been Elected.

      • Anarchy Pony

        If you say rick scott out loud he knows to commit medicare fraud on you.

  • PubOption

    Is Havana at a higher elevation than Miami? If so, the residents of Calle Ocho might soon be going back to Cuba.

  • JustPixelz

    “We were told not to use the terms ‘climate change,’…”

    Frank Lutz libel.

  • Nounverb911

    The only problem with hoping a hurricane destroys Florida is that my parents might want to move in with me afterward.

    • Ulricii

      Easy peasy. Just prohibit the use of the words “parents” “Mom” “Dad” and all cognates and the problem takes care of itself. –Rick Scott

  • dslindc

    Well, [redacted] that! That’s [redacted]ing ridiculous!

  • Spotts1701

    And if Governor Scott covers his eyes with his hands, the hurricanes will all go away!

    • Blank Ron

      Peek-a-boo!

      – hurricanes

  • CalvinianChoice

    “You had the best fucking cafe con leche, and where are we supposed to go for that shit now?”

    Havana

  • Can’t Pat Robertson just pray on it?

    • Virginia Dreaming

      Pat Robertson is too busy preying on his donors, er parishioners.

  • Tendernob

    Yeah, well, if those fancypants Left Coast “scientists” are so smart, perhaps they can answer this question: Where does the sun go at night? Hmm? BOOM, science!

    • jmk

      “Tide goes in, tide goes out, never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that.”

  • Guest

    .

    • chicken thief

      T.

  • chicken thief

    What was the punishment for violating the unwritten code? You have to live in Florida for an extra 2 yrs?

    • TheBidenator

      You have to stare at Rick Scott naked for two hours…

  • FZsdaughter

    Is it just me, or did Florida start to suck after they made Disneyworld? #Sanibelinthe60s

  • i know i know i don’t want to come off all pol pot on this stuff, but it would still be nice to have a list. update it annually. celebrate those who are on it. you know, the ones who lied about stuff that mattered to the future. and start to discuss punishments so that our kids can have a guide: denialism for money–30 years in the coldest place on earth. religious denialism–20 years hard labor in the hottest place on earth. etc.

    death penalty to be reserved for bjorn lomborg.

  • cousin itt
    • Blank Ron

      How does he keep sea water out of his Manhattan?

  • chicken thief

    “We were told that we were not allowed to discuss anything that was not a true fact,” she said.

    So they spent the hour talking about what a douche Rick Scott is.

  • Paul MacDonald

    It would have been better if [redacted] happened 40 or so years ago, swamping the [inaudible] Fontainebleau Hotel and preventing the 2nd nomination of that [expletive deleted] Richard M. Nixon.

    • Paul MacDonald

      fuck (I mean, [expletive deleted]) I didn’t mean to upfist my own comment

      • Anarchy Pony

        You can defist yourself if you want.

      • laineypc

        It’s not a fist anymore, it’s a tinfoil hat.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    I am not allowed to comment on this.

    • cousin itt

      As if.

  • SmokinGood

    I, for one, look forward to a lesson on “true facts” from a group of people who’s only cogent opinion on the term “empiricism” is a blank stare.

  • FauxAntocles

    The Global Mean Sea Level has risen about 6 inches in the last hundred years, with the rate over the last 20 years about twice that of the first 80 years. Moderate estimates put the rise at 4 feet by 2100; more extreme estimates put it at 23 feet (high enough to flood London).
    But let’s not talk about it.

    • Blank Ron

      Ask any two-year-old – if you don’t see or hear it, it doesn’t exist.

    • onedollarjuana

      I see London,
      I see France,
      I see …

      Wait, where’s London?

      • London is drowning and I, I LIVE BY THE RIVER

        • mtn_philosoph

          Southern England, especially the Thames watershed, is totally screwed not only due to sea level rise but also due to the region’s isostatic subsidence which has been ongoing since the retreat of the ice cap following the end of the most recent glaciation. The region will continue to get progressively swampier over the next century.

  • MrBlobfish

    I’m gonna go to FL and start a glass bottom boat business. Float over Downtown St Petersburg and tell the rubes I found Atlantis.

    • Blank Ron

      Tonight, on ‘America Unearthed’…

    • Beaumarchais?

      But…you’re a fish. You don’t need a boat, you need a bicycle.

      • MrBlobfish

        I’m a job creator.

    • Ulricii

      Bad business model. The rubes you expect to buy cruise tickets will be looking up at you from Downtown St Petersburg.

  • Anarchy Pony

    [Redacted] denialists all really deserve to be [expletive deleted] [redacted].

    • I want to play Mad-Libs!

      [Christian God]
      [damned]
      [and burned at the stake]

      • Anarchy Pony

        Except denying christian god doesn’t cause sea level rise or drought or increasingly severe weather, despite what the christianists tell you.

        • So…. just hurricanes then?

          • Blank Ron

            Tornadoes also, too.

          • SqueakyRat

            and no fuckin ziti.

  • Hardly Ideal

    I’d be careful telling sheeple to wake up if I were you.

  • whatwhomever

    They should ban them from mentioning hurricanes too. Hurricanes are depressing and no one wants to hear about them. It’s always sunny in Florida, that’s why it’s known as the “Sunshine State”, and not “America’s Wang”.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Florida has to leave to make room for Cuba to become a state. God’s plan.

  • Me not sure

    Other C words banned include creep, criminal, crooked, con-man, clown, and (just to be on the safe side)
    [redacted]sucker.

  • Steverino247

    We are literally going to need to lose a major city to sea level rise and even that won’t change this policy.

    • Blank Ron

      I expect the twits to double down even as Miami and Tampa buy their first gondolas.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yep – I have a nominally intelligent teabagger acquaintance, and he insists that we can ‘adapt’. There’s a reason most of the assholes who deny global warming are located inland; the ones in Florida are just extra-stupid.

      • meowdiane

        Adapt? I guess not “evolve”

  • deanbooth

    If Wonkette allowed comments, we could talk about what might trigger global warming.

  • Blank Ron
  • Ryan Denniston

    How much money has been poured over the years into building Miami and Tampa? How do those costs compare with the costs of mitigating redacted? I’m sorry, but it’s simple in my mind. Infrastructure exists to facilitate economic and social transactions, and at some point, a cost benefit analysis should tell you how many cities we lose before it is worth the effort to change. Or how many farms (and the roads, manufacturing facilities, water pipes, etc.)have to be relocated to better climates.
    Conservatives don’t know anything about economics it would seem. Is there any area they are expert in besides invading countries and screwing them up for a generation?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The conservatives’ “I got mine, fuck you” philosophy applies to future generations as well. They figure they won’t be around when things get really bad.

  • D_C_Wilson

    Bugs Bunny had the right idea.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiTM2HQ0g98

  • Joseph

    Maybe we will get to the point that most of the Staet of Florida will have redacted stamped over it – especially down in the south east and South west. Why ther is a possibility taht all that will be left is the center with no fresh water, red necks, booger eaters and unemployables. Now that I think about it, no net change.

  • janecita

    Dude, for the best café con leche, you need to go to Cuba (thank you Obama). Screw Miami and its fake Cubans!

  • Paperless Tiger

    Well it just makes sense to stick your head in the sand while you still can.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Tampa is in the later processes of getting Free Trade Zone status, because they have the only port deep enough to receive the freighters that come through the Panama Canal. Which means a whole lot of construction on and around the bay. You would think that this level of investment would spur the Scott administration to try to do something.

  • Nuke90210

    Let Florida drown, I want to see them choke on salt water and stupid. Yes, stupid is a substance with can be choked upon, especially when it’s a dense as Rick Scott’s head.

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