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Bibi Netanyahu came to Capitol Hill on Tuesday to deliver his much-anticipated speech to Congress. (No we will not embed it here because we love you.) Wonkette’s Los Angeles bureau rolled out of bed early to watch it, because there is nothing we like more than starting our day with a little bloodthirsty warmongering. It pairs so well with coffee and rage. Here for your pleasure is our retroactive liveblog of the speech.

8:00 A.M. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

*Continues for 30 minutes*

If you watched the speech and had flashbacks to George W. Bush circa 2002-03, you were not alone. For all the cheers, one might have thought the Sixth Fleet was already turning Tehran into a pile of rubble. We’re actually a little surprised House Speaker John Boehner didn’t immediately hold a vote calling on the president to fly to Iran and personally pull Ayatollah Khamenei’s still-beating heart from his chest and then fly back to the U.S. with Khamenei’s body strapped to the nose cone of Air Force One like an unlucky Reaver victim on Firefly.

Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei spews the oldest hatred, the oldest hatred of anti-Semitism with the newest technology. He tweets that Israel must be annihilated — he tweets. You know, in Iran, there isn’t exactly free Internet. But he tweets in English that Israel must be destroyed.

No! Surely the mad Islamist has not discovered the awesome power of Twitter! God help us if he discovers #catsofinstagram, the world will be chaos.

Iran took dozens of Americans hostage in Tehran, murdered hundreds of American soldiers, Marines, in Beirut, and was responsible for killing and maiming thousands of American service men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Yeah, and if Iraq had invaded and conquered Canada, we’d have been arming any insurgency up there. By all means bring up the biggest foreign policy mistake America has made in forty years, that’ll get us on your side.

In the Middle East, Iran now dominates four Arab capitals, Baghdad, Damascus, Beirut and Sanaa. And if Iran’s aggression is left unchecked, more will surely follow.

So, at a time when many hope that Iran will join the community of nations, Iran is busy gobbling up the nations.

Buy war bonds! Hang up your blackout curtains! The Huns are on the march!

Listening to this shanda fur de goyim , you’d have thought the barbarians were already at Jerusalem’s gates, but he completely ignores a couple of facts. One, if Iran nuked Israel, the United States would turn it into glass about five minutes before last Tuesday. And two, if Iran nuked Israel, every Arab nation in the area would be furious because the fallout would poison them as well, not to mention leaving that tiny little area an uninhabitable wasteland for the next thousand years. That’s not exactly the end goal for anyone from any of the three Abrahamic religions.

There was more about the threat from Iran and the deal the world is about to sign to get Iran to stop trying to enrich uranium and build nukes and missiles that can “deliver that nuclear arsenal to the far-reach corners of the earth, including to every part of the United States.” What exactly is in that deal? Well, we don’t really know yet. Netanyahu just knows it’s bad, probably because it will allow Iran to continue to exist.

But did the Israeli Prime Minister have any suggestions for what to do? Of course not. He reminded us of pretty much every conservative whine about Obama’s approach to anything for the last six years. “The president needs to attack ISIS!” “Actually he is.” “Well he needs to attack them more harder!”

Of course this speech was not aimed at us. It was aimed at a) the Israeli public that is voting in a couple of weeks on whether it wants this bloodthirsty lunatic to remain as its prime minister and b) at the Republicans in the chamber and their right-wing friends in America who think Islamists are hiding under their beds at night, waiting for them to doze off so they can leap out, behead the infidels, and display their heads on the spikes atop the fence surrounding the White House.

Oh, and also at Sheldon Adelson, who will be bankrolling the next GOP candidate for president. Maybe it will be Bibi Netanyahu! He was probably polling at 70 percent in Iowa after this speech.

(A funny aside: Just before the speech, Adelson’s wife reportedly dropped her purse, which fell from the gallery to the floor of the House. If there is a better symbol of the corruption wrought by Citizens United and the loosening of campaign finance laws on our elected politicians, we’d be hard-pressed to find it.)

About the only positive note we can give Netanyahu for this speech is that at least he doesn’t pronounce it “nukular.” But close your eyes, give him a shitty Texas accent and picture blood dripping from a pair of werewolf fangs onto the dismembered corpses of small brown children at his feet, and the similarity to our last president would be inescapable.

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  • MsAnthropesMr

    “That’s not exactly the end goal for anyone from any of the three Abrahamic religions.”

    Oh, I don’t know about that – some of those “end times” folks would have an orgasm over that apocalyptic scenario.

  • RoyalUglyDude
    • Ducksworthy

      To the Fright Right all over the world and forever.

  • Metadude

    Kind of makes me nostalgic for the days when the right-wingers were too anti-Semitic to give a shit about Israel. All we’ve got today is Pat Buchanan.

    • thepoliticalcat

      They’re just as anti-Semitic as they ever were. See the recent race for MO Governor. The mere *rumor* that one candidate *might* be Jewish caused a man to commit suicide. Reminds me of Monsieur Klein: “We’ve been French and Catholic since Louis the Fifteenth!”

      • retiredeng

        It was his grandfather that might have been Jewish. If we go back far enough there are very few of us that would pass such a “purity test.”

        • thepoliticalcat

          He had ONE Jewish grandparent, his grandfather. By Jewish law, that makes him not Jewish. The only people who think having a single Jewish ancestor two generations back makes you Jewish are Nazis. It infuriates me that the media was SO slow to report on this and on the fuckery going on in Missouri. WTF kind of monsters are growing there? Ferguson, Schweich, wut else is going on?

          These ppl need a royal ass-kicking followed by a major housecleaning. Shake out the sheets! And toss those with eyeholes.

          • retiredeng

            Not to mention that according to the odd rules of Wingnut Texas Hold’em an Israeli Prime Minister (as Jewish as the Pope is Catholic) beats an American Black President in fucking Congress!

          • thepoliticalcat

            I sure would like to beat fucking Congress! With votes, of course.

          • retiredeng

            My choice is baseball bats. Makes more of an “impression.”

    • Reddishrabbit

      I have the feeling if in an alternate world the Israeli PM came to Washington in 2003 to argue against the Iraq invasion we would have seen it come right back.

    • guppy06

      A distinction needs to be made: The GOP loves Israel, but not necessarily Israelis.

  • thepoliticalcat

    Pretty much sums it up, Gary. You got the fucker’s number.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Thank you for including the Firefly reference. It’s the only thing that prevented me from throwing my monitor out the window before I could finish the article.

    • kindness

      If only we could get Obama to be the jockey on top riding the space cannon. Then Obama would tell them a ‘secret’ we’ve all been itching to hear.

  • cousin itt

    Actually, Israel has enough of its own firepower to nuke up the entire region and oil companies would hate that trick. It’s also the eleventy ton Hulk in the diplomatic room.

    • jte

      Meh. It would just mean that they’d be getting $400 a barrel for fracking up more West Texas crude.

      • Zippy

        for them, that ‘s a feature, not a bug

      • Zippy

        for them, that ‘s a feature, not a bug

    • Gleem-McShinez

      and oil companies would hate that trick.

      I’d imagine their worst problem would be PR. They’d probably convince employees to go in and drill in radioactive zones, for extraordinary paychecks — but probably only available with 10-year contracts. And judging by their track records so far, there’d be plenty of “unsettled science” about why those tumor-ridden oil workers never lived past year two, and how, if it is even real, radioactive gasoline would actually be better for the environment, somehow.

      “I DON’T BELIEVE NUCLEAR GASOLINE IS EVEN REAL” — Future Sean Hannity

  • Msgr_Moment

    So, how’d that cartoon bomb scenario work out, Bibela? They must have built it already by now, right?

    • retiredeng

      He was holding up the plans for all to see.

      • Msgr_Moment

        The joke’s on Iran. Everybody knows that the Acme 2000 has been recalled for repeatedly firing prematurely.

  • bikerlaureate

    Gobble de kook.

  • Boscoe

    Aw man, the deleted comments from this article are gonna be EPIC!!

    • Nounverb911

      Deleted comments are not allowed on the Wonkette.

      • retiredeng

        Before and after they get deleted.

    • automaticpilot

      I can’t wait!

  • Nounverb911

    Limbaugh: “Benjamin Netanyahu Today Was Everything Barack Obama Is Not.”
    A Putz?
    A Scmuck?

    Sorry, Iran out of Yiddish expressions…..

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      A guy who thinks “don’t do stupid things” is the wrong approach?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      A guy who thinks “don’t do stupid things” is the wrong approach?

      • retiredeng

        Which the opposite is “do stupid things.”

    • thepoliticalcat

      I see wut you did there.

    • Vecciojohn

      A hiltsener tsung zol er bakumn.

    • Vecciojohn

      A hiltsener tsung zol er bakumn.

    • JustPixelz

      I count myself as a Friend of Israel, and I am glad Obama is not like Netanyahu.

    • JustPixelz

      I count myself as a Friend of Israel, and I am glad Obama is not like Netanyahu.

    • OctopiRage

      White?

    • kindness

      Schtupping. As in “While Netanyahu was giving a lousy speech President Obama was schtupping Bibi’s wife in the Lincoln Bedroom. (and Bibi’s wife recited the old ‘It’s twwo, Oh God it’s TWWOO’.)

  • jesuswasablack

    “the oldest hatred of anti-Semitism with the newest technology”
    If the Ayatollah spews hatred of anti-Semitism don’t that put him on the side of the jews? Poor Bibi he knows if Obummer can get a deal with Iran the jig is up, he’s gonna have to dismantle the iron-dome and unman the check points, how else will he be able to sustain the fear he needs to stay in power?

  • jesuswasablack

    “the oldest hatred of anti-Semitism with the newest technology”
    If the Ayatollah spews hatred of anti-Semitism don’t that put him on the side of the jews? Poor Bibi he knows if Obummer can get a deal with Iran the jig is up, he’s gonna have to dismantle the iron-dome and unman the check points, how else will he be able to sustain the fear he needs to stay in power?

  • jte

    You’d think the US and EU position was to actually give nukes and ballistic missiles to Iran or something and we’re just haggling over the number of warheads or something. Netanyahu’s position is that the continued existence of an Iranian state — nukes or no nukes — that still claims it has, and pursues, national interests is patently unacceptable.

    • retiredeng

      First Palestine and now Iran. Who next?

      • nmmagyar

        What else counts as “The Levant”? Syria? Lebanon?

  • Bitter Scribe

    Maybe Obama should go before the Knesset to make the case for the treaty. I’m sure Bibi would be fine with that.

    • CalvinianChoice

      Maybe Hillary can go a week before the next presidential election.

      • Zippy

        No, see that’s different because of, er, um, BENGHAZI!!1!

      • anniegetyerfun

        Oh, I would so love to see the GOP heads explode.

  • Lizzietish81

    Earlier this week I posted his video about Israel, here’s his video on Iran

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w4Ku6l7OEI&index=25&list=PL8dPuuaLjXtNjasccl-WajpONGX3zoY4M

  • formerChild

    He reminds me of no one so much as Slim Pickins ridin’ that atomic bomb out of the bay of the B-52…

    • Nounverb911

      Except that BiBi wants Americans (or anyone else for that matter) to ride the bomb down instead of him.

      • formerChild

        True, but only if HE gets to drive.

    • retiredeng

      I think more like General Jack D. Ripper.

    • RevZafod

      Speaking of bombs, I can’t believe nobody noticed in the 1954+ Godzilla ‘murricanized version, that the reporter played by Raymond Burr before Perry Mason or Ironside, was named Steve Martin. The clip closes with “Steve Martin signing off from Tokyo, Japan.”

  • RevZafod

    Uh, Gary, “leaving that tiny little area an uninhabitable wasteland for the next thousand years.”? Don’t tell the 1.17 million in Hiroshima and 446 thousand people in Nagasaki about that. It might cause a panic.

    If you want to use nukes to make a wasteland like that, ask TEPCO how.

    • anniegetyerfun

      H-bomb versus atomic bomb. There is a diff.

      • RevZafod

        Well, yeah, but TEPCO already did it at Fuck-you-shima, so they’re the current experts on creating lands uninhabitable for a thousand years

        Also H-bomb sites from many years ago now have life, even tho it may grow two heads. Hey, two heads are smarter than one, right? Hu-mans, meet your successors, the Gojira people.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKrj1ymJzmo

        And I drive a GT-R aka Godzilla/Gojira
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nqaWZIQ2E8

    • Ducksworthy

      This is actually the right wing Xian peace plan. Make the holy land an uninhabitable nuclear wasteland-> second coming of Christ->profit.

  • JoeChristmas

    I liked the part where the teabaggers kept interrupting with chants of “Bibi! Bibi! Bibi! Bibi!”

  • JoeChristmas

    I liked the part where the teabaggers kept interrupting with chants of “Bibi! Bibi! Bibi! Bibi!”

    • JustPixelz

      In fairness, they also chant that when a bee flies in the chamber. Also when Bea Arthur went to the Capitol. And at Justin Bieber concerts.

    • Blank Ron

      Israel has always been at war with Eastasia.

  • Official Teabagger

    I saw BiBi driving his Hoveround through the building.

  • cousin itt

    I’m still more concerned about Kim Jong-nuke.

    • retiredeng

      Yeah. There’s a kind of extraterrestrial crazy going on there.

      • Zippy

        It’s that haircut- makes ’em crazy

  • Spotts1701

    Iran has been “a year away” from getting The Bomb since the end of the Clinton Administration. Funny how it’s never gotten to that last step.
    And of course, what’s to stop Israel from doing what it’s done before and just surgically strike?

    • retiredeng

      It must be that Iran is stuck in a loop. What’s Farsi for “groundhog day?”

      • TutuWuwu

        stuxnet

    • Apparently, Israel doesn’t think it can actually strike and disrupt the program like it used to be able to. And Bibi’s been straight lying about what Mossad and military intelligence are telling him; they don’t think Iran’s nuclear program is that far along, and haven’t for years.

      • Zippy

        just like right wingers here- fudge the intelligence whenever possible, lie about the intelligence you can’t fudge

    • Anarchy Pony

      And assassinate.

    • Ducksworthy

      Zeno’s Paradox still works.

    • david green

      The reality is that a “surgical” strike would, if Israel was really really’ lucky, do almost nothing to Iran except really piss it off. And instead of yelling “Death to Israel, Iran might actually get serious about trying. The “Death to Israel” rhetoric doesn’t really bother me – it seems to be some sort of middle-east culture thing to periodically scream “Death to someone”.

  • JustPixelz

    Chris Matthews (who is A Idiot) claims no American President can survive politically if Iran gets a nuclear bomb on his (or her!) watch. That’s doubly true if North Korea gets a bomb. WAIT … WHAT? … in 2006? And Dubya survived?

    • Nounverb911

      Cheney was president then.

      • retiredeng

        Didn’t Cheney say at the time something that amounts to “no biggie?”

      • La Cieca

        Well, he didn’t “survive” in the sense of being a conventionally alive human being.

    • Ducksworthy

      Everything that happened in 2006 was Obama’s fault.

    • SterWonk

      After 2004, there was nothing left for Dubya to survive from a political standpoint.

  • Poly_Ester

    Bibi needs ro review the definition of a client state — is a state that is economically, politically or militarily subordinate to another more powerful state in international affairs.

    • That’s what’s always driven me nuts about the US-Israel relationship. “Dear US government, keeping a vassal state, u r dong it wrong.”

    • Zippy

      Bibi has it exactly right. We’re the ones who need to change

      • Poly_Ester

        He might not be happy with the change.

        • Zippy

          good…

  • RevZafod

    One other person is typing…

    Sorta OT, but when this above shows, does it mean Disqus is using keystroke monitoring?

    • Zippy

      close your drapes

      • RevZafod

        Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get me.

      • RevZafod

        Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get me.

        • Gristle McThornbody

          I’m gonna give Disqus a nervous breakdown then, because I probably type more comments, sit here pondering my stupidity, and then delete the whole thing and close the page than I do actually posting. This comment is just one example of why.

          • Gleem-McShinez

            I never thought about that. I do exactly that all the time!

            I wonder if some sort of intarweb troll (uh, you wouldn’t know him) was to click Reply on every single comment, would it show, or would Disqus esplode?

        • Meccalopolis

          bukowski libel!!!

    • retiredeng

      It’s a holdover from Yahoo Messenger. Discus’s pappy.

      • JoeChristmas

        And AIM was it’s slutty momma.

        • retiredeng

          The genealogy of chat is not unlike the family tree of white trailer trash.

          • Zippy

            So, lots of cheap beer, crying and swearing, and terrified family pets

          • retiredeng

            More like the genes are identically flawed. All DNA tests would come out “generic” human.

    • deanbooth

      When my mom got her first AOL instant message, she jumped up and pulled the plug on her computer.

      • kindness

        What was the message?

  • Manhattan123

    How the fuck did Iran get to dominate Baghdad, the capital of its mortal enemy, Iraq? Oh, wait……never mind….

    • retiredeng

      Duh.

    • Ducksworthy

      Remembering things could get you arrested in Kochistan.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Social media is saying that Bibi’s speech got interrupted 43 times because of “GOP wild applause.” Which I loosely translate as “giving our hands a break from the constant, relentless fapping.”

    • Sheepshagger

      You know who else gave warmongering speeches that were interrupted by frenzied applause?

    • LIT_Fag

      And they refuse to clap even once for our own prez during his SOTU speeches. Disgusting fuckers.

      • Blank Ron

        I think it would take a decade of reparative therapy for them to get UP to ‘disgusting.’
        That had to be one of the sorriest spectacles I have ever witnessed. And the Thug scumwaffles will be spending the next two years whining about how no-one respects America.

  • Shorter Bibi: We need a Western power to intervene aggressively in the Middle East! It won’t backfire in the long term like it has the last 174 times!

    • Zippy

      Watch me pull a rabbi out of my hat

      But that trick never works!

      • elviouslyqueer

        Is that “that one weird trick” I keep seeing?

      • retiredeng

        “Wrong hat!”

        • Blank Ron

          I take a seven-and-a-half!

      • retiredeng

        “Wrong hat!”

  • Zippy

    The republicans literally jizzed all over themselves

  • Zippy

    Shorter Bibi- be afraid, be very afraid

    of everything

    Now shut up and give me my money and do what I say

    Same old war hawk bullshit

  • SterWonk

    with Khamenei’s body strapped to the nose cone of Air Force One like an unlucky Reaver victim on Firefly.

    Minor correction: that was in Serenity, not Firefly.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Didn’t that happen on the one Firefly episode that featured Reavers, too? Coulda sworn.

      • SterWonk

        Nope. In that one, there was a corpse out in space that was attracted to Serenity‘s gravity.

  • MrBlobfish

    I hear Ann Coulter will play the Veep in “Sharkanyahu 3”.

    • geoffalnutt

      No. She will play the shark.

  • JTQ

    How sickening to see the sycophants, left and right, bouncing up and down for the biggest psycho and most dangerous person in the world, right there in a most important spot in America.

    • fratdawgg23

      Notice they never pan the camera in time to catch Sheldon Adelson giggling as American lawmakers dance for their campaign donations.

  • JTQ

    How sickening to see the sycophants, left and right, bouncing up and down for the biggest psycho and most dangerous person in the world, right there in a most important spot in America.

  • SFRealness

    Wow – so not only do we send Israel $7 billion a year and back up their illegal blockade of Gaza in the United Nations, but now we should also invade other nations for them as well?

    And with this kind of grovelling from Congress, I’m surprised Lindsey Graham didn’t offer BiBi a back massage in the Capitol gym.

    • Zippy

      what do you mean ” but now”?

      • SFRealness

        True. I guess I should have added “again.”

        But hey, you’ve got to remember that Israel is the Only Democracy in the Middle East and loves America, as seen in this charming video from when Israel last bombed Gaza a couple years ago: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDUC4hjtHPw

        • fratdawgg23

          At least he was not crushed to death with a heavy duty armoured bull dozer by Israeli Occupation Forces like American citizen Rachel Corrie.

          http://www.ivaw.org

          .

    • Ducksworthy

      Here’s a deal for you Bibi. How about you pay our defense budget so we can have universal health care like Israel, for a change.

  • JVisconti

    will there a televised Joni Ernst or tea party response to the speech or are we just stuck with Rand Paul, again?

  • PubOption
  • whatwhomever

    When you mentioned the purse of Sheldon Adelson’s wife dropping to the floor of the gallery, it immediately conjured up an image in my mind of dozens of republican congresscritters scrambling for the purse like a herd of pigs scrambling for a prize truffle.

  • weejee

    goying, goying, gone

    Too bad it was a foul bawl. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass Bibishitter.

  • i read somewhere recently that obama actually threatened bibi in 2014 about attacking iran. right after i read that someone leaked reports that several of israel’s claims about iran’s nuclear progress had been exaggerated.

    obama’s got balls. he just deploys them judiciously.

  • I read something earlier today that argued that this isn’t even so much about nuclear weapons as it is Netanyahu not wanting a deal, ANY DEAL, between Iran and the US, in any form. Iran and the US normalizing relations would upset the balance of power in the region and hurt Bibi’s Big Swinging Dick or something.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Same with Saudi Arabia, actually. It’s like Israel should have the Saudis over for a slumber party and they can talk about what a bitch the US is and what a slut Iran is.

    • retiredeng

      The only alternative to talks is war (or the constant threat of war.) One or the other. Netanyahu is worse than Cheney.

    • blaid droog

      maybe he is pissed because he doesn’t have a dick. maybe the mohel wanted more than a tip.

  • Zippy

    Bibi complained about the fact that an agreement would ultimately allow Iran to obtain the
    status of any other member of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.

    Ummmm, you know who else has obtained that status?

    • Anarchy Pony

      Illegally.

  • JoeChristmas

    It was great when Louie Gohmert blurted out “I Love You Bibi!”

    • Zippy

      someone give him a Kleenex

    • Michael Rappaport

      And when Joe Wilson yelled out, “True dat!”

    • guppy06

      From under the podium.

  • Dolmance

    He’s a very courageous leader. He’ll fight to the last American, if he has to, and damn the torpedoes.

    Brooklyn cocksucker.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Of course, Iran has nothing to fear from Israeli nukes….

    • 120%

      But Israel has nukes to protect the Jews and their rightful homeland from another holocaust. You want another 6 million to die while Israel signs some dumb ‘non-proliferation treaty’ or while it’s biological and chemical stockpiles are being inspected? Sounds like the tricks of an anti-semite!

      Israel is only doing what’s right – preserving the master race of Judaism. I mean why else would they be exploiting, detaining, and killing natives while settling on their land? It worked out great for their big brother USA. Why NOT destroy every neighboring Arab country when it’s preventing the deaths of all those precious Jewish babies?? For shame, you nazi. For shame.

      Look at all the countries the Iranian regime has invaded, then look at the peaceful, democratic, secular homeland of jesus Christ our savior, Israel.

  • automaticpilot

    Wait, WHO is gobbling up other nations, now?

    • guppy06

      I’d say Russia, but Crimea was always part of Mother Russia so doesn’t count.

    • Spurning Beer

      Chris Christie, we’re looking at you….

  • geoffalnutt

    Buh-bye Bibi!! Love your hair! Hope you win!

  • Reddishrabbit

    Just curious, why such an odd time? Is a night speech to late after a hard day of doing nothing? I mean a lot of people work during the day. I guess Fox retirees can watch, so basically half of the GOP base.

    • Michael Rappaport

      Evening in Israel, babee.

  • kindness

    Bibi’s Master Plan is to make sure Obama never gets elected again. Damn. Looks like Bibi is on to us.

  • Beaumarchais?

    Best photo alt-text EVAR!!

  • SadDemInTex

    You mentioned Firefly!! I was happy and then I read past that and now I’m sad.

  • Callyson

    Bibi Netanyahu! He was probably polling at 70 percent in Iowa after this speech

    Meanwhile:

    Israel election: Labor challenger catches up with Netanyahu as vote nears

    • retiredeng

      So it’s backfiring. Nice to know.

    • Not that the Israel Labor Party is MUCH better, but…

  • Come here a minute

    Whoever catches the purse gets to be the next Republican presidential nominee.

    • guppy06

      Used to be the other way around.

  • Flashman

    For my part, I am withholding judgment until I see Jennifer Rubin’s reaction.

    • Ducksworthy

      My guess is that she’s not quite as wet as Senator Miss Lindsey.

  • sohadicouldsplit

    The Comb-over Kid starts each and every day lying to himself as soon as he looks in the mirror. Why should we expect him to be honest about…anything? What he REALLY fears most is a stiff wind from the east!

    Fellow Alumni: (follicles past and present)
    Dick Cheney
    Donald Trump

  • Anarchy Pony

    Bibi’s just worried that Israel’s chickens are coming home to roost. You shit on an entire region for decades, illegally acquire The Bomb so you can flip your finger at those you’ve fucked up, you gotta be afraid someone else might be catching up to you.

  • alnnc

    You dummies. The obvious solution is to cut taxes. And secure the border. I can’t figure out why Netanyahu did not mention it in his speech.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Way to go, Bibi. Now the internets are gonna be full of ZOG again.

  • I sincerely hope Bibi wins….himself a heartattack once he loses the elections back in his actual damn country. Also he looks like a rat, all he needs is some whiskers and bucked teeth and the resemblance would be uncanny.

    • Blank Ron

      Rat libel! Rats are intelligent, pleasant company, and to my knowledge none of the rats I’ve ever kept have tried to trick me into nuking the squirrels who live in the neighbour’s yard.

      • Well what you said is true so…
        Okay fine I’ll take back my slant against rats, I wouldn’t want to be compared to someone who looks like the great great nephew of Montgomery Burns either.

    • Sheesko

      Wow. An analogy ripped right out of Leni Riefenstahl’s “Triumph of the Will.” Vas you intending dat, Sharlie?

      • Oh I’m sorry, I guess I shoodz be talking about them thar Daesh guys in robes trying to make themselves a country and beheaddin’ Amerikanz all willie nillie like. Seriously, you act as though Bibi is the only politician running for office in the country, I guess you think he’s like the king of Jordan since even though he’s still a Tusken Raider like those others guys, he’s not as bad as the ones destroying FREEDOM(!) since he’s blowing them up!

        • Sheesko

          I have no idea what you are trying to say. I was noting that by equating Netanyahu with a rat, you were using the same analogy Riefenstahl used in the infamous Nazi propaganda film for which she is most remembered. If you’ve never seen it, you might find it interesting.

          • No, I figured that’s what you meant and went the snark route because everytime I give someone the benefit of the doubt (and second guess myself, sadly) I end up wrong. I did do a short search on that earlier, so I figured that’s where your assertion came from and it did grab my attention in a cultural aspect. It’s probably a good thing I don’t deliberately hate any group of peoples.

          • Sheesko

            Thank you. Another brain explodes with understanding. My work here is done.

          • People are also calling Bibi a vampire above, which is also a classic anti-Semitic trope; but seriously, the man is a scumbag wingnut warmonger, we need to call him SOMETHING which won’t be read as an ethnic slur. Got any ideas?

          • Sheesko

            Call him out. Challenge everything he said with facts that disprove his and let people decide whether they wish to follow him. You know, the way we do with the Xtian wingnuts.

          • thepoliticalcat

            Oh, please. We can’t have education breakouts every time we run into an asshole. Sometimes an asshole is just an asshole and needs to be smacked in the head with that term, and we move on. We don’t waste time debating with assholes. In any event, their debating skills are largely limited to “You’re wrong, Libtard!”

          • Sheesko

            I have found that a calm explanation of why I think as I do about something, without name calling or assumptions of superior intellect, actually help to enlighten a conversation. I do agree, however, that there are times when it just makes more sense to recognize a self-immolating pile of s**t for what it is and move away before the stench gets on your clothes or you get burned.

          • thepoliticalcat

            See, e.g., Internet trolls. Being on Twitter pretty much guarantees daily trolling by RWNJs who are walking #FAIL in the logic regions. It’s fun tormenting them, for a while, but the thrill soon passes. In fact, I should be kicking some troll behind right now. Adieu. :)

          • thepoliticalcat

            Colostomy bag. Cobag, for short.

            He’s so full of shit, it suits him to a T.

    • miss_grundy

      I want him to lose and to be forced to sit in the backbench with the rest of the losers.

    • thepoliticalcat

      Isaac Herzog of the Israeli Labor Party is running 3 points ahead in the latest poll.

  • Bill Slider

    The PM of Israel gave a very powerful speech, delivering it to perfection. With the Jewish servivor of Nazi Germany, who has won a Nobel prize, and the head of Moses on the rear wall of the House chamber, both acknowledged by the PM, it’s obvious he left no stone unturned. But, for him to say this is not political, is to say those photos of men on steroids, er testosterone, in the Wonkette ads were born looking like that. The speech was impressive, but it was about three notches above any The Russians are Coming speech I’ve ever heard.
    The only request he didn’t make was to ask us to place the Palestinian state in Nebraska.

    • Blank Ron

      I’m surprised he didn’t ask his fanboys in Congress to put them in Gitmo.

      • fratdawgg23

        The prisoners in Gitmo are force fed to keep them from dying.

        The Isreali Occupation Forces and their Israeli cheerleaders prefer unrestrained ultraviolence to kill as many Palestinians possible.

        http://www.ivaw.org

        .

  • fratdawgg23

    I wonder if Netanyahoo casts a reflection in a mirror?

    He and his ilk are vampires with an insatiable thirst for war spilled blood.

    http://www.ivaw.org

  • YakHerder

    “Loathsome Warmonger Addresses Loathsome Warmonger Legislature” woulda been a good ‘un, too.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Are we sure she dropped her purse accidentally? Did anyone see Boehner passing out checks on the floor later?

    Memo line “Legitimate Campaign Donation, Not Payment for Political Stunt / Applause”

  • Blender_415

    alt text says it all; carry on.

  • Warpde

    Well, of course Bibi is not a Dick/y.
    BuBuBuBibi has only dreamed about shooting someone in the face.

    And not with his gun.
    Or so I’m told.

  • DahBoner

    Boner’s just asking the question every new Mother wants to know…

  • Spork

    How can a body that still hates the Dixie Chicks applaud a foreigner disrespecting their president on the floor of Congress?

  • guppy06

    The one foreign head of state the GOP wants Obama to bow to.

  • beatbort

    So, Pres. Obama will now be invited to speak in the Knesset, right?
    Wait, what?

  • Wish I could say something funny. I’m sick to my stomach. I guess there’s at least something amusing about a satirical lefty broadsheet being the voice of reason. Thank you, Wonkette. I will send 18 dollars to alleviate my self-hating liberal Jewish guilt.

  • Sheesko

    Oh crap. My husband thinks we’re right back in 1938 letting Neville Chamberlain broker a deal to avoid war, resulting in the fucking Holocaust. Whatever shall I do now?

    • thepoliticalcat

      A short, sharp shock – say, a smack to the head with a badminton racket – should fix him.

      • Sheesko

        Nah. I’m thinking more like our cast-iron frying pan. Not that domestic violence is ever the answer ;)

        • thepoliticalcat

          Nah. :) Violence solves exactly zilch. But it’s a powerful component of a rich fantasy life. Which is necessary for survival in an insane world. I.e., the one in which we currently find ourselves.

          As for the husband: An enforced holiday from the nutbaggery of online politics is essential. It’s remarkable how it sucks one in. The passion, the drama, the adrenafuckinglin. Take him on a short trip with no Internet. He’ll live & thank you for it. Eventually.

          • Sheesko

            Hey thanks. Do you take Anthem? ;)

          • malsperanza

            Violence solves exactly zilch, which is why God invented carbon monoxide, easily piped under a bedroom door with a hose.

            ♫ Words to live by ♫

    • TheBidenator

      Tell your husband he’s an idiot and tell him to stop watching Fox News and listening to Jabba the Limbaugh…that’s just first off. Second I’d just remind him Bibi is the same asshole who in 2002 testified before Congress of Iraq’s mobile weapons plants, nuclear program and WMD stockpiles while also informing the pants pissing GOPer warmongers that Saddam could hit the US with chemical or biological weapons. Then ask him if ANY of that was true and that should pretty well inform him of whether or not anything this turdbump says is true now.

      • Sheesko

        He’s a leftie, like me, but occasionally (more and more of late) he allows news from his YahooMail splash page and “news” on WTOP radio influence him. But yes, I will make those points and see what happens. He has never been to Israel, although he is Jewish (if in name only) and his entire family was wiped out in the Holocaust. Much of his attitude now is shaped by that, I’m sure.

        On the other hand, though not Jewish (or anything) I have been to Israel and have seen first-hand what living in a theocracy can be like for those of a different theological bent, or who have the nerve to claim sovereignty over land yanked out from under them in a global appeasement scenario that could really have been handled a lot better.

        Wish me luck and thanks for the ideas.

        • malsperanza

          Plus, OMIGOD IT’S NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN ALL OVER AGAIN is pretty much the standard comment any time a president declines to get us into a pointless, violent war with no possible positive outcome.

          Fortunately, there is a standard response, and it goes like this:

          VIETNAM VIETNAM VIETNAM VIETNAM CAMBODIA VIETNAM CAMBODIA AND DID I MENTION VIETNAM?

          Good luck!

  • John Frum

    Seeing this crap immediately made me think of being at work: Netanyahu is the guy in a crowded bar, blocking the barback station, snapping his fingers and barking for attention and then not knowing what he wants. Then he orders a lemon drop or a fucking mojito, sends it back because he “can’t taste the booze”, sticks his fingers in the garnish tray because he wants more limes, demands happy hour prices because he “waited 20 minutes”, leaves a shitty tip, and then complains to the manager because the bartender was ignoring him.

    As for the behavior of the republicans: the competence of the manager can be evaluated almost solely on how he deals with this. An experienced, competent manager will deftly get him out of my face. A brainless corporate fuckwit will berate me right in front of him and demand I drop everything RIGHT NOW to give him a handjob — ensuring no one gets good service for as long as this jackass is there. Metaphor, anyone?

    Maybe a lot of this kind of crap would go away if they brought back the draft — but instead of sending kids to the military, we made them work in a restaurant for a year.

  • KenStarr

    If, “Iran nuked Israel, the United States would turn it into glass about five minutes before last Tuesday.”

    Then is the reverse also true: “if ISRAEL nuked IRAN, the United States would turn ISRAEL into glass about five minutes before last Tuesday.”? Or does our sucking up to Israel absolve us of any responsibility? And if we didn’t….

  • malsperanza

    So Obama’s approval rating jumped 5 points in response to the Netanyahoo speech. Thanks, Bibi!

    http://www.politicususa.com/2015/03/03/americans-rally-president-obama-approval-jumps-5-points-netanyahu.html

  • david green

    I’ve always view Bibi as being like that little snot in grade school who would pick on the other kids with impunity because his big, big brother would back him no matter how big an asshole he was. I really resent that the US is his big brother.

  • TutuWuwu

    It was 6AM in Maui when I commenced shouting invective at my tv machine, to the alarm of my grandkids. They all came rushing into my room to see who was attacking me. I was spitting nails all day. Y’know what? Bibi gets to whine about Iran’s nuclear program ONLY when he opens up Dimona to inspection. Yeah, I’m still spitting nails.

  • Nuke90210

    http://www.liberalsforisrael.org/elizabeth-warren-on-israel-and-iran.html

    Guys, Warren support Bibi. My life is a lie, she isn’t perfect D:

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