SHARE

Your cancer is in another castle!
Greetings, pals! I see you’ve returned for another edition of the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly round-up of the worst — just the absolute worst — in poppycock to promulgate throughout this vast interweb of ours. Let’s waste no time by diving headlong into the world of cancer quackery.

People Seriously Think Cancer is a Fungus

Earlier this week, your Wonkette introduced you to a certain cotton-headed ninnymuggins named Michele Fiore, a Republican Assemblywoman from Nevada so learned in the ways of medicine and alchemy science that she can’t even spell her own name right.

Fiore has some very interesting ideas on your cancer, and is blowing the lid off the biggest cover-up in medical history: that cancer is a fungus and you can cure it with baking soda. No it’s true! Or at least that’s what a couple of loons on the internet have told her, and they seem pretty trustworthy. Their site has a big rotating gif that says TRUTH and everything.

Before this lovely gun holster catalogue model brought the issue to national attention, your correspondent hadn’t really heard of the cancer-fungus scam before. Cancer scams are as old as cancer itself, but this particular myth seems to be a fairly new fabrication designed to leach people’s money away from actual medicine, and seemingly its (dumbest) champion is Italian doctor Tullio Simoncini, seen here explaining all the super-scientific evidence that cancer is a fungus, namely that it is white and…oh. That’s it apparently.

What? You were expecting more? I warned you this was stupid.

We would remind il dottore buono that snow is also white, as are sugar, enamel, and paint, the latter of which we suspect the gentleman was huffing when he thunk up this theory.

Dr. Simoncini has a website outlining his theory hypothesis freakin’ shot in the dark. It isn’t much of a website but it exists, in much the way Geocities once existed. The good doctor argues that cancer is the result of the candida fungus, which incidentally is what that crazy P-E-N-I-S lady thought caused AIDS. Candida is quite the busy mushroom. Per Doctor Simoncini:

Candida causes fungal infections and tumors in man. It is always Candida because all other fungi are family of Candida.

The fungi that threaten people may differ by about 2 to 5 percent. Fungi must have the same genetic structure in order to be able to attack the human kind. The variants depend on the difference in human tissues. But it is always a Candida fungus that causes tumors in humans.

Fungal infections have been known for years. The Candida fungus is always found in patients. This type of fungus is found in about 97 to 98% of cases. All research points to the presence of the Candida fungus. What matters is the correct interpretation.

There are a couple key lines in that excerpt that we hope are just mistranslations in Babelfish. For one, if the fungi differ by 2 to 5 percent, then that means they aren’t all candida fungus because duh. Second, candida fungus is apparently ALWAYS found in patients, though we note he doesn’t say cancer patients, but rather all patients ever. Lastly, there isn’t a single link to a medical journal, paper, or even a HuffPost new age woo article. Hell, even a blogspot would show that he did some research beyond “I said so QED.”

Is there any evidence to back up Simoncini’s claims? Short answer: no. Long answer: no. In fact, if those “research scientists” are to be believed, there is a chance that ingesting large amounts of Simoncini’s proposed cure, sodium bicarbonate, can kill you, which is a pretty effective cure for cancer in the same way an A-bomb is an effective fly swatter.

If you want any more evidence that this theory is nothing more than crock, know that it is endorsed by that bastion of rigorous peer review, Natural News.com, the finest collective bowel movement of anti-vaccine, anti-science, and anti-brain-using nonsense on the net. Speaking of anti-vaxxers…

Anti-Vaxxers Have Always Been Bull-Fucking Lunatics

Have you had your fill of anti-vaccine nonsense in the news lately? Your Wonkette reported earlier this week on an anti-vaxxer who somehow got elected to the Spokane Regional Board of Health. This particular gentleman was quite a hero, speaking for the beleaguered tinfoil hat crowd (his words), who just want the right to knowingly expose other people to infectious diseases. Hopefully Spokane voters kept their receipt so they can take him back and get a refund.

Particularly amusing about this loggerhead was that the beliefs he was spouting were not particularly new. While the modern anti-vaccine movement started when Andrew Wakefield lied and then got caught lying but it was too late because he’d already lied, people have been scared of vaccines since vaccines began.

In a truly excellent article, Patrick Cain of Global News breaks down the anti-vaccine movement from its nascent years in the four humours era. Choice excerpts include the warnings of one doctor who didn’t much trust this cowpox vaccine, what with it being from a cow, and cows being contagious or something:

Jamaica-based doctor Benjamin Moseley saw it as a serious danger.

“Can any person say what may be the consequences of introducing a bestial humour into the human frame, after a long lapse of years?” he wrote in 1800.

“Who knows, also, that the human character may undergo strange mutations from quadruped sympathy?…

“Owing to vaccination the British ladies might wander in the fields to receive the embraces of the bull.”

Vaccines will lead you to fuck cows. Ladies, we know what it’s like when it’s late at night, and the chemicals from that flu shot are pulsating through your tingling body. It feels like only one thing will sate your wanton lusts: the warm, sensual, cloven-hooved embrace of Bull Love. Just play rodeo safely. Work out a code-moo ahead of time.

Not only did people want to bonk cows, they apparently turned into them:

Ferdinand Smith Stuart, a follower of Moseley, published his own pamphlet describing a more alarming case:

“ … a child at Peckham, who, after being inoculated with the cow-pox, had its former natural disposition absolutely changed to the brutal; so that it ran upon all fours like a beast, bellowing like a cow, and butting with its head like a bull!”

We’d call bull on that story but then we would also be a hack writer.

Still other anti-vaxxers were just straight up eugenicists, and hated the fact that smallpox was no longer the effective killer of the lower classes that it once was:

Others, such as doctor John Birch, bemoaned losing the useful eugenics a disease that targets the poor could provide.

“Birch believed that vaccination was unnatural and damaging, because if it did work (which he doubted) it could undermine the valuable role that smallpox played in killing off the children of the lowest classes, as ‘a merciful provision on the part of Providence to lessen the burden of a poor man’s family,’” British medical historian Gareth Williams wrote.

This last sentiment is most in line with the current pro-disease movement, who are really big on giving other people’s kids measles and ignoring the fact that measles still kills African children. It’s not like they matter much: they’re not even gluten-free!

What your Volpe found most reassuring about the article is the re-emergence of our old friends the homeopaths, who even back in Ye Olden Times were wrong about just about everything. A prominent homeopath was a major voice behind the anti-vaccine movement of 1919, claiming that vaccines were filled with horse, pig, and corpse grease. There’s not much evidence of his claim, though we suspect the name “Corpse Grease” is what eventually led to the first death metal band because that phrase is fucking brutal.

Fortunately back in the day the scientists generally prevailed. Cartoonists viciously lampooned the anti-vaxxers, and their ideas were largely forgotten until the next generation sprouted their ugly heads, not unlike a candida fungus. Hopefully today’s movement will eventually lose steam of its own accord, though there’s no telling how many kids and cancer patients they’ll take with them in the process.

Woman Dies from Snake Oil Cancer Treatment

This next story we present relatively free of jokes because it isn’t funny.

Jess Ainscough, aka the Wellness Warrior, passed away this week after battling malignant cancer since 2008. Jess was a long-time proponent of “alternative” disease treatments, and was in the course of one such treatment that we have covered before when her body finally succumbed to the effects of the cancer.

Ainscough was in her early twenties when she was diagnosed with a rare, particularly virulent tumor called an epithelioid sarcoma which had implanted in her left shoulder and toward the end of her life caused intense bleeding on an almost daily basis. She was faced with the very real possibility that she would have to have her arm and shoulder amputated in order to stop the sarcoma from destroying her entire body, and we do not blame Ms. Ainscough for her reluctance to undergo the procedure in the least. Doctors presented her with a treatment of isolated limb perfusion, a procedure which seemed to work after what sounds like an incredibly painful treatment of heavy, targeted chemotherapy. We say it seemed to work, but cancer has a nasty habit of recurring, and Jess was once again faced with the possibility that she would have to lose an arm or lose her life.

In what was no doubt one of her most desperate moments, Jess turned to “alternative” cancer treatments, and if her personal stories are true she tried just about all of them. Jess established a media empire built around a proliferation of pseudoscientific treatments, such as eating clay as a “detox,” and hawking supplements as an alternative to actual medicine. While we would criticize Ainscough for profiting off people’s fears, we do not for a second believe she did so maliciously. We truly believe Jess Ainscough was a scared, desperate woman who needed to believe there was something, anything out there that could cure her. She was a true believer if ever we saw one, but unfortunately the people in whom she placed her trust were charlatans.

The primary charlatan who cheated Jess of a life was the (long-diseased) Max Gerson of the Gerson therapy, which your Volpe has covered before in a more ha-ha funny kind of way. Gerson therapy revolves around the belief that daily coffee enemas can treat just about any kind of condition under the sun, as summed up by this perfectly sane lady in the comment section from last week’s Snake Oil Bulletin:
Coffee Enema lady
The fact that cancer, hearing loss, cataracts, weight gain, and basic aging have no real medical connection to one another leads us to be more than a little skeptical of Carmen’s claims that coffee enemas can treat all five. Carmen is a frequent commenter on other woo blogs including NaturalNews.com (that place really is a one-stop shop for crazy, isn’t it?) where she also pushes her coffee enemas to, we have no doubt, quite lucrative results.

Gerson therapy is a scam. There is no evidence that it does anything more helpful than cause your poops to smell different. The problem with alternative treatments like Gerson is that it is mostly harmless, and that harmlessness leads to neglecting actual medicine. People who engage in alternative medicine scams are far more likely to neglect real medicine, as was the case with Jess Ainscough. We do not begrudge her decision to avoid a life-changing amputation, but there is no real telling what other treatments could have been available for her, nor do we have any idea how many people with far more treatable cancers listened to the advice Jess put out based on her single anecdotal case and died because they refused actual medical treatment. Medical scams do kill people, and not just in obvious ways like bleach baths for autistic children. Negligence kills too.

Stories like Ainscough’s are the reason it is so critical to fight misinformation and pseudoscience. Real people’s lives depend on scientific rigor finding actual cures for actual conditions. When a con artist sells a grief-stricken person a magnetic armband or a coffee enema kit, claiming that it can cure what ails them, the very real possibility looms that the victim of the con artist will die because they place their faith in the woo. There is no victory in what happened to Jess Ainscough dying of the same pseudoscience she promoted. There is only tragedy.

Your Volpe is going to try and detox after this last story with some dancing kittens. For once you will see him endorse a detox treatment that actually works. Please take care of yourselves. You’re too important not to.

Flotsum, Jetsum, and Hokum

Lastly, we present a recap of the latest in thaumaturgical thickness as brought to you by the internet’s premier proletariat porn tumblr, your Wonkette!

[Cancer Research UK / Cancer Fungus / Global News / Science Blogs]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Incoming Ham

    Let’s crowdfund a billboard campaign with all the utterly senseless historical quotes about the dangers of vaccines- the dumber the better (plain, white lettering on black). On every major highway in California and other bastions of mommy stupidity.

    Of course that might give the anti-vaxxers the idea that they are more ammunition in the fight against health.

    This overthinking is brought to you by a lifetime in the ad biz.

    • PsycWench

      I’m in.

    • weejee

      In as well. We also need to repeal science and math.

      • Incoming Ham

        Hey – there have to be quotes from Stupid People of History who want to do that as well.

        The danger with all of this is that the wingnuts will think it’s serious evidence that they are right.

        • JustPixelz

          Supposedly conservatives who watched Colbert didn’t realize he was joking.

          • Incoming Ham

            And they think we are Morans.

          • weejee

            Much moar sensible to make your head hurt drinking a couple of half racks of PBR than studying the diff eqs and tensors.

          • bobbert

            Studying tensors makes me drink.

          • bobbert

            Studying tensors makes me drink.

    • JustPixelz

      Will the target audience see these signs while driving texting?

      • Incoming Ham

        Good point – perhaps a mass text push every 10 minutes or so for a month might be a better idea.

        • eggsacklywright

          “a mass text push?” sort of like peristalsis?

          • Incoming Ham

            Eggsackly.

  • PsycWench

    “the valuable role that smallpox played in
    killing off the children of the lowest classes, as ‘a merciful provision
    on the part of Providence to lessen the burden of a poor man’s
    family,’” British medical historian Gareth Williams wrote.”

    Birch couldn’t imagine Providence thinking “Hmmm…condoms would work a lot better”

  • JustPixelz

    ‘a merciful provision on the part of Providence to lessen the burden of a poor man’s family,’

    Providence outsources His child-killing to diseases.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The not-so-mysterious ways are usually more efficient.

  • weejee

    cotton-headed ninnymuggins

    ftw

    / I’m so stealing that also and too

  • JustPixelz

    that bastion of rigorous peer review, Natural News.com

    Uranium is natural. Uranium enemas must be fantastically healthy.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Your logic is impeccable but as a quack remedy, a uranium enema presents marketing problems in that, since it is already expensive, you probably can’t sell it at inflated prices to the gullible. Unless… you could produce a product that is nothing more than a sugar pill and call it homeopathic uranium. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Gawd, don’t give them any more ideas.

        • Blank Ron

          Betcha a cookie they already have.

      • Biff52

        Heavy water enemas? Reactors can’t give that shit away!

        • willi0000000

          if you could somehow dilute it with light water, you could sell tap water as a homeopathic heavy water enema.

    • weejee

      Yellowcake ointment. The Cheney cabal thought Sadum Whosain was trying to corner the market on that.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Doesn’t Betty Crocker sell it in a mix?

    • The give you that healthful glow!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    “Owing to vaccination the British ladies might wander in the fields to receive the embraces of the bull.”

    I don’t think bulls “embrace” exactly, do they? They mount but does that count as a hug? I think Andrew Marvell (approximately) said it best when he almost wrote:

    “The cow pasture’s a fine and bovine place,
    But none, I think, do there embrace.”

    • FauxAntocles

      Where are the missionaries when you need them?

    • cousin itt

      Pics or GTFO of the pasture.

    • eggsacklywright

      The cow she is of bovine ilk,
      One end is moo,
      The other, milk.

      Ogden Gnash

    • Amy!

      Oh, man, that just kills me.

  • weejee
  • Callyson

    Oh good–I need a reminder that there are some people on the planet who can see through this crap…

    Last night, at a work event, I overheard one of these woo-woo types talking to someone about how he cured his asthma by breathing through his mouth. That would have been laughable enough had he not gone on to say that he was threatened with a lawsuit by the companies that manufacture inhalers if he wrote about his experience. Uh huh…

    • weejee

      That’s just silly. You catch the asthma the same way that you catch the preggers – off a toilet seat.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        She gave me asthma and turned me into a newt!

      • eggsacklywright

        I hear those cootie things can jump 6 feet.

    • FauxAntocles

      Well, that sounds like a cheap cure. OTOH, most people having an asthma attack breathe through their mouth.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        As do almost all people who aren’t having asthma attacks.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Do you think maybe this was his lame-brained way of saying that he could control his asthma through specific breathing exercises? There are such exercises that help me enormously but, I hasten to say, they are easy to find, have been published many times (I found them in a little book by actor Paul Sorvino) and nobody has ever been sued or threatened with a lawsuit by Big Inhaler. Or am I being kind and he is just an uninformed asshole?

      • Callyson

        Hmm, perhaps. I had to GTFO once I heard the line about how he was threatened with a suit because I was ready to ROTFLMAO. Had it been a social event, not a work event, I might not have been so restrained…

  • Callyson

    What? You were expecting more? I warned you this was stupid.

    You weren’t kidding: I made it to the 24 second mark before the pretentious introduction from hell drove me away. Too bad that baking soda doesn’t cure idiocy…

  • MrBlobfish

    100% of cancer patients have blood in their veins. Coincidence?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Moar bleeding!

    • The real culprit is DHMO. Simply remove that chemical additive from your diet, and cancer will not be a problem.

      • mtn_philosoph

        Is that the stuff made from apricot pits?

  • cousin itt

    The largest, most insidious purveyor of woo is the GOP. And that’s a fact Jack.

    • When did conservative become equivalent to anti-science? When science stopped telling them they were born to rule, they learned the wrong lesson from postmodernism and accepted wholeheartedly that anything you believe in hard enough is true.

  • Callyson

    Others, such as doctor John Birch, bemoaned losing the useful eugenics a disease that targets the poor could provide.

    As in the founder of that vile John Birch Society? Apparently not, though you could have fooled me.

    PS: FFS

    • bobbert

      Fred Koch, founder of Koch Industries, was one of the founding members.

  • cousin itt

    “The good doctor argues that cancer is the result of the candida fungus…”

    Voltaire libel!

    • sw19womble

      It’s the best of all possible treatments!

      • eggsacklywright

        Panglossian!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      George Bernard Shaw libel, also, too!!!1,11!!,,!!1

      • cousin itt

        And Leonard Bernstein alsotoo!

  • Msgr_Moment

    OTOH, I could sit and stare at Dr. Fiore’s fungal blooms all day.

  • sillyclucker

    The line about killing houseflies with an a-bomb reminded me of a local guy that got drunk and used his handy dandy six shooter to kill houseflies. Yeehaw!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      The line about killing houseflies with an a-bomb reminded me of a responsible gun owner that got drunk and used his handy dandy six shooter to kill houseflies. Yeehaw

      FIFY

      • sillyclucker

        Ahhh! Thank you!

  • sw19womble

    Coffee enemas are great!
    Of course, I only do them for the fun of it.

    • More sugar!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Sugar in coffee? Bleuh. Sugar in a coffee enema? Double-bleuh!

      • Biff52

        You want ants? Because that’s how you get ants!

  • JVisconti

    after consuming maybe too much Candida Royale porn in my youth, I can assure you that any resultant bodily growths were purely temporary.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    It would be nice if the FDA could shut down these scumbags . . . but that would mean freedumb-destroying big gub’mint regulations. Which are fiercely opposed, I suspect, by many of the same dolts who fall for these scams.

  • VirginiaLady

    Actually did laugh out loud about the cow pox anti vaxers. Merry old England must have been pretty cool if you were a furry back then.
    And the kittens were a nice touch!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Carmen D Cisneros does the celebrity endorsement one better — the anonymous-person-who-worked-with-a-celebrity endorsement. No need for proof, all the cachet of a name-dropper, a miracle cure — what’s not to love about this technique? She doesn’t even have to mention that Mr. Recording Studio took the coffee enemas for his gallbladder, not his hearing.

  • Gristle McThornbody

    Coffee enemas. If only I had known (10 years out, woo-hoo! Unfortunately mine involved surgery, chemo and radiation).

    Instead of following Gerson, Jess Ainscough should have consulted with Vito Barbieri, who could have told her that if you just pour the coffee down your gullet it will … Oops, according to him that comes out the vagina; wrong hole.

    Let’s see. We have the urethra, the vagina and the asshole. Man, that’s THREE things! No wonder Republican pols can’t remember what each one does. They can legislate the shit out of each one, but don’t expect them to know what it actually does.

    Hmmm. I’m rambling. I think I’ll have some coffee if I can find the turkey baster.

    • Virginia Dreaming

      Everyone knows that republicans can only remember two out of three, then oops.

    • SnarkOff

      Actually, anatomically speaking, they can only legislate the shit out of one of those three holes. (Also, yay for you being cancer-free!)

      • SterWonk

        == on both counts.

  • Anarchy Pony

    OT, say Dok, if you’re reading the comments, which don’t exist, are you planning on any new features in the vein of Sundays with christianists? I realize it must be taxing to your mental health, but they sure were fun.

  • orygoon

    Cancer is not white! Clearly, it is deep blue with black trims!

    • Virginia Dreaming

      The cancer I see is white with gold trim. You are just being confused by underexposed cancer.

    • dshwa

      Cancer is a crab. Crab meat is white. Ergo, Cancer is white. QED.

    • Biff52

      Mine wasn’t, at any rate.

  • “records for Rod Stewart” Well then, who needs scientific rigor when you’re only one degree of separation from celebrity?

    • Beaumarchais?

      That sold me!

  • the British ladies might wander in the fields to receive the embraces of the bull.

    Sergeant Hartman assures me that only two things come out of Texas: steers and the vaccinated women who love them.

    • Mark Twain

      And speaking of all things white, it comes out of steers. (“… the phony tough and the crazy brave.” God, I loved that movie.)

  • Skeptic Rising

    An additional note about Michele Fiiore, the fungus on the junk of the Nevada Legislature: In her day job (Nevada legislates on a part time basis, after all), she operates a home “health care” operation which tends to skate on its taxes. And she hopes to make a tidy profit by offering the baking soda cancer remedy to patients of great gullibility and desperation. Despicable she.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Anybody remember how Candida Albicans was the cause of every health woe known to humanity? Twenty years ago or so if my memory is correct.

    The advise for curing something that is a normal and needed part of our flora and fauna was pretty funny – until you realized that otherwise intelligent people Believed this shit. Then it was just sad and pathetic. You can still purchase Candida A. “cures” in most health food stores.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Anybody remember how Candida Albicans was the cause of every health woe known to humanity? Twenty years ago or so if my memory is correct.

    The advise for curing something that is a normal and needed part of our flora and fauna was pretty funny – until you realized that otherwise intelligent people Believed this shit. Then it was just sad and pathetic. You can still purchase Candida A. “cures” in most health food stores.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    I don’t understand how a homeopath can be against vaccines. According to homeopathy, Injecting the actual antigens should have no effect. The antigens have to be diluted to infinity before they will have any effect on the person.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      Yes, but vaccines have chemicals. Chemicals are BAD.

  • Zippy

    So if the cowpox vaccine causes people to fuck a cow, does that mean that the entire GOP has been vaccinated for chickenpox?

    • andrew

      I would have thought they were vaccinated against poor, since they’re fucking them over so much. I also think the Kochs have been given some kind of GOP vaccine since the GOP seems so willing to bend over for them.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Coffee Enema was one of my favorite Ben & Jerry’s flavors. Until someone explained to me what an enema is. Too cold!

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Coffee Enema was one of my favorite Ben & Jerry’s flavors. Until someone explained to me what an enema is. Too cold!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    ♫ Seventy-six cute cats led the big parade,
    With a hundred and ten cute cats right behind.
    There were more than a thousand cats
    Springing up like cats
    There were cats of ev’ry shape and size. ♫

  • Paperless Tiger

    Often as not, the main purpose of doctors is to get people to quit taking medicine.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    I thought Michele Fiore looked kind of familiar.

    • Blank Ron

      Gossamer libel!

      • SterWonk

        ==Blank – what did Gossamer ever do to you?

        I’ll give you a pass this time, since clearly you feel the pain of Spock’s loss more than the rest of us. :-(

        • Blank Ron

          It was the big running shoes. Why couldn’t I ever find them in stores?

  • smut clyde

    alternative treatments like Gerson is that it is mostly harmless

    “The original protocol also included raw calf’s liver taken orally,
    but this practice was discontinued in the 1980s after ten patients were
    hospitalized (five of them comatose) from January 1979 to March 1981 in
    San Diego, California area hospitals, following an outbreak of rare
    Campylobacter fetus infection and sepsis which was seen only in those
    following Gerson-type therapy with raw liver (no other cases of patients
    having sepsis with this microbe, a pathogen in cattle, had been
    reported to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in the previous
    two years). Nine of ten hospitalized patients had been treated in
    Tijuana, Mexico; the tenth followed Gerson therapy at home. One of these
    patients who had metastatic melatoma died within a week of his septic
    episode. Many of the patients had low sodium levels, thought to be
    associated with the very low sodium Gerson diet.[12]”

  • Amy!

    it starts with M and rhymes with “honey”

    Matrimony?

    I knew this whole gay marriage thing was getting out of hand!

  • motmelere

    Don’t even talk to me about fungus if it isn’t morels or psilocybin.

  • Biff52
    • Trufax: I was going to use that image as the original article pic until I realized it made the formatting wonky. I love it so.

  • Bill Slider

    First, on things that are white that might cure cancer, there is always that old standby, cocaine.

    Moving right along, I like the coffee enema concept, but think a more modern approach might improve on the results. For example, buttsechs with someone who drinks lots of coffee.

    Finally, it’s important that something causes people to turn into cows. How else can we explain the Hindu religion, and perhaps Mormonism too, since the later have gold fake cows involved with their praying to get their long dead ancestors to Mormon heaven on some stupid planet I never learned about when I took Christian science.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I can’t stand the taste of coffee. You think I’m going to put it up my butt?

    • A Big Sarcastic Fairy!

      Don’t forget to add cream and sugar :-)

Previous articleLadies, Sean Hannity Can See Into Your Baby Caves
Next articleThe Fartknocker Report: Add China To List Of Countries Sarah Palin Can See From Her House