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ISIS is pretty much just a teacher's union with rocket propelled grenades, after all

In his speech to CPAC Thursday night, Scott Walker let America know that he’s ready to handle international relations without wasting any time on diplomacy, explaining how his experience in crushing public-employee unions makes him the perfect choice to take on international terrorism:

“If I can take on 100,000 protesters,” Walker said, referencing his fight against public-employee unions in his state, “I can do the same across the world.”

He’s been battle-tested, at least in a Bill O’Reilly kind of way.

For some crazy reason, a whole lot of people think that maybe suggesting public employee unions are like terrorists — or for that matter, suggesting that beating ISIS would be easier than beating teacher unions — isn’t such a terrific simile. For one thing, we definitely don’t recall any beheadings outside the Wisconsin capitol building, though maybe that happened in the version of Wisconsin that has palm trees. And the teachers’ unions definitely aren’t armed with rocket-propelled grenades, no matter how useful those would be in some middle-school classrooms.

WaPo’s Chris Cilizza goes out of his way to explain what may have been going on in Walker’s head:

Americans protesting in a state capitol over labor issues, while serious, is just not on the same level as the threat posed by a militant group that uses beheadings, burnings and other savagery to spread terror in the world. It might seem the same to Walker because the personal vitriol aimed at him was so massive during the protests and the recall effort that followed.

Honestly, Gov. Walker, you should know better than to compare union members and their supporters to a radical death cult that wants to remake Iraq and Syria into a fantasy version of what they’re sure their Founders would have wanted. You should have compared the protesters to Nazis, obviously, which is the American Way.

Walker later partially walked back the comment, insisting that no, he didn’t compare unions to terrorists when he compared unions to terrorists:

“You all will misconstrue things the way you see fit, but I think it’s pretty clear,” he said. “That’s the closest thing I have in terms of handling a difficult situation, not that there’s any parallel between the two.”

That should play well: “I admit I haven’t really had any foreign policy experience, but I could see protesters from my house.”

Still, we can think of some other parallels Walker could use. ISIS is in the news today for yet another kidnapping of civilians in Syria, and for destroying priceless ancient art at a museum in Mosul, Iraq. That’s probably something Walker has some thoughts on, too. Given his experience with defunding Wisconsin’s excellent public university system, he knows all about dismantling treasured cultural resources.

[WaPo / RawStory / WaPo again]

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  • JohnBull

    The difference between Wisconsin and ISIS: people are moving to ISIS.

  • Callyson
  • Nounverb911

    Walker speaks just like a chicken with its head cut off.

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      I think this Armenian lunch counter in Glendale serves chicken sharia sandwiches.

  • whatwhomever

    As far as his audience is concerned, ISIS and unions are exactly the same thing. Unions may have a little less Sharia law. Maybe, they’re not sure, since they don’t actually know what Sharia law is.

    • Zippy

      But it’s scary and bad, and that’s all that matters

      • Beowoof14

        Well yeah, they don’t follow the sanity of Leviticus as good Christians do.

    • 24601

      IKR? Beware of creeping decent pay with benefits.

    • malsperanza

      And this will play super-well with working Americans in swing states like OH and PA.

  • SadDemInTex

    I’d be snarky but I live in the Canadian Anchor Baby’s state.

  • ArgieBargie

    I predict that Scott Walker will be beheaded in the primaries.

    • Blank Ron

      From your mouth to Citizen Robespierre’s ear.

      With votes, of course.

  • Callyson

    That’s the closest thing I have in terms of handling a difficult situation, not that I want you to notice my clumsy attempt to draw a parallel there’s any parallel between the two.

    /FFS

  • Callyson

    And when asked to comment on this story:

    • weejee

      Clearly she doesn’t give a Hillz of beans for Walker.

  • Manhattan123

    Baby Jesus, I don’t ask for much, but please make Walker/Palin the GOP ticket in 2016. Thank you, Baby Jesus. Amen.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Ummm, I especially love the Baby Jesus!….

  • He’s going to be sticking to that “It’s the media’s fault for quoting me directly” defense, isn’t he?

    • Nounverb911

      When does his contract with Fox Noise start?

    • OneYieldRegular

      “It’s the media’s fault for quoting me directly and not reading my mind.”

  • Zippy

    Fuck this clown, what he said is completely unacceptable. If we didn’t have such a chickenshit fourth estate, his career would be over.

    • chicken thief

      Oo-oo-ooh, just wait until Chuck Todd gets hold of his ass….

      • Zippy

        with his lips

  • Tallmutha

    It might seem the same to Walker because the personal vitriol aimed at him was so massive during the protests and the recall effort that followed, and this clearly demonstrates the man’s fitness for the presidency, since we want someone who will respond to personal vitriol on a full military footing.

    • Blank Ron

      Again.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    It turns out Scott Walker is not only ambitious, he is also A IDIOT.

    • Nounverb911

      It’s a party requirement.

    • weejee

      With none savant upside.

    • chicken thief

      But nothing a corporate tax cut and getting to the bottom of Benghazi won’t fix.

  • crunchyknee

    All those cheese curds have once again proven to be unhealthy.

  • orygoon

    CPAC always makes me wonder if there is a giant segment of America I didn’t know about involving multiple generations of first-cousin marriages.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I was reading some of the comments from an article on the identity
    of the ISIS terrorist from England. Several of the
    wing nuts were citing lists of people and countries that they would be fighting
    if the republicans were in charge unlike that chicken shit Obama. This included
    Russia, China, ISIS, Syria, Boko Haram, Iran and New York City. I’m sure I’m missing a few.

    • chicken thief

      Those Concealed Carry guys in Texas didn’t top the list?

    • Anarchy Pony

      All war all the time. Sounds great.

    • david green

      Whew! So California dodged the bullet?

  • Zippy

    Sorry Scotty, but it takes more than a corrupt legislature and a rigged judiciary to defeat ISIS

    • eggsacklywright

      Maybe he’ll just use the Kock money to buy ISIS.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    So Walker is going to make sure they get less virgins when they go to heaven as a martyr?

  • Virginia Dreaming

    From what I see in the news, it doesn’t seem like many people reach retirement age in the ISIS controlled area.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Yes – probably best not to complain about threatened cuts to your pension there.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I’m sure when the first bratwurst that gets thrown at Walker
    he’ll be the first to hid behind the children.

    Just to be clear, I am not advocating wasting bratwurst of
    Scott.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Okay. Clear…. no bratwurst….. polish sausage ok?….

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        Preferably frozen.

        • HarryButtle

          Preferably a whole freaking case.

      • malsperanza

        Lutefisk. And smelts.

  • Paperless Tiger

    … and a shout-out to the folks at Command Central and Dominion Voting Systems for making it all possible.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I am ashamed to have misconstrued what Walker said by reading exactly what he said. Next time, I’ll be sure to wear my special Rick Perry brand rose-colored glasses.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Apparently Walker and O’Reilly are having some trouble with parallels and intersections.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And tides.

      And the truth.

  • Olav_Pompatus

    I just Googled the phrase “I joined ISIS for the pension benefits”, in quotes, but the Google said no one’s ever said that before.

    • Vecchiojohn

      Try replacing pension with virgins.

    • Reddishrabbit

      I think they prefer Roth IRA’s with limited matching benefits. You may need to check with thier recruiter
      (May also get one way ticket to a lovely Bay in Cuba)

  • Toomush_Infer

    As a giant stone head, I found the video documenting the loss of Ninevah artifacts particularly staggering – how is it I can be concerned with the loss of irretrievable artwork in a way that is more compelling than the crazy loss of life in the homeland of the beginnings of western civilization?…

    • weejee

      homeland of the beginnings of western civilization

      Waukesha?

      • Toomush_Infer

        I’m sorry – I seem to have misplaced Green Bay….

    • dshwa

      What is humanity best represented by, if not our art? The record of what inspired the people of those times, what their dreams were was captured in those works. So long as their art survived, in a way they lived on. That is a loss to grieve.

  • chicken thief

    Scott has his sleeves rolled up. That means he’ll work real hard for the middle class and make everything better for us by ending the enabling of them poorz, oldz, and unfortuates that are draining our financial resources. And defunding ACORN also too.

    • FauxAntocles

      And repealing Obummercare also, too

    • CalvinianChoice

      Bobby Jindal always wears cowboy boots when he rolls up his sleeves. And a really big belt buckle. That proves he’s ready for ISIS.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Watch out if he starts droppin’ those g’s.

  • chicken thief

    Fuck these second bananas! Where’z mah main man Louie Gohmert?!!!!!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If you’re going to bring on the crazy, why fuck around?

    • weejee

      ♪ Louie, Louie
      He gotta show now ♪

    • Virginia Dreaming

      Getting his tin foil hat pressed?

  • Toomush_Infer

    I love how Walker compares Wisconsin to the Twin Cities, an area with a larger population of Muslims than all of Wisconsin, which manages somehow to struggle through with an unemployment rate under 4%….

  • fawkedifiknow

    He could tell the mullahs to teach a couple extra classes in their madrassas, tooo.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    OK, if someone will be so kind as to ship me a tanker of aloe vera to deal with the cataclysmic levels of stupid eminating from the DC suburbs.

    Because it burns.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Aw shit. Leonard Nimoy died.
    LLAP

    • weejee

      zactly

      • eggsacklywright

        Wright.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m pretty sure the torrent of illogic emanating from CPAC had something to do with it.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Sad. Crying, which is dumb.

    • HuddledMass

      They’re saying he lived long and prospered, which is true — yet I find I am truly, truly sad.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “That’s the closest thing I have in terms of handling a difficult situation.”

    *campaign manager face palm*

    • nmmagyar

      I think that remark got a full facedesk

  • weejee

    Is America the country of opportunity or what? All that is logic and science would have pegged Scott Walker to have perhaps made it to the position of senior parking valet. But fastidious seekers of talent that makes the Repugs what they are sees that inner talent in Scott Walker, that wee bit that is hiding behind a polyp in his colon, and are pushing him to consider, nay demand, that he run for the White House.

    • chicken thief

      Jesus prolly whispered in his ear also too.

  • Oblios_Cap

    That lack of a college degree really shows when he says crap like that.

    • weejee

      Is the certified proof of a high skool diploma or GED?

  • So is he for or against placing IUD’s on the border?

    • chicken thief

      With Scott, there is always Option #3 – punt.

      • weejee

        Could be the IUD is between his ears. Perhaps we could call on the Wonket sappers to place a vote-laden IED up his buttocks.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Do you mean he should punt or he is a punt?

  • Ilgattomorte

    Ah, Scott Walker! What a magnificent bag of douche. Does anyone have the line on his time of full implosion?

    • chicken thief

      When is the Iowa caucus?

      • Ilgattomorte

        I’m betting Florida. It’s a great place for dreams to die.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Pretty much every time he opens his mouth?

  • ryp

    Heads will roll!

  • Scooter

    “And the teachers’ unions definitely aren’t armed with rocket-propelled grenades….” At least not yet. Republicans are working on arming teachers, you know, for the kids.

    • Amy!

      While destroying their unions, pensions, and credibility as professionals (by forcing egregious textbooks on them).

      Somehow, I suspect that they haven’t thought this through fully. Or they really do believe that an armed (but starving, desperate, and professionally outraged) teacher is a polite teacher.

  • say wha

    While he may be entertainingly stupid, unless, and until, someone seriously calls him out on this never ending stream of bullshit that floods directly from his vacuum of a cranium onto the ears of his brain-dead followers, Walker will continue to build momentum (and by momentum I mean money) toward a showdown with the Democratic nominee for president. Never misunderestimate the gullibility of the Republican masses. Remember that old Wisconsin saying, “Fool me once, shame on … shame on you. Fool me… You can’t get fooled again!”

    • malsperanza

      We can certainly hope so.

  • TrufflePig58

    “That’s the closest thing I have in terms of handling a difficult situation, not that there’s any parallel between the two.” which is why I brought it up as an example because it is not an example.

  • docterry6973

    And this dolt is in the lead? Pass the popcorn.

  • HarryButtle

    Just imagine the pearl-clutching we’d be subject to if a Democrat were to say something like, “I took on the NRA, I can certainly handle ISIS.”

  • docterry6973

    Cut their benefits and call them names. You need to call ISIS names in order to defeat them.

  • Paul Dudack

    As in like, Scott Walker beheaded or something?
    Won’t matter. He’s always talked out of his ass.

  • JAJ

    I was at the protests at the WI capitol every day. Once I
    got in a big argument with a guy about the concept of compensation packages. Sometimes
    I don’t have a very good memory, but I don’t remember performing beheadings,
    rapes and immolations. Also, you know who wasn’t there “dealing” with
    protestors? Walker. He used tunnels to escape and enter the capitol when he
    showed up. Which, I guess, is his plan deal with ISIS?

  • rocktonsam

    Gov. Walker is still waiting for an answer from god you guys.
    I hear tell he will climb Mt. Olympus at the Dells and ride down Noah’s Ark with the tablets of derp.

  • Blender_415

    If Walker ever met an actual IS fighter, his tightie-whities would instantly be filled with a hot steaming gush of Santorum.

  • malsperanza

    The great thing about CPAC is that Goppers actually say what they think.

  • malsperanza

    ISIS smashes museums, destroys educational institutions, and takes all the Christians hostage.

    Sounds like the GOP to me.

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