Aaron Schock Hires Nice Lawyers To Fix All His Not-Gay Ethics Violations

Oh, Aaron Schock, we have so missed reporting on you for the last three days or so! But we are back, because things continue to go poorly for you, you dumb, cuddly animal, and we promise we will not leave your side again, as long as you keep doing dumb, cuddly things.

Aaron has hired him some nice fancy Washington lawyers and a PR firm, due to the fact that his hills are alive with ethics violations:

Schock’s decision to hire outside help to manage the continuing fallout signals a new, more serious stage of the unfolding scandal. He has flown on private jets, stayed in five-star hotels and collected tens of thousands of dollars in mileage reimbursements from his campaign and the government. In addition, Schock used his campaign account last year to purchase a nearly $74,000 Chevy Tahoe that he uses while in the district.

Schock’s office said he is conducting an internal audit to review his spending practices.

A particular issue that Politico wants to know about, preferably in the winnable hours in the morning, is a really fancy trip Aaron took to London a while back:

According to the documents, Schock flew from Washington to London’s Heathrow Airport on June 16, 2011. He was joined by Shea Ledford, a longtime friend who is now on Schock’s payroll as a district special assistant.

Schock attended the Royal Ascot, a world-famous steeplechase, followed by drinks with then-U.S. Ambassador to England Louis Susman and his wife. He also was slated to visit Moss Bros. on Regent Street, one of the most famous men’s clothing stores in Europe, according to his schedule.

Schock also participated in a Patron Dinner at the posh members-only club Annabel’s and was invited to formal dinners at Windsor Castle and Buckingham Palace.

Schock missed two days of votes during the trip.

OOH, clothes-shopping in London with Shea and then drinky drinks at Annabel's, SEXYFUNTIME. But was the trip a political trip, and who paid for it, is what Politico wants to know. Because if he used tax or campaign moneys for it, he certainly did not get Congress's Ethics Committee to sign the permission slip saying he could go.

By the way, this is Shea, he is the boy who held the Bible for Aaron when he was sworn in as a congresscritter and went to London with him, but they are not boyfriends, because why would a person think that? They probably talked about sexing up the ladies the whole time they were shopping.

All of this started when the world learned about his elegant new, not-at-all-gay Downton Abbey office , which led to the filing of history's gayest ethics complaint . But Aaron shook that off like his girl Taylor Swift, until later in the week, when his not-racist staffer had to resign to spend more time being racist on Facebook. THEN we found out about Jonathon with an O, Aaron's adorable personal photographer, that he bought with tax and campaign moneys. OH AND MAYBE he sold his Peoria house, to a donor, for way more than it was worth, because that's not shady at all.

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So this has all been happening, it's not been a very good month for poor, hot Aaron, and now he has just been hit with yet another ethics complaint, from that mean liberal group CREW, who says that Aaron is spending too much tax and campaign moneys on private planes, probably so he and his hot photographer Jonathon can have some privacy away from Shea's jealous, prying eyes:

In a release, CREW said it “asked the Office of Congressional Ethics (OCE) to investigate whether Rep. Schock broke House rules in light of new evidence that the congressman improperly used taxpayer money and campaign funds to rent private, non-charter flights for travel.

More from the release: “ Recent news reports revealed Rep. Schock used funds from his taxpayer-funded congressional office and campaign funds to pay two companies to rent non-commercial, non-charter aircraft. Lobair, LLC was paid nearly $17,000 from 2012 to 2014. Federal Aviation Administration records show Lobair is not a commercial charter service and the single plane it owns is not registered for commercial use.

CREW's executive director Anne Weismann also added that “where there is smoke, there is usually fire, and Rep. Schock’s finances are starting to look like a five-alarm inferno.” Ha ha ha, some might say they are FLAMING, can't possibly understand why they would say that, but some might.

Anyhow, that is the current News of the Schock, we promise to stay on top of Aaron every day, in case any more breaking news Comes Out.

[ Chicago Sun Times / Politico ]