Ah, college. That heady brew of drinking, parties, hormones, Marxist indoctrination, drugs, late nights, not enough sleep, political correctness, overblown drama, and more hormones. You know what might spice it up even more? Allowing students to carry guns on campus. Because when you can arm immature monsters who drink like fish and have poor impulse control, you have to do it.
Gun rights activists, not satisfied with laws making it legal for people to carry their guns damn near anywhere in America, have trained their sights — so to speak — on college campuses. There are now bills winding their way through the legislatures of 10 different states to allow concealed-carry at colleges. And the people pushing the bills are exploiting the issue of sexual assault to make their case.
Take it away, tone-deaf moron in the Nevada state legislature. Please tell us why campus bookstores will soon be carrying Kevlar body armor with Greek letters stenciled on it.
The sponsor of a bill in Nevada, Assemblywoman Michele Fiore, said in a telephone interview: “If these young, hot little girls on campus have a firearm, I wonder how many men will want to assault them. The sexual assaults that are occurring would go down once these sexual predators get a bullet in their head.”
Now, we’re confused. After the UVA gang rape story a few months ago turned out to be possibly false, conservatives were quick to scream that the rape crisis on college campuses is overblown, the infamous one-in-five statistic is bullshit, and so on. So why do ladies need guns to protect themselves from rape on college campuses when, conservatives tell us, there is no rape crisis on college campuses?
And, as one expert on the issue told the New York Times, the majority of sexual assaults on campus are perpetrated by someone the victim knows, which might make her less willing to go for a gun to stop it. Not that these sexual assaults are actually happening, of course. But just in case!
At Jezebel, Jia Tolentino points out that a nearby firearm makes men four times more likely to commit suicide and women three times as likely to be the victim of a homicide. Now imagine that firearm lying nearby when two nineteen-year-olds are having a vicious breakup in one’s dorm room.
You know who is a little bit sane on this issue, at least? The students themselves. The Times cites surveys indicating that 67 percent of men and 86 percent of women do not like the idea of their peers being armed on campus. Those are large majorities! But kids are dumb and don’t realize how helpful guns would be in preventing all those sexual assaults that aren’t happening.
This will be so confusing the first time an armed girl shoots a fellow student who is trying to rape her. Do wingnuts cheer the girl for utilizing her God-given right to self-defense, or do they refuse to believe she was being raped and get upset with her for besmirching the good name of a dead guy?
Maybe conservatives want to be armed on campus because they see themselves as a resistance movement to the runaway Communism that has infested every school in America outside of Patrick Henry College (which has its own sexual assault problem). They should really be careful. If those dirty hippies at Kent State had been armed, they might have shot back.