We at the Wonkette don’t like to talk about every single stupid thing Pat Robertson says, because that would be a full website in and of itself, but man oh man, once in a while, Pat brings us some wisdom that we MUST, by law, share with you. One of Pat’s viewers, Cynthia, is very excited because she is going to be a grandmommy soon, but she is worried, because all the young kids with the Facebooks and the Obama phones are constantly posting pictures of their ultrasounds, so that everybody can be confused by what they’re looking at together. Cynthia would like to know if this is a sin or not.
Pat responds that no, of course not, it is not a sin, but it could open your unborn baby up to DEMONS. You see, the way it works, apparently, is that there are demons in the world, and they all have Facebook, and probably also Pinterest, but instead of using it to share uplifting memes and cat pictures and recipes, they are apparently scouring it for all the delicious ultrasound pictures they can find. And then, a “cultist or a coven,” of witches or Dungeons and Dragons players (same thing), might get ahold of the picture, because apparently young conservative Christian families don’t know how to use Facebook privacy settings. Then the coven will possess the fetus baby, in thine own mother’s womb, by “muttering curses against an unborn child.” Always muttering, those covens.
Also, why do people post the “most intimate part of their body” on Facebook, wonders Pat? Did you know, ladies, that your uterus is the most intimate part of your body? Why, when you post your ultrasound pictures, might as well post pictures of the parents’ genitals too, geez you kids these days, why you gotta share EVERYTHING?
So, to sum up, the baby’s parents are not sinning and thus will get to go to heaven with Pat Robertson, but the baby’s ultrasound fetus picture has been cursed by a coven of demons from Facebook and is now their property, and this is why you really should tinker around with your Facebook privacy settings if you don’t want to encounter the same fate. We DO hope Editrix Rebecca is listening to Pat’s advice, as we cannot have the Wonkette Baby being owned by witches.