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All the probable Republican presidential candidates have been visiting the Steve Deace radio wingnut program lately, in order to explain to Real Americans that people’s fundamentalist religious beliefs will ALWAYS stomp on everybody else’s rights, no matter what, because that is how America works. Deace specifically wants to know if these fine fellers — Santorum, Ted Cruz, Mike Huckabee, all of them — believe that “the sexual revolution trumps the American Revolution,” or if “someone’s erotic liberty trumps your religious liberty.” EROTIC LIBERTY, everyone, GET SOME.

They all said that no, the right to do gay stuff is certainly NOT bigger than their God-given Republican rights to discriminate against people who do gay stuff, thank you very much, somebody elect all these men president ASAP.

Rick Santorum, whose mommy named him after a nasty possible byproduct of doing erotic liberty poorly, specifically splooted these words from his mouth:

“Freedom of speech isn’t really worth much if you can’t speak what you believe. Freedom of assembly doesn’t mean much if you can’t assemble for what you believe. Same thing with freedom of the press, same thing with the newfound freedom to do whatever you want to do from a sexual orientation — not a sexual orientation — a sexual activity point of view, that to me is a much lower freedom because is an activity, it is not at the heart of who you are.”

Ha ha so wait just a minute here, we think he is saying that all of the other Freedoms come from the Freedom of Religion, because why would you even want to do those other freedoms if it wasn’t for Jesus? Why would you speak out or assemble for anything else? I mean, I know that there are some other causes out there, like maybe liberal evil people who might assemble to protect a woman’s right to choose to go see Rick Santorum’s wife’s ex-boyfriend for all the abortions, but those causes are Not Important because they have nothing to do with helping people like Rick Santorum discriminate against ladies gays Muslims everyone in service of his perpetually butthurt God.

Unfortunately, Rick effectively and sloppily Santorums all over his own point when he word salads into his list of Jesus Freedoms both the press AND the “newfound freedom to do whatever you want to do from a sexual orientation” AKA butt stuff. Fine Rick, when we all do gay stuff, we only do it because WE BELIEVE in it, therefore it is part of our Jesus Freedoms. Also LGBT people will have equality in this country, and it won’t be long, and you’ll still be as free to be as much of a wingnut Catholic as you want, fuckin’ deal with it and do not worry, we will probably be too busy erotic freedoming each other to criminalize your dumb religion.

And we are sorry, Rick Santorum and all you other patriotic geniuses who will lose to Hillary Clinton by LOL margins in 2016, and we know that you hate Americans for it, just like the terrorists hate us for it, but people have FOUGHT AND DIED for our erotic freedoms, and we will not take this sort of tyrannical assault on our liberty lying down. In point of fact, there are a lot of positions we like to try, when responding to threats of this sort, you know, mix things up a little bit, gotta keep the spice alive somehow.

Anyway, the opposite of erotic liberty is erotic tyranny and erotic terror, which must mean that Rick Santorum and Mike Huckabee and Ben Carson and the rest are Erotic Terrorists, and we cannot let the terrorists win, so UP IN THE AIR OUR LEGS MUST GOETH, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!

[Right Wing Watch]

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  • MrCanoehead

    Sadly, yes.

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