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Last Hussar's avatar

Dear America

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

Love Europe.

No really, listen. We know you moved out and everything. And I know you're all grown up now, with your own job, and country, and you try really hard to not be nasty to the natives, and Son., we're proud of you, and everything you've done. But we, and all your other parents (Mama France, Uncles Spain and Germany, even Aunts Poland and Italy) are all a bit worried about you.

You seem to have trouble making friends, and we've noticed that you've stopped doing your science homework. And you've started being mean to all the gay people. Is it because you are scared of something you want to tell us, but think we won't love you any more? Is this why you've got into guns and stuff? Because you think we won't see you as our big brave boy? It's ok. We understand. Its difficult for a country who has only just grown up and is 24 decades old, finding its place among the grown ups. Do you remember when you were 9 decades and you had a fight with your imaginary friend 'Reb'? You came through that, even though there were tears, and to be frank, racism, for a long time after.

Do you remember when Uncle Germany and his friend Mr Japan went a bit crazy, and we all got together to help out? Well son, we're worried that might be happening to you.

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Last Hussar's avatar

What have we told you about playing nicely with your brother?

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