Not that Raphael?

Ted Cruz’s wackaloon father, fundamentalist preacher Rafael Cruz, warned on Tuesday that bans on discrimination against LGBT Americans would inevitably lead to unisex locker rooms, rampant crime by sexual predators, and probably the criminalization of Christianity — the usual load of bollocks.

In a conference call with fellow Homophobe For Jesus E.W. Jackson, the failed vice-gubernatorial candidate from Virginia, Cruz called on Christian extremists to elect fellow Christian extremists, or America would be beset by “the wicked electing the wicked.” We’ve mentioned before that Ted Cruz’s dad seems real nice, right?

Cruz claimed that a nondiscrimination ordinance recently passed in Houston would have dire consequences:

“An ordinance was passed by the city council with a blessing of the mayor that allows men to walk into women’s bathrooms,” Cruz insisted. “It even would allow kids to make football teams to go shower with the girls.”

“That is a recipe for disaster, for sexual predators, for who knows what,” he continued. “So my call to every Christian is, enough, we can no longer sit comfortable on the pews. And, pastors, you cannot continue to hide behind the pulpit. God will hold you accountable.”

Cruz did not specify the exact nature of God’s vengeance on Christians who stood by and allowed dudes who look like a lady to pee in the stall of their choice, but it is widely believed that the punishment would either be posthumous, or would take the form of severe weather events anywhere on the planet, God being rather capricious about the targets of His Divine Wrath.

Cruz also warned that Christians cannot remain “on the sidelines” of politics, as if they were somehow under-represented in current political discourse. Further, he said, Christians need to “stand against all the ungodliness that is being promoted throughout our government.” He asserted that the government actually is “promoting a religion. And the religion they are promoting is the religion of secularism. And it is the antithesis of Christianity.”

Yr Wonkette was unable find any secularist churches in the local Yellow Pages, although the Unitarians very kindly offered us some coffee. Cruz then went on to rail against the hobby of not collecting stamps and the sport of sitting around on your ass. He refrained from attacking the science of just making shit up, as that is actually a major course of study at several Christian colleges.


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