President Trump Recalls How Easy Beating Obama Was In 2012

Donald Trump was in Iowa this weekend making noises from his mouth hole about the possibility that he will keep talking forever about running for president, and people at Steve King's CrazyRama actually applauded him. We can understand that, because as we believe we have pointed out, they are crazy. Less explicable is the fact that the Des Moines Register, an actual journalistic newspaper enterprise, asked Trump to sit down for an interview just like he was a real political candidate or something!

In the interview, he explained that neither Jeb bush nor Mitt Romney has what it takes to win, which apparently is Being Donald Trump, and was particularly harsh on Mitt Romney's 2012 campaign, which should have squashed Barack Obama like a bug. A bug that was not even born in America, probably! He also said that he now regrets not actually making the transition from talking about running in 2012, which he was very good at, to actually running in 2012, which, on reflection, he believes he would have also been very, very good at:

"I was leading in every poll. ... I regret that I didn't stay in," he said in an interview before a private dinner at the Stine Barn in West Des Moines. "I would've won the race against (President Barack) Obama. He would've been easy. Hillary (Clinton) is tougher to beat than Obama, but Hillary is very beatable."

We like that "I regret that I didn't stay in" phrasing a heck of a lot, because it is so very close to being a fact, apart from the minor detail that he was never actually "in," so "staying in" is kind of something that never could have happened, except in the YOOGELY rich imagination of Donald Trump.

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Trump even explained why he didn't "stay in" the 2012 race, and he had some very compelling reasons: for one thing, he had a very, very important reality television show that he had just renewed a contract for, and you don't just go disappointing NBC by walking away from an intergalactically enormous hit like The Apprentice all willy-nilly (the signals should be reaching the Andromeda Galaxy in approximately 2,538,000 years, and when they do, the Andromedans will be bowled over). Also, he was in the middle of some very important golf course and hotel deals that haven't yet gone bankrupt. But with no renewal for The Apprentice, his calendar is pretty clear for 2016, so chances are he will continue to talk about running, for sure.

On Saturday, Trump spoke at the Steve King/Citizens United Moronic Convergence, and said many true things, the most newsworthy of which is that he got thunderous applause for his proclamations that neither Romney nor Bush should be the 2016 Republican candidate. Of Romney, Trump said,

"He failed. He choked. He's like a deal-maker that didn't close the deal. He shouldn't be running again. He had a great opportunity to win against a president that was absolutely lame, and he didn't do it. ... The 47 percent statement, which was a disaster, is not going away. Romneycare is not going away. All of his problems are not going away. He should get out and get out quickly."

As for Jeb Bush, Trump got even stronger applause for such witticisms as "You can’t have Bush," "The last thing we need is another Bush," and the pithy "Frankly we've had enough of the Bushes. We're Bushed out." Those with especially strong stomachs can watch the whole thing:

We liked the part wher Trump said that every single part of Obamacare is a lie, which came as news to us since we rather enjoy having insurance, but apparently it does not actually exist. Also, when Donald Trump is President, he will personally build "a very, very powerful border," which we assume will go bankrupt after a few years. He also pledged to "fight China" somehow, although he was a bit fuzzy on the details. Best of all, he will not knuckle under to the Lamestream Media and pronounce Qatar as "cutter," but will instead proudly say "catarrh," the way an American should.

[ Des Moines Register / Politico ]