The American Patriarchy Association, fronted by spokescreep Bryan Fischer, is calling for Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Elena Kagan to recuse themselves from the Supreme Court’s upcoming case on same-sex marriage because they’re entirely too biased on the issue. And who better to opine on this than a man who believes the First Amendment only applies to Christians and that the only laws that are truly Constitutional are those which God would agree with?
We figured Fischer was going to claim that both justices are just big old bulldaggers, especially given Kagan’s known softball-playing proclivities. But no, it turns out there’s even more disturbing evidence of bias, says Fischer in a column published at Bradlee Dean’s Emporium of White-People Paranoia. (Science fact: Bryan Fischer and Bradlee Dean are not allowed to be in the same room, lest their combined stupidity achieve critical mass.) Here’s Fischer’s airtight logic, complete with scare quotes:
[Any] justice who has tipped his hand on how he would vote on same-sex “marriage,” any justice who has taken sides, any justice whose ability to be objective on the matter in question, has a legal, moral, ethical and professional duty to withdraw. In fact, he would be violating federal law if he didn’t. His sacred, sworn duty as a justice is to uphold the law, not break it.
Both Kagan and Ginsburg have performed same-sex wedding ceremonies. Ginsburg has at least three and maybe five such ceremonies under her belt, and she had the effrontery to perform one of them in the chambers of the Supreme Court itself.
Kagan likewise performed a highly publicized same-sex ceremony for a former law clerk in Maryland just last September.
Are you sufficiently shocked, dear readers? Poor Bryan Fischer also proves that Ginsburg is a radical pro-equality activist by quoting her shocking comments prior to officiating at the marriage of Kennedy Center President Michael M. Kaiser and his husband, the amusingly named John Roberts:
“I think it will be one more statement that people who love each other and want to live together should be able to enjoy the blessings and the strife in the marriage relationship,” Ginsburg said.
Fischer is pretty darned outraged by that:
I find the words “statement” and “should” unambiguous. This ceremony represented a personal declaration on her part that same-sex “marriage” ought to be legalized.
Oddly enough, Fischer is not calling for Antonin Scalia, who has ranted about the “gay agenda,” to recuse himself, and he’s also OK with Clarence Thomas, who has personally presided over the wedding of a human woman to a Hefty bag full of toxic sludge. Even more shocking, with the exception of Elena Kagan, every single member of the Supreme Court has participated in a so-called “straight marriage” and has an opposite-sex “spouse,” which seems like pretty clear evidence of bias to us.
Fischer notes several instances where Supreme Court justices have recused themselves, most of which involved cases where the justice had a financial interest in a company coming before the Court. We would point out that, as of yet, Big Gay has not yet sold stock, so that shouldn’t be a problem. He also notes that Kagan recused herself from cases that she had worked on while serving as solicitor general, but again, that’s because she had worked directly on those cases. Now, if either justice had actually married one of the couples in the upcoming case, Fischer might have a point.
Besides, Bryan Fischer can hardly claim to have a pure viewpoint on this issue, considering he personally gave his blessings to a gay-married Wonkette reader one time. He’s just one step away from driving a Subaru Forrester himself, if you know what we mean.