Donald Trump Will Sue The Sh*t Out Of You, All Of You, Everywhere, Shut Up Is Why

• Donald Trump wants ALL the millions of U.S. American dollars because there are airplanes making airplanes noises in the privately owned sky over HIS mansion. True story! CNNMoney reports that Trump has filed a lawsuit against Palm Beach County, as well as Super Meanie Bruce Pelly, the local airport's director, because Trump and his lawyers think the whole world is against him and he wants $100 million NOW:

  Trump specifically called out the local airport director Bruce Pelly for diverting all departing flights over the Mar-a-Lago mansion, to seek revenge over a 20-year-old lawsuit.

  "The county's and Bruce Pelly's efforts in this regard are both deliberate and malicious, and motivated by personal animosity towards Donald Trump," reads the lawsuit, which was filed in Palm Beach County Court on Jan. 6. [...]

  "Pelly is seeking revenge by attacking Mar-a-Lago from the air," according to the lawsuit.

  So malicious, letting airplanes up in the sky like that, interrupting Trump's soundlessness. Of course, Republicans are usually against lawsuits because litigation is the worst and trial attorneys are worser and TORT REFORM NOW!, but this is important. This is Trump's own private piece of Florida and the sky, so if he has to bankrupt everyone within a 10,000-mile distance, well, it just has to be done. Palm Beach County Flight Control Manager McKay Coppins could not be reached for comment.

• Happy Nice Time People brings you this list of 5 TV Stars (Besides Bill Cosby) Whose Real Life Behavior Destroyed Our Love of Classic Shows :

  You know what sucks? Real life. That’s why we blog about teevee, where reality is nothing more than a genre, and a pretty tawdry one at that. Sadly, sometimes real life gets all mixed up with our favorite passive pastime and spoils the fun. Peeing, for example, often takes us away from the best commercials, and don’t even get us started on going to work.

  Even worse, sometimes the people on screen do terrible things off it, and their real life behavior makes it difficult, if not impossible, to enjoy reruns of shows we used to love. Wholesome TV dads Bill Cosby and Stephen Collins are the two most obvious recent examples. But there are so many more…

• That guy who tattooed his face for Mitt Romney (and $15,000), back when Mitt was going to not be president in 2012 -- as opposed to when he was going to not be president in 2008, or when he will not be president in 2016 -- wants you to know he's not so true to Mitt anymore and will whore out his face for anyone, basically:

  “I was loyal to it for a long time,” he said of the tattoo. “It was a good a deal but I can part [now].” [...]

  Hartsburg added that he’s willing to sell the space, and cited Marco Rubio, Chris Christie, and Hillary Clinton as interesting candidates, but told BuzzFeed News he is “wide open.”

  What a flip-flopper, huh?

• Speaking of Romney fangirls, theWashington Post'sJennifer Rubin has a whole fresh list of 20 reasons that she thought up all by herself after watching Fox News, we guess, for why she thinks President Obama is THE WORST for not jetting off to France. Here are some of our favorites

  2. It smacks of self-delusion, as if not appearing would make the event less significant and the international recognition that we are at war less powerful.

  3. It confirms the criticism, raised about the Benghazi, Libya attack, that he is not around when it matters most.

  Oh, and:

  5. It confirms Russia’s suspicions that Obama is feckless and intent on American retrenchment.

  6. It confirms Iran’s suspicions that Obama is feckless and intent on American retrenchment.

  7. It confirms Israel’s and our Middle East Arab allies’ suspicions that Obama is feckless and intent on American retrenchment.

  Yes, she managed to crap out 20 of these "reasons." Just like the kid who adds "very, very,very" to a book report to make the minimum word count.

• This guy is tough. Double tough:  

  [Rob] Konrad, who played for the Miami Dolphins from 1999 to 2004, had been around boats since his childhood on Boston’s North Shore. So he knew what it meant when he fell off his 31-foot Grady-White while fishing alone nine miles from land.

  “A boater’s nightmare,” he said.

  He swam to Palm Beach, covering a distance of 27 miles before ringing the doorbell of an oceanfront home for help at 4: 30 a.m. Thursday. [...]

  Rob Konrad said he was taking his boat for servicing Wednesday and decided to fish along the way. He had caught a fish and was attending to the rod when a large wave hit, flipping him overboard.

  The boat was on autopilot and headed east; no others were in sight. Konrad was not wearing a life preserver. It was 12: 30 p.m.

  “I realized I was in some real trouble,” he said.

  Konrad decided to swim toward shore, although he figured the trip would take more than 10 hours, and he feared succumbing to hypothermia or cramps after two or three hours. The ocean temperature was in the 70s — far from frigid, but a lot colder than his body temperature.

  He took off his shirt and began alternating between a breaststroke and backstroke.

• If you're into bad BDSM and even worse "literature," some hotel that's smarter than you will help you fulfill yourFifty Shades of Greyfantasies:

  [T]he San Francisco-based group Personality Hotels is offering guests the chance to bring their BDSM fantasies to life with a “50 Shades of Women . . . Come Again” package. 

  For $150 — tacked onto the regular hotel rate — guests staying at the Hotel Diva, Hotel Union Square or Kensington Park Hotel can buy a box chock-full of toys that would surely tickle Christian’s fancy.

  And yes, we are super sex-positive and all in favor of getting your kink on, but if you haveFifty Shadesfantasies, you should feel bad and wrong because that series is bad and wrong, and that's not even how youdoBDSM ... we are told. By a friend. You know what? Never mind.

• Can't even try to top this headline, so you should just go read the whole thing:  Opponents Of LGBT Protections Forged Signatures Or Everyone In Houston Has The Same Handwriting .

[h/t to Wonkette tipster Sean for the Trump LOLs]