Luxury London Apartment Ad Wants To Stab You, Play Around With Your Blood
Yr Wonkette has been considering a move into high-end real estate as a way of diversifying our portfolio, which is currently a little heavy on dick joke manufacturing and political scandal futures. From the looks of this long-form commercial, "World At Your Feet," from British luxury apartment purveyor Redrow Housing, our first step is to decide: where does today's refined and ambitious covert psychotic killer want to live?
After watching this, we are intrigued but left with a number of questions. Do these apartments have basement storage units with optional Buffalo Bill containment pits? Do they offer lower-level starter rentals for check-forgers who are working their way up to murder? Do the linen closets have built-ins to hold all the plastic sheeting and power tools that a modern killer's lifestyle demands?
Forget the apartment; we want to see his business cards!
Redrow seems poised to corner the insufferable new money market of strivers who have conquered London rather than being "swallowed whole" by it, who are chauffeured home after their women are safely asleep, and whose dark secrets remain artfully concealed among their slick new appliances and top-shelf liquor.
We can only hope there are a few of these types left stateside for us to lure into our Wonktower development, where the doorman will always be waiting with a smile and an alibi.
Update: After days of posts like this one, the ad has been pulled from Vimeo. Happily, Yr Wonkette was forward-looking enough to grab a copy and put it up onYouTube.
[ Redrow Housing on Vimeo / YouTube copy ]
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Did anyone watch the other ads? Apparently Redrow provides luxury living for people with all manner of personality disorder. In addition to the "Lifestyles of the Rich and Psychotic" collection seen here, there is the "Premier Collection".
Designed for the 40 something, mid-life crisis male, the Premier Collection provides comfortable luxury to the ultra-rich douchebag looking to dump his wife and kids in style. Each room is designed with banging an 18 year old in mind. The careful attention to detail says "never mind the grey hair and man-breasts, just look at that bathroom".
Then there's the "Wapole Collection". This beautiful collection of single homes is designed with the lifestyle of the fast paced tech nerd in mind. Yes, the young men who have spent a lifetime in their rooms behind a keyboard with almost no human interaction, now have a space specifically designed for them. This is a warm, comfortable luxury space where a former acne-prone computer geek can start a family and finally have sex. Maybe even with another person. Each dwelling is hopefully designed with up to six bedrooms for the young man who wants to start getting busy.
Finally, we have 205 Holland Park. This exquisite luxury complex is designed lovingly for new money dumbasses. Each gorgeous apartment is carefully crafted for the the kind of wealthy person who knows exactly what other rich people think they should have. Each detail of every room is specifically placed for the kind of person who will buy into anything the property manager and interior designer have to say.
It's good to know that there's something for everyone, if you have the means.
Yes you can. Hell, I did, with a real woman with actual breasts and everything.