Of Course John Boehner Isn't Going To Plunge This Knife Into Steve Scalise's Back, Why Do You Ask?

How much does it suck to be Speaker of the House John Boehner right about now? You know the guy just wants to get his Eve of New Year's Eve drink on, but nooooooooo. Instead, he's got to stay sober enough to sign off on statements of support for all the lousy Republicans who can't keep themselves out of trouble.

First, he has to praise disgraced Rep. Michael Grimm for "the honorable decision to step down from his seat in Congress," after refusing to make the honorable decision to step down from his seat in Congress. (He had a chat with God about it, and God set him straight.) But hell, that was HOURS ago. Old news.

Bohener has since been forced to pat House Majority Whip (for now) Steve Scalise on the head because when he accidentally spoke to David Duke's white supremacist group in 2002, it was by accident, you see, and shut up already, and it doesn't mean anything at all, and it was a real long time ago, and Republicansarethe Party of Lincoln^TMand WHAT ABOUT ROBERT BYRD, HUH? Boom zing ya burnt snap! [contextly_sidebar id="bZghN3ZJkG2aL32bWk1x1om38OREafq8"]

Scalise has already explained himself and his accidental appearance -- it was AN ACCIDENT!, and also he once spoke to the League of Women Voters, so, you know, same difference. White supremacists and chicks, potayto and potahto. So Boehner really has no reason not to stand by his man:  

More than a decade ago, Representative Scalise made an error in judgment, and he was right to acknowledge it was wrong and inappropriate. Like many of my colleagues on both sides of the aisle, I know Steve to be a man of high integrity and good character. He has my full confidence as our Whip, and he will continue to do great and important work for all Americans.

That ought to settle it, right? It was more than a decade ago, which, in Republican years, means that it practically never happened at all -- unless it was a Democrat, in which case OH YEAH, WHAT ABOUT ROBERT BYRD, HUH?

Besides, after explaining that he didn't even know he was talking to a group of white supremacists, Scalise has issued a second statement explaining that some more, and also he's real sorry, and can we please move on now, and can he please keep his job as majority whip please?

"Twelve years ago, I spoke to many different Louisiana groups as a state representative, trying to build support for legislation that focused on cutting wasteful state spending, eliminating government corruption, and stopping tax hikes,” Scalise said. "One of the many groups that I spoke to regarding this critical legislation was a group whose views I wholeheartedly condemn. It was a mistake I regret, and I emphatically oppose the divisive racial and religious views groups like these hold. I am very disappointed that anyone would try to infer otherwise for political gain. As a Catholic, these groups hold views that are vehemently opposed to my own personal faith, and I reject that kind of hateful bigotry. Those who know me best know I have always been passionate about helping, serving, and fighting for every family that I represent. And I will continue to do so."

That should definitely settle it once and for all, for sure, and just in case both his re-explanation and Boehner's approval doesn't prove to you that Scalise is definitely keeping his fancy title, House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy also issued a positively glowing endorsement for his buddy Scalise, who is definitely not racist and would never pal around with a racist group, stop believing your lying eyes, sheesh:

“Congressman Scalise acknowledged he made a mistake and has condemned the views that organization espouses. I’ve known him as a friend for many years and I know that he does not share the beliefs of that organization.”

We are quite sure that with all these statements being issued and everyone counting down the hours until it's drunken celebration o'clock anyway, we will all forget this unfortunate incident of mistaken racism, which happened soooo many years ago, so that come January, Republicans can ring in a new post-racial era of rainbow coalition outreach because 2015 will definitely be the year Republicans realize Democrats are the real racists. Definitely.

[ Speaker of the House / WaPo ]