Erick Erickson Is All Growed Up, Not A A**hole Anymore

Wingnut fire-breathing teabagging RedState blogger and Fox contributor Erick Son of Erick isn't your typical wingnut fire-breathing teabagger, according to a Very Serious Profile in The Atlantic, which is very serious and takes Erick Erickson very seriously.

For one thing, he spent most of his childhood growing up abroad in the Muslamic un-American country-city-whatever of Dubai -- hey, just like President Obama! -- so he doesn't even see race. That's why he is morally superior to his fellow conservative outragers like Rush Limbaugh, because he possesses the maturity to "not pepper his [radio] show with racial provocations." Like a grown-up.

And Ericksonisa grown-up. Sure, he might have dabbled in immature assholery and misogyny in his youthful indiscretion days, but he's grown up a lot since then. He said so himself.

He also told me he has matured under the public eye. “If you read my more recent stuff, as opposed to my older stuff, I’ve grown up,” he said.

He also learned how to be a mature grown-up from his days as a CNN contributor.

But Erickson also wrote that he had forged unlikely friendships at CNN, with liberal commentators like [Paul] Begala, James Carville, and Donna Brazile. “I’ve learned that some of the people I grew up thinking were in the enemy’s camp, so to speak, are spectacular people who share many of the same interests and opinions I do,” he wrote. “Because of CNN I’m not just better at my job, but I’m a better person.”

In fact, Erickson is sooooo matured and not-a-terrible-person now that according to the Very Serious Profile of him, unnamed anonymous "people" are wondering if he's lost his edge.

[S]ome have begun to wonder whether he has changed. Could he be mellowing as he nears middle age? Perhaps success—going from a little-known, unpaid blogger to a major power broker on the right—has taken some of the fire out of his belly. Maybe he’s even ready, as Republicans assume control of the Senate, to adopt a more conciliatory approach.

That's why we can hardly even remember a time two whole months ago when he insisted we'd have an Ebola vaccine by now, if not for fat lesbians who sucked up all the federal research dollars. [contextly_sidebar id="7gDVVc5v8oFsei73FeZPLk07XBcC5rQC"] Or that time waaaaaaaaaaay back in 2013 when he grown-uppedly nicknamed Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis "Abortion Barbie" and started a Very Serious Twitter hashtag campaign telling her to sit down and shut up, as grown-ups do. So mature is he these days that he probably wouldn't even threaten to use his wife's shotgun to shoot any census worker who dared to show up at his door, like that time he did so many years ago, except that he totally didn't, it was just taken out of context, you see, by the damned liberals. Not that he hates liberals; in fact, some of his best friends are Jane Hamsher of Firedoglake because, according to Erickson, "Often we hate the same people." Awww. That's nice.

Erickson is also a real family man, "an involved dad to his two children." He picks them up from school and takes them on trips and everything. That's why he's a big fan of random strangers beating kids with belts when they step out of line. For the kids! And decency! [contextly_sidebar id="jw9SllPMDl63lqCrluMJzCG726flK3r8"]

In the eleventeen trillion word tongue-bathing profile of Erick Erickson, there's a lot of emphasis on what a rebel he is, unafraid to tell sucky Republicans how much they suck, and unafraid to tell liberals how they are dumb-dumbheads, but in a mature and good person way because he says so, after all. Plus, also too, he is going to study up on Jeebus and earn a master's degree in biblical studies at the Reformed Theological Seminary, where he just might learn that the Bible isnotall about how bad and evil and wrong marriage equality is after all, even though he's pretty sure it's the central thesis of the Old and New Testaments, ACTUALLY. [contextly_sidebar id="U45Gbws7imYkWduTR20Unmwl3znKUtiH"]

Blah blah blah, Erick Erickson sure thinks Erick Erickson is pretty great, and also, according to this Very Serious Profile, he is "jovial" and "polite." He's so polite, in fact, that he "eats his chicken wings with a fork and knife."

So we can forget about all those times he pounded his furious fists on his keyboard or opened his mouth and vomited all the bigoted hateful words his "polite" brain can grasp because at least he's not as bad as Rush Limbaugh.

[ The Atlantic ]