TLC Invites You To Watch Maybe-Gay Mormons Ice Skate, Try Not To Think About Naked Guys

We've come to expect a certain level of quality and self-awareness from The Learning Channel, which has brought us such chronicles of the human condition as Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,   90-Day Fiancee , and Sarah Palin's Alaska. From this august tradition comes their new one-hour special,  My Husband's Not Gay, in which Mormon guys who like other guys show us how fun it is for them to be married to women.

The show focuses on three married couples: Jeff and Tanya, Pret and Megan, and Curtis and Tera. Joining the cast is 35-year-old Tom, the bachelor of the group who enjoys fishing and baseball and served as a missionary in Long Beach. All cast members are devout Mormons belonging to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The special will follow the cast as they navigate life while explaining to outsiders their unique marriages. "I get a little defensive when somebody calls my husband gay," one wife says in the debut trailer.

And maybe he isn't! Wonkette's social science research bureau has confirmed to us that there is such a thing as bisexuality, and that there are bisexual men in America who are married to women, monogamously even! Being attracted to men doesn't preclude being attracted to women or being in exclusive relationships with them. To those of the Mormon faith, however, this doesn't appear to be enough: even in the trailer, they reinforce the idea that  non-straight urges need to be battled and defeated since they can never lead to anything that's not a sin. "The whole act [of man-on-man action] is against the teaching of the gospel."

The official LDS website mormonsandgays.org has boiled the church's position on gayness down to a box at the top of the page:

The experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them. With love and understanding, the Church reaches out to all God's children, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.

The church doesn't think Jeff, Pret, and Curtis can help thinking about doing certain things with men, but those things are sins. These guys are commanded to love one another, and that love should take the form of a pickup basketball game before going home to the wife.

The trailer gives what we assume is a representative sample of the show: couples ice-skating wholesomely together, uncomfortable conversations about sexuality and faith, and the struggle of Tom, the Long Beach Missionary, to successfully court straight ladies: "I want to marry a woman, but I don't know how to work out these feelings."

Tom also says, "I like to say I've chosen an alternative to an alternative lifestyle." Taken together with the title of the show, which emphasizes the role of the wives in this struggle, this makes us wonder: what is it really like for the women who are living this alternative-alternative lifestyle along with these men? We'll find out when the show airs in January. The Wonkette Washington Bureau is already busily planning our viewing party (it's so exciting learning about different cultures!) and suggestions on appropriate straight Mormon cuisine and decor are appreciated.

[ The Wrap via JoeMyGod ]

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